Ivanka & Jared: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

the white house, the building inside which donald trump and i feel this is not mentioned enough, is regularly naked and just think he could be naked in there right now, maybe he just sneezed, maybe he has a band aid somewhere part of your person. I don't know, we just know he's there and we all have to live with that, but while Trump himself is a device, if there are two White House figures who are widely admired, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump, they're like William and Kate from the United States, except in this case, they are both attractive and many people have praised them, the only adults in the room, the moderates, the centrists, frankly, the Democrats are Jared and Ivanka, you know, thank God, Their children are or you know their day to day life, they are positive. influence on him, his best running mate would be Ivanka.

I don't know if I've ever met a more composed, brilliant, and beautiful person in every way. Well, that's high praise from Senator Bob Corker. I have never met a more brilliant and beautiful person. I imagine that went very well with his wife and his two daughters, happy Father's Day, dad, did Ivanka send you anything? But for liberals, the popular assumption is that Jared and Ivanka will be moderating influences — basically, if Trump is thinking about pressing a button labeled nuclear earth, they will do it. on behalf of all of us, he guides your hands to the button labeled "Hey, maybe don't do it" and they both have official duties.

Now Ivanka has recently taken on an unpaid position as assistant to the president, and as for Jared, well, he basically seems to have something to do with it. everything he's been planning this

week

the Chinese president's visit tomorrow logo and is also tasked with negotiating peace in the Middle East the president turns to his son-in-law to reform the criminal justice system not to mention he runs the new innovation office American where he is responsible for reforming veterans care, addressing the opioid epidemic, and overseeing the not-so-small feat of revamping the entire federal government, it is not unusual for powerful men to give their sons-in-law jobs that do nothing but are They leave it to Donald.

Trump, who can't even get nepotism right to give him the task of doing everything, so given the power they seem to have

tonight

, let's take a look at Jared and Ivanka and leave aside the question of potential conflicts of interest between his business ties and his positions in the administration, let's instead focus on answering just two basic questions: whether the guy really has the moderating influence that people claim, and what in Jared's background justifies such a gigantic portfolio of the White House and let's start with Ivanka Trump's only daughter, except and yet somehow including Tiffani now, if the vodka is reassuringly familiar because she has been part of the Trump brand since she was a child, she even co-hosted the Miss pageant Trump's Teen USA at age 15 featuring this not-too-strange moment, let's go back thanks Eddie, um, I can't.

I guarantee you my brothers loved the stuff and if you're there single, oh yeah, why did they make him say yes? Andy, my blood relatives are rock hard right now, you heard me, the men I share parents with probably have erect penises right now. moment but but in the public drama of the Trump family, Ivanka has been cast as the calm, reasonable person who expresses a dynamic that is perhaps best exemplified in this moment: What is the favorite thing you have in common with your father, already? Be it real estate or golf? Donald with your daughter, well I was going to say sex, but I can't explain what's wrong with you, you colossal idiot, you found the only possible wrong answer to that question, what is your favorite color?

Hitler, that clip, that clip actually illustrates a lot of what we like. Ivanka she is the exact opposite of her dad he is crazy she is calm and measured and she is impressively communicated at all times just think about the little information she gave you in that exchange they asked her what you have in common with your dad and she said goods roots and golf those aren't personal details, they're core components of the Trump brand that any outsider would associate with him if you asked Huey Dewey and Louie what they had in common with their Uncle Donald and they told you either feathers or no pants. you'd think, wow, the duck family doesn't really spend much quality time together and that ability to seemingly say nothing and still constantly support their father can apply to their political views as well, because the assumption many of us have That she doesn't agree with him is actually based on a lot of things, just look at her response when asked what specifically they don't agree with, my dad agrees with me on a lot of issues and when he doesn't know it, he knows. what my position is, but it's never a situation of something you don't agree with. with him on and that you think talking to him made him change his position or soften his position.

I think most of the impact I have over time most people won't know, well that's convenient so we should give credit when good things happen and then blame others when bad things happen that's not a job description of a political consultant, is a description of an Old Testament God and that answer allows you to project whatever you want onto it based on rumors and second-hand assumptions which is exactly what Gayle King and her co-hosts did in what they They differ in average use I think she's not going to share that information with me anyway, she's not going to share it with me that's between her and her dad, but what do you think?

I think about climate change I certainly think about gay rights. I think some of the immigration ban that Parenthood and certainly Planned Parenthood oh yeah yeah certainly Planned Parenthood too why not and you know, all those things feel true, but there's not a lot of evidence, you know, it's the same way I assume that Johnny Depp's penis also has its own miniature hat and goatee. I don't have any concrete evidence that that's actually the case, but come on, probably and when you look at what the Trump administration has been doing, it's hard to see much of Ivanka's influence there going to Planned Parenthood, which certainly gives her matters a lot,

last

week

Donald Trump allowed states to block it or maybe take on climate change.

Ivanka allegedly brought Al Gore to Trump. Tower, but unfortunately just three days later, Trunk appointed Scott Pruett from the list of climate change deniers to head the EPA and maybe that's an example of Ivanka's moderating influence, maybe Trump's initial choice was a type who strangled a dolphin with a six-pack, though only out of interest. Let's look at an issue that Ivanka was very outspoken about

last

year at the RNC, she mentioned family leave and child care and when the Trump campaign released their plan for that, she sold it hard, we think we've proposed something that is incredibly complete. very innovative it is a bold and novel solution there is no policy on Hillary Clinton's website related to any of these issues.

I'd go for elder care or maternity or paternity leave, except none of that was even remotely true first, of course, Hillary's site had pages about That's why it seems that when it comes to lying about easily observable facts , Apple isn't too far from orange unless we take a look at that comprehensive, bold, new Trump child care proposal because, according to the Tax Policy Center, very few of its benefits disappeared. to the lowest income families, in fact, families with incomes between $10 and $30,000 would receive average benefits of only $10 a year and the only daycare that costs $10 is a lock, okay, mom goes to work and Mrs. . master lock will keep you in your room for the next eight hours thank you Ivanka you are the best and look look you might still like Ivanka it's okay she may be attractive and frankly it's no coincidence that she was trained in the Trump art.

The brand should be as vague and pleasant as possible so that everyone can plausibly think that she shares their values, whether that's true or not, and if it seems like a harsh thing to say about her, I'll point out that she's basically shared that message. in one of his books perception is more important than reality whether someone perceives something to be true is more important than whether it is in fact true this doesn't mean you should be deceptive or deceptive, but don't go out of your way to correct a false assumption, yes. plays in your favor, she's telling you to your face not to trust any assumptions you're making about her, so she may not be doing anything to moderate her father and I understand there's an impulse not to.

You don't want to think about that in the same way that you don't want to think about the fact that it's also possible that right now in the White House your father is bowling naked, maybe he's wearing bowling shoes, maybe he's forcing Mike Pence to play alongside him. We don't know, we just have to deal with the fact that it's possible, but the truth is we may all be thinking that if the guy is doing a lot more than he actually does, although the same emphatically cannot be said for his husband. . Jared Kushner, the man he remembers, is responsible for, among other things, repairing the Middle East, something his father-in-law actually has a lot of faith in.

I have a feeling Jared is going to do a great job. I have a feeling he's going to do a great job. job, he's so great if peace can't be brought about in the Middle East, no one can, then no one can Oh, or I'm wrong and future history books will say and peace was finally brought to the Middle East by a sentient mannequin of Kohl once read I wrote a book, but Jarrod actually has even more responsibility; He has also reportedly been the main point of contact for two dozen different countries and if you look at photos of Trump's meetings it's like Where's Waldo?

It's in all of them when Trump met with congressional leaders there. he was in a listening session with business leaders there he was and in a meeting about cybersecurity there he was he was in a meeting with a Saudi prince there's Jerrod, the Japanese prime minister boom, it's Jay doc The Chinese president is visiting, you have to Kushner in the house discussing airstrikes in Syria, where's the cush? where is the cush? There it is, basically, Jarrod is either being invited to every important meeting or he died in the White House in the late 19th century and it's been haunting him since Jarrod's portfolio would be unmanageable for the smartest man in the world. so he is Jared Kushner, the smartest man in the world, we already know that he is the best, he can really rock a pair of sunglasses, but what happens behind them?

This guy can be calm but confident and as he was described to me, he is a visionary if you have meetings with Jared Kushner Jared listens he doesn't talk much he absorbs it I see Jared as the Alexander Hamilton of the new administration he is super thoughtful if he is a listener three times 0.5% conversational stops being brilliant because he's quiet just because you're not talking doesn't necessarily mean you're thinking about something amazing, it can just mean you're sitting in a meeting staring at people's moving lips thinking about why baby cats They're not called cats or if all goldfish might have peanut allergies, but since they never eat peanuts we'll never know and that whole 0.5% talkative thing points to something really strange about Jared, because for someone with the amount of power he has.

Did you ever hear him be serious? What does his voice sound like? Know? You look? It wasn't easy, but we managed to find an interview of him speaking on TV in 2009 and here it is. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, wait, you just took that clip and threw in Gilbert Godfried, but you don't know for sure if you hear it again in the newspaper, the website, and the online media companies, you don't know for sure that that's not his real voice and that's the real point, so in the absence of spoken thoughts from Jared, we've had to rely on secondhand evidence of his brilliance and the first thing many people cite is his education.

Jared is a great young man who went to Harvard. very smart, he went to Harvard Jared is a very easy guy number one at Harvard, he is incredibly smart, yes, but that's not really evidence of anything. Unabomber went to Harvard. Ted Cruz went to Harvard and yes, a lot of smart people went there too, they will say that. you about it, but it's worth noting that officials at Jared's high school were reportedly dismayed that he got in because, as one said, his GPA didn't justify it, his SAT scores didn't justify it, so who He knows how he did it.

I'm sure he has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his father got two and a half million dollars for the school shortly before he was admitted, and I'm certainly not saying it's a textbook case of the admission payment. I'll leave it. to the textbook the price of admission in which that story actually appears but the point how Jared enteredafter graduating he took over his father's real estate business after his father Charlie was sent to prison and I don't have time to go into why he left I'm just saying it involves blackmailing his brother-in-law, a sex worker and a hidden camera in an alarm clock in a shitty motel on route 22 called the red bull, the red bullet, the whole story, I promise you it's amazing, believe me, it's worth it.

You're going to need to turn off safe search on Google, but how well has Jerrod managed the family business? He caused a stir when he bought 666 5th Avenue for a record $1.8 billion in 2007, but that deal hasn't been a huge success. The whole deal was a miscalculation, they paid too much at the time he bought at most high of the market, so the market changed 10 years later, the building is struggling to cover its debt payments, okay, so the convenience purchase made a splash, but it turned out to be more of the kind of splash your phone makes when he falls into the toilet now that the building is obviously not Jared's record in business, he also owned the New York Observer, which even the paper's staff found a little strange given that several people described him as a lukewarm reader. with little use of newspapers and much less of books.

He also recently spearheaded a development in Brooklyn called Dumbo Heights and one of his partners praised his involvement there by saying his mind is very red. I think the simplicity allows you to filter out some things that could be a compliment or a wild insult and to give you an idea of ​​what Jared's vision for Dumbo Heights is. I'd like you to see a video he shows at a real estate conference that is the most infuriating combination of meaningless technological nonsense and footage of models pretending to do business that he has ever seen. Dumbo Heights, a dynamic space mechanically designed for optimal performance and unparalleled connectivity, this campus is the setting for the next generation of innovators and creators change is forged on this campus in the fire of great thinkers and visionaries a community built for collaboration when innovation is cultivated the world rises before me I don't know it's hard to choose it's hard to choose but I think my favorite phrase is bragging that development is mechanically designed because what are the other options there?

How many office buildings exist naturally or are created with a wish on a genie lamp? And if you're starting to worry that Jared's business background may not qualify you for his current jobs. I should point out another notable item on his resume: the 2016 election, a few weeks after it ended. Forbes published a cover story titled "This Guy Got Trump Elected," which sounds impressive and features quotes from Jared like we're playing Moneyball wondering which states will get the best ROI for electoral votes, which is a sentence. which can only be forged in the clear mind of The Wizard of Dumbo Heights, but to be fair, the article gives some examples of what specific technical expertise Jared may have brought to the operation, they used targets and found a way to keep people in Facebook and Twitter and they evolved into this secret data center of 100 people in San Antonio and they had data to do whatever their agenda dictated. his rallies even when he spoke at the rally, so what did you talk about at the rallies?

The data really determined what Trump talked about at his rallies. Look, I don't doubt there were a hundred people in a basement somewhere spending money on ROI. but I would love to see the data that recommended this. I love these boards. Look, there is visible beauty here. I just love the graphics. I loved them and I always said, "You know it's really hard, man, you can review." You have to get guys because there is too much money." I don't like spending money, this is a cheap version of a screen, okay, just as good, you need good strong hands, so look, you are ready, so there it is, thanks Jared, you really mechanically engineered that one, you know what Trump won the election and I wasn't there so who knows, maybe Jared is solely responsible for the entire victory, but that still doesn't mean he has the specific knowledge to address government reform or the Middle East or the opioid epidemic.

Can someone reassure me? For me, this is fine. Jared is incredibly smart, very talented, has enormous ability, is humble in acknowledging what he doesn't know, and is tremendously confident in your ability to seek informed views. No, no, no, you, now I know your game. not to you and also to that point that will seek informed views which will be more difficult as there are still hundreds of key positions throughout the government. Trump has yet to name nominees for the summer agencies critical to Jerry's assignments, including the Department of Transportation, the DEA and Va va, it's a shame the trunk can't name someone to nominate people on his behalf, although even so I'm pretty sure he gave that job to Jerrod Kushner and yet the truth is that for many people the main thing to rate Jared. their positions are not so much who he is but who he isn't so many questions I have about Jared Ivanka and his qualifications, they are much more qualified than people like Steve Ban and I like that everyone would rather have them instead of Mr.

Ban and he is involved in the decisions It's him, James Baker, no, it's not James Baker, the answer is no, but it's Steve Danon, no, it's not Steve Bannon, okay, that's true, Jared Kushner is not Steve Bannon, but that's a low bar. , that recommendation would not give you anything. In another job, we shouldn't get excited about a top White House advisor simply because he's preferable to a man who best describes every dark thought humanity has ever had, inhabiting the long-dead corpse of a plantation owner. the civil war era, which even his fellow plantation owners called a little too much, there has to be a third option here and even some people who know Jared and like him have some serious questions.

I know Jared Krishna broccoli lived in my building there, no lovely young people. Does this person have any qualifications? Lovely guy, safe level. -head yes, he is temperamental. I have seen it compared to the present. I understood. Having said what this guy has done in his life. Just listen to what he just said. The charming young man seems sensible. What he did. It's not a good omen. The neighbors describe him as if he was just arrested for murdering 11 people and look, in the end this isn't even Jared's fault, it's the fault of the guy who appointed him because think about it this way, imagine if someone other than Donald Trump was president and hold that.

I thought it was nice, in fact, in Manton, imagine this stock photo guy was in office, this guy said, Hey everyone, I'm going to fix the Middle East and opioids and the whole government in general, and I found to the perfect person to do it. It's this disgusting Alice, creepily silent 36-year-old heiress to a real estate fortune, what does everyone think you'd be justifiably upset about? And I know this may all seem like an evisceration of both Jared and Ivanka, but it really isn't. I don't know enough about them to gut them, just as you don't know enough about them to justify putting real hopes in them because it's dangerous to think of them as a moderating influence, as reassuring as that may seem, because believe me and No.

I'm happy to say this, if they're the reason you're sleeping at night, you should probably still be awake and if you need help doing so, just remember that Donald Trump may be airing his balls in the Lincoln Bedroom, sweet dreams.