How to Be More Charismatic with these 5 Science Based Habits

Welcome back the author of Human Li Detection, Body Language 101 Vanessa van Edwards. I think that introduction was one of the most

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I've ever given. Definitely what we're trying to say here is that there are some people who just seem like they have that thing when they're in a room or they're talking or they're among people they have something, what is that? That question always fascinated me, so we ran a human behavior research lab and I thought, I want to study this. What makes people so memorable, so we find patterns between people who are really memorable and have that quality, meaning you instantly want to know them, and people who are

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forgettable, so I tend to think I've met a lot of people. of different businesses. and you meet company bosses and they all seem to have what I do, most seem to have the same factor: big celebrities have a star quality about people, it definitely attracts people to them and you can learn that.

What I hope we can talk about today, you can absolutely learn it, you can increase it, so the first thing is that there is a myth that I want to break and that is that we think that

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people are perfect, they are

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attractive, they are more intelligent. are better than that, it's not the case at all, so the first habit that charismatic people have is to accept their imperfections, so this was done with a study done by psychologist Richard Weisman and he wanted to see if vulnerability really makes you makes it more pleasant. had two actresses sell a blender in a mall one actress had the perfect tone the other actress had the same tone but spilled the smoothie from the blender all over the table so the question is who sold the most blenders, surprisingly it was the number one actress two the someone who spilled the Smoothie in a funny way and not only that, but everyone in the audience rated her as nicer because we can relate to her because we are imperfect and it's exactly fine, so when you go out I don't want you to worry about being Smarter or better than what I want you to do is if you feel uncomfortable, if you feel nervous, that really brings you together with people, you can use those imperfections to connect with people.

I imagine there's a balance to that, although if you're constantly self-critical and you're constantly pointing out your own flaws, after a while you just say yes and that brings me perfectly exactly to point number two, which is: don't be a conversational narcissist because you bother people. I hate those types of people, I just don't like them, I don't like them, they kill me. Oh factor, they kill it, so what we found is that charismatic people have this ability, they have a change of mindset when they come in. In interactions with people the only thing they focus on is how they can ask the most interesting questions, which is very different, they don't think about what they are going to say or how they are going to talk about themselves, they figure out how can I achieve that. this person tells me their story, so I challenge you next time you go to a big event or party, think about how you can get the person you are talking to to tell you their story, what questions you can ask that just get their more interesting aspects of themselves, well, it won't be what you do well, it won't be what you should do, it will be what your personal passion projects are, right, it will be the most exciting thing that happened.

For you today, someone once asked me in a group I was in who is the most interesting person you've ever met, oh, I love that, yeah, and you know what we actually did in our studio: we asked people who He is the most charismatic person you know. and then we started looking for patterns in those charismatic people, so I love that you can even say I watch this amazing segment on am Northwest about charismatic people, who do you know who is charismatic? What do you think makes someone charismatic? So once you start asking this, questions is very important this is habit number three is to talk, not to gossip, so the old saying goes that we have two ears in one mouth, so we should listen, listen more, listen more of what we talked about, um, and the important thing about this is something called spontaneous trait transfer, forgive me for this scientific term, what is it, they discovered that when you speak badly about someone, people can't help but associate those negative traits with you and the person. what you're talking about, we can't help it. for example, if I said uh, she's so bad, I don't like her, she's tremendously bad and terrible, it actually sticks to me as much as she really is, that's true, that's true, even if the people who are listening They don't know the Even then, even if they know it or not, it doesn't matter if you mention those adjectives, people just can't help but associate them with you, so what you better do is find genuine ways to gush about people and you have to be genuine, so I did this the other night, my friend Carrie showed up.

She was talking to a group of people. I told her: oh, this is my friend Carrie, she is a fierce and feisty businesswoman, everything she does is incredible. MH because I really love Carrie, so I was able to introduce her, so when someone comes into a group and you're introducing someone, take the opportunity to genuinely talk about them, it's a great way to share, you know, my uncle, my uncle is like that. and he's quite charismatic, but he always sees the positive in some people and it's amazing, but he's never negative first, it's always something nice and that translates to him, it's like a halo effect, so I had two last pieces of advice about language body, you know, I love talking about them. body language, so the first is to show your hands, our hands are our confidence indicators.

Women are often taught to put their hands under the table and for them, that's polite, it's actually much better, much better, to keep them on the table because studies show that when someone can see your hands you they rate as more trustworthy, which is exactly what charismatic people do and use your hands when you talk use your hands when you talk no, there are no jazz hands, right, there are no jazz hands, keep them visible, don't put them in your bag, don't put them behind your back when you talk as much as possible, just keep them crushing your arms, no, don't let it, so keep them, keep them out, keep them together and how about you look into someone's eyes, that's it My last tip and that's the biggest one I contacted is great, that's half the story.

I want you to try looking deeply, that is, noticing someone's eye color and the reason for this is because they discovered that when you do that, it doesn't become creepy. I want, it's a little creepy, but just briefly Dave briefly remember no, no extremes, yeah, just a little bit of deep looking and that builds that connection, keep eye contact, that's important, eye contact and don't look over to see who is best to talk to. Yeah, that's a hard private H to crack, very good, very good human light detection body language 101 is the book and thank you very much, it's always fun, it's great to see you again.