Managing the PITY you feel for the AGING NARCISSIST

Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Rommany, welcome back to this YouTube channel about narcissism and

narcissist

ic relationships healing from these relationships. I've been getting quite a few more questions about people handling

aging

narcissist

ic people, most often narcissistic parents, and let's talk a little. on a topic related to older narcissistic parents or older narcissistic people, especially

man

aging

emotions such as

pity

and guilt to age the narcissistic person again. What's going on? In general, aging and the processes associated with aging, such as dementia, not all older people suffer from dementia, but a subset of aging and dementia can result in a magnification of that basic narcissistic personality and certain characteristics such as oppositionalism. , the right to lack of awareness of anyone outside of them, some of those characteristics become worse than they originally were when this person was younger and this can cause all kinds of problems for families who are struggling to figure out how to care for this family member because they can exhaust family caregivers who no longer want to do it.

P paid caregivers, even care centers, and this can result in a kind of a repetition of the pain of having spent a lifetime

managing

this person and now, because this narcissistic person who is older may not be mentally and psychologically healthy, some people say they

feel

like "oh, my anger

feel

s misplaced," emotions feel confusing, and there can be a confusing set of emotions when having to handle a parent who was a source of so much pain throughout of their life and as confusing as it may be, many people in these situations will painfully admit and endure some shame and other negative feelings than saying or feeling this.

May they know that the end of their parents' lives may end up becoming the only peaceful path for their own lives and their own healing. Now the research on pre-aging personality PR and the impacts on dementia is all over the place and there is no strong consensus and we have to recognize that there are also many different types of dementia and there are also many different types of narcissism. , meaning there is no consistent path for what this younger narcissism looks like in an older person and certainly a person. Now that the dementia is older, the complicated issue is that those higher-order interpersonal tactics that narcissistic people use, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and falsification of the future, will not be as accessible to a person with significant impairments of memory or other cognitive impairments as it does.

Personality things that might appear in an older person with dementia that might reflect some irritability, do it my way or the highway, don't tell me what to do, those kinds of things can also result in setbacks in a person's self-care. Older people and many narcissistic people have burned most of their bridges by the time they reach old age, so this setback may mean even more social isolation and fewer people willing to care for or help them, so this may not be the case. the usual convoluted manipulation you might have seen from this narcissistic person, but just hurtful, throwaway statements like you never help me, you don't care, you are selfish even though the person doesn't feel like they are all together, those statements still hurt, but do they? what happens to people when the narcissistic parent develops cognitive disabilities as they get older, but they actually become less combative, maybe even childish, and are no longer as manipulative or gaseous or any of those other things that maybe they don't say bad ?

Things like you don't care and instead you can see a shift towards docile and then to being more docile or calm, that's something that people say they have a little more difficulty with, in a different way. Now people in these situations will say that they now feel kind. From guilty for even thinking that their parents were narcissistic, manipulative or bad when they were younger, blaming themselves can feel worse and as you watch your parents become more dependent and sort of fade or even believe it or even that it is something sweet. It can be a pain like no other because why would you think why couldn't it have always been like this if they were always like this deep down how can I make the most of this time left and it all turns into a complicated stew of pain and guilt and even

pity

, there is now a subset of people where that fusion of ego that occurs with aging could result in a more docile way of being, advancing where narcissism once was, not the norm, angry opposition.

Challenging things tend to be more normal with aging narcissistic people, and you may also have the grief that the once-powerful Father Al, although cruel, is now a kind of gentle but shell of that formidable self, which It leaves you wondering if both can exist in the future. The same person apparently not, they can't now this topic of what aging and narcissism is like, let's face it folks, it's about to reach a fever pitch because there's a lot going on in society at the same time as baby boomers are getting older and their children too. handling your own children, you are a real sandwich generation in a really complicated world and we are all still trying to figure this out, some of you may be understanding and discovering your parents' narcissism and then just when you realized that, you might It can be said that they face a whole new set of changes as they grow up and if, for example, you had no contact with a parent or family system and now you are called upon to step in and help coordinate care, these changes can be much more upset and all I can say is be very kind to yourself as you navigate this;

There really is no manual for this and, as always, many things can be true: your narcissistic parent may have raised you in a way that subjugated you and left you full of doubt and guilt, you may have discovered that because of That subjugation, because of that guilt, because of that doubt that you led to decisions in your life that could have made all of this worse, you may have separated yourself from them. and now this same parent is morphing into someone you no longer know how to interact with, especially if they have softened, you may be very hesitant, listen, we can't turn back time and healing and moving forward means making decisions that also take into account you and what you've been through and still aren't a total and continued subjugation to them if your parents become more combative and difficult as they get older, in some strange ways the decisions may seem a little easier and you may just feel tired them, but if it goes the other way and they become softer and softer, it becomes very complicated, remember that you are never responsible for their behavior and the way you proceed with any care is deeply personal.

Try to find ways to silence the voices of the facilitators. get your own therapy and recognize that as with all narcissistic relationships there is no option here that will ever feel completely right, we want it to be a formula and the formula would be much easier as the narcissistic parent becomes every They become more fragile and difficult as they get older in some ways, almost making it easier to let them go and then work through their pain even after they have passed, but that is not always the case and many people will say that a parent who once was formidable, demanding and demanding, he becomes someone very gentle and calm that they no longer recognize, as I said, although that may seem easier than an angry oppositional parent, many other negative feelings such as pity, guilt and even shame They can be equally destabilizing, so if you had a narcissistic parent, prepare for your aging or not.

Not developing dementia will often represent a new and challenging process in the guilt and pain of this process and always remember to be kind to yourself as these processes unfold because God knows you are owed a lifetime, thank you again.