Joe Lycett's Hilarious Stag Do Story | Stand Up Comedy - Jokes On Us

I had to be weird with someone in real life recently. I went to a bachelor party. Do it well. I'm trying to do it right. I think it's all in the neck. You, that's your place. It's amazing how close he is to throwing up. that's it CL this is a façade for insecurity I have it I struggle to connect with my father I have it I have it oh she quite alone yes I have it no I didn't go with absolute Guys like that, I went with old school friends of mine, we went to Lisbon , they have a nickname for me, that's why we did the show in this theater, it's The Duchess, so I'm the duchess in The Duchess, it's something like that.

Fits, isn't it the nickname? They have quite a back

story

for The Duchess. The Duchess has a butler named Renée. I don't know why her name is Renée, but I love her and René will provide people for The Duchess to make love to. that you have found on Tinder I am obsessed with Tinder, if you don't know what I'm talking about it's a dating app where you get a little picture of a human and if you like the way it looks swipe right and if not swipe to the left and you will never hear from them again.

A rather abrupt way of measuring a human being. I feel like it would work in real life. You wouldn't walk through a bar going, no, there's too much, maybe you would. Don't know. how they live their lives but, um, they're good guys, they're good guys, we've been friends for years there was a new guy at Stag that I hadn't met before Johnny at the TA Johnny actually works primarily in financial services, but he left I talk a lot about TA, I don't even know what it means. I think it just means the Army. I don't know how I would describe Johnny.

A complete Kant would be right if he had known homosexual people before him. He had met straight people but he hadn't met anyone bisexual I'm sexual bisexual I'm not sure if they made that clear at the door um out of interest Is there any bisexual in you? You don't have to cheer up if you don't want to, oh, many of you, hello, hello, how welcome, welcome, someone made here, great, wonderful, they get when people, when you say you're bisexual, people are confused by that, sometimes yes, you nod, that's what I under

stand

. I under

stand

it's confusing because I was confused when I first emerged sexually.

My first kiss when I was about 16 was with a woman outside the snobs nightclub in Birmingham. If you don't know, the name is ironic and, um, we were both. She was really drunk and she burped in my mouth and that triggered my gag reflex, so then I got dizzy in her shoes - no, they're just from New Look, relax - but it made me think for a long time that she was completely gay. because I thought women made me physically sick, that's what I thought for a long time. Do you also say that you are greedy?

Oh, hell, forgive me, right? Here's what it's not about how often you have sex, it's about who you are. attracted to that is literally the whole word meaning I can't speak for other bisexuals. I feel like I can't speak for other men, but I feel like there's a presumption that all men are up for it all the time, like all men. saying oh yeah, I would do that sometime I don't have that libido maybe that makes me unusual I just don't I look at a very comfortable couch the same way I think most people look at a sexy person oh, things Me lay on a snack, that's what I do if Tinder stops the couch Swipe right all damn day, that's what's called Airbnb.

I know it's an app and I also get very frustrated with the language of sexuality because I know that. We have work to do there because the three main words we use are homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual, all of these words only have to do with gender and only gender, for example, if you say you are a straight man, literally all that means is You are attracted to women, but of course you won't be attracted to all women, you will be attracted to one type of woman: blonde, brunette, your partner, whoever, so I feel like it's more nuanced than that, it's more complex.

I prefer the word pansexual. So people think it's kitchen stuff so I don't know where to start and I don't know what I really want because sometimes I feel like I just want us all to be fluid and no one ever leaves, but then you would never have the

story

of leaving the kitchen. closet and my favorite story in the country is a coming out story. It's my friend Sam, he's completely gay and lives at home with his parents like me and he got the trust the one night he didn't. I don't know where and his mom was in the bathroom so he went and knocked on the bathroom door and she put a towel around it and she came to the door and said what's up Sam and he was Mom, I'm gay and she came out okay, I don't need this anymore, I said gay, not incestuous, running to the trailer, I love that story so much, I love it, so yes, I understand it's confusing and I would happily have a conversation with anyone about this at any time.

I think sexuality is fascinating. I think it's something we should talk about more, but um, Johnny in the TA, his response to his confusion was to try to intimidate me. It was the worst form of harassment because it was kind of an undercurrent. I don't try it, but it was constant, it was things like I think this reveals a lot about him, every time he got drunk, he kept pulling out his knob and showing it to me, saying, "Oh, you like that, don't you?" I like Jesus, the self Crushing of genitals, the knob he did to my knob, you know, when you touch a snail in his eye and he vows, he turned it into a vagina.

I told mom he kept pulling out his goatee and she went too far to Afghanistan, what? Does that mean there's a perfect amount of Afghanistan about it? Oh, no more Afghanistan for me. I'm so full of Afghanistan. He, uh, assumed he was gay. People often ask, how could you? I don't know how, but um, it's F, I think it is. interesting when I said oh no, I'm actually bisexual. I think he thought he was asking for sexual advice with women because he immediately said, "Oh, well, women like to take control in the bedroom." Well, I didn't ask, but let's see where.

This goes well when I'm with a girl, I'll tell her: go there, why is she there? How long does it take her to see him? Yes, you could be the boss in the bedroom. I don't have time to invoice, do some accounts halfway. Oh, this was also horrible because he was really hyperactive, he had a very high libido. We are in the center of Lisbon. This girl walked past us and he leaned towards her. He told her: "Oh, she's fit, isn't she?" on Wicket, let's play cricket, people still say that kind of thing, so to appease him, I made my own rhyme, if you want to be a gentleman, get his consent, you know, someone might have the hashtag feminism and I don't.

I don't want to disagree with him all the time because I've never been to Lisbon before so I wanted to see that I've seen my mates for years so I thought I'd ask him about his life to see if I can get him to open up so I can said oh, what's it like being on the TA, how does that work and he said, oh well, I'll probably do a tour in the next few years oh, a tour, what are you doing? Art centers, theaters, just keeping it light anyway, no, this is not It's nothing like what you do, this is a proper war, a proper war, someone hasn't done a concert and Wick has.