“My Dad Is a Damn Snitch” - Comedians on Family

He would get bored, which was every day, because that's what all older brothers are bored and miserable, he would grab his friends and they would play that great. game in which they took Michael's arms and forcibly tied him behind the trunk of a tree and tickled me from my armpits to my pants. The game ended when tears hit my pants. They tickled the pickle. Tilly, they had a name. the game, that's how often they played it, tickle the pickle, really, I'm a 9 year old, right, I'm adorable at nine, little, tiny, 9 year old leather jacket, who are they your heroes when are you?

Nine your older brothers, that's who and they took advantage of that big one time John and Todd used to play hide and seek with me, but they didn't go looking who doesn't look for their 9 year old brother, that game is called hide and seek, die little brother, That's the name of that game, okay, pickle. that's how we play, you're going to look for a really tight space with limited oxygen. We're going to play Legends of Zelda for 6 and a half days straight, hiding in the trunk of my neighbor's car, they'll never find me here, no. Not because they aren't looking for you, because they asked me earlier this year.

Something very important happened to me. I became an uncle for the first time. U, which is great, oh, thank you very much. I had nothing to do with it, but it's cool. um I'll take the congratulations yeah I became an uncle and that's really cool I'm really excited less cool uh I have a very religious

family

and there were a lot of people in my

family

that were worried about me being around the baby because I'm gay um, I know, which is kind of ridiculous because it's like no one in my family has ever seen any of the guys than me because I can do so much better than a baby, okay, come on, look what I'm working with here, it's good. baby wishes ok my sister's baby should be so lucky at the end of the day.

My family is very, very Christian, they're very evangelical, uh, Southern Baptist Christians, they're so Christian that they homeschooled me until I was 16 because that's how they did it. I don't want him to learn about sex or evolution and as a fun side benefit of that I now don't know about states either, which is great, just never knowing where I am. You know, I recently had to honestly ask a friend what Oklahoma is. You know, because it seems a little confusing. I wanted to come out to my Muslim family for a long time, uh, but my dad always said to keep it a secret.

Secrets are great. I was like dad. I'm married now, what are your five? Annual plan with this secret I keep showing up at family things like my white best friend she loves Ramadan very soon we will have a little boy best friend I don't know what I found him in a well I want a Boy finally that's the only thing that sucks about being a lesbian . To have a baby that looks half like me and half like my wife, I need my brother's sperm, no. Straight girls never need their brother's sperm to complete this potion, no, I need it. that and it's not for me, some people are weird after the shows, they say you can't put that inside you, man your babies will be weird, like you're weird, they think I wanted to do a Supra jalise like, yeah, she is. 90% blind 50% deaf but 100% jiss no I want my brother's sperm so my wife can do a handstand I do a layup and just baby, the gayest move in the WNBA done the first time I met my biological father, he He took me out to lunch and the place he took me to turned out to be a family style restaurant, which is kind of ironic, they should do broken family style restaurants, you just walk in like, where's the waiter?

I think he abandoned us, I don't know, but they forget to come. They come out and sing Happy Birthday, they're like we forgot but we'll make it back next year, another guy comes out and says I don't really work here, I'm just fucking the owner, hey, I'll be your waiter. one too real for the crowd sorry