Jon Stewart's Debate Analysis: Trump's Blatant Lies and Biden's Senior Moments | The Daily Show

Welcome to The Daily Show! My name is Jon Stewart. Thank you very much to all for joining us. We will come to you live. We... we... we... you... can sit down. We... we just saw what you saw. We just watched a

debate

between President Joseph Robinette Biden and former President Donald Robinette Trump. It was a highly anticipated affair, according to the network that directed it. The first Biden-Trump

debate

, in just over a month, right here on CNN. NEWS 1: We are less than two weeks away from the first presidential debate. Just one week from today. Welcome to the first work day of the most important week of the presidential campaign.

Three days and counting. NEWS 2: Just two days ago. NEWS 3: We are around 30 hours... approximately 30 hours. NEWS 4: Just over 24 hours. NEWS 5: 12 and 1/2 hours. Say the words. It's debate day in the United States. The candidates must have been so excited to know that they didn't miss out! I imagine old Biden opening his window and shouting to the street below: you there, boy! What day is today? Well, it's debate day, sir. So there's still time! Prepare the debate, bul

lies

. Before the event, what did the political class believe would be the criteria for each candidate to be successful in the debate?

First, Donald Trump. Trump has to

show

that he is not going to end democracy. Don't respond in a way that suburban moms wouldn't like. Don't interrupt Joe Biden. Don't take the bait. PRESENTER 6: Don't look like a bully. Don't get angry. Portray normality. Can't you just pretend to be normal for 90 minutes? How is that advice for a presidential debate and not what you'd tell your parents when you bring home a date for the first time? Can't talk about January 6? And please don't make your voice Asian! I really like this girl! But that's Trump. Expectations for President Biden will surely be higher.

He absolutely can't have a

senior

moment. A physical or verbal stumble, forgetting something. Any of the icy

moments

of him. Stay alert, engaged and awake. President Biden has to

show

that he can stay there for a long period of time. Stay upright. Stay upright to be president! You know, I may be wrong, but I think those are the same qualifications needed to be a Scarecrow. Tonight, the president must show the country that he can keep our corn safe. But then it was time for the real debate. And let's see how it started. Both men walked out and... oh.

If, according. And then, of course, both men can walk. They are both upright. Level one clear. It's going to be an important discussion between two important men. What are the rules? We want to share the rules of debate with the audience at home. Each candidate will have two minutes to answer a question and one minute each for answers and rebuttals. What... you... what can you do in two minutes? I can't even articulate what is wrong with your entire setup of this debate. An ad break for watching a Hulu show is three minutes. What can you do in two minutes?

But it's okay. Well, that will rule out anything that might be interesting or substantial, but let's get started. We know the bar that has been set for each one to pass. Biden must not look old or have a

senior

moment. Go. Making sure that we can make every single person eligible for what I've been able to do with the, uh-- with-- with-- with the COVID-- excuse me, with, um, dealing with everything We have to do with. .. look, if we finally beat Medicare. MODERATOR: Thank you, President, uh, Biden. You need to call a real estate agent in New Zealand.

Well, a high pressure situation. Saving Medicare can often be confused with defeating it. Um... I'm sure it's not something that was repeated throughout the entire debate, causing Democrats across the country to jump out of windows or silently vomit into the nearest recycling bin. Anyone can speak. Um... How did Biden do without speaking? How close the police are to him, almost all the police groups in the country in all the states. And everyone wanted to return it to the United States, everyone. And China, nothing, and Russia, nothing, and India, nothing. I'll get that journalist out. He should have taken it out a long time ago.

Because he had no legislation. I said, close the border. We had the most secure border in history. Not good. But many people are calm about the 25th Amendment. I am not a political expert. But while Biden was preparing at Camp David for a week, did anyone mention that he would also be on camera on... on split screen? Is there a moment here that could save Biden? This is the first presidential election since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade. Oh shit! We're back, baby! Abortion! A to B to O to R to T to... the repeal of Roe v Wade!

That's Trump's weakest issue! It's been something great. Oh, it is! He is ! "It's a great thing"! Come on, Joey! It's terrible what you've done. It's a terr... this is incredible! We're done here! TKO... no, no, no. Joe...Joe! Joe, don't say anything else! Joey! The idea that states can do this is a little bit like saying we're going to give civil rights back to the states. Let each state have a different rule. Look, there are so many young women who have been... including a young woman who has just been murdered. And he... he went to the funeral.

Uh, the idea that she was murdered by a... by... an immigrant arriving... speaks to that. Did you just have an abortion due to immigration? Hey, I know abortion is one of our strongest issues, but let me talk for a moment about immigrants killing and raping people. It is one of the weakest. Friends, I think sportsmanship would insist that an opponent not take advantage of an opportunity like this. There have been many young women murdered by the very people he allows to cross our border. So how do we do this now? Shall I take your car to the White House tonight?

Well then. Are we done with this shit? Do I just UPS ship your stuff? Well then. It was crazy what he did just now. So Biden may not be at the top of his game. Maybe look at this young upstart, Donald Trump. Obviously, the choice is a binary choice. So let me see what this Trump guy is all about. As we learned before, he just had to get in there and not be a jerk. He doesn't care about our veterans. He does not care. He doesn't like the military at all. Probably the worst administration in history.

The worst presidency in the history of our country. This shouldn't be a debate. He is the worst president. I don't really know what he said at the end of that sentence, but I don't think he knows what he said either. He challenged me to a game of golf. He can't hit a ball 50 yards. Doesn't seem to have passed the asshole test. See you after the debate. Very good, Trumper. What do you have about substance? We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. A lot of credit for the military, and no wars, and so many other things.

Everything was going well. But what we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of the COVID mess. He allowed millions of people to come here from prisons, jails and psychiatric institutions. The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants. We had the lowest taxes in history. I didn't have sex with a porn star. She was, at best, a porn character actress! I'm not saying he couldn't open a movie, but... To be clear, everything Donald Trump said in that clip is a lie...

blatant

and complete. And we had little time to put all this together.

There is much more. It really makes you wonder: What is RFK Jr. doing tonight? Maybe he has something...he hopes. What's that? I'm sorry. Ah, vaccines. Oh...mm-hmm. No, I see. That's... but yeah, of course. There are side effects to... oh, all of them. OK. And where a worm? OK fair enough. He is vice president. Joe's running mate donated. How... Okay. Anyway, um... There was, of course, a moment where I thought we were getting substantial. I was recently in... in... in France for D-Day. And I talked all about those heroes who died. I went to the WWII cemetery, the WWI cemetery refused to go.

He was next to this four-star general. And he told me... he said, I don't want to go in there because they're a bunch of losers and fools. My son was not a loser. He wasn't a fool. You are the fool. You are the loser. Shit just got real. First of all, that was a made-up quote. A made-up quote, which I think in Trumpland means it's a real quote. That's a quote. But this is about our nation's veterans, about foreign policy. This is important for Biden. Come on brother. The four-star general next to you was on your staff, who said, you said it, period.

We have done more for veterans than any president in American history. The only sacred obligation we have as a country is to care for our veterans when they return home, and their fami

lies

, and equip them when they go to war. That's what we're doing. That's what the VA is doing now. They are doing more for veterans than ever before in our history. MODERATOR: Okay. Thank you so much. Let's move on to the topic of foreign policy. Hope for? Move on? No, we're not moving! Stay on that topic, don't move on to... no! Don't go ahead! Who came up with these stupid rules?

And why would any of these people agree with them? The only thing we proved tonight is that the MAGA conspiracy theory about the upcoming Biden debate was nonsense. Shortly before the debate, he gets shot in the butt. They're giving the president some kind of stimulant, an attention deficit disorder medication, Adderall, Ritalin. New medications that exist and are specifically for Alzheimer's or Parkinson's. Lots of caffeine pills. B12. Debate about Viagra. Well, there are certainly drugs that can be used to energize a person in that state. I apologize for how fast I'm speaking now. I... I'm taking those drugs.

Let me tell you, after watching tonight's debate...both men should be using performance-enhancing drugs. I'm sorry. Both. As much as they can get, as many times a day as their bodies allow. If performance-enhancing drugs improve your lucidity, your ability to solve problems, and, in the case of one candidate, improve your truthfulness, your morality, and your malignant narcissism, then far away from suppositories. Guess what, everyone? They should take whatever magic drug can get their brains going, because this isn't Olympic swimming. You know what I'm talking? Oh, he solved the Middle East, but he was doping, so it doesn't count.

There will be an asterisk next to his presidency. And by the way, if those drugs don't exist, if there really aren't any performance-enhancing drugs for these candidates, I sure could use some recreational ones right now because this can't be real life! It just can't! We are the United States. God!