I was an MS-13 gang member. Here's how I got out. | Gerardo Lopez | TEDxMileHigh

Translator: Saif Alkilany Reviewer: Bob Prottas You may have heard about them on the news: they had been called murderers, violent, destructive, lawbreakers and criminals. And I can tell you that a lot of what you heard is true, because I was a

member

of MS-13. Today I'm going to tell you why I joined the

gang

and how I finally got out. But first, let me take you back to the beginning. Picture this: El Salvador, the 1980s, a brutally violent civil war; military soldiers kicking in front doors in the middle of the night; children hiding, trembling under their beds as they heard the sound of approaching boots; mothers lying in pools of their own blood watching their children taken away and forced to join the war.

Thousands of Salvadoran refugees came to the United States desperate for a better life. One of those refugees was a boy named Nelson. He and his family landed in a Los Angeles ghetto. While his parents worked various jobs to make ends meet, Nelson spent a lot of time alone in a new country, trying to adapt to new customs and a new language. When he and the other Salvadoran children went to school, the Chicano children bullied them because of their different accents and different cultures. And one day they had enough! They took all the violence they had known as children, all the anger they accumulated, and formed their own group: MS-13.

And thus, the victims of bullying became the aggressors themselves. We've heard that story before, right? MS-13 is the tragic result of a tragic environment. In 1996, the US government deported thousands of immigrants. One of them was Nelson. He was already an adult, he spoke English, he wore

gang

ster clothes like Nike Cortez shoes, Dickies pants, Panettone shirts and headscarves. He was covered in tattoos. He no longer fit into the culture of El Salvador and the young Salvadorans realized it, but they did not harass him. They were in awe of him. He seemed like one of those people in the movies: they wanted to be like him.

And that meant they wanted to join MS-13. And t

here

you have it: a country trying to recover and rebuild from a civil war suddenly had its first gang problem on its hands, and the situation only got worse. Now, I am not Salvadoran. I am half Mexican and Argentinian and I was born in Los Angeles. But the neighborhood I grew up in was MS-13 territory. Even when he was a kid in elementary school, he knew that he didn't want to be part of a gang. My mother worked 14 hours a day in a sweatshop trying to make ends meet.

So I was alone on the street for a long time. One day, an MS-13 gang

member

pointed a gun in my face and robbed me. Then I would try to avoid them. I would go out the back of my apartment building and jump over the fences to avoid being seen. But that meant I would enter another gang's territory and they would approach me. I would have to travel miles outside my neighborhood to escape the gangs. No matter w

here

he went, he was not safe. I used to watch them from my apartment window. One night they were in the streets celebrating this man who had just returned from El Salvador.

Nelson! Remember it? He had respect, power and pride...everything I didn't have. I wondered what it would be like to be him, to be revered in your own neighborhood. That night I made a decision. He was 14 years old and I was going to join MS-13. After being initiated, I felt instant relief. I would walk with my head held high. Remember that Cheers theme song where everyone knows your name and is always glad you came? It was like this every day! But it wasn't long before I regretted my decision. You see, the rival gang members found out that I chose MS-13 over them and they were furious.

I became a target overnight! But it was too late; What was I supposed to do? It would be like getting married in a week and starting out like, “Uh man, I mean…” (Laughs) I made a mistake! (Laughs) How do I get out of this? But you can not; It's not that easy! What would your friends and family say? What would your new partner do? So hang in there! And a few weeks later, you start saying to yourself, "Okay, this isn't so bad!" I could handle this! Months go by and you form a bond, a connection, and you feel like you will do anything for that person.

I remember when I got my first MS-13 tattoo. As that tattoo gun went through my skin, all I could think about was the love I have for my gang! And then my mom would be very furious if she found out. (laughs) I couldn't wait to show my new friends, a bond that will be there for a lifetime, and when they lock me up again I proudly take off my shirt. I made bad decisions. I committed assaults and robberies that would land me in jail for years when I was a minor. There I gained a reputation for starting fights with rival gang members.

Every time I went out, I gained even more respect. My friends wanted to be like me. I felt like he owned his territory and no rival gang was going to come in there and disrespect him. He was willing to defend it at all costs, even if it meant dying for it. But sometimes I asked myself: "Am I willing to spend the rest of my life in prison?" I put my mom and grandma through a lot. When I got out of prison they stayed awake for hours lighting candles, praying that it wasn't my body lying under that white sheet.

When I was in prison they visited me and asked me when I was going to change. I was tired... tired of seeing my family suffer, tired of going to my friends' funerals. My life had become the tragic result of a tragic environment. My blind love for MS-13 began to fade. I wanted to get out, but I didn't know how. Then one night, my entire life changed forever. I was 20 years old, out on the street, and celebrating my recent release from prison when Alex Sanchez, a former MS-13 gang member I admired, approached me. He told me that he had started this gang intervention group and that he wanted me to join.

I was excited. I was finally able to get out. But part of me was reluctant. He had gained respect, power, and pride within the gang, and he simply didn't know who he would be without them again. Then I looked up at my apartment building and standing by the window was my little brother looking at me the same way I was looking at Nelson. I knew I had to try to get out. At my first meeting, I met members of rival gangs and their families, and we discovered that we all felt the same way. His parents cried the same tears as my parents.

The only thing that separated us was the name of the gang. We learn to express ourselves without using drugs or violence, and the gang intervention group took us to travel to different places to share our story and more people listened to us. The more we talked, the more we felt the feeling of respect, power and pride. I was able to get away from the gang and finally be able to leave it. I thought that was the hard part, but we were in the middle of the LAPD Rampart CRASH scandal. Now, you would think that a police department would welcome a gang intervention group, but that was not the case.

Instead, they searched us without a warrant, detained us on unfounded charges, and beat us on the way to our weekly gang intervention group. We had left, but we were being punished for what we had been. Finally, I had enough and moved to a friend's house in Colorado for a chance at a better life. I earned a bachelor's degree in criminal justice. (Applause) (Applause) I worked in juvenile detention centers as a youth counselor to continue getting kids out of gangs. I thought my problems with gangs were a thing of the past. But a few years later, I was accused of moving to Colorado to start MS-13 criminal activity and was illegally arrested again;

I could not believe it! He was now in federal court, facing a possible sentence of 48 years. For two years I studied my case. I wrote my own court motions and defended myself in court. Finally, justice prevailed and the jailer opened the door to my cell and told me that my case had been dismissed, that all my charges had been dropped, and that I was free to leave. (Applause) (Applause) But they were two years of my life wasted, punished by society for my past even though I was trying to do everything possible to build a new future.

We all know that it is important to get children out of gangs, but we forget that they are not prepared to succeed once they leave them. Most people join a gang because they feel disconnected, alone, alienated. They just want to belong, to feel valued, to have a purpose. Looking back, is there any surprise why I joined MS-13? My mom worked all day. I was alone a lot and everyone around me belonged to a gang. When I left MS-13, my gang intervention group supported me. Most people are not so lucky. They are judged and punished by society for their past and have nowhere to turn and nowhere to go.

Seventy percent of kids who try to leave a gang but have no other support system fail. Seventy percent. I realized that the only way to get kids out of gangs and keep them out of gangs is to create an environment that supports them every step of the way. Today I am the executive director of Homies Unidos, Denver, a gang violence intervention and prevention organization. (Applause) (Applause) We empower young people and their families to become advocates for social change rather than agents of self-destruction. Let me give you an example. Growing up, David was always told that he was good for nothing.

When he was a teenager, he became very involved in gangs. How did he get out and he was left out? First things first: we help David realize that the feeling of self-worth that a gang gives you is false, that you have to love yourself first; no one else can do that for you. In conversation groups, David and teens with similar experiences discussed how his negative actions have impacted their families, their communities, and each other. David began to take responsibility for his actions. We help you re-enroll in high school and stay focused on your path to graduation.

And then we fill social life with community and activity from it. We went fishing and camping, to ball parks and family fun centers. We understand that strong families are key to violence prevention, which is why we invite David's parents to our group sessions and activities. These interactions build mutual understanding between generations. Finally, we helped David realize the power of his own voice to make that difference again. He learned how to organize youth groups and then lead conversations about restorative justice with people who have been affected by gang violence. David has since graduated high school, works as an electrician, attends college, and is a frequent guest speaker and role model for the youth in our groups. (Applause) (Applause) These dramatic changes in David's life were only possible because we surrounded him with a welcoming community that was completely committed to his success.

In this way we have helped hundreds of children to get out of gangs and stay away from them. (Applause) But we are just an organization. As a society, we can all do better. When we isolate people, alienate them, and punish them for past mistakes, we simply continue the cycle. If we want people to leave gangs and re-enter society, then that means we have to let them re-enter society. And that means going to school, living on the streets and having a job. Would you be willing to hire a person with a criminal record? What if that person has an MS-13 tattoo on their face?

People just want to belong, to be part of something. We are the ones who can help you find it. Thank you. (Applause) (Applause)