Jordan Peterson - How To Know When To End A Relationship

I found a thread on Reddit that contained five questions to ask yourself if you're unsure about your

relationship

, if someone told you that you were a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you? Are you really satisfied or are you just less alone? You are able to be yourself without apologizing or feeling the need to appear different to please your partner. Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole or are you just in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of ​​them? And would you like your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?

This thread was full of people having existential crises and it seemed to me like a group of people who had managed to believe that continuing with Manana Manana the short-term postponement of the discomfort of the decision they wanted to make with their partner was somehow the noblest thing they could do or the good thing they could do or the virtuous thing they could do or the thing that would ultimately result in the best result even though They Knew that if they spread it out far enough and then it got hidden, we would just shove it under the rug, so yeah, that list of five questions, I think, well, in most

relationship

s you can break up or you can have a thousand fights, you

know

?

If you have a thousand fights, then you don't have to fight, you make peace that way, you

know

it because you are different from your partner, so there are things to resolve and you could think of it as a compromise, but it is not. You're different from your partner and you have to find a game that you both want to play that's not a compromise, that's a solution, it's like you bring your skills to the table and I bring mine to the table and then we figure out some things. game that we can play in which we are both used optimally and it is a better game than the one we could play alone, it is not a compromise, but getting there is very difficult and people bring all kinds of burdens to a relationship and you have than to do it, it's like disciplining children it's really the same as what your children are, you notice that your children are annoying, you can notice that oh, my child is bothering me, okay, so what questions do you ask?

I am a tyrannical son of someone who is touchy, well that's why You need your wife because you can go ask her. My children are bothering me. Am I a tyrannical son who is touchy? And she said yeah, you probably need something to eat or you're kind of an idiot that way and you need to listen. because maybe it's you or maybe she says yes, that damn kid has gotten into my case too and then they wonder if we're mutual tyrants. It's like no, that kid is annoying. Okay, we want him to be annoying. Well, if you love your son, then.

The answer would be no because if he's bothering you, he'll bother other people, he'll bother his potential friends, he'll bother other adults, he'll go around being annoying and everyone will frown at him, that's not helpful, so you could just fix it and that's it. will cause some short-term discomfort, you know, maybe you have a 13-month-old who is very outgoing and obnoxious who likes to call the shots and all the time. the mother moves more than a foot away from her, she has a fit of squawking because she has learned to control, maybe the mother you know is still busy taking care of the baby and can't set limits, so now you have to do something about it. regard. emergent monster of a 14-month-old and one of the things you do is that every time the child is bossy, you first notice it and notice that you don't have much love for yourself for being tyrannized by a 14-month-old. -man, that's a coup as it should be, so you have to realize that this kid bothers me, then I should do something about it, well, it's going to cause emotional distress in the short term, the same goes

when

you're dealing with your partner it's like you're bothering me, okay maybe that's me so I should, damn, maybe we should talk about it, you're bothering me, convince me that it's me and I should listen because maybe it's me and yeah I'm upset for you and I shouldn't be.

I should fix that, but maybe it's you, so let's figure out exactly what's going on, you know, and that's usually, man, it's like that. There's constant pushing and countering in an argument like that and you usually know that the conversation will revolve around whatever the hell the problem is until you get to the bottom of it and God only knows where it is, but then maybe you can fix it, You know, and if you solve enough of those things you live in peace and that's something worth achieving, you know, and I've always thought that in my marriage there's nothing, there's nothing too small to fight about, now you know. , I put some rules in place that I used to have with my clients too, it's like if someone bothers you, you should keep that in mind and you shouldn't do anything about it, probably if they bother you twice in the same way, then you're like, "Okay, that it's twice," but you probably still shouldn't do anything about it, but if they bother you three times. so you can say this is what you just did and they'll say well no I didn't do that and then you say yes you did and you did exactly the same thing in this other situation and you did exactly the same thing in this other situation so I don't Say you didn't do it because you did it three times and I saw right, now they can come up with reasons why they did it and maybe some of them have to do with how stupid you son of a bitch are. and you should listen because maybe they are right, but that is at least the beginning of the process by which you unravel the problems you want to solve.

Well, we don't want to do this, this is not the way we want to treat everyone. another, we want to get to a place where we want to get to a place where our whole life is like the best moments of the best dates we've ever had, that's a good goal and that's it, that can be achieved, you have to work, man, there is. In the scene in Genesis, God throws Adam and Eve out of paradise because of their pride, their sin of Pride, each has their own particular version of that sin, Eve and Adam's sin, but they are cast out anyway from paradise out of pride and God puts. cherubs at the gates of paradise and the cherubs are a kind of monstrous angels, terrifying figures and they hold swords that are on fire that spin in every direction and burn and you could say well, what does that mean?

And it means like this, well, a sword. is something that cuts well a sharp blade and a fire is something that burns and a sword that burns Burns and cuts and a sword that burns and spins in all directions is a burning sword from which nothing can escape, okay? Now you want to enter Paradise, everything that is not worthy in you has to be burned and cut off, well, that is that conflict in a relationship, you know, that is not suitable for Paradise, what does it have to do? It has to be thrown into Paradise. External darkness where there will be gnashing of teeth, true, it must be cut and destroyed and everything that is not worthy must turn out well.

The Michelangelo effect is all about you and your partner becoming the idealized version of each other, right? that you do for me the things I want within your parameters of control, that you want to be the best partner for me and I want to do the same for you, we will both communicate and stand firm. our terrain where we have limits and we are going to continue to commit, that's what love should do, yes, that's what love should do. If you love someone, if it's genuine love, you see, you see their hidden soul, that's a good way to think about it. you can glimpse the light that they could reveal to the world if they revealed it, that's what you see and then acting with love is encouraging it to come forward and discouraging anything that gets in its way, that's why I love the I had heard about the Michelangelo effect and I've been using it well, so why the Michelangelo effect?

This is why Michelangelo sees this huge massive UNH block. I see, I see and within that you can see David M and over time, slowly. it will crumble and crumble and crumble so that you see something that is not there and that is inside the thing that is rough and UNH and uncivilized and undomesticated and unruly and sometimes terrible and you were able to make it from that, yeah, that's it . actually part of the D Ching, the uncarved block, so a child is an uncarved block in the bottom view and everything that is left is removed until the perfect remains correct and that is seeing the logos in the Old and New Testament, the logos that create. the world is the faculty of judgment, what would you say separates the wheat from the chaff?

And it's not compassion in a sense, because if you're compassionate toward someone you want the best for that person all things considered, but that compassion at the highest level. Meaning cannot exist without judgment because the judgment is that this part of you is not worthy of continuing and certainly that is what you are doing with your children,

when

you see them misbehaving you think no, that's it, no, no, that , something even more sophisticated. with my granddaughter the other day she is very, very playful and she is a very nice girl, she is very playful and very fun and funny and she is not neurotic, so it is a pleasure to be around her, but she hasn't seen me in a while and so she was pushing me to chase her and pushing me and she came and hit me, you know, and at one point she hit me too hard and she knew it and I told her that's not fun, that's not acceptable and then she stopped but she was playing with that advantage trying to figure out where the fun is and you know, how hard can I hit grandpa?

She doesn't know it very well, she somehow knows it, but she needs to know it exactly well. I can't let her leave it to her because then it's not fun to play with, she has to learn to come and hit her grandpa and in exactly the way that provokes a playful response and not being annoying, so there is one thing that You know you might think well, it's a pretty harsh judgment for a 5 year old girl. It's like no, it's not. I wish she was the most fun girl to play with. She might be right, so I'm not going to pretend she's okay when she's not.

Not setting that limit is almost like a curse, it's a curse, yeah, there you go, so how is she going to play with other kids if she doesn't know that they're definitely not going to be as lenient as Grandpa? not in other news, this episode is brought to you by manscaped if you're a gentleman who still uses an old facial razor from three christmases ago to trim your gentleman's area, what are you doing? Join us here in the modern world, there are tools specially designed for the job and the new 5.0 Ultra lawnmower is the tool you need.

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