My survival story -- what I learned from having cancer | Martin Inderbitzin | TEDxZurich

Two years ago I thought my life couldn't get better. I'm a neuroscientist and in neuroscience we try to explain everything with formulas and equations, so I know that my talk is not scheduled for the science session, so I try to take it in a bit. Simple, why was I

having

such a good time? I just finished my PhD. I returned to my hometown near my family and found an amazing new job where I could contribute my own ideas. After all this time in academia, suddenly, a dream was approaching. true, a dream that was destroyed by three words, you have

cancer

.

In fact, I thought for a long time how I should explain to you how I felt, but I think words are not enough, so I will try to make this video. It was like hitting the wall, but like that. Slowly I could see it coming, now I could feel it coming and it's a photo I took a few years ago. You only see wedges, two balls and no blood. I already felt pain inside my body even though I was still sitting in the comfortable chair. in front of my doctor, so

what

do you do when you are diagnosed with

cancer

?

You'll probably be in shock and then you'll probably cry a lot, at least this is

what

I did, but after that first wave goes away what do you want to do? What would you do well? You would probably do what almost all new patients do. Do you connect to the Internet? I mean, the Internet is great, isn't it? It's great for signals, news, communication, and watching cat videos. Great if you want to know something about your flu, but what about cancer? Well, it took me less than five minutes to realize that with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer I have an average life expectancy of three years.

Wow, the best thing on the Internet. I think not cancer. Just one of the biggest medical challenges we face today as a society. I think it's also one of the biggest underrated mental challenges. Why is it not because we do not know and it is not because we are ignored, no, no, it is because we are blinded by bald heads and weak bodies by the very visible part of this horrible disease in neuroscience we call this phenomenon lack blindness of attention and one of the best examples to explain this is an experiment by Daniel Simon where people like you are told to watch a video. like that of the basketball players and counting the passes they make in the middle of the video, suddenly a gorilla appears, makes a funny movement and leaves the stage, 50% of the people who watch this video with this instruction will not see the gorilla, so in our case the bald ones or the balls and the gorilla well the gorilla is your fear you don't see it until you have it but once you have it you can't miss it because this gorilla starts sleeping next to you every night snoring he wakes you up when My doctor had to give me my diagnosis, he told me a little

story

of a similar case and told me, look, this boy is still fine today skiing in the mountains.

For him, it was a kind of secondary comment, but for me, it became a headline. he became my mantra that kept me in this moment, this horrible moment that helped me make the decision that I want to face my destiny. Yes, I knew I couldn't go back in time. There are things we can't change, but we can always change the way we live. Look things, I knew I was in for a long treatment in the hospital, so I packed my things and informed my friends and family and told my goddaughter that I will miss your birthday because I have to go to the hospital out of curiosity.

She asked me why do you have to go to the hospital well not being able to tell her the truth. She was telling him that I have a bubble, so she asked me again and the doctor, can you tell, put the cast on you when you are hospitalized. a cameo you will realize very quickly how your body changes it actually feels like

having

a huge hangover with a small difference that you haven't even been drunk and it doesn't go away with an aspirin no, it lasts for months you don't want to move you can't sleep no you want to eat really the only thing you want and can do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and I always thought that life outside of the academy is a little more fun than that and yes, once a week I received my weekly infusion, which which is a slightly strange situation because to do that you share a room with all the patients and you don't know these people, but you know why they are here, sometimes they were alone and sometimes with family members.

They talk like the boy in front of me once asked me, do you know what my deepest desire is? No, I said how should I do it, then he replied that I can die in peace, so here I was 32 years old, literally chained by this infusion in this chair in this room in the situation that I never chose but was chosen by me thinking about what I just To say that I can die in peace, isn't this a universal wish of all of us that at the end of life we ​​can look back and say yes, I was living exactly the life I wanted to live, I was choosing my time wisely, being connected to my Kimio fighting for life, I don't know if I chose the most optimal moment to ask myself those questions, but I did and I said.

Yes, I think this guy is right about the desire but he was wrong about the timing, so I grabbed my phone and made one of the most important decisions of my life. I said if I ever get out of here, I'll finish one. triathlon and even before all the toxic liquids could enter my body I received my confirmation email in my inbox so the same night I called home my parents wanted to know how I was doing and I said great you know what I'm going to try alone. I wondered what they were looking at, but yeah, it was kind of funny.

I have to add a small detail. I had never seriously practiced an endurance sport before. Just a small detail, but this didn't stop me from starting my training the next day, which means walking. and down at the hospital for five minutes I was so convinced that my plan was going to work that they were already putting me in running shoes. I wasn't allowed to swim so I went cycling normally, people in the gym F two sockets connected to Well the body had three and the guy who ran the physio room was quite surprised to see me come in with my risk bag biological.

I mean, he was more used to broken legs and twisting my knees. Anyway, he let me relieve myself and of course he was very happy. Those activities had nothing in common with real triathlon training, we're talking here about a K and a half swim, a 40K bike ride and a 10K run, but this wasn't important, the important thing was that I believed in myself. while around me all the circumstances said. No, in my PhD I studied emotions. I know that the mind influences the way we breathe, the way we behave, the way we are, it affects the regulation of hormones or the illogical markers of the Iman.

I know that people can walk through fire without getting hurt or sick. baking powder hidden in anonymous letters yes, there is a very powerful connection between the mind and the body a connection that we do not fully understand and perhaps never will until we one day experience it ourselves. I can tell you that the five years of theoretical research were not so illuminating since during the first five days of my decision I felt that what happened changed well, I don't know, can I explain to you with the formal order equation what was happening? No I can't and I don't think anyone can because I think this is the point where science stops and the mystery begins the magical thing called life now I had a goal an objective so I stopped counting the weeks until my chemotherapy was over I started to counting the weeks until my race started and I remember very well reading these books from this Try Outlet Prose telling me I should start my easy training day with a 5K run to get me in the mood.

I was walking 5 meters to the bathroom to get in the mood and realized that my body was not capable of finishing the second part. The homework part put me in even more of a mood, yes it was a bit ironic but I kept reading and more importantly I kept dreaming. When I left the hospital, my situation improved, so I went for a walk, then I ran a little to the case and then everything. My joints hurt a lot because I had no muscles, so realizing how my body was coming back was one of the most intense experiences I've ever had and I don't mean right when I talk about moving, sleeping or digesting, it's just that I felt like I was reborn but in full consciousness so time passed and I trained more and I came to run three months after I left the hospital the big day was here and well I was ready at least that's what I thought, so everything went well at first but Then on the bike track my problem began.

You know, those times when you're ambitious and want to achieve something and then you realize maybe it was too much wealth. This day was one of those times in the middle of the bike track. I realized that my legs really started to hurt a lot and I knew that when this was over I had to run another 10 km, I felt like I hit the wall again, but in a different way, at that same moment an ambulance appeared at me side and I thought: wow! I mean, yes, my legs hurt, but we don't have to react too much, no, and why were we driving parallel.

In fact, I could see on the side of the ambulance coming from my hospital. At that very moment, I suddenly started. think about all the patients I saw, the guy I wanted to die in peace, the old couple who were always together or the young mother I only saw once and I realized they have their

story

and I have mine and mine is that I'm sitting now on this bike finishing this task and at that very moment my legs stopped hurting and an hour and a half later I crossed the finish line of my first attempt just a few weeks after this race I gave a talk at my hospital sharing my story, which It was very beautiful on the one hand, but it also made me very sad on the other because I realized that I am NOT alone with this fate, unfortunately today we know that 30% of all of us will face the diagnosis once in our lives, which It means I need a lot more chairs in this room for the gorillas, the fear that comes with it or we find a method to keep them away.

After the talk, a young man approached me and said thank you, thank you for sharing your story that my mother just received. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it was very beautiful to hear your command hit me like a stroke when I was a patient I wanted so badly to find stories like the one about the patient skiing which was my mantra and now suddenly my story became a mantra for someone else a story that shows that sometimes statistics can be wrong a story that shows that you are not a number because your body is not a number your body is made of millions of cells with responsible interactions that no scientist can quantify so your body doesn't Your future is not on the Internet either.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of negative news on the Internet and I know how good it makes you feel to read those numbers. If you are lucky, maybe one day you will find a good story on the Internet. like the story of Harriet Thompson Harriet finished the San Diego marathon this year in 7 hours and 7 minutes, well it's not the best time, you could say that you should know that Harriet had radiation treatment 7 weeks before this race to treat her tumor her leg and that Harriet is 91 years old the problem is not that we don't have stories the problem or that they are not visible and this is where I see a call to action I have a vision my dream is to find something more inspiring

survival

stories and document them with short videos on the Internet so that we can make them available to those who need it, the majority of patients in treatment, why I am not going to write about

survival

stories because I want to make sure that everything is very simple.

Have you ever tried watching The Godfather or reading a book when you're hungover? I mean, when you're hungover you watch cat videos. People undergoing treatment do not have the attention span of a normal person. They are happy if they can. Decide what to eat for dinner. I think a patient from Bangladesh can inspire a millionaire in Hollywood. Wow, that sounds really cheesy, doesn't it? Yes, I know, but you know? When I was diagnosed I realized one thing very, very quickly, you can't buy everything. With money, yes you can buy at a better deal, fair enough, but what you do with your fear, unfortunately, your bouncer doesn't accept your MasterCard, this you have to handle alone, but what if we can give you something, a story , something concrete that you can grab? a stick so you can keep your gorilla distance or maybe just a banana so here's something to eat and calm down well then we're one step closer to where we want to go so what a good story you have to run the marathon or do Not a triathlon, I mean, I think it's fun if you're able to move your body, but I don't think life is a race, so what makes a good story you have to survive, does it mean then when you die? of cancer that you are a weak person no, I was diagnosed two years ago and according to the numbers I should have been gone in one but this does not define how I live my life today standing here I have no traces of any tumor inside me Does that mean I am cured?Does it mean I will survive fine?

Of course I will survive. I will survive until I die and in the meantime I will choose very wisely how I spend my time. Two years ago I thought I couldn't live my life. be better today standing here I know I was wrong because today I live very consciously the life I want to live what I have

learned

is that how I live my life is much more important than how long I am going to live this is what I have

learned

from having cancer thank you