Im Leben verirrt | SWR Nachtcafé

He suddenly knew he was going down the wrong path. You said it was a long process. For you there were some clicks, but it was also a process. What was that like for you? When and how did you realize that maybe that wasn't my path after all, that it was the wrong path? I've already realized: what I'm doing here is not healthy. But I put it aside. It was present in my subconscious, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. My mom tried to help me. Maybe she was too close to me. Other friends were too far away.

Somehow, after a while, about a year passed, that was around 2013, 2014, when I had just done anabolic steroids, a few years ago, a friend I've known since kindergarten came to visit me in Los Angeles. And she was scared. She said that she saw me in photos, she knew that I had 20 kilos more muscle mass and that she had black extensions and breast implants and everything. But she said she was even more surprised live. Not only visually, but also personally. She said, "You're not the Anja I've known for so long." She now she gives me goosebumps again when I say her phrase.

Somehow she was in the right place and she managed to bring the mirror closer to me. So everything came from my subconscious. And then I drove to my apartment in Los Angeles and threw out all the drugs, as I call them, all the anabolic steroids, and I told him, I'm done with this. That was the first of three attempts because I was addicted to anabolic steroids, to exercise, to an extreme diet. But if. I only managed it after three attempts. I was in this bodybuilding environment. I was at Gold's Gym, the bodybuilding mecca. I knew everyone there.

We were like a family. So my story has many parallels; They are all different, but I hear parallels. I wrote to my coach telling him that I wouldn't come to train again. After two weeks, I got down on my knees like a baby and said, "Please train with me again, I'm getting fat." I thought that if I stopped taking these pills I would be useless again. And I remember having those panic attacks. If I didn't spend the night at home, went on a weekend trip, and didn't take my stuff with me, I was terrified of losing my muscles.

Totally psychologically crazy. Anyway... The third attempt was me traveling back to Switzerland and moving back in with my parents; I was 22 or 23 years old. That's the only way I made it. I had to go back to... having a family table. I had to learn again to eat at the table with the family and to stop weighing grains of rice. Back then, if I ate too many grams of rice, I would sometimes stick my finger behind it. It was a combination of all kinds of disorders. And I'm also glad that my parents were absolutely against it... But they still had to let me do it.

They had no choice. But then they were there and they caught me. I remember waiting for my mom on the couch at home. She came home and I said through tears, "Mom, you were right." And they helped me. They supported me. I also did some type of therapy... with a naturopath. I consciously didn't want to be admitted to a, I would say, "traditional" psychiatrist because I was afraid. I swallowed so many chemicals that I was afraid they would give me pills again to combat the pill addiction. That's why kinesiology, talking a lot, and homeopathy were right for me.

This path was right for me. Do we see that sometimes it is just one step? A step from criticism of the food industry to conspiracies. A step from good body-conscious training and more self-care to anabolic steroids. That these are transitions? Smooth transitions, but with her we saw again what applies to all of us. That there are basic requirements to get off the wrong path. I see in your case the following basic requirements: The saying applies: "Everyone is blinder to himself." You are a prisoner of yourself. Their friend was not their mother or someone very close to them or who was far away.

Your friend mirrored you. This is very important. We have to reflect the people. And not in a confrontational way, but in a very... friendly way, yes. Second: people need two things. No one would allow their freedom to be taken away. We need freedom and autonomy. At the same time something like security, love, appreciation. This was given to you. And in this... in this dichotomy - safety - home - love and freedom at the same time - that you still see, I can still breathe, I am accepted. So there was a chance that she could change. And then you got professional help. "Everyone is blinder to himself", did I understand it correctly? - Correct.

This means that you don't always see your path exactly. However, here we have people who have found a way out of their wrong paths. Many don't find out. For many it means a burden for life. Should it then be one of our goals to keep the number of errors (even if it is said that we all have them in life) as low as possible? - No... Although we are the most blind to ourselves? I think there are as many wrong paths as there are people. Thesis. Because everyone, if they are very critical, sees these wrong paths.

But what we also learn is that many times we cannot get out of this situation on our own. I need some external impulses to reflect back to me. Or your push with Pegida: my value system. I think we should be careful not to come too often: that's the point. That's right, but life... I say life is about choices. And not all the decisions I make are correct. When I surround myself with people who encourage me, it's harder to get out. - We also want trust. I wouldn't wish what I experienced on anyone. I don't want to experience that again.

But in some ways I'm glad I experienced it. Because I have progressed a lot thanks to it. I don't know if I would be where I am today if I hadn't experienced that. You are also a mother today. - Exactly. How old is your daughter now? My daughter is now eight months old. She is at the hotel with the babysitter, the mother-in-law. I mean, where are you today? Pregnancy also leaves its mark. How do you treat your body today? That's just a good point. During pregnancy you also gain weight, your body changes, your breasts change. I think thanks to my past I was able to... should I say "take it well"?

That is poorly expressed. For me, pregnancy was one of the most beautiful things I could experience. Of course, it's also exhausting, but I found the physical changes I experienced back then beautiful because I knew my body was a miracle. We have to thank the body for what it does every day. Whether during pregnancy or not, and that is the message I would like to give to people today, also through social media, but in a different sphere. - What message exactly? My focus today is no longer fitness plans and nutrition plans like they used to be. My central theme today is self-love, self-acceptance and self-discovery.

I wrote a book about it called: "Be Happy, Not Perfect." I hope this story can be a guide for others. So they don't sneak in there. And above all, tell women: "Stop reducing yourself to your body or your weight and being so hard on yourself." "Be grateful to your body. It's doing amazing things." And... And today you would say: Why do you let yourself go, why don't you set so many goals, why don't you look at yourself so closely, are you doing well? I'm very well. Sometimes I'm a little stressed. It's all new to me, but... no, I'm in a happy relationship.

I am grateful to be healthy. Anabolic steroids etc. could have worked. Otherwise, it wasn't always clear whether she could still be a mother. Maybe that's something parents should take lightly, when kids start to be extreme in this regard: Maybe they'll listen. arrive a little earlier, you can prevent bad and unhealthy things from happening. Thanks to our group (Applause). See you in a week. Then with the topic: “The daily dose – when addiction dominates your life.” See you next friday. In your night coffee. Thank you so much. (Dynamic music) SWR 2020