New Rule: America, Love It Or Leave It | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

And finally, New Rule: If you're running for office in the United States, you must want to live here. I mention this because there was a video that circulated recently by a woman who said she was a proud progressive and was running for state representative in New Hampshire and yet she posted this... Is there somewhere we can move where people can Will he be happy to have us, that we are not gentrifying or colonizing? I don't want to be a problem, but I need to get out of this county. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CLICK ON TONGUE) Ah. "The... fuck you out of this country"? -(LAUGHTER) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) The one where you want to be elected to a leadership position?

What was your campaign slogan: "America, a shiny shithole on a hill"? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -(CLEARS THROAT) Jesus. Even prostitutes have to pretend they like what they do. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CLEARS THROAT) Speaking of prostitutes, last August, Donald Trump... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CLICKS TONGUE) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, APPLAPS) Last August he was, uh , commenting on the great sacrifice He did it by offering himself again as our president saying... I could have been relaxing in Mar-a-Lago or in the south of France, which frankly I would rather be in this country. Once again, I am confused by this political message: "Vote for me because I hated here." (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Now, does the United States have big problems?

Yes, I've often quoted "America's list sucks." Things like ranking 54th in the world in infant mortality behind Cuba, 19th in literacy behind Russia, 72nd in female representation in government behind Iraq. There is a lot of work to do here. And is it possible for a country to lose so much that its departure is justified? Yes, but we're not there yet, by any means, and we don't need quitters. -(AUDIENCE CLAIMING, APPLAUDING) We need people to stay and fix it. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUSES) -(CLEARS THROAT) Maybe the problem isn't that America isn't worth defending, maybe the problem is that many people today are entitled crybabies who have no perspective or idea of how good they have it. (AUDIENCE APPLAPS, APPLAPS) Fifty-nine percent of self-identified liberals say, "There have been

time

s when they considered leaving America forever," such as after NBC canceled The West Wing. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) I don't understand, you want so much for every immigrant to come to this country and experience the good life, but somehow it's so terrible: do you want to

leave

? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And I see that conservatives in Texas are talking about secession again.

They have two bumper stickers from that state: "America,

love

it or

leave

it" and "We leave it." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -(CLEARING THROAT) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Just like there is a long list of liberal celebrities who swear they will go if a Republican is elected, and no one ever does. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Miley Cyrus once said... (READING THE SCORE) Here she looks miserable, having to put up with the United States...-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -... at the Grammys on Sunday past. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) I guess she, uh... I guess she flew back from Tajikistan. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) In 2016, Eddie Griffin said... (READ IMMEDIATELY) Apparently very slowly because in Trump's four years he only got as far as Van Nuys. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUSES, APPLAUSES) -Um...

George López once said that if Trump won he would... (READ IMMEDIATELY) -George López, still here. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) And it does not seem that migrant trafficking is going to recede. (CLICK TONGUE) Then there are all the Tik Toks telling Americans things like... It's fucked. TIKTOKER: I think the new American dream is to leave. I am 18 years old and I escaped from the United States. -(LAUGHTER) Yes. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Yes, you don't have to escape from the United States, that wall we are always debating about is not to keep you inside. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) The New Republic just published a story about vulnerable minorities who want to flee the United States, including the author, a gay man trapped in the dystopian, homophobic hell that is New York City. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CLICK ON TONGUE) I wonder if you know that there are 66 countries where simply being gay is a crime.

Nice... nice story in the news last month. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) The president of Burundi called on his citizens to stone homosexuals and not in a good way. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Wow, suddenly "the law of not saying homosexuals" doesn't sound so bad. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And Uganda? (LAUGHTER) They don't just give you a ticket for parking in the back. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) They can receive the death penalty for it. In China they have the death penalty for almost 50 crimes... and in 13 countries atheism is punishable by death, and in 61 there are restrictions on women's clothing - so bring a scarf. -(PUBLIC LAUGHING) According to Amnesty International, paramilitary groups killed government critics in Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Venezuela, and arbitrary detentions are widespread in Cuba, Ecuador, El Salvador and Nicaragua.

If you're wondering how that's similar to not having cash bail, it's not. -(GUESTS LAUGH) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) In Russia, simply referring to the war in Ukraine as a war can mean 15 years in the fabulous prisons made famous by some of the world's most famous novels. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(LAUGHTER) Do you think America is evil because we didn't nominate Margo Robbie for an Oscar? Wait until they throw you out the window of your own Dreamhouse. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(BOB COSTAS LAUGHING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, APPLAUSES) Saudi Arabia, Nigeria and Sudan still cut off thieves' hands, so if you come from San Francisco, steal from home. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) And you might also want to protest before you leave, because protesters are routinely shot in many places.

God, it almost seems like the world is full of suffering, intolerance and oppression on a scale we can't imagine, but that can't be true because if it were we would be protesting about it. It should only happen in Israel. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, APPLAUSES) BILL MAHER: And... (sighs) ...if because of your exile you end up in some comparatively luxurious place like Canada, Japan or the United Kingdom, it's not that they want you. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) At best, you'll trade a lot of things you hate about this country for a lot of things you'll soon hate about your new home.

It only took me four days of being in Amsterdam to

real

ize that, although I admire Amsterdam, I don't want to live there. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) The buildings are narrow and shaped like needles. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -The food is horrible, the television is in a different language... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -...it's wet and cold, the people are polite but cold, and they do a lot of strange things. . The explanation, according to my friend, was: "Just remember, they're high." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -(LAUGHTER) Italy is always on the list of great expat destinations because of all those stories on CNN about how you can buy a house in a quaint Italian town for a dollar, except it's not one house in the way we think of one as a structure with plumbing, electricity and a roof. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) When these places were built, the Leaning Tower of Pisa was still straight. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -(BILL REMOVES THROAT) Sure you can spend a hundred thousand dollars to make them habitable, and I'm sure it's no problem finding reliable workers in rural Italy who you'll later fall in

love

with. in Under the Tuscan sun, but... (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) ...but now you're living in some small town in Italy with nothing to do but watch old people play that game with wooden balls. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) And have you ever...

Have you ever seen the Eurovision Song Contest? They actually listen to that garbage. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Look, everywhere in the world, I'm sure it seems cool when you haven't lived there. I hear people tell me that Costa Rica is beautiful, I'm sure it is. You will also be bitten by a snake during the flight. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) The... Travel site Lonely Planet describes Sri Lanka as... (READ IMMEDIATELY) And if you love child marriage, food shortages and the world's strictest abortion laws, Sri Lanka might be right. for you.