Living as a non-binary in a binary world | Graysen Hall | TEDxUniversityofKent

Whenever I worked in primary schools with young children I was always asked the same question: are you a boy or a girl? I never really knew how to answer this question. Do I say that I am a child and speak in words that they already understand or not? Actually, let's say that I am not a non-

binary

person and therefore I am neither a boy nor a girl. Gender is not boy and girl, it is not man and woman and it is certainly not pink and blue. Gender is a spectrum, but before we are even born when our parents reveal our sex, they put us in these boxes of how we have to behave, how we have to look, what job we are going to get, what our part will be, in which we they put. a box that we have to follow every day of Our Lives because society dictates that it be so, but gender identity is not about your parts, it is about how you feel.

Transgender people are those who do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Another thing that categorizes transgender people is the dysphoria that you feel almost every day of your life. Dysphoria is that pain inside you that you know something isn't quite right, whether it's because of who you are as a whole or because of your parts or just. because the way your mind works, dysphoria is a pain and it's something we suffer almost every day of our lives. Every transgender person,

binary

or non-binary, is completely valid, whether they are having a hormonal transition. are going through surgery, whether they are simply being an authentic version of themselves, every transgender person is valid and we should never question someone's transition simply because it is not like ours or something we imagine if you have come across this term before transgender or Even if you come across this for the first time today, you may think that transgender is also binary and this is simply not the case.

Nonbinary is one of the many ways we can talk about the fact that people are transgender and out. From that binary of man and woman, the spectrum incorporates so many different identities that sometimes exist completely outside of gender, many non-binary people will also use pronouns that are different from men and women, men and women tend to use he and she as their pronouns to describe themselves, while non-binary people often use the term they. Now I know that many of you will probably think that it is a collective term for a group of people and therefore it is grammatically incorrect to use it for a singular person.

We are trying to incorporate it into our language in the same way we incorporate words from different languages, it is something we can do and if we push we can begin to understand, the more you do it the more you will help people like me. The pronoun sometimes used is z. This isn't as popular as they are, but it is something that some people use, so try to respect people's pronouns no matter what they are. My own coming out experience took a long time. I'm only 23, so really. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't take that long, but when it comes to every day of your life, every day drags on and when you know you're not being your authentic self, you're not telling the

world

who you are. they really are that it gets longer and it gets harder and more tiring I came out at about 15 I came out as gay at 17 I came out as non-binary at 21 and I finally changed my name and I feel so much better just for being able to be myself, as I said, it took a lot of time and it also needed a lot of support.

I have my friends around me. I have my family around me, but at the time of my transition, when I was really figuring out what was going on. I had a group of trans women who sat with me and answered my questions, which made me feel so confident in myself that I could ask anything, I could tell them anything and they would say, you know what? Just be happy with the person you are and everything will be fine, so the way I would like to introduce the non-binary concept to you today is by talking about the impact of being non-binary on the lives of people like mine.

The first thing I would like to talk to you about today is the fact that we have to reveal ourselves almost every day if we want to be visible, if we want people like you to understand who we are and what it means to be us. We have to tell you who we are We have to explain to you that we are non-binary We have to explain our pronouns We have to explain to you and we hope that you understand or at least try This is very scary and Many times I try to pass as a man because it is easier.

I'd rather not, but I'm so afraid of rejection that it seems a lot easier to just say I'm a man. I do not want to do it. Don't do that anymore and that's why I'm on this stage today because I want to make sure that I'm visible, that you know that I'm proud of who I am and that I don't want to change for anyone. I would like to hear from you about using public bathrooms now, for most of you, going to the bathroom in public is as simple as walking through a door and doing your business.

For trans and non-binary people in general, it's not that simple. Many of us stand outside a bathroom for about 10 minutes just thinking about which one we are going to enter. The reason is that if you go to a man's bathroom and look too feminine, there's a good chance you won't do it. If you go into a women's bathroom and look too masculine, you're probably going to make those people feel pretty uncomfortable in that space and potentially experience verbal abuse again, maybe you tell me. Grayson, why don't you use the handicapped bathroom? It is not differentiated by gender.

It makes a lot of sense, it's accessible, just come in and stop complaining. However, disabled toilets are not there for people like me, they are there for disabled people. and I don't believe that handicap access is there for ease of access and for the safety of disabled people, so by entering that space I'm taking advantage of this space that doesn't belong to me and doesn't suit me and doesn't. time I walked into a handicapped bathroom because there was no other option, the other two bathrooms were being cleaned and I really needed to go, so I walked into that handicapped bathroom without thinking about it and when I left a woman on crutches who looked very angrily he told me you don't look very disabled I had no idea how to respond to that that was scary I tried to explain what was happening that I just couldn't use the other bathrooms and I felt guilty like Damn I couldn't get out of that situation, another problem with disabled toilets and toilets in general, and the fact that we don't have gender neutral toilets as an option is the fact that there are so many people who are so afraid using the toilet in public can lead to urinary tract infections which can lead to kidney and bladder infections and ultimately hospitalization.

There are people in this

world

who are so afraid to use the bathroom in public that they have been hospitalized and catheterized. Doesn't it seem a little ridiculous when all we can do is put a gender-neutral sign in a bathroom and say, "Everyone is welcome to come here?" The next thing I want to talk to you about is the fact that I legally don't exist, I legally don't have a document that says my identity is valid just like this person on the screen I want to be valid I want to put up a sign and say look at me and accept me and give me some legal documentation that says I can be here my passport says I'm a man but I'm not , but that's the closest I can get to being my authentic self on paper, another thing that goes along with the legal documentation is The fact that if I wanted to marry my partner tomorrow I would have to be a husband.

I couldn't just be a spouse. or partner. I would have to have that male label attached to myself and that's not something I want to do, but I really want to get married one day and I really hope that over time we can change these views and change the legal documentation so that. I can marry as the person I authentically am. The trans community is usually very loving. It's a very supportive place and one I'm proud to be a part of, but sometimes the worst attacks come from my own community. It's very difficult to face the fact that there are trans people who don't believe my identity is valid.

Don't think I should exist, call me The Fad Cobe names and think I don't belong here, I do belong here, but when that safe space is taken away from you you feel violated and isolated, we're not all androgynous. We don't all look like that Some people are more feminine Some people are more masculine Some people just put on clothes in the morning and don't care what they represent, they are just themselves and that should be fine, although one thing makes me happy. What really makes me happy about this world is the fact that there are many medical professionals who support us.

Now these medical professionals work at a place called The GIC, the Gender Identity Clinic. There are several of these around the country and I am very lucky to be there. As part of that system, these professionals help people like me who want to have a hormonal transition, who want to have a surgical transition, who just need help from someone who really understands what it means to be transgender. Three years ago I went to my first appointment at the GIC in London and was told there was a good chance they wouldn't support me, the reason for this was because I was non-binary and had been open about it.

I hadn't come in saying I'm a trans man to get ahead because I could have done that my transition would have been much easier if I had lied but I told the truth and they told me that wouldn't help me much because there was no data to support the fact that exist and there was no data to support the fact that they could help me in the three years since, everything has changed and it has changed because people like me have openly said that they are non-binary pronouns. used that are correct and they ask me if I'm still using these pronouns, they ask me what I want from my transition and they are putting all the control of that transition on me and that feels incredible, phenomenal.

Progress makes me very happy, but sometimes this progress is tainted by the fact that GPs can still be transphobic and still use their power to prevent referrals to people like me if their GP tells them that I'm not going to give it to him. that shunt is simple, you won't get that shunt, you won't be able to go to the GC, you won't be able to get your hormones, you won't be able to have your surgery. and if that's what you want to hear, that's devastating and ruining people's lives. I was very lucky with my GP.

The GP I went to at the time was the expert on transgender issues. I walked into that room thinking he would understand everything I was going to say it was going to be amazing I sat down I explained he had no idea what I was talking about even though he was supposed to be the expert but he was kind enough to tell me Looks like You know much more than me, so here is your reference. I was very lucky and there are so many people who are not as lucky as me and that makes me very sad.

I feel like the more awareness we have and the more training there is. they are for GPS and more people are entering gics to work for people like me to help people like me provide a service that we need and that will be a great benefit to our lives. I would like to finish my talk on how you all can be. a good ally, the first thing you can do is use people's pronouns, ask about their pronouns, if you don't know what pronouns people use just ask, there is a small percentage of people who might be offended by that, but the majority of us we want you should know so you can do it right something else with this if you make a mistake don't stand there and spend five minutes apologizing just say it once and move on next time you get it right we will be very happy the second time The thing is we don't Don't assume anything about someone's gender, especially when it comes to the bathroom, if someone spent 10 minutes outside that bathroom wondering which one is going in and you question it.

I'm sorry, but I don't. I really care about your contributions, don't give them to me. The third thing is the requests. There is progress at this time. There are people who are submitting petitions to change things and change the lives of people like me and my friends sign these petitions. Go out of your way to make clear the fact that you support me, you support people like me. The last thing I would like to say is that I just want you to understand me. I want you to understand people like me. And if that takes a lot of effort, please try to make that effort, there are many lgbtqi plus people who are homeless right now and especially young people, and this is because families, parents, grandparents, distant relatives do not They support a young person's transition if someone comes. to you and say I'm confused, I need help and I need your support, please, even if it doesn't make much sense, give it to them and try to do everything you can to find research, find data to back it up. out there and you can find it.

Everyone's journey is long and difficult and it's individual, but we need the rest of you to support us, we need more allies and I really hope that each of you here can be that for us. thanks, yes