NATO Cafeteria Cold Open - SNL

♪♪♪ OH HEY, DENMARK. HELLO, NORWAY. THIS YEAR THE NATO CONFERENCE WAS HELLA RAD. TOTALLY. LOOK. THEY ARE VERY COOL. ♪♪♪ BONJOUR! Hey, I'm sorry. OH MY GOD, WOW. BORIS IS ALSO WITH THEM NOW. ♪♪♪ HA HA HA HA RATHER! COME ON. We will have lunch. MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE WINE. BECAUSE WE ARE BAD GUYS. ROMANIA, LONG! HELLO, GUYS. I LOVE YOUR ECONOMY. AU REVOIR, GEEK! YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF HERE, DWEEB? Oh my god. Is that supposed to be a joke, Boris? You're being so embarrassing right now. SORRY, SORRY. JUST TRY TO FOLLOW THE MAIL, OKAY? This is what it's like to hang out with cool guys.

LOOK, IT'S TRUMP. CALM DOWN. DID YOU SEEN HIM TALK FOR 45 MINUTES THE OTHER DAY? IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PHOTO. WELL, IF IT LOOKED LIKE HIM, I WOULD ALSO TRY TO DISTRACT THE PHOTOGRAPHER. YES, IT'S NOT GOOD LIKE US THREE. OH HEY GUYS, IS THIS SEAT FULL? I'M SORRY, IT REALLY IS. YES, WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TALK AND CHEW AT THE SAME TIME, BUT WE PROMISED A FRIEND. WELL, I'M BORIS'S FRIEND, RIGHT BORIS? DON'T MAKE THIS HARDER THAN IT IS -- I'M DATING THESE GUYS NOW. WHY DON'T YOU SIT THERE, DONALD? WITH LATVIA?

YES. LATVIA LOOKS MORE LIKE YOUR SPEED. OK, WELL, LET'S GO OUT LATER THEN, OKAY? OH, DEFINITELY. Yeah, hey, by the way, you look thin. YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT? I HAVE ACTUALLY EARNED A LOT. WELL NOT SHOWN. YOU LOOK WELL. And she THAT LAZE. WHAT IS IT MADE OF? CHINESE CHEMICALS. IT'S A CLIP-ON, UP AND DOWN. VERY COOL. WELL, AU REVOIR. Oh my god, that guy is a disaster. DID YOU HEARD HIM TALK ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE THE OTHER DAY? HE SAID WE NEED STRONGER TOILETS. HE'S LIKE MORE DUMMY THAN BORIS. HE'S DUMPER THAN ME! FAST, FAST. She says hello SO HE THINKS WE LIKE IT.

THESE ARE MY BEST FRIENDS. WE RUN THIS PLACE. OH, THAT'S NICE. MY NAME IS EGILS LEVITS BUT YOU CAN CALL ME EGG. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY SOME OF MY PICKLED OCTOPUS? OH MY GOD. I AM AT THE LOSERS TABLE. I can't believe they made me sit with the foreigner. HEY, THIS IS NATO. WE ARE ALL FOREIGNERS. WELL, FRED, PLEASE, I'M TRYING TO LISTEN. THEN BORIS, MACRON AND I WERE TALKING. WE THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE A PARTY. THIS WEEKEND. AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE. WELL, THAT'S THE QUEEN'S HOUSE. OH, DO IT, BORIS! UNLESS YOU ARE NOT COOL ENOUGH.

DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT A PARTY? I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO GO. WE WOULD HAVE TO CLIMB THE STAIRS. YES, AND THE FOOD IS ALL HIGH QUALITY BUT SMALL PORTIONS. IT'S YOUR NIGHTMARE. YES. YOU LIKE YOUNG WOMEN. THIS PARTY ONLY HAS MACRON'S WIFE. WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO, I'M JUST SAYING BECAUSE YOUR WIFE IS OLD. THAT'S GOOD. I LIKE IT WHEN IT'S BAD BUT NOT ABOUT ME. So should I sit with you? BECAUSE THIS SEAT IS STILL OPEN. NO. IT'S ACTUALLY FOR SOMEONE ELSE. ANGELA! ANGELA! WE WILL SAVE YOU A SEAT. IS THIS HAPPENING? AM I REALLY ABOUT TO SIT AT THE COOL KIDS TABLE?

WELL. Just relax, Angela. SHOULD I BRING MY SNOOGLEHORN? NO, I MUST LEAVE THIS BEHIND. I MUST LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND BECAUSE I AM WELL NOW. WELL, MAYBE A STRUDEL. HEY, SO... WHAT'S UP, FOLKS? SORRY DONALD, YOU SHNOOGAN, YOU LOOGAN. HELLO FELLOWS COOL KIDS. SOY TARIFFS, AM I RIGHT? HEY ANGELA, DO YOU KNOW WHO COULD COME TO OUR PARTY? OBAMA! BOAT! YES, AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT? WHAT? NO. OBAMA? OBAMA IS DISGUSTING. I DEFINITELY DID NOT DRAW HIS FACE ON MY BODY PILLOW OR ANYTHING. AND DONALD, I ALSO HEARD SOMEONE LIKES IT. REALLY, WHO? PUTIN. -- BORIS, MAKE THE SIGNALS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU BETTER GO BACK TO LATVIA, DONALD. YES. WELL, SEE YOU AT THE PARTY LATER. YES, TOTALLY. IT IS UNDER THE LONDON BRIDGE. BUT YOU HAVE TO PRESENT YOURSELF NAKED. GOOD. SEE YOU THERE. I THINK. HEY, YOU KNOW, THOSE GUYS AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS. ARE BAD. WELL, THEY'RE JUST KIDDING. THEY LOVE ME. ARE YOU CRYING? I JUST HAD A LITTLE CHEESE BURGER IN MY EYE. YOU KNOW, YOU ARE Idiots. YOU ALL HAVE TWO FACES AND YOU DON'T FIND ME. IT'S ALL A FAKE. WELL, SPEAKING OF FACES, I'VE HEARD THAT YOU CAN'T BE CHARGED IF YOUR HAND IS BIGGER THAN YOUR FACE.

REALLY? ♪♪♪ BULLYING IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. ESPECIALLY AGAINST PRESIDENT TRUMP. IT'S NOT NICE. HE WOULD NEVER DO IT TO YOU. SO PLEASE EUROPEAN LEADERS, BE THE BEST. OH, AND I'D ALSO LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT PELOTON. ARE YOU AFRAID? WHY NOT IMAGINE GETTING AWAY FROM EVERYTHING ON A BIKE? ABOUT THE PLATOON. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME. OH AND -- LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!