Jonathan Pie: Back to the Studio | Live Stand-Up Show

seconds if everything goes according to plan. You guys are the new Robert P. Which one of you bastards did this? Which one of you bastards did that? There's more, okay, okay, news reporter. fake stroke victim Mah oh I'm trending I have my own hashtag who did this it was one of us okay uh Jonathan Pi accused of making a joke about the BBC's Andre M suffering a stroke I said I didn't mean to make any puns words minutes later he threatened to take a woman in the parking lot date kick her teeth oh oh oh oh oh Mar responded disappointed a little surprised by the comments of this supposed reporter there is no place for this type of humor here on could it be Robert Peston, do you have ? a hold of this Robert peston come on, come on, nothing to say, of course, he's got where your tired cock is, look at him, look at him, look at him, David Copperfield, right?

Well this was a waste of time wasn't it anything else oh Jesus Christ it's okay it's everywhere this guy is a total moron it's Mary Barry and with that and Mary's arthritic middle finger yellow emoji Berry, my career just fell apart. I'm sorry, okay, it was just a joke and I clearly misjudged it, but I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't mean to offend anyone and I am, I'm really, really sorry and you guys, I'm so disappointed in you right now. , I'm just you're going to sit here and plan a murder you, oh God, this is now this is not this is this this is this is not this is this is the news now is this is this is the right thing this is the news Okay, this It's, I mean, I'm the news for like 3 minutes and then you'll never see me again, but this is the news, isn't it, this is the news, this is the news, move on.

Twitter or Facebook and you find someone who is offended by something, pretend that their opinion is important and that their opinion is a true reflection of the general population, write a headline using the word outrage that will help generate more outrage as well as the outrage you just reported. the only person who is supposedly outraged because some in this room think they are judge and jury of what is and is acceptable and everyone outside this room believes in outrage, of course, because the people who are not offended have Better things to do than talk about it. its lack of offensive so of course the offended party wins and now the headline Jonathan Pi causes outrage is there forever written in stone it doesn't matter if I spoke with hbal irony an attempt at humor a genuine mistake it doesn't matter let's assume the worst context relegated to the hole of the memory a person is offended you are, that's all Jonathan Pi causes outrage, you love it, don't you?, you love the outr.

You ramp up the offense like milk every time a right-wing provocateur writes something deliberately nasty about refugees you don't pretend to hate ktie Hopkins you love ktie Hopkins because she gives you the right to get on your horse I'm offended and I'm right Is it a What offense do you feel? Is what you feel an offense or is it that feeling? of offense, in fact, exactly the same feeling as that little shot of adrenaline you get every time one of your insipid passive-aggressive Facebook posts gets a thumbs up. The same kind of feeling really occurs when you see some politician or celebrity that you don't know. like he tweeted something six years ago using the phrase how gay is it that you jump for joy yes he is a homophobe yes outrage let's start a petition because of course signing a petition will make me better than anyone who doesn't sign an online petition of otherwise known as a list of virtue signaling idiots just stop, just stop, just stop, shut up I'm not done just stop, look what your outrage accomplishes look what it accomplishes look who's at number 10 look who's at the White House look at who's leaving the EU you' Your sense of moral superiority and the smell of your own organic vegetable farts don't seem to accomplish much, do they?

Oh, we did pretty well in the last election. No, we didn't. We lost, on the one hand, you had a Manifesto that wanted reverse austerity that wanted to help the poorest and most vulnerable people in our society that wanted to properly fund hospitals and schools that wanted to at least try to help graduates with some of their debt and the another Manifesto wanted to tax dementia sufferers and we still haven't done it You won't win, oh oh, it's not our fault, it's not our fault, nothing to do with us, it was old people again, it was old people, yeah, With all their life experience voting the way you didn't want them to, it's never your fault, it's always someone else's fault, right? oh it's the Daily Ma's fault So well done terrain never your fault never your fault it's always someone else's fault always someone else oh look someone here just agrees with me block report someone here someone here agrees with me smiley face when you're so obsessed with your own personal set of moral values ​​that you are unwilling to talk to people you don't like I'll tell you what you end up with you end up with people you don't like you end up with Theresa May at number 10 you end up with Donald Trump in the White House and while you're sitting there reading the Guardian judging everyone who doesn't, the Sun is the most read newspaper in the country, you're more than welcome to assume that anyone who reads that paper is racist scum, but until they start talking to those people you will never have elections go again how you want you are so stupid you are as stupid as you are stupid and look at you you are so stupid like shut up I can't try Well, you are applauding me, calling yourself stupid, that's how stupid you are.

I'm going to

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how stupid you are. In the referendum, in the referendum, you have approximately 17 million people voting to leave the EU without knowing what to do. expect to do so without any knowledge of how much it would affect the poorest and most vulnerable people in our society. Oh, we voted on principle, yeah, good luck with that, then there were another 16 million or so of you voting passionately for a pro-corporate initiative. right wing economic bloc while fooling themselves, the EU is some kind of leftist charity pie, they are basically crazy, if they voted in the referendum they are an idiot and if they didn't vote in the referendum why aren't they lazy? idiot, I'll leave you with this thought, I'll leave you with this thought, that everyone loses their jobs, goes bankrupt and dies.

See you W. I'm done, no, I'm done. I'm coming

back

. I'm done, no. I'm done I'm done I'm done Shut up I'm done I'm done I'm doing an onore call it Encore whatever I'm five minutes more like five minutes more what what what audience Questions and answers outside I'm not going to answer your questions. Search on Google. I have something I want to say and I'm going to Where are you going? Where are you going? Sit down, sit down, I'll have the doors closed in a minute, right? We're all going to pee in about 5 minutes, but until then I want you to consider this a hostage situation, okay, I have something I want to say and I'm going to say, sit down, I have something I want to say and I've been holding this for a long time. time, but I'm going to say it.

You know why? Because my career just went down the drain, so I have nothing to lose, so I'm going to say it. Throw away white male privilege, let's do it, get it up there, couldn't give a couldn't grab your hats. Straight white men are responsible for slavery. Straight white men are responsible for the Holocaust by raping and pillaging rainforests. white men invented the atomic bomb straight white men fought against the emancipation of women straight white men started two world wars, as well as many others, a straight white man I was born in 1978 I wasn't there I didn't do anything I didn't start the Second World War was not even close.

I had nothing to do with the invention of the atomic bomb. Alright. I can have my hand on my heart. Say I'm in science. I was so bad at it in school that they let me quit and pursue drama. On the other hand, I know nothing about nuclear physics, although I can improvise a short piece about intimidation, fear, hatred, aversion. No, I'm not for a second suggesting that straight white male privilege is a myth, of course it isn't, but these days it seems to apply whether you're a millionaire or

live

on the streets and can't afford to. buying shoes, the most heard phrase today is "Check your privileges" check your privileges "check your privileges" is not a bad mantra to

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by it is to remember the inherent advantages you have over others but everything that everyone does All everyone does when they ask you to check your privileges what they're really saying is check your opinion what they're really saying is shut up I don't agree with what you're saying I know it's true because no one has asked me never have me check my privilege after I've said something they agree with, why shouldn't I be able to express my opinion on women's issues, racial issues, gay issues, even if I'm bad, it's like saying how dare you to have an opinion on the disability benefit that Tores cuts? and my life experience is as unique as anyone else's in this world and I have empathy and I have imagination and I can imagine what it's like to be in someone else's shoes or not depending on the disability direct privilege White privilege male privilege stop judging people by their gender, their sexuality and the color of their skin, there's a word to describe it: bigotry and it's everywhere, it's everywhere, if you're a poor white working class kid growing up in a state of Shitty advice and you want to go into journalism or broadcasting and You see, the BBC is advertising jobs for non-whites only.

Martin Luther King, he's spinning so fast he'll take off in a minute. Next thing straight people don't need to apply to get a job at the BBC. I'm going to have to Black up and suck the newspaper outside the broadcast house right outside the window where they film the only

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I'm here for the intern job g g some very confused faces in the audience right now I agree with some things what he says and very much disagree with others yes yes it is called life, it is brilliant, please, please, I beg you, I beg you, put away your phones, stop posting your Bulls on Instagram and Sury, stop tweeting this insane idea that anyone who thinks even a little differently than you is a Nazi, stop washing your dirty, slippery panties on Facebook. below that profile picture from that day, you were happy last August, put away your phones and please have a conversation.

Thank you very much Hammer Smith, you have been incredible. Good night. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. good night have a great weekend thank you