I was sex trafficked by GirlsDoPorn Pt.1 || Consider Before Consuming Podcast

Long story short, that's when it all started, from 9:00 p.m. m. until four in the morning, they raped me, took breaks and told me I had to reshoot scenes, I tried to run naked from the hotel room at one point, I was physically pushed back and there was someone outside the door, not even I even got to the door, I said you, I'm not doing anything else right and they said, "Oh, then we'll put everything we have on the Internet." Now with your full name or we will send it to your parents. Do you want them to know? first of all we want to say thank you for being with us today thank you for inviting me this is an important conversation for many reasons one of them being that people think that sex trafficking and pornography are separate industries and your experience sheds light on the connections between pornography and sex trafficking, he never agreed to make pornography, but his abuse was published online under my full name on major Internet sites and, although the pornography production company girls who make pornography were eventually shut down and convicted for sex trafficking.

They were not controlled for approximately 11 years. They also claimed to be ethical as an ethical porn company for those 11 years, but we'll get into those details more first. What I want before we go back in time is to know how you're doing because of the way we want to present Cody, this is Cody, to the audience. We have a little mic set up for Cozy when you walked in and I saw Cody immediately on my I thought we should have put a mic in he was too cute not to so I literally put a mic in there because I think he's pretty adorable super cute but coming back back, how are you?

It's been an emotional roller coaster. I was

trafficked

six and a half years ago. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's been a long time since the FBI trial and we had, uh, wolf, one of the main guys who started one of the co-founders. Yes, he pleaded guilty yesterday. so there has been a lot of publicity around this, we locked up andrea garcia for 20 years last year last june, so we have seen justice, but with that has come immense harassment, everything is coming to light and i feel like the Stories that are being told shared about women are so inaccurate, so I am very excited to be here today, this is just my story, every woman that I had the honor of meeting in court and when we were testifying, they were incredibly brave, all of them.

They have been injured beyond. words and um, it was a really difficult day, that first day that we testified, it was rewarding, exhausting, empowering, validating, but at the same time it was so shocking to know how much it is affecting all of these women, including myself, years later, I feel like It's going to be a lifelong battle, it's something they put on the internet, they stole something from us that will never go away, even though we now legally own the rights to the videos, it will always be available and it's something I have to learn to live with and become stronger ha There was a lot of therapy involved, cozy helps a lot, probably more than anything, but I'm stronger than I used to be.

I had a few suicide attempts even right before the trial last year. I came in with stitches in my arm. I have this nice scar that almost looks surgical and when people say oh what happened, I don't like to lie, I'm not here to gain anything, I'm not getting paid for this, I don't want to make monetary gains from trauma trafficking I'm just here to tell my story in the hope that we can stop this, yes I know it will always be there, but we can educate people, we can bring it to the light of day and hopefully help. people who have gone through some kind of sexual trauma because there is hope and healing, it's definitely not easy, it's very difficult and it's a long road, but I'm living proof that I'm still here, yes, sometimes, reluctantly, but I am.

I'm better and I'm excited to educate and bring this to light. It's really cool that you've experienced a lot of healing and we can tell that's the case because you're here talking about it and struggling, so we're really grateful that when I asked that question how are you doing today? I think it's very telling that yesterday you received an update on one of the co-founders that shows how this has impacted you because when I asked that question how are you? I was expecting you to say great, I did yoga this morning, I had whatever breakfast, but your first thought was yesterday, we had an update, yeah, I had to pretend for so long pretending I was fine, now I really appreciate authenticity, so I need uh.

I needed to realize that it's okay to not be okay every day and that you really have to allow yourself to feel pain in order to get through it. I spent years running and dozing and hiding and when someone said, Hi, how are you?, it felt like answers. are commonly fake we're always oh I'm fine I did yoga yes I'm fine yes but I want to um I just want to live the rest of my life in an authentic way I want to be genuine and real and everyone has trauma in their lives everyone has pain we're all struggling at some point. moment and we are here to help each other, so to be honest, I have bad days, but overall I have a lot of hope for the future right now that I didn't have. for a long time, right, what are you doing these days to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally?

Yes, there were years when I tried therapy. I have been a yoga instructor for a long time and that helped me a lot but more than anything I had to seek medical help I had to be hospitalized at times the self harm and suicidal ideation just became too much and it is okay to ask for help I have realized I was really afraid to do it I'm a nurse I love being Now I can connect with my patients and I tell them, "It's okay to get hurt and sometimes the best thing you can do is hold someone's hand and validate them, so I'm trying to let enter people and I didn't do it for a long time. uh, I have really bad ATD, so I've gotten off topic sometimes lately.

I'm doing a lot of therapy. I do talk therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy. I am taking antidepressants or have been taking antidepressants for years. Sometimes I would get selfish and drive myself crazy. some of them were like oh no I don't need this I can do it on my own I'm tough or they just made me feel too weak so that wasn't healthy and then I would spiral and sometimes I would think oh no I don't need therapy and I had a therapist who he committed suicide and I learned to open up to someone new after that and retell your story.

It's retraumatizing to tell both the lawyers and the FBI. It got to the point where I was so sick and tired of talking about it that I didn't want to do it anymore, so for a while my therapist, she was my new therapist, she was great, she was patient with me, we would talk about my day or a date with the one I had and now, lately, in the last few months we have been very real, she made me write me a letter saying: What if you had wanted to do porn? What if you had agreed to go there knowing what it was like?

It was going to happen? How would your life be different? How would you accept yourself? I got so angry and it was so hard at first and I finally wrote that letter and I thought we all make mistakes, we all have trials, um, and she gave me so much hope. self-pity that I didn't have before some of the girls started filming or went to San Diego knowing what was going to happen, what was going to happen, what they were going to be a part of, but they were prepared, they were coerced, they were lied to, yeah , they were still deceived, yes, and that is why the men were convicted not only of sex trafficking but also of conspiracy to sex trafficking and I don't think differently of any woman because of their story.

I know and it's frustrating to be portrayed as Jane Doe because, uh, they just lump us all into one thing and everyone's story was unique. They all lied to them. They were all coerced. I thought I was flying to model yoga clothes and it seems. like something that makes us all look like porn stars the lawsuit has called us money hungry there has been a lot of horrible backlash um so being honest and authentic finally with that being real with my therapist really digging into the pain and allowing myself to experience it. It has been incredibly helpful and I also do ketamine therapy.

I've been doing it for about a year and a half. I go to a ketamine center. They are in many different areas. It has given me the opportunity to dissociate. It's a drug they use. In anesthesia, many people call it special. They use it as a party drug. I don't recommend it because it can actually be a super transformative and really beneficial tool. When I do I listen to piano music and I have eye shadow. I lie on a couch, they give me three injections over 90 minutes, she lies comfortably on my lap, she is amazing and basically you are in a different dimension, you lose more than other psychedelics, you lose your sense of self and it's almost terrifying for a moment.

Not not knowing who you are and at the same time it was the biggest relief because my trauma wasn't there. Wow, and when I came to, when you have that scary moment, who am I? Do you think who I want to be? Logically I knew that oh I have all this crap in my life and during the suicidal times and moments I had before I thought I couldn't live with this, I can't take another day, it will never go away, but at that moment, the first ketamine session I I thought: what do I want to go back to?

How do I want to improve it? What do I value? And the first thing I saw was welcoming and she's great. She has great courage, but me. I thought about family and I thought about all the things I would miss if I didn't go back to my body and it's a really different experience every time I've been, it's been very different but it actually regenerates the gray matter in your brain and helps reset the synapses. , it recreates positive neural pathways, so it's actually good for you, it literally changes your brain, yeah, and it helps you frame trauma in different ways absolutely and sometimes, I'm not ready to feel trauma, sometimes It's like I'm having a fight with my mom and that's what I think about going in.

Sometimes I set intentions, sometimes it's deep, and sometimes it's lighter, but it's been truly transformative. I highly recommend it to PTSD patients and survivors if they take antidepressants and regular medications. traditional therapy hasn't worked, it's been around, a lot of people are seeing a lot of success with ketamine, yes, for over 10 years it's been

consider

ed a really positive alternative treatment for PTSD, especially among war veterans, so I highly recommend it, but don't do it. with a doctor, yes, because they dose you correctly and that has been what has helped me the most, it helped me stop my antidepressants, it helped me realize that I have things to live for, opening up to my family has been the biggest transformation in my life they didn't know what had happened until the FBI trial began.

Well, they never asked and I never told them. I think I consciously thought I was protecting them by letting them think I was a porn star because that's how they saw it. This is what it looks like and it was such a shame, how could you do this to us? Why would you have to live with this? um and that was the first time I

consider

ed taking my own life because I couldn't stand the thought of my parents told my little brother what his sister had just done and I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't run away, no, you're okay, it seems. that the stigmatization around all of that is what made you afraid to open up completely.

I think that was the worst part for me, since I was a good girl in high school. No one knew she wasn't a party animal. I was labeled a prude because I was religious and proud of it. The first person who sent me the video when it was released about a week and a half later was a high school boy with a photo of his penis saying, "Wow, look, look, he grew out of his prudish stages and I immediately got "I became violent." sick and my parents were sent by one of their family friends later that night so in the religious community I grew up in in my high school community I felt like everyone knew within a week and I was disgustingly harassed and no one asked , No. one said: hey, are you okay?, hey, what happened?, hey, why did you do this?

So I let him continue. I just said how sorry I was for betraying their trust and making them feel ashamed, thinking that maybe I was protecting them a little from my pain and then I thought that if I killed myself, everyone would be better off. I don't have to make them ashamed of me anymore. Everything I've done wrong will disappear and I still feel so stupid and naive for going out there. Self-blame, I thought, oh stupid naive girl, and they were charged not only with sex trafficking but with conspiracy to sex trafficking. These men did it for over 10 years.

They were master hairdressers, yes, they were master manipulators and liars, and it cost a lot. therapy to get over that, I still have days where I blame myself and I think a lot of the girls do, but overall we've created this really beautiful support network and the fact that my family really knew what happened It was difficult because it took the FBI trial for that to come to light, but to have them really know what happened knowing that I was a victim, I hate thatThey brought it written by hand and had it ready. I wrote mine.

I was with my phone in my hand while the first couple of girls were testifying and I waited in a different room where I was on a large video monitor so I could see what was happening. I was about halfway done, so I didn't do it. I don't even know what I was going to say because I didn't even really know if I could do it and I didn't have anyone there supporting me. I should have brought something cozy, damn it. That would have been very nice. It would have been useful. Yes. He had points. in my arms he had just tried to die a week before, so I didn't even know if he could do it and I think that was one of the proudest moments of my life.

There were many women who had had it. anger, hatred and resentment and they have every right and many people said: "you are incapable of changing and who is incapable of changing" uh andre garcía oh yes, yes and he wouldn't like to make eye contact with us and I asked him The judge at one point at the end of my testimony if I could turn to him and I said and I was really grateful that I could even have the ability to feel that way. I told him it's not my place to judge. the value of your soul, but I really hope that you change one day and the only reason I testified was so that he couldn't keep hurting the girls, that's the only reason I'm here today so we can educate the people, um, but since then In this moment it has been easier to talk about the good, I think going through every detail when writing the articles with you was validating and helps me heal because we still have, I still have the guilt, I still crave validation , I don't even realize it.

Sometimes, uh, that's human nature, yes, it really is, and as a nurse, sometimes the best thing I can do is sit there and hold someone's hand and let them talk about it. I think a lot of times when we have friends or family over, you say. Hey, I'm struggling and they and they automatically say, "Well, go work out or like last night, I was having a hard time because of um, today oh, because of the wolf, yeah, there was um, there were some articles published and automatically says." This is what happened to all these girls and being lumped in there and being called porn stars are things that say they gave us millions of dollars in this deal like I've never seen a cent of that money.

I've done all this for money. I like hospital bills. The therapy. It's all ridiculously expensive. They have ruined our lives in many different ways, but just remember that. Yes, he pleaded guilty. I should have done it years ago. Some women thought he should have received a life sentence. It's a validation. I'm grateful that we have a justice system that listens to us and that we are seeing some justice, but every time a lawsuit comes up, the harassment increases. It is republished. I have received unpleasant messages in recent weeks. I'll probably change my phone number again soon and it's something I have to prepare for.

I won't use my name in this today because I don't want to. make this about me I want to do I want to give all the other girls the amount of compassion they deserve this isn't about me it's about telling the story of what these men did and this is my personal story but we all had a trauma terrible thing we all have to face. We are all grouped into these categories. We're considered the GDP girls and there are Reddit feeds calling us all kinds of things like "Oh, they're just trying to sue Pornhub for more money." and it's like what money, okay, I've never seen that, thanks for harassing us more, right, I guess I almost just want to say that if you ever get money, yeah, that's justice, yeah, it would help pay for therapy and stuff things. what these women do, that's how it works, yes, they affect all their assets, although I think it's good for people to know that in that first lawsuit that we filed where we sued JDP we never saw a dime from her and as who knows if we ever will, yeah, when you say sue jdp, oh, you know, yeah, gdp, well there's um in court documents, there's evidence that michael pratt said that when I went bankrupt this company, these girls are yeah , so he declared bankruptcy before fleeing, that was wolf. or pratt, that was pratt, that was pratt and I remember yes, and our lawyers have said that we believe that he has hidden all his assets offshore or that they are in cryptocurrencies or whatever, so we just accept it as if there never was entered into that. that I came into this to fight for other women we are grateful that you are doing that thank you the world is a better place because you are doing that it is getting yes, it is becoming easier to talk about it I think it is important to take it into account also that you Not only are they pursuing this from a legal point of view, they also fought as soon as the videos were posted with takedown requests, oh yeah, I do consistently well, so no, this is not monetary gain.

It's like you're fighting for your own dignity to have these videos of your exploitation taken down and all the women out there have what the response was like and when was the first time you tried to have a takedown request from all these major channels. sites oh yeah, were those requests ever heard? That's a very good question, though. The first request I sent was to Pornhub because that was the first place I saw it. I didn't get a response. It was not eliminated. then I realized that once I was sent more and more links and once again people showed them to me, once I made the mistake of Googling myself, I realized that it was like a drop in the bucket, in That moment I sent it.

I still do this. I still make the mistake of Googling myself when I'm feeling strong. I usually do it once a month at this point, so I know it was reposted a few weeks ago. I think I probably managed to get it. removed from four websites, permanently, you can still Google it, it still appears as a thumbnail, the image is still there. I'm still trying to get Google to remove them and I participated in an illicit image study with Google, they are trying. to improve your system but like a bucket is falling there is horrible porn on the internet and the more I try to delete mine the more I feel like it is coming to the surface even though I have the legal rights and yes most of the Websites don't listen.

The websites have more pornographic websites. We will have a contact with us at the bottom. Then I'll send Lincoln and say, "Hey, this is illegal, this was human trafficking, this was against my will." I have court documents to prove it. Attach those if necessary. One of the girls had written a really good outline that we could start sending out. But I realized that the more I look for it, the sicker I get, so I had to strengthen it. it happened six and a half years ago to some women, it happened over nine years ago too and it's still constantly reposted and I mean, a big part of that is because for so long the tube site culture has been that you can upload and download anything and after Nicholas Kristoff is the children of Pornhub article from December 2020, yes I read the Mastercard and found out that we are severing their working relationship with Pornhub, thank God, yes, that's when Pornhub He said, oh, okay, we'll delete this.

We are going to remove the download option, yes, we will try to verify more of these accounts and sites, yes, and the content, but xvideos, which is the largest porn tube site in the world, receives around three billion visitors. I have seen my video. Both of them still have a download button, yes they do and this is something that many people don't understand: once something is uploaded to these YouTube tube sites, there are several steps to follow to download YouTube content. You can still do it, that's very true, but the porn tube sites give you the button right there, yeah, or you can just record the screen on your computer or your phone exactly, and people think yeah, oh um, they're so greedy that they ask for more. when they have the property rights when the reality is that's what bothers whack-a-mole so much yeah that's what's money hungry there's a big reddit hey what are the threads called from reddit?

I haven't read it, but I've seen some really disgusting things about this test, um, using links from people's names to videos on other sites, Reddit hasn't done anything to remove them and they post our personal information constantly like my parents got letters saying we're going to I came into your house and raped your daughter and murdered her and it's like they were my parents. I found a fan page for me oh no that had pictures of me with my nieces and nephews pictures of me growing up uh pictures of my family from one of my cozy wedding pictures I think that upsets me more than anything that they are, not only do we they are hurting individually, they are destroying our families, people have disowned their children because of this and not everyone believes it even though we have been working with the FBI even though we have won lawsuits, we have had some justice, but Still, oh, oh, money, huh, money hungry, they're just porn stars, they just want more, they're just embarrassed that it's gotten so big, but that's not true at all, that's never been true, coming back to the name of the

podcast

, please consider before

consuming

it, we hope that our listeners will stop the demand for sex trafficking by refusing to consume pornography and one of the things that must be considered is what you are

consuming

may not be consensual even when it seems consensual do you want to take a break?

Yes, that would be great, regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, political persuasion, or any other diversifying factor. Pornography can affect anyone if you have recognized it. the harmful effects of pornography on your life or recognize the harm that pornography can cause in society we invite you to become a fighter as fighters we strive to be bold, understand, be open-minded and accepting if you are ready to become an official fighter, we invite you to join the movement at ftnd.org forward slash fighter that is ftnd.org forward slash fighter join us in our fight for love by becoming a fighter today thank you for joining us in this episode of consider before of consuming consider before you consume is brought to you by the fight the new fight against drugs the new drug is a non-religious, non-legislative organization that exists to provide people with the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by Raise awareness about its harmful effects using only scientific facts and personal stories if you wish.

If you would like to learn more about today's guest and the conversation we had, you can check out the links included in this episode if you enjoyed listening to it, please consider before you consume, please consider subscribing and leaving a review again. Thank you very much for listening to this conversation as you continue with your day we invite you to increase your self-awareness look both ways check your blind spots and consider before you consume yourself