John Pinette - Just for Laughs

Wow, I moved to Los Angeles, so I bought a condo, a small condo, now I have to go buy the condo. I'm not a good shopper and I started buying randomly and I knew the first thing I bought was going to be ugly. I want to get in trouble. I went in and bought a toaster and the lady said, Could I have your name and address? No, I have this money and I'm going to take this toaster. Now you don't need my name and address. I won't adopt her. I will buy it. I could throw him off a building after I get out of here.

She asked me. She said. Would you like to purchase the toaster warranty? No, I think I'll absorb the risk of this. I'm not a player. but today I feel lucky if this toaster breaks and God forbid that day comes, I will take another $39 out of my pocket and buy another toaster because that's how I live on the edge. Hello, I don't do it now. I filled the whole condo, they sent me back on the road and I toured Canada and it's been a pleasure tour in Canada, it really has been and the first date in Canada was Ottawa in January, that's the best time to go , it is not all. tourist in January the hotel rates are favorable my suite was $39 or you could give them or either they don't care, but Otto is a beautiful city and they have people the river freezes, people skate on the river, it's beautiful look and they have these snack bars on the ice and they sell these things called beaver tails oh yeah they brought you for beaver tails you really are my people oh you have to skate on the people you have to skate to the beaver tail now the tails of beaver it's that big it's a fried mass of death it's all your Weight Watchers points by the way um I had to buy points from other people in my group now well lesson I'm not an official representative of Weight Watchers I'm part of a the organization rogue's dissident where you can buy and sell points on the black market so you had to ice skate to the beaver tail which is

just

cruel well you can smell the beaver tails you can smell the fried dough from your room I was crazy, so on the third day I thought, "Give me ice skates." I skated up to the beavertail and it was this cute family from Ottawa, a mom, a dad and two kids, and they were in front of the beavertail stand.

I

just

remember that look. his eyes you know like, oh well, he'll stop. I couldn't and he didn't cost me some tickets to the show that night. I'll tell you and I bought all the beaver tails from them while the paramedics were checking them. I'm also not an outdoors person. I like the lake. I like to go swimming in the ocean. That kind of things. But it's a hike. There is no walk. It's a walk. It's a stinking walk. You know what you do when you walk. I like to walk. the movies you walk in the mall you walk in the park you hike you hike you walk through a ravine you climb a mountain you were walking and you found a dead body my friends took me for a walk and when we got to the lake there was a kayak Kayaks are Now on my list I don't even know what is it.

It's a canoe for people without friends. Mine didn't move. I'm not too big. The kayak is too small. Danah, pop me like I'm a champagne cork. We have him and me. I'm trapped in this kayak and if I fart in this kayak it's going to have a thousand meter kill radius, it's going to explode like a claymore mine. Hello, I was in Jamaica and they lost my luggage and by the way, I am flying with Air Canada. Air Canada Mauro, very good airline, be happy at check-in, yes, seriously, Darius, faith, yes, sorry, I'm going to New York and I'll check there on the machine, I'm going to New York, there's a machine there, what?

TRUE? have your confirmation number, Jeff, your confirmation number, what do you do? You just point at the machine all day. I'm going to buy them a sign to review that machine in the way your butt, uh, Mike, my back weighed a kilo oh my God, take the. kilo take it out of the bag take a cable out of the bag waiter a kilo what am I going to do cut a pair of underwear in half if a kilo makes a difference in this bag go on that plane I'm not going on that plane I was in Jamaica and the airlines They lost my luggage.

I won't say which airline, but they lost my luggage and there aren't many big, tall zins in Jamaica. I bought an oversized shirt and had jeans on. I cut them too short. alcohol was involved in this decision oh I look like a prostitute and the least successful prostitute in the world. I'm not bragging and it was a ride in Jamaica called a banana boat, it was an inflatable banana and there were three of them coming out at once and it was really fun and I was dressed like a prostitute so I wanted something to distract me so I got on this banana inflatable and on the boat I pulled it and it was very fun, the boat turned left and I left the banana boat towards the other banana boat and there was that poor family from Ottawa.

You know there's not even a peeping booth here. Why do you follow us? When I was in Los Angeles. I went to the doctor and it's you. I know I'm getting older and I wanted to make sure I was okay for the road. The doctor did a blood test, stress test and blood pressure and they were fine. Now the doctor looked at me surprised. She says. These numbers are good. Wow, did you know that you are allergic to wheat? I didn't know that the next time one of my friends calls me and says John, we're going to pick up for the week, would you like to come?

I'll have to say no, the doctors said yes. allergic so I thought wait a minute maybe I should ask questions weed her flower I said what is this sweet thing does it mean she said do you eat a lot of gluten? I don't know what gluten is, but yeah, I would say yeah, um, I think I'm mostly gluten to be honest with you, I don't know and she gave me a book of things that contain gluten, you know, it has gluten every day, I said. check again, maybe it's just cancer, I did it, I didn't. Take it well, have you tried gluten-free things?

Need Chloe, if you want to know where the gluten section is at your local supermarket, look for someone with a gun in their mouth because bullets are gluten free, so I tried some gluten free bread. I immediately ordered a gluten spread so I could reintroduce gluten I hope they do it I can't believe it's gluten free the gluten free bread doesn't toast the toaster broke $39 I should have bought the guarantee I love you Montreal thank you