I went robot hunting with a bow and arrow

Grass is like the pubic hair of planet Earth. I am dressed in dirt pubes. Hello, my name is Simone, welcome to my new program. I have been a vegetarian since I was eight years old. It took me three seconds to tell you that I've made a lot of questionable decisions in my life, like tattooing my Chinese name when I was 16 or cutting a bowl for myself. I lost my virginity with that haircut. That might be the greatest achievement of my life. Something awesome. Like: Wow, I salute you, too old Simone. You cut that bowl and walk the streets.

I didn't lose my virginity on the streets. So in light of that, becoming a vegetarian might be one of the best decisions I made in life. But: plot twist! I'm not here to preach vegetarianism. I want to become a hunter. Every year, millions of Americans go

hunting

, and I want to understand what so many people get out of it. I just don't want to have to kill any animals. But

robot

s... I don't mind killing some

robot

s. But before I get into big game

hunting

(and I'm an irresponsible robot hunter), I start with fishing. no, no, no, no, no, YES!

They are still hunted, but people don't feel as bad about the fish because they are ugly. Sorry fish. Everyone knows that fishing is the gateway drug to hunting. I turn to a company called Open ROV and they have an underwater drone. And I want to try to get that drone out of the water. This is me casting fish for my fish. Is that the plural of fish? I'm like a talent scout for fish right now. Is this really the right place? You all are with me if this is how I die. I'm still alive, don't worry.

That's forward and backward. And this is like flying an airplane. So to go down, push the stick forward. Some of the best drivers are under 10 years old. I hate it when kids are better than me at those things. This will be the perfect underwater prey. I'm going to beat the shit out of you! *maximum effort* (Bam) Let's go do some ROV fishing. I think you've done it again. Is this how all fishing rods work? Because it sucks. I will design my own fishing rod. Wait. I don't feel it. I have it! It's so heavy! I feel like this is still not real enough.

When people talk about fishing, they talk about the experience of nature and calm. I think we should take this to a real lake. I haven't gotten up this early since I was born. Let's go fishing a little. We just explored the best po-oh, it has bugs! They're diving deeper into Oh Shit. Yes, this is the life of a fisherwoman. Cow poop, full of insects and that tears your pants. I just need to fix my pants. This is what they call a fashion emergency. Oh! This one is... I just bring this little flap up the back of her and it really accentuates her waist and hips.

Enough fashion. Now it's time to fish! I have some seaweed in my pocket. Just dip it a little. I just learned what a jockstrap is. It's like a sports bra but for your penis. You learn something new every day. What is fish called? Come here, little fish! Why doesn't anything happen? I'm watching! No no no no no! Yeah! Ohhh I got it! Hey. Nooo. I broke it. Hurrah. It's like he's alive, how do I kill him? No, I actually turned off the lights. Oh yeah, I don't know, I really don't know what to do with it if I'm going to get up at 4:30 a.m. and wear rubber pants.

I need a bigger reward than this, at least something I can eat. Yes. Fishing the drone was a bit disappointing. And I'm not just saying that because I broke the rod and ripped my pants that I need to make some things that I can roam the forest and that I can track and that I can kill and that I can finally eat, this is what I want to build with the help of the maker of Mark Anderson models. He's worked on movies like Jurassic World and Star Wars, so I think he can handle this project. I just want to make a being that I can eat.

It's like covered in food. My plan is to get some kind of deer and then just put a patch of tofu on it. So we're going to have to have some kind of motorized base for this. A good starting point would be to use mobility chairs, like power wheelchairs and the like. Then Mark will work at the remote control base and in the meantime I need to learn how to hunt because I'm a damn fisherman. Ha! No. I have it... I have it. I got it, I got it, I got it. Well. And I think I found the perfect woman to teach me.

Jen Cordero was a vegetarian for ten years. But then she said no and she became a hunter. She is also a certified archery instructor and just reading about her makes me a little terrified. Then how? How long does it usually take to go out hunting and with a compound bow? I mean, it depends on personal skill level, but essentially you're trying to learn six months or a year of training in three hours. I like everything unstable. Good. You're shooting a gun. It's serious. Perfect and when you're ready, release the

arrow

. How did you feel on your first shot?

Going from vegetarian to hunter is not something you do every day. How did you become a hunter? I think initially people think it's a big change and transformation. I really don't think it's that I don't want my life to contribute to a huge carbon footprint. We grow our own food, but we also hunt in our local mountains. What was it like the first time you killed an animal? What were the emotions you were going through? It's like this rush of emotions between feeling responsible and a sense of duty and ethics. But then it's also like you worked your ass off for what you just did and there's a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Know? It must be emotional. It's a strange navigation of emotions when you take the life out of something. Perfect, I'm also conflicted with my feelings around that, but at the same time I think it's much better to do that and you really know what the process of killing an animal is. es and I like to go to the supermarket and buy meat. That was pretty much a shot on target. I was thinking that I need as much help as possible to get things right. And I thought it would be easier to get things right that I don't really like.

I brought some airplane food. I bought a pickle. I never received it. I brought a surprise. Point where you say: I think everything will be clear for your uterus today. It's like, "Don't fuck with you, girl." Here's some surprise gore first. Let's try some menstrual blood. I have it at the tip, only that is the death point for pickles. Let's get away from my goal. I throw something at him. No, yes, all animals are now airplane food. I hate you with all my being. This was like a good release, it's our amazing cheese and you don't have to hunt to be an archer.

I only know. I'm just hunting for pickles, period, but I have so many conflicting emotions inside a sausage. I remember checking his Instagram before, which is like so many pictures of him with dead animals, just oh. But when you meet her, everything is very well thought out. I mean it's the same if you meet someone who has very different political or religious beliefs than you. You should really have this reluctance about it. It's like arriving at this prejudice or this lake. This is what I want, I want to think that killing animals is wrong. No No, we'll see how it feels when it's actually out in the field and I'm hunting a robot.

This is Cody the coyote. She is our human resources department. Okay, let's go back to building the robot I'm using. Plastic deer as a base because I'm not going to get into taxidermy anytime soon. First of all, I want to make the head move and I'm using some old wiper motors. I want a budget and I spent most of that budget on tofu, so? Junkyard wiper motors, so I'm just trying to power the head so we have a wiper motor coming out of here. And this is one of the biggest pains of my life in converting that circular motion into linear or any other form. of movement.

It's never easier. Fortunately I have friends who can help and for friends. I mean Adam Savage from Mythbusters Yeah, I think I might need a longer bolt on the side too because a bungee cord like that It's not like a crazy sound, it makes me yeah, I think so. Dude, yeah, why does it stop? Oh yeah. It is clear that you are right. I think we need a longer bolt on the bungee cord now. Can you say that clearly again? You're right, I think I'm going to do something I've never done before: just cut off animal legs.

Mark modified the wiper motors to drive all four legs simultaneously, there is one side done. This will allow the deer to gallop exactly like a real one. You probably won't even be able to tell the difference? That was like, oh, it'll be like a deer's uncanny valley. This is nothing you can't pass up. This is me, far from simulating hunting as closely as possible. I am cutting out a kill zone that is about the same size as it would be on a real deer. I don't think this is a kill zone on a normal deer, but this is where it is.

Maybe we have like a bladder of something like full of sauce, please. I have these warm water bottles that I'm going to fill with hot sauce. Mark just finished outfitting the mobility cart with all-terrain tires so the deer can roam the woods. Put the tofu on the deer. maybe if we use walkers and really big screws that might be enough to hold him up. He looks like an old person who spent two weeks in the bathtub. This is what we are covering all the patches. I'm going to try to wrap them. Use it and see how it works.

Whether you are using materials and ways they are not supposed to be used, there is no one you can ask. There is no tofu shop. Where you may ask: how do I attach this to a plastic animal decoy? Nobody knows You just have to figure it out the best you can Low Frankie What do you think Cody? It really looked like he wrapped things in something that just didn't blend in with the rest of the venison. I'm only going to get food like tofu, and the elders will skin it and only use the backup tofu. It just looks better.

I think this is the worthy opponent. He looks like he wants to die, so that's a good thing. I think this might be the only hunting experience in my entire life, so I'm going to savor it. This thing is hot. I'm hot, I mean, huh. This is much better. This is Darrell, he's a daredevil. He has tofu. He has hot sauce which is carrot. He is like a self-releasing peptide. I'm ready for you Are you ready for me? So Jen taught me that to hunt an animal I need to think like an animal but I'm going to hunt a robot so I guess I need to think like a robot.

I hope my combined skills are good enough for this challenge. So what are we doing? looking for poop looking for poop? Well? That's the game I can play. How does it look? It's brown *laughs* It's definitely deer poop. Oh, you, no, what is this I have to do? Nooooooooo There you have it. Okay, does it feel light or heavy? Light. Does it crack your fingers? Yes, it's old. It is very difficult. Oh boy, he's so old, he's liberating, welcome to the outdoors, oh, I don't know if he's liberating, but he's something. Looking for poop! I feel so fucking ready Darrell, I'm coming for you.

This is the most threatening hand gesture I can think of So what we have here is a very fresh Darryl poop, they have about 20% charge... their batteries guys it's a joke Because it runs, it's electric * *Tense music** Where is it? Ugggh I think it was a lizard Where's Darryl? Darryl is playing the waiting game. I mean he's a robot, so he wins that game. I can see. He's like in this field. My friend run over. He will be able to see me and try to escape. Fuck! He is having difficulty with the terrain. In order to shoot him, he has to stand a little still.

Noooo :( Although that's not how an ethical hunter would do it, I can see he's struggling with the terrain, so what if I use logs to my advantage? Got it. No, I missed the kill zone. Damn. This It feels twisted. Third shot. Yeah! I think I got it. I'm really scared and excited. This feels so bad to shoot him and miss the kill zone. but it felt like I had squeezed pus out of a cyst And I put it on a piece of tofu and ate it The hunt was exciting, the snacks are disappointing Although I was hunting a robot My perspective on hunting has changed As if hunting is not. the ideal.

You're still killing a creature, but also like nothing is ideal. Being a vegetarian isn't either. Especially not like a supermarket vegetarian like me. See? I'll probably still pass it, but really? I appreciate the conversation. I am receiving all the sounds from my mouth. When I was a kid, I climbed onto my sister's desk and pulled a book from her open bookshelf. and I shit on it. I don't remember any of this, but my parents told me about it. That's because you're listening.