HBO Comedy Hour - An All-Star Toast to the Improv - 1/30/1988

ah, welcome to an all-

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toast

to

improv

Billy Crystal Richard Lewis Martin Mull Paul Rodriguez and Robin Williams and now live from

improv

in Los Angeles your host Robert Klein why he's almost very kind I'd like to thank you The technical team for the correct estimation of microphone height fully prepared each Elise test, what's her name? Pat McCormack probably knows this because Fantasy Island was going to host, but I'm actually not that welcome to improv. What are we going to do here tonight? For

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ters we are making a living and Budd Friedman isn't doing bad either the owner of this establishment we are live God forbid winning we get so nervous that improvisation for those of you who don't know out there is an institution that started many years ago , many years, first in Hell's Kitchen and now in Hollywood, that many comedians started, including myself, we are happy to pay tribute here to the improv that was a home for us and to Budd Friedman, who is the previous one who started here. in real estate he was the person on the television seminars you know you don't have cash you bought a hotel now you have to take advantage of the hotel with the money you don't have and the one you didn't have at the beginning that make sure you have no money you bought two buildings of apartments with the hotel you don't know then you buy the city of Cleveland that you can get at a government auction brochure page 412 and you go to the penitentiary and you buy your cell and you start the business in the penitentiary you get what Friedman has been trying to give to them beautiful girls the Heimlich maneuver for 15 years also invented a new aspect of oral to genital resuscitation to save lives we saw who just to marry Morgan McBride you Oh, number one anyway the one What hasn't changed my many years of The Improv is the men's bathroom, which looks exactly and very suspiciously, even when they fix everything else, they left out this kind of place where you put paper on the doorknob when you walk in, you know? flush with your foot like a surgeon, the way everyone looks when they come out, you open the door with your ass antenna, also Louie, the chef, the temperamental Latinos, they say, you know what it is, then people get very grumpy at 110 Fahrenheit and because the waitresses what is your order you know chicken salad what do you have now son of a bitch hamburgers come here I will kick your ass you know all these wedges of course our aspiring actresses let's get on with the process here we have a wonderful all- colleagues stars of the cast, so it's a privilege to share the stage and all the people are very, very comfortable with the fact that they will be sitting behind their colleague when they are working on their 145 pound University to Wichita Richard Lewis Richard Law from Appleton University Wisconsin ferry rides oh really mom eleven William no no my first our first you get home from shul tell me Jen even had to go to a club hey park the BMW there anyway she's my you know I'm sorry , the French comedian started to worry here and what when the star of the club I have to leave now I continue to worry one of the most erotic men in the world like Richard Louis you take this mouth thank you but it was not a bit abrupt can I have a bypass operation before to leave?

It's good to be here I don't feel well I'm sweating I had chest pain but I'm in a good mood down below the chest pains are good for me and I slept well at night but I didn't rest that's why if you've already received billing for being here. I'll tell you right now. I'm excited to be here. But Freedman I started here and he was a great guy. He started many comments. Don't we know this? I feel sorry for you, but I'm sad that Sophie Tucker and King Beto could be here tonight. He's not a stingy guy.

I started, no, there wasn't much bread, you know? Still, I had a house ketchup that wasn't very exciting for Him and I a little check for twelve dollars to go on and at the club The improv check had a picture of Flip Wilson, a mechanical bull waving at everyone and then I did about a hundred thousand shows. The improvisation I still get phone calls 4:00 In the morning I'm going to open a new improvisation that's in Venice, it's called Chuckle Chapel, you have to open it but he's not like a gangster, he took the men, she's a good guy You know, the worst thing he's ever done, he threatened to bankrupt my therapist. legs I was upset about that and why am I a psychiatrist?

What did he call me? I'm here with my friends, my star friends here and yes, she called me my ex psychiatrist. Amount of therapy now she called me. Apparently she. She apologized She made a couple of mistakes a couple of years ago She's remembering her clients from 1985 I'm not making fun of you too much but I'm not going back I always felt paranoid They wished she was trying to help me behind my back I didn't like that you know psychiatrists are the best, you know, I mean, look what a job that is, I mean,

comedy

is frankly, but being a psychiatrist being on your honeymoon at 4 a.m.

In Paris he gets married for the first time. to take a call from a client hello, sorry doctor, I had to call you Jeffrey is making that Caesar salad again, that's scary, but yeah, I'm not a crazy, I'm a comedian, I'm not a crazy, no, he is a crazy. I will say right now Michael Jackson, this is Michael Jackson, he is not crazy, I don't mean not in the sense of crazy, but yes, he is a brilliant man and yet he had to spend $100,000 for the bones of the Elephant man? I'll tell you right now. Kunie is like a half stick ball back and I'm neck bread I would have been here part sari time to split oh please here only triangle colors for the poor team analyst just five more dollars we need to make who else is crazy Well, uh, I feel like a breakup was a Freudian slip and look what you know, I feel like doing a talent show in a mental institution right here, it's the Christmas show, okay, you're the psychopath, right?

You have multiple personalities. I'll be Santa Claus, I'll be Scrooge and something like that, but I mean, I was making a movie last year and I was watching a conjugate that's full of crazy people lying in an alcove away from the TV screen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that's crazy, I'm neurotic, that's crazy to me, the whole political thing, I mean, they lied right to our faces, I mean, it was like 30 years of guys like in the, you know , a maple syrup industry and a guy would say Did you load them here, the name and show me the mind?

Well, that sounds familiar to me. I'm not really sure right now and a couple or you know, I think my mom calls me, but she called me for a big concert like this before 6:00 in the morning any call before 6:00 in the morning. For me it is not my intention to project negativity but for me before 6 a.m. it's not a family it's not a family it's unfair to go out like just hello it's all wrong it's mushy peas already I noted New Year's Eve I sent with a family to Jersey we sat around midnight and watched our hopes fall, you know, and a midnight was Christmas, Hanukkah time, you know, and I'm not when it deeply relieves my mother, this is terrifying, she has a menorah. on a dimmer which is kind of an appliance we have the mistletoe little finger from hell you know it's supposed to be kissed and yet one of my uncles died on Christmas about 30 years ago he has a black bracelet around the mistletoe , so we had to kiss and We cried kissing, we were at the same time and I went to his house with something scary.

She was in a predominantly anxious section of town in New Jersey and my address was 283 up Shits Creek it was an Ahmadiyya her house is still the same type of exposed brick. and nervous the house there I enter the gifts of hell I'll tell you right now she bought me she bought me a dead relatives metronome that a little scared I was going to uh I was a great thing I have a remote control crying whoa which is great, I can, I could cry and cry in any room of the house, which bill is very important, but hey, what's the first difference?

I want you to have your help, guys, you have your help, right? Should I be funny? Hey, hey, okay. I'll see you there whatever again you want to keep what Eva again I wish you happy, well Valentine's Day is coming up here right now and PEG peg Peggy no, no, I'm not ready, I'm ready, just forget it, I can't. I'm not going to take it well, I just want to be good, I want to feel good, I want to feel good about myself, I just feel like I broke up with this woman, I wish you the best, all I know is that she was an actress from hell, look.

I'm going to see I'm not a positive guy, she had lithium which is a major drug and yet before lithium she was like "I want to go to a carnival or a dig festival, it's not a kind of thing, you already know". through Baba hey, I wish Baba is well, you know that, but I'm in therapy when I cry, she says, we can't cry now because you are the wheat, you are the whole grain bread with raisins, as you know, it's a scary situation I I'll tell you right now sex went to the bathroom I feel like sex should be the key to a relationship I know you feel that I know you both feel that but we went home yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm right, right? wrong, eh, it seems so, yes, but we have never done it, they began, yes, yes, the big bang harvest of a minor God, Victor, yes, but we were heading for an orgasm, yes, you can applaud that the Big Island with the Big Island I was not saying to continue.

With the girls thing, it's fine. I'll continue with that right now, but I was heading into an orgasm custody battle. I'll tell you right now and I want to say that we made love. You know, she put an armrest in the middle of the bed. I was. It doesn't scare me that she has sexual relations, it's one of the things about her that bothers him. I wasn't excited about it or not while we were making love, she did a breast exam. I feel like she wasn't right, you know, and check first. Hey, I'm sorry. I know it's not fair for women to use all those things, but all these gadgets from France, Latecha Smith, that kind of thing, you know, but wait, I'm Paraná, what do you use it for?

You sprinkled salt on your shoulders. I wasn't excited about that. I said I don't know why Evan flows the evidence when they're in Sullivan in 65, the ebb and flow I have in 1968. I had my vintage boat CA and yet the Northern Lights are here and you have to do it what we ended up with to have Thursday. I know and I know it's scary you want to feel good about yourself and I'm telling you right now sexually I feel sexy Zaki I feel like I'm not pointing at you it's a key it's a key and yet I'm just sorry it wasn't good, it wasn't good that he talked bad about me when we broke up, she said I had to fake foreplay, that didn't excite me, you know, and I gave her an anticlimax that didn't make me happy. that you know how to go to a penis awareness clinic, that I was horrified and how you get out, how you get out, it's terrifying, I know what to do, just so you know, I'm just a hypochondriac and I just know what masturbation is, I tell myself to myself, can't I just be my friend?

I'm afraid to give me something, it's a little struggle thing and, but yeah, hey, aren't I going to tag you now? I just want to share the program. It's great to be here. I'll be back soon. I need some shock therapy and I'll be back. Congratulations, friends, and I'm still doing a Will Rogers on Acid Compression here for no reason, but it's exciting to be here to be with you and, I see, I have to tag now. How do you finish? How do you end up with these people here outside the house? I call it playing host.

Thank you very much for the pleasure so young and so handsome in the water comes a hole in the ground and water for everyone how about some st. Joseph valium for children oh and some coffee for a speedy little man look for a port speedball luckily it has no effect anyway I'm going to tell you he's too handsome to have that kind of calm when I think of old judge Robert please oh There you know, just say who you are, come out, you know, I'm sorry, we're men with men, we're lesbians, talk about it, it's the Donahue show, who's next, you, no, this is one, I just want talk about one I remember improvisation, there are so many times social life of improvisation, so many waitresses and wonderful moments.

There was the beautiful ventriloquist who moved her tits, who during the orgasm said, look, baby, will you marry me and then began to talk about, what do you think? we should change the puppet you were very interested in your work our next our next artist is someone who I would like to introduce you something to, would it make you proud because he is an old New York sports fan by imitating Bob Sheppard, the announcer at Yankee Stadium? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Yankee Stadium number seven billion, a glass system, thank you, thank you Bua, great and yet I'm afraid we're all going home talking like that because it's infected, you find out you mean it was. in pop ballet and it is Martin Bormann I recognize the dental tables and we are doing IDO for adults when Dulce no and my rollers are in the dog trunk we had two same relatives although we migrated unlikely.

No, we had them, there's only a couple and they just send them to different houses and I was in my room, my great-grandparents will be making love, it was great that they were doing it.that this was improvised. any memories for those who passed by us now I remember when I came here I feel like we should be remembering I remember there was Blood Freeman sitting by the door before this was a leather bar I came down here from San Francisco I remember walking In the evenings I used to playing clubs in San Francisco like in Berkeley, where most people in wheelchairs couldn't laugh, you just heard if they really like that Pappa horse like II oh, you're a good

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, but sometimes I draw, I work. in one place, there is another place in San Francisco called The Crossing Coffee House.

I would have comedy after lesbian poetry. I know you shouldn't be a lesbian. Sorry, I won't say lesbian women and comfortable shoes. It's okay, a lot of women are named Betty. I'd like to talk to you now when Yeah, it's like Dorothy on acid, this is what it's about and there's rumors like going behind that curtain is involved, you're going into this club, no, his brief wife, can I use the word Mickey, okay, yeah, After you, he's up there, man? She's up there, man, it's like something unspoken playing, I'll explain it, bubble, I'll tell her it's like up there on Sunset Boulevard, it's another place, a different place, very far from here, it's another place, I'll say the word, Alright. but you did a lot tonight, it's okay because at the Comedy Store and sometimes people cross paths and then they can never come back.

I just want to say that maybe one day you'll enlist and sit in a room like Reagan and Gorbachev but without the fun stuff. in the head and they will be P and one day they will be just a club called Salvi conurbation where everyone will get together and we will eat a lot for no reason and you will have their hair and you will have your hair that will be so juicy in too far away God, yes, funny, make it happenin our life , what's it like opening up all the places, she said, oh there's money for everyone, can't you see which north you're like Gandhi and a deli going who had the fish, but that's my dream, call me crazy, call me savage Look at these people?

Up here we all look, we look at this man on a boat ride, that's a bullet, me on him, that's what people were actually brain dead, yeah, it all goes like this, that's quite a yeah But I have to go, I have to go. Back in San Francisco, it's amazing there, you see people dressed like a cowboy and you say no, and I know a Paul talked about Paul's opportunity here. Paul briefly talked about it, but hey, sex is a little scary unless you're going to live with it. Maybe if you're really scared you have to buy one of those rubber dolls and say hello mom, this is Michl forever I love you.

I got it, let you pick me up like saying my friend and live The people at the Robin Williams beauty counter wait