John Mulaney Has A Picture Of A Ghost, Maybe

Welcome back to the Late Show. I am very happy to have my first guest tonight. He is a hilarious comedian. You know, from Broadway. Oh hello. He now he's on his magnificent children's comedy tour. Please welcome John Mulaney. Welcome back. This is the third time. Who is the third? time, yeah, third time's the charm, that's what they said, get it this time, yeah, this time we'll be charming, that's a lovely Jeff Velvet, yeah, he's a black rookie, yeah, cute, this collected a lot of stuff backstage, but they took me out. tape and then I came out and now I'm on TV yeah we know it's this change of seasons when you can bring in the black velvet absolutely yeah that's an old Mel Torme line is that right?

Yeah it's the change of seasons when you can pull out the old velvet, well you're super busy, you're super busy, no wonder you're a talented young man like you, it's nice that you say I've been on tour since May practically and now We're messing around like we're gone every night. so what do you mean go every night, go on the road all the time, oh but don't go away for a long period of time, you don't come home every night, you go on the road and then your dad just goes away. It was, I'm not saying dad going out bothers people, but do you have kids?

No, I have a dog now, so you shouldn't say daddy told your wife, daddy's gone, daddy's gone, yeah, yeah, I mean, daddy's home, at least you're physically there so you can deal with the consequences. . like what is what did you just say yeah, we're gone I've been traveling a lot mm-hmm and that's why I don't know my articles or pronouns so his name is beautiful boy the tour is you boy chorus me I don't know, it's just a name. I kept reading names to my wife in a restaurant until she laughed and that was the one she went with, she laughed a lot, beautiful girl and I thought, I guess it has to be that I like him old. fashionable things and a beautiful boy is beautiful sounds like you're like a middleweight boxer yes yes famous for never breaking his nose yes beautiful boy there was a Moines The Simpsons why he was a beautiful boy than a presentable boy and I thought he I wanted to be called Kid Charlemagne after the Steely Dan song, but everyone in my life warned me against that saying, that it would be lost on people and wouldn't be an effective tour name, while Kid Gorgeous has a red all over the United States.

United as vanity, yes, well, you, you." We're coming back to New York for four nights at Radio City with all the shows sold out, yeah, and we're adding a fifth one now, so yeah, thank you very much, that's great, have you played Radio City before? I have never touched anything normal and ordinary. house extraordinary place I want to rest first. I'm getting a little burned out on this tour, but it's going to be amazing. What kind of rest do you need? I need it, so I took a vacation with my wife Anna. I had been away for about 12 nights and we went to a farm to relax in Connecticut, okay we got there and this is what I got, someone gave me

picture

s before we came, oh yeah yeah I'll show you in a moment I had a little nervous breakdown while I was on the farm, okay, so I landed from San Francisco, we got a rental car and we drove to Connecticut and we got there and I'm really exhausted and I just feel. kind of existential, crazy, but I'm trying to stay calm, for sure, and every once in a while the current president tweeted something like not talking to North Korea, you know what that means, and I thought that doesn't help my situation, that was the weekend that did it.

So I was walking my dog ​​trying to calm myself down. I saw a group of geese, yeah I ran up to them and they flew away and it was really fun, so later in the afternoon the geese came back and I got the dog. Again I tell my wife to look at this and I run towards the geese and they stand their ground and one of them looks at me and opens his mouth and he had this light pink mouth and he said like and like caveman DNA and I knew how to get out of here right now like an old ancestor was running towards some pterodactyls and it wasn't good and this was like this, it was like these were dinosaurs like get out of here right now and I ran across the stream and told my wife, those geese weren't playing , you know and you know how you say that to your wife and yeah, she was like what the hell are you doing, geese attack people, she's like you're a city boy, I was like I don't.

I don't know that geese attack people, she said, yes, she said my brother was attacked by a swan, so later in the night, the same goose is not as equal as Lucy, but you expect more from a swan because It's more cosmopolitan, its glamorous, its glamorous, yes, we have it. them to a greater degree it is sad so I am sitting well so this was like fatigue and I am also trying to stay calm in front of my wife. I didn't tell her about the nuclear wars if she says yes 'I'm the only one who has a newspaper, you know, I thought, I'm going to hide this, so I'm looking out the window, my dog ​​jumps on my lap, it's a good time, my wife takes a photo of him, we look at the photo, it's sweet.

This is it, I'm going to get dressed, yes, yes, well, one second, yes, but no, I don't mean to interrupt your flow. She just wanted you to know that we take a photo, we look at it, then I leave the room and then we come back. Look at it again and there's a green dot we've never seen right there where my wedding band meets my dog ​​stomach. I got a close up and said what the heck are we zooming in? Push it and it looks like the moon through the trees and I said what is that and as soon as I said what is that, a voice inside me that warned me about the geese said: you know, it's a

ghost

, so imagine for a moment that it appears a green orb on your dog in a photo that very It looks a lot like the moon through the trees and imagine that you are exhausted, you can imagine how you would jump towards the

ghost

s, I'm sure you've never seen it ghost, I don't think so, I mean I think so, I mean, this place could be haunted, yeah. the theaters are haunted, that was amazing, really haunted, yeah, I had been traveling and I'm doing theaters there from 1900 to 1910 and I had been, you know, very arrogant about ghosts going to this haunted place and we were laughing at ghosts who lived there, so I felt like they had a comment in some way, a kind of haunting, well, theaters like the famous ones have ghosts, like your theaters have what are called ghost lights to keep the best, but if you ask if you go to an old theater just ask the stagehands if there's a ghost here, you know, and they'll say there's a ghost.

I did a theater in Kansas City called the Midlands and I asked if there was a ghost and they said the janitor was murdered there in like 1910. and he still haunts the lobby and I said what does he do and they said we see him sweeping. I said well that's doubly terrible that he's stuck between realms but he still has to clean the lobby. It would be nice if they were like us. I saw him applying for a new position and then we saw him managing the lab. Yeah, I know there's a ghost in this building because sometimes, even during the show, a guest will be sitting there and I'll hear this voice coming from the guest going I wish Dave was still here that's probably something Dave, yeah, yeah, so I do.

I saw and I've been trying to stay calm all day, this is just today, no, that day on the farm, okay, I'll push it in the photo and go tell me that doesn't look like the moon through the trees and my wife says: are you okay? and I said: I think we have to go right now. No, you didn't. Yeah, you can't get your deposit back because I think you saw a ghost, no you can't, but it was already dark on the farm roads and I thought, if this were a movie, it would be a good idea to drive in the dark and I didn't mean to say either. what was my plan was in case the ghosts were hearing the gun ghosts saying anything whether you understand we are getting voices in your head and I think she doesn't understand you she is your enemy do something , oh no, like one of those.

It glowed a little like it was possessed because I was assuming my dog ​​was possessed. I think you probably had some nonsense in your camera. We had what turned out to be a lens flare. We looked it up and turned it on as if it didn't say what brand. phone, but it's an iPhone and it's a common thing that you get these green dots and that's the reflection of the sun coming through the trees and the window glass behind, right now, if you saw this shiny ball on your dog, don't on camera, yes. that would be something to get angry about, I would just lean in front of her and say, "I'll do whatever you want." Hey, you know what I really like, what's that big mouth?

Thanks, sure, you're doing with Nick Kroll. this is a friend also from the show this is a wonderful animated show on Netflix that Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg created, his childhood friend, and I play Andrew, yes, I'm one of his good friends now in adult life and I play what you like best. friend and son and it's about kids going through puberty, yes, and in very funny and very honest, heartbreaking ways, yes, puberty is very disturbing, yes, it feels like some kind of nightmarish puberty escape comedy magical realist, yes, and I think that's what puberty feels like. and yes, in many ways, you went to Catholic schools, yes, exclusively, exclusively, well, Jesuit schools, yes, they teach you well, but they taught you things about sex.

Did you have puberty, like health classes or something? We had health. class, they go through some kind of miracle of life on the side of please never have sex, okay, it's a miracle that you don't want to do anything, yeah, and they said you know they were like that, none of this, none of the contraceptives work. so don't try them and well yeah yeah you know we were kids unfortunately it had a lasting effect on the subconscious of my brain but then the most important thing was they were going to show us the miracle of life video and I passed out.

In that not one year not two years but three years in a row I hesitate to ask what is in the miracle of life video that would make John Mulaney faint. I don't know if anyone has seen it. Start with a couple that doesn't. they look contemporary there in the early 80s or late 70s and then it cuts to an animation of how their tubes and different valves work and then you look at these diagrams and you say okay and then it's a hard cut for the input of a human into the world of a human coming through his mother's loins, which is nothing wrong, of course, it's not right, not even a cesarean section, however you want to do it, it's all fantastic, so I would look, look and I went to the the first year I went uh and then I was on the floor the second year you know what's coming second year I know it's coming I'm going there's no way I'm going to flinch this time so I stared longer and I saw more of the opening number play In the third year, on the floor, people were asking me to faint and I looked back and they went, he leaves, he's going to faint and I just because of the pressure, I don't even know if I was watching the video, I think that I was panicked. attack because all eyes were on me and I fainted again just to

maybe

just to appease them what a life what a sad life to want to entertain so much that I will collapse for you if you cheer loudly for another you are pro, boy Beautiful and what you are, yeah , it's nice to say, yes.

John Mulaney's son, beautiful.