Norm Macdonald Is Married To A Real Battle-Axe | CONAN on TBS

I've been to a lot of shows, but there's no better audience than being here. Professional me, you came out here, you enlightened this audience. I'm just telling the truth, you telling the truth, you've got your, you've got your book, oh yeah, yeah, let it go. I read some of that, you don't have to do it, you know, you don't have to do that, that's nice, yeah, what's up, buddy? This isn't a memoir, says my memoir, oh yeah, well, I thought it was a memory, yes. Not only does it say a memoir, but it is a novel.

I don't know, so you know I was angry when I was in fiction and nonfiction, yeah, well, the good thing about memoir is a memoir, it doesn't mean anything, right, it's like you know about Grapes of Wrath, you like it, hey, no grapes, yeah, or you put it in the grapes section, that's it, yeah, Mart, yeah, then everyone will find Grapes of Wrath, yeah, people who like grapes, okay, listen , no one wrote it down, you made your point clear. I think this was a memory, if this was a memory, yeah, I would put juicy things from my own life, like what kind of things would you put in there that no one knows well.

I guess the most important thing that no one knows about me is that I'm a deeply closeted gay man wait, I mean, that's it, I mean, you're a gay man, I'm not gay, I said I'm deeply closeted, the train is an arrow, so you're a gay man who won't admit it, no, no, don't do it. You know, a deeply closeted man means yes, it means a man who doesn't acknowledge that he's gay. Yes, so I tell you that I am not gay. I have a wife. I just got a wife. I just got

married

because I thought about going through that farce. keep up appearances oh yeah that's what you tell yourself this was a man hmmm right if this were a memoir I'd tell about my wife what a

battle

ax relax I mean no one has ever called a

battle

ax his wife since he was nineteen by five.

President God, how do you feel about a woman who is supposed to be my life partner? I look in the mirror the other day and I tell her, I tell her honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly old man and I need If you pay me a compliment, she says okay, so your eyesight is almost perfect . I said, dirty dog, we have fights constantly. Look, you know? and sometimes it bleeds as if we were driving a car. We passed by a group of animals. There was a pig, a cow, I know, I admit it's a small group, you're a little angry, this doesn't matter, so I say she said Pig, that cow, you know, horse, reminds you of any relative, she says, yes, my in-laws I said you're dirty Go dirty dog ​​again What a night until I met my wife I always felt incomplete now that I'm done 1935 radio show I want to take a break for justice you'll

real

ize let me say something more modern and elegant then okay, my wife went into a coma, I'm sorry to hear that and the doctor told me and you won't hear this for many comets 19:35, he tells me there is a way to wake her up, but it's a little unconventional, you go in. there and you have oral sex with her I said my goodness he says I've seen it work I said well I'm willing to try it so I go in there I'm there for about five minutes and I come out I said doc she's choking but that's modern medicine medicine let's take a break I'm going Let's find out what's going on here let's take a little break here's a message from the good people of the boss MacDonald cold chocolate syrup after this