How healthy people regulate their emotions

Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Romany, so we always have a lot of

people

talking about emotional regulation. Emotional regulation. Let's talk a little about that. One thing we know is that narcissistic

people

cannot

regulate

emotionally and one of the biggest problems, and I would say the biggest. in narcissistic relationships originate from the fact that narcissistic people are so dys

regulate

d that they scream and scream if they don't get

their

way or give you the silent treatment and in a nutshell, that's how we end up with the eggshell walking in balance a razor that characterizes almost all antagonistic or narcissistic relationships.

If you have been in a narcissistic relationship long enough or grew up with a narcissistic parent, you never gained

healthy

patterns of regulation and as a result, an angry scream, a dream, anger can become normalized or any form of anger can become frightening, or Well, your fears of abandonment may have been stoked by a parent who expressed anger by withholding or withdrawing whenever the parent didn't get

their

way, so from a very early age you became a master at fully caring. and absolutely. to other people's needs, which can leave you wondering if all I've seen or most of what I see is dysregulation or un

healthy

regulation, what exactly does healthy regulation look like now if you've never been in a relationship in the that it is happening or even you yourself struggle with it, which can be a big question in general, most survivors of narcissistic and antagonistic relationships over regulate, keep everything well bottled up and that will definitely require AOL to take care of your physical and mental health.

It's not a bad strategy, right, there's no point in talking in the relationship, so overregulation may be the only way to stay safe, and in fact, talking can even make things worse, so maybe for a lifetime. learn to let it all go and even You will find that you are not even able to cry or let out your

emotions

in any way and that you may feel quite detached from how you feel or even what you may feel, but that again raises the question of what is the point. try this video. exactly then it qualifies as healthy regulation.

Here are some ideas that in a person who is healthy regulated, you actually express emotion appropriately. You give yourself permission to identify the emotion and respond to it. Maybe you cry if you are sad. Take a break and maybe some time to work on your work for yourself to get over some anger, laugh when you're happy and able to articulate the emotional emotion. I feel very angry right now and then articulate what you need. I just need a minute. However, sitting with this should keep this in mind just because you regulate and express the emotion, it doesn't mean that the other person you are with will hear it well or cooperate, but whether you do it alone or with someone else or in a place where you can share it, you name it, you express it, you feel it, you process it not the way you want, that's what I mean by the appropriate kind, but you express it, you feel it, the second way is that you recognize that your emotion is yours and it may not necessarily be someone else's healthy regulation means owning your emotion as your emotion, a sort of idea of ​​"I'm sorry about this, but I recognize that someone else can't and not shoving your emotion down someone else's throat." , you wouldn't say things." For example, how can you not be angry?

How are you not sad right now? That is not good regulation. Third, you express your

emotions

appropriately. You don't yell or scare people because you're angry. You don't threaten because you are really angry. you engage in violence you don't break things you don't walk away you just don't hang up the phone without explaining you walk away for a moment people who hang up phones are often dysregulated number four you read the room we're not 2 years old anymore, we can't just express emotions of the way we want at any time we want. Now listen, you can't start sobbing in the middle of a staff meeting or start striking up a conversation with someone else or things about just yourself and your friends.

For example, we do not turn off our feelings, but we cannot expect the world to stop because of our feelings, so it is knowing them, feeling them, identifying them, but also reading room number five, we discover techniques, we discover techniques that work for us. managing emotions meditation mindfulness breathing exercising the things that help us manage these feelings we identify and need to feel but we can't just spit our feelings everywhere when we want to listen three deep breaths could change the world allow you to stop before responding or reacting number Six, we see both sides of a situation, we feel the feeling but we also take into account the idea that there are two experiences.

I know what you're thinking. Oh, narcissistic people never do this. They are not regulated, but regulation requires. Knowing that we are not the center of the universe and that other people are also having an experience doesn't mean you don't have your feelings, it also means that yes, your feelings are valid, but we can also take some perspective, breathe. We remain angry, we can remain sad, disappointed, whatever we are feeling, but we must also know that not everyone else is having experience number seven. We must also remember that not expressing our feelings is not a regulation, that is a common myth and we often praise people. for being stoic and keeping their feelings to themselves, holding on and never crying when I see that I essentially see a psychological time bone that can end up hurting the person again in terms of physical illness, physiological us and heartbreak, guilt, anxiety.

It's important that you break that myth because many survivors of narcissistic abuse may believe that they are doing a great job regulating because they don't say, do or feel anything, because they don't make noise, they don't talk. In this regard, they are not interrupting and just keeping it all in, but it is the indoctrination of the narcissistic relationship that your emotions are not valid or, in fact, wrong, so you squash them. In fact, some survivors may discover it after weeks. Months or years of holding it all in may find that they reach a boiling point and will explode during even the smallest interaction with a narcissistic person which only fuels the narcissistic person's gaslighting and paints the other person as overly emotional and dramatic. and all of that fuels the experience of any abused narcissistic person and feeds their guilt, their doubts, and even the feeling that yes, it's me, I'm the problem.

I'm too sensitive, I'm too reactive, maybe I'm not even. who are narcissists. I'm starting to think the problem is me now. Poor regulation is something that we can even see as part of various mental health problems. Personality disorders. Substance use. Some mood disorders. Some anxiety disorders. Disorders of impulse control. Complex traumas. All these. Patterns have dysregulation as part of their image and treatments for many of these things will also work on the dysregulation or overregulation that people experience; However, for narcissistic people, a lack of self-awareness means that they do not see their dysregulation as a problem, so they will rarely change for other people.

It's a combination. They may address regulation through a combination of therapeutic regulation techniques and, in some cases, medication. It's hard when you've always been around a lot of narcissistic relationships because you're surrounded by dysregulation. and you never had a mirror of what health regulation is, regulation is identification, expression and really feeling feelings and emotions in an honest but also self-aware and empathetic way, you may have a strong feeling about a child who spills milk on a busy day but you don't start yelling at them, you can clean it up and even with a shaky voice they can say hey honey it's okay I just need to go to the bathroom and then when you get to the bathroom you cry a little. that the narcissistic person is cheating on you for the thousandth time and you don't tell them that they are a jerk or that you are angry with them, but you take a moment and acknowledge that this person's behavior is reprehensible, that you are angry, you may not tell them but you let it get inside you call it anger instead of I can be strong and stoic or maybe they're right or maybe I'm you you say things like I'm so dumb it's not an easy line to walk in a narcissistic relationship and it requires daily recalibration, but if you can figure out this regulation for yourself, it can be one of the healthiest things you can do for your mental health and while we're talking about this, all these things related to these relationships, I wanted to tell you something.

I have good news. I want to take a moment to tell you my exciting news. I have a new book coming out in February called It's Not You, Identifying and Healing Narcissistic People and it's available to pre-order now, just click the link. in the video description to watch it, check it out, pre-order, be one of the first to get it and all the kinds of things I talk about on this channel are here in a format that you can read and listen to. Whatever works for you, so I hope you can book it and thanks again.