I Performed Stand Up Comedy Written By 7 Year Olds

This is me about to perform on stage at one of London's most respected

comedy

nights... alongside some of the country's most famous comedians, but all my jokes have been

written

by seven-

year

-

olds

. And it's safe to say it was a tough gig. But why am I subjecting myself to this? Well, a couple of

year

s ago, I went on my first

stand

-up

comedy

tour across the country. MAX: Hello London Palladium! MAX VOICEOVER: I'm going back on tour this year and I'm a little nervous about it. So I approached the brilliant comedian and good friend Iain Stirling to help me get over my nerves.

Little did I know that what Iain had in store for me was going to be one of the scariest nights of my life. I'm returning to the stage after two years and I'm worried about it, so I've come to the home of the comic legend, voice of Love Island... IAIN: The islanders are comparing themselves to animals. MAX V/O: And the all-round funny man, Iain Stirling. You're leaving tomorrow, right? Yes, I start the program tomorrow, yes. Where can people get tickets? Oh! www.ia- MAX V/O: Iain could see that he was blocking it, so he tried to calm my nerves with some horror stories of his own.

And he goes to introduce me, but he forgets my name. So he just says, “Welcome to the stage, kid.” They start singing: 'The boy!' ' The boy!' And you know it can't be worse than this. That eliminates your fear instantly. MAX V/O: Getting rid of my fear, that sounds like something I could use. I guess it would be a surprise if you did something that's an absolutely terrible idea on stage, so a normal gig would seem easy, right? MAX: Could you do that for me? I have... I have something on my mind. Just do what I tell you and you'll never worry about doing

stand

-up comedy again in your entire life.

MAX V/O: Thanks Iain, although I wasn't thanking him a few days later... Iain got me a job, within a couple of days and sent me an address. Where he said... He said he was going to get help from some writers, which, I didn't know what they were doing, but I mean, we can, we can do it anyway... But there's a clear reason why I don't show them where the address is... Because the address is a school. This required a serious explanation. Mr. StIrling, why am I outside a school? No, kids are fun with other kids!

So these are my writers? I mean, I asked him, 'get me a difficult job.' Well, let's organize a writers' room with children. MAX V/O: I guess Iain was right and I decided to make the most of this situation and, hey, if I can perform a monologue with material

written

by seven-year-

olds

, anything is possible. So I decided to welcome my new collaborators to the writing room. Nice to meet you. Fantastic, go ahead. MAXIMUM V/O: And we only had one hour to create comedy gold. How are we all tonight, London? STUDENTS: Good. MAX: Good! My name is Max and in a week I'll be performing stand-up comedy at a big comedy club in London.

I'm going to need your help today to think of the funniest things we can think of. MAXIMUM V/O: To start, I thought I'd set up a comedy baseline for the group and ask them what their favorite jokes were. Plagiarism is a big problem in the comedy industry, so make 100% sure these are your jokes. Are these your jokes? STUDENT: Yes. MAX: Yes, okay, fantastic. What's the joke? What is a tooth covered in sugar called? I'm not sure, can you give me the punch line? A sweet tooth. Good! MAX: Who's there? MAX: Boo who? For me it was the delivery there.

A Hindu joke. OK. I'm not sure I could be making that kind of joke. MAXIMUM V/O: I could see some potential in this gang, so I thought I'd start with the opening joke of the set. On a comedy set, it's all about making a good first impression, so what's the first thing you think of when you see me? GIRL: You have a smelly sweater! MAX: I have a smelly sweater! MAX: Classy guys. Do you dress yourself? So rich. Dad will be very happy. CHILD: You have green shoes. I have green shoes. MAX: It would probably only work if I wore green shoes that night.

Um... famous? Famous. Among a very small population in the home counties! MAX V/O: Once the first impressions were over, it was time to find out his opinion on some classic comedy topics. What is your opinion on this? This is airplane food. Did you fly to school with Quantas? MAX: What is our opinion about this man? Boris Johnson. He looks very funny and smart. 50% correct. MAXIMUM V/O: We got some good things out of our comedy numbers. Maybe I was being too restrictive with the parameters of comedy, so I thought I'd open the floodgates, do some blue sky thinking, and see what you guys found funny.

What makes you laugh? When my dad tickles my armpit in my bed. Dad, armpit, bed. Fantastic. I don't know. Yeah! I love that! MAX: Play schools? Well... Who's there? Mikey who? That's really fun! He's packed with comedic chops here! MAXIMUM V/O: We were getting into the groove and I had unlocked the kids' funny bones. After a few more jokes, I had enough for a series. I put it together, rehearsed a little... Who do you call if Lemon gets hurt? Lemon help. V/O MAXIMO: And before I knew it, the night of the performance had arrived and I was boarding it up.

The comedy club is just around the corner. This is probably the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It's such a comical crowd. I feel so sick. MAX V/O: Iain had gotten me a place at Always Be Comedy, one of London's most prestigious comedy nights. A place known for housing some of the most famous comics in the United Kingdom. Of course, he was absolutely terrified... Across the street is a date with destiny. But this concert is also known for having the friendliest crowd in London. So if my seven-year-old sons' jokes were welcome anywhere, it would be here.

MAX V/O: Iain had just dropped a bombshell. One of my all-time comedy heroes, Josh Widdecombe, was performing on a set, right before mine, so now this gig was not only going to be incredibly embarrassing, but it also had the potential to destroy my reputation as a comedian. comedian forever. I'm really angry with Iain. Some of the country's best comedians are also on the same bill. I'm about to go on stage and say, 'Have you heard about the dog that jumped into the water?' He was a hot dog.' I tried my best to calm my nerves, but it was showtime.

JAMES: The comedy will start in less than a minute. Are you ready? MAX V/O: And there was no way out of it. As I walked backstage, the show began. KYRAH: How are you guys? They are fine? AUDIENCE: Yes! V/O MAXIMO: It was a classic Always Be Comedy night. Great jokes and a great audience, everyone having fun. Someone who wasn't having fun was me backstage. I was just trying to complete my final moments of preparation. MAX V/O: But I had to remember that I was doing this for a reason... JOSH: Hello! MAX V/O: This would make me a better comedian.

JAMES: Alright, here we go, let's do this. We are ready? It's Max Fosh! ECHO: You have a smelly sweater! MAX: I have a smelly sweater! I know what you're thinking: smelly sweater. Hi, my name is Max Fosh, for those who don't know me... ECHO: You used to be the richest person in the world. I'm rich. ECHO: Famous? I am famous. ECHO: You have green shoes. And I have green shoes. ECHO: A watermelon. What is the name of a melon that jumps in water? A watermelon. MAXIMUM V/O: Since the initial jokes weren't as effective as they were in the classroom, it was time to get political.

Boris Johnson! He has hair, he is always in a bad mood, he has a big jacket. What a businessman. V/O MAXIMO: Hm, looks like the kids' political observations weren't as astute as I first thought, so it's time to bring out the big guns. Who do you call when a lemon is damaged? Lemon help. V/O MAXIMO: No. There's no love for prop comedy either. Let's hope Winnie's joke makes the audience laugh as much as it did me. Knock Knock. AUDIENCE: Who is there? Mikey. Help me I'm stuck in a hole. V/O MAXIMO: How about Alexia's?

MAX: Knock, knock. MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Who's there? MAX: Knock, knock. MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Who's there? MAX: Knock, knock. MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Knock, knock. MAX: Knock, knock. MAX: Let me in now! ECHO: Dad, armpit, bed, fantastic. Well, next, sir, you must imagine that he is at home, curled up in bed, and that I am his father. MAXIMUM V/O: Now, at this moment, when I walked up to tickle an audience member in front of my comedy heroes because a seven-year-old told me it was funny, it's extremely difficult to express how embarrassing it was. this experience. for me.

You guys have been amazing. MAX V/O: I hadn't. But I think I'd caused these lovely people enough pain for one night, so I thought I'd call it a day. One last story. I was on the playground with my friend Ava. She kept saying, 'play schools, play schools...' Play schools, play schools. MAX: Play schools. Clap your hands. Play schools, play schools, play schools, play schools. Thank you very much, it was Max Fosh! Thank you very much, I appreciate it! Health. MAX V/O: I had. I did the most embarrassing job I ever had to do in my life and I survived.

All that was left to do was for Iain to give the audience what they had really come for... JAMES: It's Iain Stirling! MAX V/O: Funny jokes. MAX V/O: But after his presentation, I was able to confront the man behind it all.