Jim Bakker Bucket Taste Test

- Today we

taste

the apocalypse. - Let's talk about that. (alarm rings) (upbeat music) (fire crackling) Good morning mythical. - Today I am going to transform into a human chocolate fountain. - Why? Why not? - There's no reason not to do it. -But first, I can barely contain myself because what we're going to do involves two of my favorite things, food and the apocalypse. When we heard that televangelist Jim Bakker was selling apocalyptic food stored in

bucket

s, we knew we had to get one. - That's how we did it and now we will eat it and classify it.

It's time for, ♪ It's the end of the world as we know it ♪ ♪ And I've got

bucket

s ♪-Now you might remember Jim Bakker from the time when he and his wife Tammy Faye were asking people to give them money. do things like build a giant sacred theme park. -Yes.-Well, he went to prison for accounting fraud but now he's back and he's selling giant buckets of non-perishable apocalyptic food. This caught our attention because Vic Berger did some fun edits of Jim and his new wife selling the food, check it out. - Pour this with the rice. There it goes, we are throwing 22 gallons into the rice.

Here we go. - Wow. - In the rice. Oh my. (applause) But if the world is on fire, there will be no one there to put it out. - Wow. (laughing) - Wow. - Wow. I mean the music was added by Mr. Vic Berger. - Yes, I mean it's great to see them in their original form. -He's one of our editing heroes right now, shout out to him. I just want to say that we don't endorse Jim or his food, but we do want to eat it and rate it. - If we do it! - So, let's take a look at what we have here. - Let's see if you can lift this big cube, Link. (groans) Okay, now there are several types of Jim Bakker buckets, we have the Tasty Pantry bucket for $175.

Now you can see he doesn't have the Jim Bakker brand, but this is the brand he sells. We call it Jim Bakker's bucket, but he actually sells these farms. - Food storage. - Augason Estates. - Emergencies. - Okay, so this thing has 18 varieties of food, individually packaged, 283 servings, a total of 49,390 calories, a total of 28 pounds of food, a shelf life of 25 years, and you know what? There is a bonus of 60 servings of honey powder. - And when it's all done, you can fill it with your trash. Seriously, I think you can turn this into a bathroom. - I think I saw them announce that. - Well, obviously we are not going to eat all the foods sold in Jim Bakker's bucket, so we selected the ones that appealed to us the most and we will rank them according to this scale. - Yes, we already have 28 Diarrhea Later, Crapture, Lickin' My Apaco-lips, World War Z-licious and Armageddon-er!

Let's do it. (man yelling) - Okay, the cheese pizza comes in three packages, pizza dough or breadstick dough, that's what it's called. Pizza sauce, not much. And cheese topping. - That's all you need. - Add a little water and then put it in an oven to bake for 12 to 15 minutes at 425 degrees. - Yes, in case of an apocalypse, all you need is a fully functioning kitchen to bake this and this is what you get. - It says there are eight servings but there are six slices. - Well, I guess you could cut it a little smaller. - And you have to put yourself in an apocalyptic state of mind because it's like camping, everything

taste

s better. - Everything tastes better. (crew laughing) - Damn. - Take it.

Sink it. - I can tell you right now, in this normal environment where I can have access to any type of pizza I want. - Yes. - This is not stellar. - This makes Cici look like something from Master Chef. (crew laughing) - The dough is very. - Bread. - Dusty. - But I want to say that it lasts 25 years. The ingredients in this, - Inside your body? - Contributed to this. Yes, it stays in your stomach for 25 years. - I mean, it's not horrible. The sauce has a kind of pepperoni meat flavor. - The topping isn't horrible, the bread though, man.

That's apocalyptic bread. - It's not horrible. - I think we should put it in the middle, right? - Yes for now. Leave it right there at Lickin' My Apaco-Lips. Let's delve into the apocalypse. - Yes. (man shouting) Alright, now we have the creamy potato soup. This one is super simple. - Super? - Yes. - Simple. - You just take this and mix it with some boiling water and you get this creamy potato soup. - Check it out. - Now we found a clip of Jim trying this out himself, let's watch. - I want to eat some more of this if you're not careful. (serene music) It's so good, my God. (laughs) - So good you'll choke. (coughing) - Excuse me sir, what's the soup of the day?

Oh, it's (cough). - Nobody drowns like Jim Bakker, you know? Nobody chokes on soup. -You know what, I think that's not a beard or mustache, it's just him and the soup he's been licking for days and it's hardened. - It's just old soup. - Oh my God. It's lumpy, man. Model. Oh! (choking) - Oh my God! (Choking and laughing) You can induce yourself to choke on soup. -In the past, I would watch some Jim Bakker just for the entertainment value. - Oh yes, very entertaining. Again, I'm trying to place it on that apocalyptic food scale. It won't taste fresh because it isn't. - It tastes like rotten bread. - Although I see many ingredients.

Wow, I can't even begin to read them all. -A lot of preservatives and stuff? - There are several preservatives. - I don't think so, well I don't know, it's hard, is this better than pizza? - It's really a difficult decision, man. -The reason I don't think it's better than pizza is simply the consistency that makes me uncomfortable, you know? - You don't want to feel uncomfortable. - Well well. - That's not good for anyone. - Good. - Then put it on four, Crapture. - It also tastes bad, did I mention that? - It's not good and I would say three bites, I don't want to finish the plate. - Yes, it's getting worse. - But I say, you know what?

My life is not at risk currently. (man screaming) - Now before we try these black bean burgers, we found a clip from the Jim Bakker show where a guy in a Hawaiian shirt named Kevin sings a song about Bakker's cubes and the end of times to the tune by My Girl. -Yes.-In the first verse he says, I have hamburgers made of beans, they are never fried. I saw the chips and salsa, it keeps me warm inside. - Of course he does. - But it's the chorus that I want you to experience from Kevin. ♪ I guess you'd say ♪ ♪ Jim and Lori helped me get ready today ♪ ♪ For the end of time ♪ ♪ Oh, these end times ♪ ♪ The end of time ♪ - The end of time! (Link singing) Oh man, I love those people. - Oh my God. - Okay Link. - Those people.

Okay, so we have buns, which come separate from the black bean, but we're going to, oh God, that's solid, that's kind of heavy. - So these buns aren't actually part of the burger package, but they are part of the overall package. It's like wheat with honey, so we thought, why not make them into buns? - Smells good. The black bean burger doesn't smell bad either. Turn it into a song. ♪ The black bean burger doesn't smell bad either ♪ - Yeah, we'll call Kevin right after this. - End of times! - Kevin, me and our shirts, we'll get along well. - Wait, you're adding ketchup, there's no ketchup in Jim Bakker's bucket. - Yeah, but there's a lot of ketchup in the apocalypse, I mean, that's one of the few things, I mean, think about it, there are whole shelves, you walk in there. - I won't eat anything that isn't in the bucket.

I don't know where that ketchup was in the apocalypse, it might have something mixed in. - No, this is one I found in like an old Walmart, it was sealed. I had to kill someone to get it. But after I murdered an entire family to get this ketchup. - Wow. - I'm going to put it on my damn burger. - End of times! (Rhett singing) Okay, I'm not one because I'm an apocalyptic purist. - Purist apocalypse. - Take it. - Yes I respect that, oh I did it the other way around. - Hit him hard, okay?

Beat him! - You're going to break it. - This is the apocalypse, man, everything is more aggressive. - That's not bad, man. - Wow, that's dry, it needs ketchup, wow! - Yes, that's a good way to do it. - That is better. - This is how everyone chews in the apocalypse. - Oh God. You have to nod your head to lower it. - It's not bad at all. - It's so thick, I mean, everything I'm sending down the elevator is building up, I can feel it. We are so low in the ranking. - Just eat the burger alone. - Well. - I mean, that's a standard black bean burger, in my opinion, I'm not talking about something I buy at a restaurant, but something you get frozen.

Put it up there, oh, put it at number one, something like one, two, one, two. - Yes, a little bit there in the middle. - Okay, black bean burger, taking the lead. (man screaming) - Who are we kidding? This is all just camping food with lots of preservatives. I mean, there are plenty of these cubes you can buy at REI and everywhere else. Even this one isn't certified by Jim Bakker, he just has a deal with them to get it on their show, you know? - But I think the difference is that there are more preservatives, it can last longer and it comes conveniently divided into cubes.

Will you go camping with this cube? Will you be the idiot with the bucket? No, don't be the bucket jerk. - Simmer for 15 minutes, let sit for two to three minutes, turn down. - Now I'm a little excited about this one. - There is some promise. - I'm taking a big bite. - Oh God. It tastes like dog food. (crew laughing) You know, Gravy Train, when you dip dog food? This is absolutely fucking, astonishingly, shockingly, tremendously horrible. I can't even, it tastes like dog food. - How do they achieve it? Are we sure this is not dog food? - We are sure. - Because the dog will also have to survive the apocalypse. - The dog has to eat.

Give this to your dog in the apocalypse, if he eats it. You know, oh God, I mean, I'm in shock. I mean, as bad as it is. (man screaming) - Who says you can't eat some pudding in the apocalypse? - Yes. - No Jim Bakker. - Now I'm afraid that this might petrify my stomach for posterity, you know? - I don't understand what you mean by that. - Like my stomach feels rock hard right now, like it's petrifying. - I think it is still a food product. Now, this one again, you just mix it with water, but you have to mix it with cold water and then chill it.

So you have to find some way to cool it down and that might be: Are you coming in yet? - Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm thinking, how can you go wrong with pudding? It's just pudding but then I tried it. This is the worst pudding I have ever had in my life. - They were wrong. - It is very bad. - They made a mistake with the pudding. We were wrong about the pudding, that could be the new slogan. We even made a mistake with the pudding. - I mean, how do you do that? - End of times! - All the pudding you buy, that is, you can just as easily buy boxed pudding powder.

It won't last 35 years. - Is that the point, is that gelatin pudding you just got doesn't last 25 years? - It shouldn't be like that. - I'd be willing to take a chance on a 25-year-old jello pudding before eating it again. - I mean. - It is not worse than stroganoff but expectations with pudding are very high. - I know, I was excited, that's why I couldn't wait to eat it. It tastes like sawdust. - Maybe that's what you need, maybe you need sawdust lately. - Yes, I'll just build you a small house. - So okay, I feel like the balance is shifting, right?

It is this? Is this what we are saying? - I think that's all. This stroganoff is the low end of unpleasant, the pudding is doing its best and then you have things that, hey, might make you happy. You know, I'd rather eat these three things than a relative. - Right, that's true. - But not these two. - There you have it, Bakker's definitive ranking of the best apocalypse bucket food. None of this is really great, but when the apocalypse hits, at least you'll know what food to stock up on. - And you know what, the world hasn't ended yet and neither has this episode.

Keep watching to see me turn into a human chocolate fountain. - Dear mythical beasts from the land of Australia, we will come to see you in July. Get tickets and details on the VIP package at tourofmythicality.com.