Historias debidas VIII: Mariana Arruti y Rebeca Lane (capítulo completo) - Canal Encuentro

Mariana Arruti is an anthropologist and film director, born in Argentina in 1969. Rebeca Line is a rapper, sociologist and feminist activist, born in Guatemala in 1984. These are the two stories that we are going to share in this chapter. In the artistic work of Mariana and Rebecca, there is a persistent search. around their own identity and the collective memory of Latin America' although they belong to different generations, both walk in the footprint left in Argentina and Guatemala by the struggles for truth and justice, true war has not ended, what they massacred us has controlled in The Guasave State that bears the name of her aunt who disappeared in 1981 and found her own voice in the poetics of rap and feminism.

Mariana Arruti, in her latest film, places her own story and that of her father, Juana Ruti, a communist union leader, at the center. murdered in 1973, Mariana, who grew up with the version of her father's accidental death, was encouraged to investigate the reasons for the family and social silence. Many years passed before she was able to do so. 7 since the premiere of her previous film, Trelew, one of the most awarded documentaries of the Argentine cinema in the very process of narrating and filming her Marian story understands the gaps of her childhood and recovers the figure and the militant legacies of her father.

I would like to start with the questions, what were the primary questions around the figure of your father? that began to mobilize your personal search that later became a film those founding questions what were they I think the big question was who my dad had been then there were other questions who had been like how because of his political commitment that is to say that that was what I was very blurred, but also later others that had to do with how he had been as a father, how he had been as a partner, how that family and that family environment could overshadow all of them, from the circumstances of my father's death to who his figure was. story about why that happened mariani because in this case fiction was necessary you who come with a long career in documentary with this film you need fiction because I believe that on the one hand it was a narrative resource but I do have to Being absolutely sincere is fiction that allowed me, I believe, to fill in the gaps, just not if in some way those memories that I do not have and that in any case may be in one or another photograph are not memories for me, they are photos, they are still frames without movement without life without that thing that thing that has someone's memory of a situation what is movement that is a moving scene the moments of fiction are very endearing also because you also invented a super 8 record that also did not exist of your birthday party like As you remember the materiality of that recreation and the birthday thing was strong because in reality I looked to be able to reconstruct the birthday scene in super8 that in addition to working with the issue of super support or not telling the return, we worked with the content and So we referenced ourselves with real photos of my last birthday that I spent with my dad, my 4th birthday of which you have no memory at all, and there was a photo or two photos of the triple birthday and some personal objects.

I brought my dolls, in fact, the puppet that It is used in the opening scene of the film in the first shot, which is an innocent hand puppet. It is a puppet that my father gave me and with which he played with me, so he also took truly personal objects in that reconstruction. It is that scene that I see it seems almost as if in some way I say in the framework of the absence of memories those images and those scenes in super8 a little well also become a little part of a constructed memory but that was constructed for the film but which is also what it is now for me in other terms, perhaps what mattered to me about that scene basically had to do with the father-daughter relationship, what I was looking for there on that last birthday was that moment of childhood of absolute infatuation with that line with its father and a naturalness in that relationship between them, that is to say, looking for that moment of happiness where in childhood one feels protected, celebrated, loved in some way to be able to build that joy and that closeness with that father, this will also allow me to tell later clausen to their absence the loss the pain of being left without those and in that context that was not only the dad but is dad mom friends uncles this possibility of celebrating well at this table there are just snippets of an investigation and a project that took you a long time Tell me a little about that photo and in this photo I don't have much information but he is clearly with his fellow members in a bar because that little chair, yes that table is a bar table, obviously having a few bottles of beer, he is the one pointing it out, he is not the one. of the tip of a black jacket and there are several with their fists raised so I imagine they are colleagues from the union and the communist party, surely the other very very nice photo that is here places us in Montehermoso clearly there is the sea I would like it Also tell him why that car has if it is on the beach of Montehermoso this is the palate on the horse's side and in this car they went out to read some articles and things about our word on the corners of the most humble neighborhoods in Bahía so it was a tool in militancy that car a tool of militancy and as we see also of enjoyment because there is someone who had like both things well and here is this photo this family picture and these are buenos aires there is my father my mother my brother and I think it is The last photo that the 4 of us have in Buenos Aires in the lakes of Palermo, they found your father on what date they found your father's body on September 13, 1973, look at this photo is dated May 12, 1973, very shortly before The first time I see that I turn it over and look at exactly what date it is, what is the handwriting of this Mariana Montehermoso also again that photo of what time is Mariana and I would be every 18 more or less 18 years old calculation is the time when a friend in Montehermoso told you, look, they died in an accident here, everyone says that they murdered him, it's that time when they told you that they are a revelation that surprised you that time, yes, and yes, it was a very strong impact for me, very strong, I returned it to Buenos Aires and I talked to my mother about this and my mother told me no, although it hadn't been like that and life went by, I don't know how it happened and at that moment you were left with it again, with that going around, I accepted, let's say I accepted what my mother He told me he would never bring up the subject again but I never forgot what they had told me this is a reality I never forgot what Walter had told me and I lived with that between search and denial also no and many more 20 years passed for that I could really begin a serious search and I could open my eyes and dare to see and in this process also begin to walk with your mother because ultimately you were the one who illuminated this truth for her too, yes, that was also very strong for me it was like something I felt like something against nature that is to say that a son has to explain to them I as a daughter explain to my mother how that had been how my father had died it was like one thing it was like the world upside down exactly the other way around it will be Like me, I am an adult now, as I do as an adult to tell my mother that what she lived with all her life was not like this.

You are incredible at her mountains or kindergarten and then we have this photo that touches me. a lot of the photo one of the photos of my parents' wedding in Bahía in 66 Cruz linda the two of them and that smile of my old lady I'm not going to find any other photo of her life these are from the filming those are from the filming of trelew de 32 a we spent how difficult it was with María yes yes because it was a tension between my need to talk to her and to know, I think that this scene reflects the reality beyond the film in my need to know and also to understand it and protect it the two things at the same time vary that he died I would not be what you call me and in the film if there is one I would say two characters who are associated with silencing and concealment they are Mario and Esther and there appear some fused images in the film who were They, well, they were people close to my mother, when she comes to Buenos Aires, when she comes to work, the bonds of friends that she already builds here in Buenos Aires, well, when my father appears dead in Avel

lane

da, in some way, given the situation of great emotional fragility that my Mom had them begin to occupy a place in my life in my childhood that of my brother that continues throughout life after the death of my father was that he and Mario began to be part of our lives my life brother of mine of my mother's forever my mother was an engineer at that time she worked and mario in the boss was her boss esther and mario could not have children and sometimes similar to a thousand they already formed like scenes where we seemed like a family but not in That house was not talked about, my father was never talked about, it was as if he had never existed.

There are in all the fictional scenes that we recreate with them. There is a girl who has to be there. There are love scenes, however, there is discomfort. It is that in some way it is I believe that they are trying to rebuild there, it is a comfort that has always ended, it ended up being consolidated when I actually knew that, well, both they and others, my mother's companions in those years, my mother's friends, were the ones that we would say consolidated from the first moment the version that my dad had died in an accident that a train had hit him what happened to mario' to esther when you asked and now big actually in their case what hurt me the most was going back to to deny, not this to deny again something that was already in my life, what had to do with, I mean, twenty years later, they maintained more thirty-somethings, almost forty years later, that it had been an exact accident and also in reality more than that, I don't know. he is saying nothing to me, don't ask me because I don't know and then well, this does seem to me that let's say it forced me to go back to try to look at that childhood and those moments of distance and enormous sadness because those times with them were also hard times because I no longer had my father and also hard because neither did my mother.

Well, as a mother who could be present and whole in body and soul, then any situation of enjoyment that they could propose for me was always there. an enormous sadness and I believe today as well and I believe that that is why in some way he constructed those images in that way I believe that things, even if they are not said, are known at one point, it is not somewhere that that girl did not finish giving herself, there was something there that I was crossed by what I was not doing said and basically by a denial in the word about the existence of my father if they were people who never spoke about my father as if he had never really existed then this is something that let's say I was able to put it back together I tried to put this puzzle together, this familiar and social one, with the tools of fiction.

It's in a movie when you think about the silences that that silence evokes. We're not talking about dizziness and Esther right now, but we can think about it in a more general way, that is to say, the movie as a mirror of other silences, you like to think about your film like that, yes, I always thought about it, so I think there is a lot of that and I think that our families and many families are crossed by this, because of these questions of what is not said by very different perspectives. within families, due to political disputes, due to reproaches, due to guilt, due to an enormous amount of feelings and sensations that I think are not easy to put outside, these are things that end up, let's say, being reserved for the domestic order for intra-family stories, but to me It seems to me that this is one of those stories we are all going through why that happened what was the place of each one who said who did who did not say who left who was there maybe they are not exactly the same as this one of mine but I say it seems to me That there are a number of things still unsaid in terms of the family consequences that the entire process of repression in Argentina has had.

The most subjective consequences of Mariana. There is a personal process. Did you do it with your mother? What happened when I saw the film? and let's live, he gets excited every time he sees the movie he always gets very excited and I think I'm left with that another very very beautiful moment of fictional recreation is returning to this beautiful mountain to those immense beaches territory that always connects you with your old man yes yes I I never left Montehermoso, that is to say, Montehermoso was always a meeting place for me with my father, so I felt that I was stepping on the travel route.

Yes, I totally felt that there was in that place because, in addition, from what he had told me, my father loved me very much. the sea and a lot that was his place the place he loved the most and somehow I also fell in love with that place a little maybe as a way to be close to him in some way at 40 years old on the day of death From my father, I went to Montehermoso alone, for example, this was a trip I took to be alone in that place and so it was always a place of reference for me and obviously I wanted to sign there, which is also something that I was recovering a little in these years that my father's childhood I had hardly heard anything about his childhood and neither about my grandmother nor about her life in that area that is the field that is the sea that is that relationship between field sea Colonel Dorrego Montehermoso because a movie why did you decide convert to narrativepublish this story that you were silently reconstructing and processing for so many years.

I believe that on the one hand, because it is my way of telling, it is also my way of processing things that move me. For me, cinema has to do with that, it has nothing to do with a means to live has to do with a means of expression of something that is important to me to say and I do it from there but I also believe that to some extent the father is a bit of a film that is precisely what I am looking for is to say that story not said out loud not like a movie had been silenced in a cinema and for everyone how to stop except how to take revenge with a big megaphone to say what they had not told me and that I was once able to reconstruct then well it was a little also a sense of healing that no although we tell other stories in reality we are always telling ours yes absolutely yes I think so always I at least have been telling the same story since I started telling stories I started telling about the bragado prisoners who were workers imprisoned for political issues, the shipbuilding and repair workers in the 50s 3 lewis el padre the short I made about the dining room of the villa 31 also talks about the same thing, what are the bridges that weave together those stories that are the same story I think it's a class issue I think it's a theme of this the issue of resistance about the strong medium resistance about eras the political resistances the social resistances the social classes that I am always located in a place where that for some reason me It mobilizes and I don't do anything in the cinema that doesn't touch my belly no I can't do it for me silence is doing something it's a creative fact and in a fact of shock for me to make a film so it did reconstruct because that It happened, that is, when I find my father's story, I go back to see everything I did up to that moment and well, obviously I was always talking about him and him, about me and my story of my origin, not only about him, but also about me, yes.

Do you think, looking at that photo, that Mariana ruined the one in the photo today and if we rehearsed an imaginary dialogue between the two, what do you think that is? I would say to the one who is here, I don't know, I think that I think that the conversation would be more or less like this that I could be telling that Mariana not to deny the things that are in front of her nose, to be able to listen and to have her eyes open because she has just heard something that she has to be able to hear, even if it is a difficult hunchback, but to start to walk the path there and I think that she would tell me sometimes it is not possible sometimes you have to wait for the precise moment in which one is ready to do it I think we would understand each other I think I understand it and I think she would also understand this another no, because in those 20 years that elapsed from his 18 to his 38 years, perhaps there were many things that were lost, many times that were lost, many possibilities, many other encounters, other other lives to share, for example with that family with lineage, practical and beautiful light that He is 18 he was lost he was lost for 20 years those roasts those wines those loving sharing but it is also like that there is also a time for everything and one cannot do anything until one is strong to face the things one has to face and the truth It was not easy, if I admire her, I say very tender, also to face that whole social world that I denied, denied, denied, and denied.

I don't have a 20-year-old son. It was good, well, thank you, Mariana, thank you for the talk and above all, thank you for that movie. Always the Guatemalan poet and rapper Rebeca Lines also had to confront the silences, the silence about the story of her aunt who disappeared in Guatemala in 1981, the silence about her own story of abuse and violence when she was barely 15 years old, rap, poetry and militancy. first in son guatemala and then in feminist groups they have been their way of naming rage and sowing resistance

rebeca

what is the full name your full name with which you were baptized

rebeca

says vargas fame since that name is an inheritance the name of rebeca unicef It is the name of my aunt who was arrested and disappeared in 1981 in Guatemala and was part of a guerrilla organization now for the organization of the people in arms and well my father as a form of tribute already disappeared in 81 and I was born in 84 then Well, as a tribute, they gave me the name that was also the name of my grandmother.

I have another cousin older than me called Paula Rebeca. I also like the names and remember that she is very constant in the family history since there is a photo, let's See it well, this photo is a photo let's say very special, very particular also because it was a photo that was framed in a super large size, it was printed very large and it was in my grandparents' family room, which was also their house, it was full of photos of Rebecca and also of other children of ours with beautiful little ones and such, but this particular photo is very impressive because for me this photo was almost the only memory I had of it because the issue is when you have a missing person in which also for a context of war you cannot claim so publicly let's say then the only way I can imagine my land with the photos then this photo was as you know how when you have a memory of this photo and you will have thought about it and it will have passed through your body many times yes That name was a legacy or a heavy life or both, if you look at that, that's the relationship with my name, it's a little conflictive because although I understand and understand that it was born from love and wanting to give myself a seed so that it doesn't forgetting him also for me implies a very strong burden, I always relate it a lot to a shadow, it was not a shadow because there was something in my history linked to me that had a lot of pain but that was not explicit and also not being explicit also had to do with The political context in Guatemala, I mean, it's not that today these things are still scary to talk about there, I too, let's say in your family, they paint you in the photo, it's not the photo, the perfect network, it was here, it was already, I needed to know facts like If he smoked you understand me and then there was a moment where you had the need to say I'm not like that, yes yes the truth is that yes because he pretends that also in the militancy when I already started to be a militant at a very young age and then he said guatemala Yes, there I started in Hijos and the anti-imperialist bloc were like the two spaces.

In fact, it was until I entered into Hijos that I said, look, the same thing happened to me, too. My aunt is missing and that's when in Hijos, they started me, so you have a photo, I already took it. I took this photo that you showed me at home, my grandparents don't have their story, let's make their story, so he was like daddy to help me build some lines about the city of recognition, as well as similar stories with other children, yes, exactly, when I met others that the same thing had happened to them so then they began to recover with much more pride and not with so much weight on them.

Rebeca's story had a reference from the children of Argentina to you, who naturally I am a hip hop rapper, it was attitude, María Marta, it was a reference to malena d'alessio of the fury of the children who demanded justice were not the 90s in Argentina of missing persons and of course we listened to that music I listened to it a lot and attitude María Marta connected me a lot because of the family history because it was like I listened to those songs and said it's the same the same rage that we feel not the battery of the dictatorship trees in the cumbia of memory there is a verse where you say the eyes of the buried will close on the day of justice or they will not be saved how you lived a trial partial justice like the one that has been experienced in Guatemala we know it very well but the trial of the genocide rios montt was very emblematic how you lived it well look at that phrase particularly it is from a book called the eyes of the buried by Miguel Ángel Asturias which He is the Nobel Prize winner from Guatemala and his literature always led me to search for history.

For me, it was a very healing issue, very strong, very hard, very painful, no, but healing is not exactly azuquita. It is hard to confront the pain. So it was a very hard time and a lot of attachment to our colleagues and friends, and when finally we used violence a lot, but it has given me an account of a lot of our language, at least from solidarity, especially in the body. It is a very important word and being here in the south I realized that it is a very our word but it is nice to steal the corts of the rope it means both to hug but also to put the body the statements of ten women and chiles who reported being victims of sexual abuse marked the eighth day of the trial being carried out against generals José Efraín Ríos Montt and José Mauricio Rodríguez Sánchez with his face covered, one of the victims who is now 46 years old explained that he remained three days in the military detachment of San Juan Cotzal Quiché she related that she was captured by a group of soldiers and that they killed her husband and her six-month-old daughter where hope had the face of a woman in justice, it was women who were fighting those great battles and it was a woman who was the one. that he confronted the dictator that everyone was afraid to confront and then when ten days later the entire trial process was annulled I wanted to make a song that was I was very angry I was very frustrated and I had a lot of things inside but I I said what I want to do, first I want to do.

At that time, cumbia was very fashionable in Guatemala for a community without content. So I said, I want to make a song that people can hear dance to and that is popular so that it reaches many places. but I also want it to be a song of celebration and tribute to these men and women. I don't want it to be a sad song or saying no to the justice system, but rather saying, I'm not going to focus on this defeat in the judicial system, otherwise I'll leave. to focus on the courage of the men and women who went to testify, on the courage of the judge, on the courage of all the people who made it possible for this trial to take place and it is a song that also says a lot if there was genocide Because because the right or a lot of money was being invested in campaigns saying there was no genocide, there was no genocide, there was no opposite from Guatemala, the corpse of simple ruin, this national holiday, I study democracy, rather a fallacy, Thelma's false elections are not effective.

What governs are only the elections, they are the lessons of a people without memory that takes to the streets but not history and rap is a simple and political tool, as you think or as I felt alone, mischievous, there are many elements that make one hooked politically, especially because this is a culture that was born among racialized youth within the context of the United States, we are talking about African American and Afro-Caribbean men and women. The fact that hip hop was born there, I feel that it also has in itself many cultural keys of our towns that have been used for the survival of our cultures such as the spoken word and poetry the story of everyday life based on rhythm and where hip hop emerges in our Central American context is in the marginalized neighborhoods it is in those great places where There is poverty where there is no access to education where your poor options are to become a gang member, join the church or get married, so it has also grown in a context.

I see it as it emerged for young people in the bronze at that time, for us in Central America, I have dad has come to give hope to young people for whom no one gave a cent, a place of great hopelessness, great poverty, great sadness, hip hop has come to give joy, it has come to give organization recognition without social recognition, that your community recognizes you as an artist for For example, Rebeca, if we close our fists at this time and read hip hop and hip hop with closed fists and with warrior fists, if that's how it is, it's a warrior.

Guatemala registers one of the highest rates of sexist violence on the continent. Rebeca believes that this violence is one of the legacies left by the armed conflict in her country and is enthusiastic about the Latin American articulation of the women's movement this march demands once again the women's movement has been doing it for a long time the decriminalization of abortion you told cases is a better mirror with so many stories that we see here in Argentina and look and I think that also looking at it regionally Central America we are facing a situation where women's rights are increasingly being set back because let's say for example in Central America there are three of the five countries that have criminalized abortion and we have Honduras we have Nicaragua and we have El Salvador, even Nicaragua as an apparently left-wing government and that this government was the person in charge of laborde and of criminalizing abortion in Honduras, for example, the aes, which are the morning after pills, are illegal in Guatemala, they are for approve they are promoting a sector of deputies they are promoting a law that is going to prohibit prohibiting sexual education in schools, imagine it is going to prohibit talking about other sexual orientations and other gender identities in the classroom as one or as something normal you can't talk about the only thing you can say that is normal in heterosexuality everything else deviation they want to criminalize abortion because in Guatemala abortion is not criminalized and they want to prohibit same-sex marriage so I think that being here is alsorepresentative for me in the sense of the struggles that women in Central America have and strengthening ties.

This is the first time that Rebecca Line visits Buenos Aires where she has several shows scheduled and the recording of a video with the Argentine rapper Bayo Flow. We walked and We sing for justice and equity but the governments know that we want freedom we are organized to never again since they are armed and will not kill we are not afraid we do not know how the press acts with its infiltrators and dominates it among the almost this power these of the same people who makes the shot disappear behind the backs of here in Buenos Aires.

I spoke many times about healing and about healing through the poetry of art music because also in your feet or in your last album you did not explicitly poeticize situations of violence of Resistance in the body is mine is not one of the themes included in Alma Mestiza, the last album, but it is also a good way to recognize the violence that happened to you. You say that you are a kind of survivor. This theme is autobiographical, let's say I like it. At a certain point, when I realized, let's say that it wasn't just me who had experienced one or more violent relationships, and I began to realize that it was other women who had also experienced it, I realized that it wasn't a problem. individual because what happened to me is that I had a very violent relationship between the ages of 15 and 18 with a boy who was older than me and then this relationship ended.

I managed to get out and I said well, how do you know how I put him in a drawer and it was this It didn't happen to me, this was my fault. I encouraged these services of violence many times. I was the one who consented to having sexual relations. I was like I gave myself a lot of responsibilities. I totally baby-lized you, but I also decided not to live with guilt because for That doesn't have a drawer for me I also told myself well I'm not going to live with the guilt that everything that happened was mine but I assumed a responsibility I assumed a responsibility but I kept it if I'm not going to live with this then rather I never talked about it I never said it until I found myself in a group of women and when we all started telling stories it was like this can't be this happened to me too this happened to her it happened to her it happened to her actually you recognized the situation of abuse and violence in the story of the other companions and it has happened to me it happened to me today that is it has not been like a long time ago no then I assumed the story I started to tell it and so on but maybe I got very emotionally involved in the sense of not wanting to take my emotionality beyond where I was prepared to break, let's say, but it also happened to me that in a group of 15-year-old girls, the majority wanted to pay me a tribute and give me recognition for my work and the majority of girls who are survivors of sexual abuse, many with boys with girls and when I go and give a talk to these girls and the fences of 15 years old, it falls on me to see them and say, I was 15 years old, with one of them, all this happened, I also suffered what you are Girls are suffering and seeing me at 15 years old also made me realize that sexual relations were not consensual, this was not consensual, this I was 15, he was 20, he knew what he was doing with my body, I didn't know what he was doing, as well.

It has brought me a lot of dealing then also with sexual violations let's say suffered within a context of nuclear or not where I really but it was until I saw a 15 year old girl and said she was a girl she was a girl I was not prepared to live at that age What I had to live with this guy, no, so it's like the song also goes a little there, because I try a lot to include this element as the same as the cumbia song, the memory, not sticking with the story of pain because that makes me it immobilizes you don't like it you never liked calling yourself a beastie no I never liked it I never liked it because it always had a very great resistance to accept me as a victim but I also feel and also analyzing the energy that happens in a concert I feel that it is very mobilizing and it is very healing that we close the stories with an ending and that they leave you power and not with an ending that leaves you feeling bad for what happened to you then in this song, for example, this body is mine, we end with what I and managed to rescue from me from me own resistance to violence but also that of other colleagues to say a moment, enough is enough, as that is what I wanted to close this song with a healing ending for me and for all of us who are experiencing or have experienced such a beautiful situation now every morning of seeing you in the mirror and not recognizing my soul tired of silence and feeling isolated tired of feeling afraid tied up in my own house the wounds on my face I don't want more wounds I want to fight for my life I want to tell the story I don't want to be a city so so e queer Guatemalan woman feminist sociologist poet, how do you like to think about this question of identities, well, look, I, the truth is that the more I go about constructing my identities, I feel calmer with myself because what has happened to me in certain stages of measures that boxed me in.

It's very true that I am very so, to put it when I was on the left, very on the left, when I was a lesbian, I was very lesbian, not because I assumed these identities as absolute and then I began to realize, well, that I also had a lot of influence, it's not a characteristic of my personality that I am. very fluid so like also for example when I, from my lesbian position, I started to feel attracted to a man again I was like oh how disgusting I am that gasca person that I am is a man you know how making me feel bad because what more lesbians today and then I said to myself, I mean it was like letting go when I said ah well no more there is no need to be a lesbian I'm not going to become heterosexual to be with a boy nothing's wrong I'm not fixing myself I'm not reforming so like that like now it is much more difficult for me to define myself and I even use words like funny how gatti horny cat and unicorn your identity is that they do not exist because they are fictitious so that there are no entities that have analyzed a lot in that way also to shake myself and that rigor that I have with respect to where I position myself and how I identify myself, including feminism itself, not every feminist, feminist, feminist, and then I come across community feminism that questions feminism itself, so it's like wow, I mean, I'm learning so much. to de-westernize myself with the indigenous comrades and their way of seeing the fight for women that is not feminist that enlightened you, this is not evident from a very strong search of this time, not that of looking and listening to how much we need to listen to the indigenous women, especially those of us who come from the urban context.

If you look, I feel that what helped me a lot was realizing that I am indigenous too, but stripped of my culture. Let's say, in Guatemala, I am a normal woman, that is, we are all similar, short brunettes. with certain features, round face, little things like this, my last name is mesh, which is a quiche surname from Totonicapán, but I never assumed the indigenous identity of my grandfather, also because there was a rupture there in the term of how the identity was given to us from my grandfather on my mother's side, that is, my mother, my Maya says, she did not become aware of her unworthiness until she entered university, because something like that happened to me, not when I started in the world of music and saw myself in it. the photos and discovering myself without the eyes of the colonizer, with a glance it is colonizing to see myself and those features or those things of mine, the last name itself that perhaps made me ashamed, to begin to see them from another perspective and come more into contact with the legacy of indigenous women before me so for me also this this looking at myself in the mirror and recognizing myself is also honoring with honoring my ancestors and my ancestors and finding myself and being in solidarity with their struggles and well and you know that we end these journeys in these conversations with a ritual that comes from the hand of a photo the photo is being and the game rebeca is thinking that a dialogue was possible between those two what do you think the one in the photo would tell you why you are sitting at this table she wow me what is she Well, it's good that everything we went through has already happened and that everything is fine, it would be recognized that we give each other peace.

I think so. I think that a very important part of my path is to win over this girl who at a certain moment does not take care of me as she should have taken care of me. At my age, my heart, above all, of course, not from guilt, you know, because I know that what happened to me is why they violated me in many ways, but I didn't love myself very much nor have I taken much care of myself, so if I believe that we are at peace, that would be the right thing to do. or the nice thing for this moment if this were the other way around that we could say something to her I think it would seem like mom telling her not to do a lot of things but in the end that has made me feel finished so I would tell her the same thing about everything you went through. became stronger and thanks to that now we can raise our voice for ourselves and for many more so be it and if it continues to be radical line my plan and in this handshake a wish that Guatemala begins to be called Guatemala rivers extinguish those that cried the land after so much massacre in times of war and do not think that this was only in the eighties and the towns devastated in such a bloody way as they think from hatred they do the complete opposite defending the interests of the rich so sad we have realized But he allowed the Mayan peoples to have the intention of genocide, Sofia's plan to be and we must kill the majority that coincidentally, in these lands I am going to mine