Jimmy Kimmel Worried About Trump, MAGA Media Cries Rigged Trial & Taylor Swift's New Album Drops

participate in the open show thank you for watching thank you for joining us here at our studio in Hollywood are from your homes around the world oh you know what I have to say it makes me feel so good you know that a big part of every day now is a fight, we're arguing, uh, we're criticizing, we're at each other's throats, there's so much unpleasantness that I thought it'd be good to start with some good news for a change, okay, OJ was cremated too early today, okay, and we have a new

trial

of the century to replace theirs, the people of New York against Donald Trump, so far the people are winning.

Our friend the sleepy donzalesko of the websites that he thinks are arguing that there is no case. I've been here all day in a

trial

that really is a very unfair trial these are all stories from the last few days from legal experts like this Wall Street Journal editorial but these are all stories from legal experts saying this is not a case I think this big bag of papers none of you can read speaks for itself friends, take a look at all these are our stories, you see them here. They call it a zombie case, which means it's not a case.

The enormous indignation and the drums and Di is an enormous indignation and it is everyone's indignation. indignation, of course, yes, no, no, I love it, I'm not the least bit indignant, but come on, wow, that's New York Magazine, even all of them, they just came out, these are each and every one of the that I haven't seen. good try and I'm sitting here for days from morning to night in that freezing room, freezing, everyone was frozen in there w w w motion to get the defendant some tiny gloves your honor Trump hasn't been this cold since he was last in bed with Melania I have to say that a little

worried

about him this is what Trump looked like at the defense table now I want you to notice the difference between the color of his hands and the color of his face we do not manipulate this those are his hands and her face those shadows aren't even in the same Sherwin Williams color palette she looks like a melon with batting gloves or something like that is how a potential juror described it shortly after she was dismissed what was your impression of Donald Trump when I saw him um you know he looked less orange uh definitely more yellow yellow um nothing more than that he looks uh he doesn't look angry or I think he looks bored he's yellow and boring like a minion or something even with two jurors sitting Being dismissed today, one because he felt his identity had been compromised, they managed to find 12 jurors and one alternate, each potential juror had to answer a question about what they thought about Trump, which meant they had to sit there and listen comments like this from a woman who said um, she said: I wouldn't believe Trump if his tongue was notarized.

You already know that this woman was not chosen as a jury, but I would like to hire her as a writer if she interests the jury in this now. The jury is chosen by both sides, the prosecution and defense can knock people out if they don't want them on the jury, but the Maga

media

is doing everything they can to push the idea that it won't be a fair trial. That way, when he loses, they can say, Oh, he was manipulated. The jury pool is so tainted that they are catching undercover liberal activists lying to the judge.

People will probably lie just to get on this jury. You think Donald Trump is going to get a fair trial in New York, how is this man going to get a fair jury? There is no fair trial when Manhattan is 90% Democratic you have a 20 year old white girl who works for Disney and likes to dance? Who looks like a problem? Let's look at juror number two. Get news from The New York Times and Google. I don't really trust anyone who gets their news from The New York Times or Google. I'm not so sure about juror number two.

Juror number three is a young Asian lawyer from Oregon. He is single, lives in Chelsea and was wearing a purple jacket. Wow, a purple jacket. I mean, you know who wears a purple jacket. The Joker is wearing a purple jacket. I know who wears a purple jacket, come here, this lady in our audience locked him up and while half of the Fox network is busy screaming about how unfair Trump is treated in New York when Da West took a little excursion to a winery in El Tuesday in Harlem, his astute friends almost literally leaned back to talk about how much New Yorkers love him.

A group of women on the same block yelled at Donald Trump in Spanish and called him my tiger, so they referred to Donald Trump as my tiger and then employees of the Romantic Depot, which apparently is a lingerie store in that neighborhood. They waved a red banner advertising a product named after Donald Trump. I have no idea what that product is. I know what it is. I know exactly what that product is and this is not a joke. We confirmed it with the store. , that product is this Trump dildo on sale now, that's the product at Romantic Depot and what could be more romantic than a Depot.

You know, poor Rudy Giuliani is home. "Hey, dildo stores are my thing, that's where, meanwhile, in Congress the Trump Unleashed animals are now threatening their own spokesperson, Mike Johnson, you know, the guy who looks like a kid dressed like an adult to the school play, they are threatening to withdraw it. a group of stubborn Republicans who are angry because he supports a military aid package that would send money to Ukraine. Being Speaker of the House today is like being Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend, who you put up with as long as you can try to enjoy the ride. but they formed what they call a Floor Action Response Team or F for short, so you know they are very serious people, they are the Americans who are on Russia's side and they are led by none other than the mother of the clan Marjorie Taylor Green who is determined to pave the way for Putin even at the expense of Mike Johnson's head is unprecedented this has never happened in history and is completely wrong he owes the truth to our conference and he owes answers to the Republicans.

That means you will move forward today, will you move forward today? I'm waiting I'm waiting to find out what's going to happen What's stopping you? uh, I'm a responsible person, yes Marjerie, you're not responsible nor are you a person, but right now her side project is putting space lasers on the border to real, this is what she wants to do, this party is crazy somehow way Mike Johnson, the man who called Planned Parenthood part of an American Holocaust, is not right-wing enough for these people Mike Johnson, a homophobic religious fanatic who denies climate change, knows that getting Ukraine these weapons is the right thing to do and even though his party is terrified of jello, Putin's lover Trump is doing it anyway and that's why they are going to destroy him, they can't allow that if they let him do the right thing in Ukraine, he could do it.

Doing the right thing about other things is a very slippery slope, but we have more important issues to focus on, right Gio, because Taylor Swift's new

album

is coming out, yes, and we still have to work tomorrow, which should be a holiday tomorrow , TRUE? I mean, are we really going to make people drive after spending all night listening to Taylor Swift? Please be careful tomorrow. Taylor Swift's

album

isn't the only major release this month, it's the biggest one, but we also got a new single a couple of weeks ago. because from Republican National Committee co-chair and former first daughter-in-law Laura Trump, today America finally got the genre-bending musical release, I was waiting for that girl riding the boat, tell her everything's going to be okay there, she's Taylor, not too Swift, um.

Well, now I feel like that sounded terrible, but maybe I'm biased. I don't know. I recused myself from this jury and I turn it over to the people. We went to the farmers market here in Los Angeles. We told shoppers passing by. a preview of a new album by a great artist and we wanted to know his opinion about it and we played them a Laura Trump song, but then we told him she was the new Taylor Swift. We have a leaked track from a major artist who I won't tell you who she is, do you want to listen to it now and tell us your honest thoughts?

Okay, brutally honest, honest reactions from people. Okay, yes, I can be brutally honest. Surely you can. Well, sure. Let's do ITP. You can not. give up, I know I honestly don't know who it is, it's not very good, the tone was pretty bad, to be honest they were bad, yeah, all the time, if I'm honest, it sounds really, really robotic, more like AI. That's terrible, it's Taylor Swift from her new album The Tortored Poets Department doesn't even sound like her, you seem surprised, yes, I've been waiting for this album, oh my god, really, yes, did her voice get hurt ?

No way, I'm a Swifty here, sorry, no offense to the

swift

s, but that worst thing he's ever released that I've personally heard with my ears, yeah, it sounds sick, it sounds like it's gone a little brittle or something like that. It might be some drinking, you know, maybe he's drinking too much, maybe smoking some weed, something I don't know, but it sounds like some mucus in there. I don't think it's up to her usual standard of quality, who she really is is Laura. Trump, Donald Trump's daughter-in-law, look, that makes a lot more sense, oh, okay, no wonder that sounds bad, no wonder that sounds, yeah, that would make sense, I'm sorry, Taylor, does that relieve you? know it wasn't her?

Yes, because Taylor, I love her. her, but that's not her, that's not my girl. Do you think she has a future in music? No she's not going to make it suck if you had to describe the song in three words what three words would you choose unhinged unnecessary unethical nily bad sad annoying basic? three mediocre words, try again it's POS, well sorry, whatever your politics, I think we can all agree that he has a terrible voice and now one more thing before we move on, it's Thursday night, it's time to whistle and blur the great television moments of the week.

It's time for some unnecessary censorship this week in Memphis, a man was arrested for allegedly trying to rob a store with a snake around it. You cannot prevent a defendant from becoming a witness for the judge's daughter. This is very simple. I'm trading with the smallest in US history my hooray is going to be those are not my words because I'm pretty sure I can't say that on TV tonight new video of two men ancient rock formations here on West. I have rarely seen this level of evil in my career and I, two Nazis, guarantee you 100% that I will be the best you have ever tasted, it is incredible and it also happens to me with some animals, particularly dogs, cats and horses.