Holy Matrimonies | Our America with Lisa Ling | Full Episode | OWN

John and Audra seem like a normal couple but they followed an unusual path to marriage. Dad took me on a date and gave me this necklace. The necklace means that dad was going to take care of my heart until he married me and then in my life. On my wedding day, he would give the key to my heart to my husband, who would then take care of him, dear Audra. There is no other woman in the world who could be a better partner for me than you. John and Audra are devout Christians who traded in heavy, passionate courtship for something a little holier oh John, you reflect the beauty of God and seem very happy to do so.

This is very appea

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to me after a handful of letters and a few dates with Chase. Audra's father gave his daughter's heart to John and two married couples. When it comes to finding a life partner, most Americans are conditioned to follow their hearts and believe that the chemistry of love and Romance will lead us to marriage, but what happens when marriage comes before love? There we go, all right, let's do it again across the country. people of different religions Muslim families hidden Jewish communities even conservative Christians trust God with the help of their parents or matchmakers to choose their spouse some call it arranged marriage others see it as divine intervention this is who you are this is your religion This is where you come from These are your roots We live in a country with a 50% divorce rate and although there are no statistics, I have heard that these marriages are more stable and tend to last.

Could it be wise for family to guide you? the hallway instead of love muz America can be inspiring and beautiful it can also be dark and ugly it's so many things but it's ours it's our particular group of America it's for everyone just next to Los Angeles 28 year old Hinna is like any American Single girl , juggles grad school, an internship, and still makes time for drinks with friends. It's been quite a journey, but approaching 30 she's starting to feel the pressure that many women feel as they age, so how often are you asked if you're married? Quite often it's overwhelming, you feel like you're not in a club where everyone else is after years of casual dating and jugg

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H she is now on a mission to find a husband. I'm getting to a desperate point where it's like I'll try anything to see if there's the right person for the first time. She is willing to consider the traditions from which she comes. H. was born in New York to Muslim parents originally from Pakistan, as was the custom. Her marriage had been arranged by her parents while she was growing up. H She was surrounded by the warmth of Pakistani tradition and family, but she was also shaped by American values, independence and choice, so growing up, what was your impression of arranged marriages?

I think I always avoid them thinking, oh, that won't be me or the one who won. It doesn't have to be me. I was recently open to an arranged marriage when I discovered how difficult it was to date not just in this culture in any culture because I think the idea of ​​maybe being with someone with a similar heritage to mine. It would be good if H is looking for someone like her, a person who walks through two cultures and who has grown up like her. I mean, ideally it would be someone who has a very similar family to mine, similar values, you know, thank you.

Now H is heading to New York to spend the weekend at her childhood home, she's doing something most 20- and 8-year-olds would never consider turning to her parents for help on this moment. I'm choosing to work with my parents and try to find the right person. I've finished now. with a single sister and her mom and dad have signed up for a unique singles event that they will attend together in hopes of finding her a potential husband. This is a priority. I'm trying to get you to know how to do what's important, so it's important to me. go out and meet people.

I definitely don't want to be a year older and be alone, hope

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y you'll meet someone nice. You never know and you never know what would come of this. This is a family experiment, a kind of blind date for the three of us, her happiness is of the utmost importance, we would do whatever it takes to make sure we achieve sister's happiness, for a girl who has always valued her independence, this is new ground every time. time I'm out of my comfort zone it's a little It's strange, it's a little uncomfortable for me if I notice any anxiety on Sister's part, that's why I'm trying to help her in this process, it's supportive, you look good, they're here about to try something completely new, a Muslim.

Marriage speed dating event where H will meet dozens of potential spouses while his mom and her dad also explore prospects in a religion where dating is restricted. This event is somewhere between what H knows and what her parents experienced. I definitely think it's possible for my daughter to meet someone today that she's attracted to and they can get to know each other and, uh, love will develop, so it would be a nice surprise if she met someone tonight. About 70 men and women from across the United States have gathered at a Muslim location. The Community Center in midtown Manhattan is held in a sacred place where the rules of Muslim tradition, take off your shoes and, um, go ahead, take off your shoes, yeah, it's a mjid, so oh man, it's Well, I'm not super religious, but that's the hard part. with this because you want to meet that guy who has that Perfect Blend like my family friends and my friends but it's hard to find that for $125 the evening includes more than 30 presentations a curry chicken buffet and even a prayer break, all They are here for the same reason to meet someone so today is not the day to be shy as the men and women take their seats and the parents begin to mingle in the background the main event begins in earnest the participants will have only 3 minutes to make a good first impression before one bell declares a change to the next The male suitors will rotate so where are you from?

I grew up in Canada and live in Weston DC right now. I lived in DC for 4 years. I loved it, oh really, yes. I really did where you. from I'm from New York I was born and raised here where you were born in Bangladesh interesting a lot of Bengali people here today a lot of people from Bali you from Pakistan uh yes yes my family is an interesting event uh I don't like this you don't like it okay okay no like it I'm not really sure how I feel about it after 4 hours and 30 interviews H doesn't seem to have had much success how was the speed dating experience?

Like a million bad blind dates wrapped up in one short hour, okay, it was nice meeting you, what were the guys like? A lot of them were new to this country and that's what I thought, okay, we have nothing in common. I'm sure there were great people there, but I felt very uncomfortable and out of place, did you think it was too religious or too conservative, too religious, too conservative for me, so there was a religious thing, yeah, and I ? I knew it wasn't completely secular, but rather based on religion and things that I just don't put at the top of my list.

Sister realized something she didn't expect: Choosing a traditional approach to marriage may mean allowing a little more religion into her life. For now, she's stuck between two worlds, but I'm about to meet a young woman who has

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y embraced the traditions of her faith and in doing so has found a husband. Here comes Hava wine as H once was. A typical high school student, I dated boys and went to prom, I was a normal high school girl, you know, but now, at 23 years old, Kava has dedicated herself to a hydic way of life, a deeply observant branch of the Judaism where spirituality is intertwined with every aspect of life which includes finding a partner through a matchmaker is like Pride and Prejudice I don't know in just 5 days Hava is ready for a leap of faith she will marry a man she has never she has been alone and has not even touched Crown Heights Brooklyn a center of acidic life a deeply devout and structured form of Judaism here Mahal a 33 year old rabbi they are getting ready for their wedding attire now you can get married now you are ready now I am ready oh I wish If it's true there are so many more things to do, it's a moment you've been waiting for years.

I found comfort and strength in knowing that there is someone I am meant to marry and it will happen at the right time and I am just going to trust and give it. It depends on God to be more perfect than I can imagine in the Hydic Tradition each person is an incomplete Soul until they find the spouse who completes them. The two halves become whole. Can you take it down a bit and smooth it out? Yes, Mahal's other half and girlfriend. Being 23 years old Hava is in the final test of her in just 5 days they will be united in marriage.

I always had faith that I would find the right person. That's one of the things I always prayed for. You know what the right time is. the right person I would meet my soulmate with, yes, but in the occult life, men and women rarely interact before marriage, they are forbidden to be alone or touch each other in any way, so how do you find your soul twin? How do two halves join together? process that takes shape long before husband and wife meet, is great. Hava grew up in a non-practicing Jewish home, but in college she traveled to Israel and gradually began to embrace a Hindu life following tradition, dressing modestly and moving to Crown Heights, where she learned. the meaning of marriage and the very specific way to find a spouse through a matchmaker, anyone can be a matchmaker, so you meet friends, sisters, brothers, cousins, anyone, it's a small Jewish world, but once people knows you, the first thing someone might think is oh.

Who can I think of for this person? You know, it's very like this is the culture from a very young age Mahal understood this path to marriage. He grew up in a devout hidalgo home and at age 23 began his search for a spouse by turning to matchmakers. In his community, his friends and family, Mahal's own sister, Ha Cheva, was the one who finally made the connection. It all started with a basketball game that we met on the court. I started pulling some hoops and noticed very general nuances about her, like a certain composure. mixed with a spunky, fun-loving side that caught my attention when matchmaker Haab Bacheva interviewed them both and then, like a headhunter, exchanged information and personal references, the idea was to get a consistent message about this person and see How people felt about her and what kind of character they had once they got past the research phase, Kabat Cheva guided the couple by setting up dates, meetings that were held in public so that the two were never alone, it is a very focused process and no games after just 10 dates which Mahal opposed for most Americans.

The engagement focuses on wedding planning, choosing gifts and flowers, but in Hydic tradition it is an intense time to reflect on oneself and grow spiritually, and Mahal has one last stop to complete. I'd certainly like to think I have what it takes to get married, um. I think it requires the best of everything we have and you know, I anticipate the best, you know, I anticipate that everything will be great, you know, but of course, you know that human beings require a lot of strength to overcome their humanity sometimes. the rebbe's tomb a spiritual leader in the Mahal community completes a silent ritual a prayer for the life he and Hava will build together a blessing for what is to come Havat 2 is preparing for the future of the home she and Mahal will form stay united by their role as a Jewish wife, you know, a Jewish woman, I mean, she is the main room of the home and she creates the atmosphere in the home.

The roles of husband and wife have certain definitions and it's not like you have to. I know a certain way, but you know that woman has a very special power, actually like these two, after only 3 months since their first meeting and weeks apart, Kava and Mahal are ready to move forward together, because life of Hava and Mahal is about to change. Now the day of your union is here, it is a day when you purify yourselves and are ready to begin your life in a new and fresh way. They meet together and pray for each other all day as if their non-stop prayers are this color.

It's almost starting that spiritual journey again, but now, like two halves of a hole from the outside, looking at Hava and Mahal, they seem to have put romance aside for something

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and I have to wonder, could shared faith be a more solid foundation for the future? Part of the fabric of life in America is the way people discover what they want in a relationship, a search for that spark, even my own love story was rooted in this idea, my husband Paul and I had an instant connection for the 6 months we dated. about common interests, political interests, pop culture and sports, a year later we got married on a sunny afternoon in California, but what does a relationship look like when dating is excluded from theequation in suburban Atlanta?

Nadia, 28, prepares to Face the Day At first glance one might guess that she is anything but traditional, she is a makeup artist and a college graduate, but she is also Muslim, a first-generation American with parents from Pakistan and India, an origin who has restricted her interaction with men her entire life. I have never been on a date alone with a person, a guy, Nadia, leave it alone, it's okay, growing up like our parents always tell us what you have to know, respect yourself, you have to respect yourself, respect your religion and your family, it is not enough, yes, this is how many will know where I am going to buy new things no Nadia lives with her parents and her brother, they are a very close family, I said the one in the plastic bag but now in the tradition of where they came it's time for Nadia to leave the comforts of home to begin the next stage of her life after years of searching, her parents finally found a young man for her.

Getting married I said, you know, we just have to wait for the right man, the right opportunity and the right time and then we did it and I think I hope it pays off, you know, that's the plan that Nadia's future husband has. Akbar, 30, who lives in Chicago. Hello honey, like Nadia, he also allowed his parents to choose his spouse from miles away. They are building a relationship from scratch. The two have only met face to face twice. Are you excited to marry me? I'm super super excited, there's no sound more excited than that, show your true feelings.

I am super excited, this young relationship was formed just 4 months ago, when a family friend connected Nadia's mother with Akbar's family, who were from India for both parents at the first meeting. It was a test to measure in-person matching. The first time I was a little worried that her dad would be a little intimidating, but he's a really nice guy. He was just a click away. It was surprisingly a good click on the first meeting when I came downstairs. His mom hugged me right away when we saw Nadia and then I thought, "Oh my God, I find one.

Now our two families get along. Me and him get along. You know we're attracted to each other. I felt like, actually, We have known each other for a long time and then he said: "If you like her, then that's it, you know, this is a good girl, this is the girl for me, that's it, after this meeting, a proposal was established formal followed and the Families began the countdown to the wedding day in Chile Chicago, the place where my marriage began. I met Akbar, who lives in a modest house with his parents, in just a week Nadia will join his family as a new wife with whom she will move in. you, your brother, your parents and your grandmother, to Chicago from Atlanta.

It's a big change to leave your entire family and leave everything you know behind and just go into a new environment and pretty much be thrown into it. You know, Abbar tells me that he has been making major changes to prepare me for Nadia, from painting the walls pink, his favorite color, to changing the rooms, my parents were staying in this room and they actually wanted to give Naadia the biggest room. big and stuff, so they moved into my room and we're practically taking over this room right now, did you tell him you were going to paint the bedroom pink?

No, I didn't tell her anything, so she has no idea, so when she gets here, hopefully it will be a good surprise for her, which be nice, sober, how do you feel about the fact that in a week you're going to share this room with someone you've only met twice in your life? It's a little stressful, as it were. I'm quite, uh, it's making me a little nervous. You know, neither Akbar nor Nadia have ever dated. Their first relationship will be the last in the Muslim world. These unions are not proof. Divorce is discouraged, although they have spoken. together on the phone they are still practically strangers but that's how they were raised, it's what their families expect and their religion demands that marriage which we believe in is a sacrifice, you know, our parents teach us that look, you're going to get married and this is the end you are going to make this relationship work being born in America and raised here the way we see things is a little different than what our parents see if they didn't put so much emphasis on our culture and our religion.

We wouldn't be like we are today Nadia is heading into the unknown and in the process she leaves her family a job she loves and everything familiar and safe behind, you know, we've raised this daughter for the last 28 years and now she's going to leave me overnight, so I'm used to waking up every day and going downstairs and seeing them, so it's going to be a little hard for them not to be there. I'll just miss him a lot not being there. able to see them every day despite the challenge Nadia Akbar and his families are on the path they consider right, in which they have faith, and tonight the wedding festivities begin.

More than 150 family and friends have traveled from all over the United States and even from abroad just to be a part. of the celebration in Pakistani and Indian culture, weddings are very important, an extravagant spectacle lasting several days, all to beautify and bring luck to the new couple. Our weddings are very elaborate, they are very long, which I love because it is like a celebration and it is all to you I want to say that you are like the queen and the king tonight is the last night of celebrations when Nadia and Akbar will be officially united in the eyes of their families and communities.

We've been apart for so long and this is going to happen. 0 to 60 but I think we're ready, it's a time to honor the traditions and choice of two families, although it also marks something more monumental for the couple, their first real time together since the engagement. I've never gone out alone with them. You know, I sat down and had dinner alone with him. I don't know how my life is going to change. The only thing I can say is that living with a boy is going to be very different. Waking up with boys is going to be really different.

Unlike ever done before with the giving of rings, they close the physical space between them and move one step closer to each other, not only will Akbar and Nadia work to build a relationship they have never had, but as Nadia becomes move in with Akbar and his parents, they will develop a new family. Dynamic. His family is very welcoming and they are preparing for me. As a family, they are already very, very loving, but I'm sure it will be difficult, but I hope to get used to it. a long time, but it should be okay, we are not individuals anymore, we are a couple now, so we have to focus on things together and we have to have each other's back or support each other.

I love you too. Love is like a flower that blooms. be close to her be with her you know love will grow love will grow as Nadia and Akbar begin their journey as husband and wife, the real test lies ahead: can a marriage arranged by the parents really become a marriage between two people? A marriage of their own in Tennessee's Bible Belt, a young Christian couple offers insight into how marriage was formed nearly four years ago through faith and family. Audra, 27, and John, 32, live a simple life with her 10-month-old son Avery in their marriage. To all appearances, he is happy.

Audrey aims to please me as my wife, cooking food that I like to wear the way I like. Her goal is to bless me and that is sometimes overwhelming. John is a good provider. He makes me want to love him more, but it hasn't always been easy, like the others I met when they got married, they were just starting to get to know each other, I didn't know what our lives would be like at our wedding. The vows are in sickness and in health for better or worse, rich or poor, but there are also times when there is illness, there is death, there is poverty and uh, I knew I was going to have my share of problems, they both knew I had to create a relationship after I It would come with challenges but it was a path.

They had faith in the Bible. He says that he who finds a wife finds something good and obtains favor from the Lord. I think Audra is a blessing from God. John and Audra came together through a relatively new relationship. tradition called Christian courtship, you understand? Oh, sorry, although it is not known how many practice it. We know it started in the 1980s among conservative Christian homeschoolers who felt secular dating was the wrong path to marriage, although John and Audra wouldn't call it that. It was an arranged marriage It has all the hallmarks of parental involvement with Choice Limited physical contact and quick courtship It was Audra's father who was the first to recognize her potential partner We met John for the first time at a homeschooling conference in St Charles Missouri he had a good godly character he himself was a man of his word and that is important, Audra's father would keep Jon in the back of his mind as a partner for his daughter and for the next two years, Johon himself He began to consider Audra as a potential wife, but in Christian courtship. that decision cannot be made alone John's parents would pay a visit to audr Lord we thank you for this day for all the ways you bless thank you for John and it seemed to make sense for a family to come together in the context of family, not just two people alone, it is a very important decision, we feel that parents should get involved.

I wanted them to be casual, just to pass the time, you know, it wasn't like they were negotiating an arranged marriage, just spending time together as families and you know, if my parents saw something that really worried them about the possibility of a marriage between Audrey and I, so I wanted to know, uh, just to help me make a decision. His family felt like old friends. It was as if we had met them, the meeting went well and with the blessing of both parents, John asked Audra's father for official permission to court and marry her. I was shocked when Audrey's father told me that he had been praying for me specifically as a potential Suitor for his daughter.

He gave me permission to win Audrey's heart and I believe that God used our parents and our siblings and our friends as part of that. process of helping us recognize in each other the type of person we wanted to marry after three supervised years. A month of dating and only a handful of dates. John and Audra walked down the aisle. You can kiss the bride who was waiting. That day would begin their journey together as husband and wife. Her engagement was sealed with her first kiss. The lives of John and NRA, who had never been intimate with anyone, changed that same night.

The pursuit of physical intimacy was wonderful because neither of us had had any experience in the past, so we were able to enjoy each other and enjoy learning what we like about each other and how to do it. enjoy each other physically mhm, it was a challenge to learn to figure it all out, but it was worth it despite the advantages of the newfound marriage, the couple was in uncharted territory trying to come together to build the foundation of a new relationship. I tried to learn what Audre appreciated and what bothered her and figure out how she could make living with me a positive experience.

I have learned that I am selfish. Sometimes it's very difficult to put Jon's wishes before mine, even when we don't feel like giving to each other. God gives us a motivation, a reason to keep going, but it wasn't long before their young relationship was tested to the core, just 9 months after the wedding. Audra suffered a miscarriage of her first child. Yes, I walked away M, I walked away. Great grief is a very personal process even as a couple, so we went through a period where it was really difficult for us to sympathize and reconnect with each other, but fortunately we were able to overcome it and get back together MH and be even stronger and more close, yes, in facing the trauma of losing a child, John and Audra discovered that the commitment they made to God toward each other led them through our love is much deeper than it was.

I never think about you being able to continue moving forward in your relationship. knowing that their core beliefs, their core values, are on the same page and, while they are confident in their Foundation, their future Hava and Mahal are just at the beginning of their journey together, just four months since their first meeting and after weeks Of diference. the two are moments away from being reunited united for eternity in the eyes of God their parents and the community that helped bring them together each human being wants one thing wants to feel a sense of Oneness wants to feel a sense of wholeness I want to feel a sense of health, but it is from today that you will need to update this tremendous gift of Unity that is being given to you in Judaism.

This idea that we are on this Earth for the purpose of making a better place is the uh, fundamental principle, the guiding principle, but when you get married you should focus even more on how you are contributing to life rather than what I receive from Life Zoo to the woman who made the match, Mahal's sister, there is a feeling of a job well done, it really came about in a beautiful way, so I'm grateful to be a part of this, but I realize that it's definitely something much more big, something much bigger than me was happening.

I'm glad I wasinstrumental in Hava and Mahal now begin their life, their mission together as the guests enter the ballroom the couple make their way through the lively crowd escorted to a private room where they have one last ritual to complete the door, make sure it is tightly closed, now it is closed. doors in which Mahal and Hava spend their first moments Alone Together according to sacred texts the couple has 8 minutes to symbolically consummate their marriage Hava and Mahal emerge in 20 With rosy cheeks and ready for the party, the bride and groom are ceremoniously swept towards the respective male and female sides of the room is a Mitzvah or commandment to bring joy to the new couple and the guests take this very seriously.

It is a joyful day for Hava and Mahal who now have a new status in the community and with it a new charge to establish a faithful community. The Jewish home and family should be fruitful and multiply, but where does love fit into Jewish thought? Love can really only come in marriage because you can't have love without commitment, but I think love is really something that develops and becomes stronger and stronger. More than spending time with a person, I really want to develop the relationship. Someone once told me this way: a joy shared is a joy multiplied and a sadness shared is a sadness divided when you have a mission that is bigger than yourself and there are ups and downs and you know sometimes there is a lot of confusion about which one it is. the next step to be able to go through all of that with someone else is much more powerful and it's real life on a completely different level and I'm looking forward to seeing what that's like right now, the challenges ahead of us seem remote but in just a few days Hava will join Mahal. in San Diego where they will begin their new life together as husband and wife what will their relationship be like when the celebration is over and married life begins this looks pretty good it's not going to boil yet it's fine you just put cold milk in it it's already been Only three short weeks since Nadia and Abbar got married, not in a union negotiated by two sets of parents.

Nadia left Sunny Atlanta behind and joined Akbar and his new in-laws in Chicago, all under one roof. I'll make it, but if so. It tastes bad so she did it in close quarters under the watchful eye of Akbar's parents she is trying her best to be a good daughter-in-law she looks good yes, it works well our first chai very cute it's hard for me to imagine what this is The transition It has been for a girl who grew up in a united family, a family she has never been separated from until now, it looks good, what do you think of your new pink room?

I like it, it reminds me of my own room at home, were you surprised? Yes. It was a big surprise how it was when you entered the house for the first time. It was uh, when I first walked in it was terrifying. You married someone you'd only met twice and then moved into this house. now my home in a way forever, I mean, this family feels like that, sometimes it's overwhelming, because obviously I'm still getting to know him, but I feel safe with him and that's probably one of the most important things: you always want to feeling safe with your spouse, what would you say have been the most difficult things about this? um the transition is leaving my parents, um and my brother, you talk to them a lot, yeah, sorry, okay, some cleanex, you have to learn, you know how people are. are and have to adapt to each other's customs so I have to remind myself this is this is what you have to know how to deal with it learn things and it's going to take time um that night despite the transitional challenges that Nadia faces she is clearly committed to establishing a new life here with Akbar and his family.

Her goal is to eventually find work as a makeup artist and take care of the family as if she were her own. Now we have a daughter in our house, so it's the light. of the house, we are doing everything we can to make her feel comfortable here and then there is also a part of her that will always miss her parents no matter what, so we will continue to do our best not to fill that void, but to being there when she feels like she's part of our family now why is mom crying? No, no, I'm just happy for both of them, that's all I want, so to be happy with another daughter, this is new territory for the couple, but Nadia and Akbar only see the benefits, they found a person who shares their values and families that support them, you know, our families brought us together, they've done a good job and I'm very glad to know that I let them choose someone, um, I don't.

I don't think I would have done it, I could have done it on my own or found someone like you, you know Akar and his family to find someone like this, it's something out of a story book. I'm blessed. I would have to say I'm safe. I'm in good hands, that's what I get, it's worth the wait, it's been 3 weeks since Hava married Mahal and moved to San Diego as his wife. She has fulfilled one of the most sacred requirements of Hydic Judaism. A married woman must cover her hair. Sometimes as a sign of modesty, Hava hides her own hair with a custom-made wig.

Her signature curls are reserved only for the eyes of her husband. It's a big change and it's not easy, but it's something I have to get used to. in the relationship and I think sometimes that means doing things that you're not completely comfortable with, but you know will ultimately improve her life. This is what a Jewish woman does and that aspect is really beautiful. Kava and Mahal were once prohibited from doing so. being alone in the same room now spending almost every moment together every day is full of firsts every little thing is very exciting you know the first time we went to the supermarket it was very fun it was very fun yes the first time.

You know, I said my wife, she said my husband, you know every little thing that we like to savor because it's like all the firsts and it's so much fun to learn about each other this way. Committed married people feel safe revealing both the good and the bad that we are. We're both vulnerable to exposing our weaknesses and that's okay and I think that's an exciting part of it, yeah, you know, trusting you can be vulnerable. I think that's the essence of marriage, that it actually becomes one, it transcends simply accepting each other's personalities, it pursues one another until one gets married. now two are united in body and soul, physical intimacy is one of the most beautiful parts of marriage, it is about being one that you know and that Oneness, that is where God is real, God's presence resides in the bedroom and that , and that is why it is such a hallowed place it is incredible, this is sacred ground, although these marriages may require sacrifices, not everyone understands what they receive in return is something very profound.

My marriage is very connected to my faith. It has made my faith more real, stronger, like when I pray. now there is something more meaningful in my prayer now that I am married the simple fact of being married had that effect now I am truly living what Judaism teaches for Hava and Mahal marriage is an expression of their faith, their beliefs and while they are finally United H is still looking for that special someone, so would you say right now that you are looking for love or are you looking for a husband? I started looking for love, you know, a few years ago, thinking I wasn't even going to settle.

Someone who doesn't fit into my life and who I don't feel connected to, but now I'm starting to learn that I have to change, I have to evolve. As a person, I went too far with all this. independent spirit I would think that there are roles that I have to start adapting and fulfilling to really start making this process much easier. H still depends on his parents for help and together they will do whatever is necessary. My mom went to Pakistan and contacted a Matchmaker. I can't just stay quiet until someone arrives. Sister is prepared to follow the path her own parents took and is now ready to accept something that the other couples we have met have understood from the beginning that there are forces bigger than yourself tradition and community that can still play a role in the history of our modern romances