Half in the Bag Episode 93: Fantastic Four

a movie that looks like the Roger Corman movie where they were in the ridiculous suits with the

four

of them? in it and they're running around trying to save the day and that's what Jessica Alba's was, yes it was, yes Jessica Alba's is kind of similar to Roger Corman's with just a higher budget as far as cheesiness goes which is.but the Roger Corman one has that low-budget charm that makes it fun, yeah, it's that blurred line in comic book movies where sometimes you can't be completely realistic, but then you can't go corny, yeah, and when you ride. the line in the middle is when you end up with crap.

Well I guess so, the problem with the Fantastic Four is that all of their powers are inherently dumb. You have a man stretching himself like you shouldn't try to make a dark, gritty movie like that. it seems like what Josh Tran was trying to do was something that sidestepped those elements or treated them like monsters or whatever he was trying to do and then yeah, and then you add all the superhero stuff and you get like Whiplash, what's the point? Is this movie useful? You just get like Whiplash, you just get like Whiplash, oh, I accidentally made a whiplash reference, are you going to get to that yet?

I didn't do it on purpose, I mean, that was my goal and I achieved it the whole time I imagined Miles Teller playing these complicated jazz drums and he's playing like another drum here. JK Simmons shows up in a Dr. Doom costume and they have like a drum. Out, no, JK Simmons goes Parker, what wrong movie? Everyone is in a superhero movie. You have no idea what they plan to do. Listen to me. That's what brought me here in the first place. I just want to fix my friends. You can't fix it. this no one can you don't know anything about what's coming what's coming Damn the end of your world is the beginning of mine well let's talk about Miles Teller people say they want to punch him in the face yeah they all say that has a face that can be hit.

I feel like the best actors there had certain roles they were born to play and Miles was born to play this role like he was so good oh god this is so boring this character sucks uh I liked Miles Teller Whiplash which we never talked about . about Whiplash

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in the bag because we hadn't seen it until recently and it's like the best movie of last year it's great it's better than Birdman I'll say it's better than Birdman it's better than Nightcrawler it's probably the best movie of last year and I like him I think you know it's not like I don't know he's not super handsome I like that he doesn't look like he's not like a Chris Evans or like the type of person you would put in one of these movies, yeah, and they don't have to be the classic ones, read Richards with the gray and you know, how it looks in the comic, they have a little bit, they put a slightly different spin on it, although they try it on the poster. to make it look more attractive on the poster, they always do that.

I've noticed that more, I think they stretched his face, no pun intended, and uh, they added thicker eyebrows and I'm looking at it, they got rid of his scars, yeah, they tried to make him look like a hot guy on the poster, so probably to be able to have the demo of the girl there, uh, and her appearance doesn't look like that in real life, no, there are some notable differences between the big photoshop and then that other actor God, the guy who plays it looked really bad uh , he really needs some lotion like he's made of rocks oh I think it was visual effects so Kate Mara is Rooney Mara's sister oh really I wonder if they had a competition because I saw the trailer for that movie Peter Pan with Rooney Mara in a big comical wig and I wonder if they had a competition to see who could pick the most embarrassing project. to work I play Sue Storm um she is quite shy um very intelligent and very passionate about science and she becomes the invisible woman.

I agree with you, Dr. Doom's return was really scary, like he's pretty scary, he's super powerful, people's heads exploded. Impressive, as graphic as possible in a PG-13 movie, yes, and when the thing is like immediately, when they have their powers and Miles Teller is tied to the table and it's strange and then it's in the air. axis and then the thing is like, help me, it's like trying to get out of the blocks and yeah, it's like it's still forming and it's really kind of grotesque and scary and yeah, little kids won't enjoy this movie at all, it's boring for adults, but for me, in a way, I liked the way you did it, where it's like I liked a lot of the elements.

I liked the tone, the strange Darkness, it worked as a movie, but it's not

fantastic

for a movie or not. superhero movie, well I wouldn't even do it because then you get to the second

half

, where you get to all the silliest things, it's not the second half, it's more the last tenth, you know what I mean, it's hard to understand. What to do with them? Yeah, what are you doing with the Fantastic Four? You have to make a movie about them exploring science, physics and strange astral phenomena. No, that's not what you should do if you're trying to make a mainstream comic.

Even though in the movie they get shot into space in the first 15 minutes of the movie and then they come back and have superpowers and save people, all the stuff like him building the machine, they send the monkey to the other dimension and it was all very, uh , that was one thing I was also thinking about: Is everyone going to get on the machine and go? Isn't that the job for Navy pilots, you know, like astronauts? Well, that was a confusing point of the movie. Well, at one point they said we're going to go, NASA will take over from here, I know, but they liked the fact that they were so upset about it and then they get drunk and say we're just going to do it. it's like they are ego driven at that moment, which makes you not sympathize with them at all.

Who wouldn't want to visit another dimension that seems like a nightmare? Planet Dr. Doom like that nightmare planet for some reason I want to go Back to my beautiful new home world, it got covered up, it got corrupted by Goo and we all know that when you have a mysterious goo in a movie that does terrible, evil things, it's a sure hit at the box office. I was actually thinking about Prometheus when they arrive in the other world because they start acting stupid for no reason. It's like you're in another mysterious dimension and see a giant pile of green electrical goo.

Don't immediately put your hand in it. I have no idea what this is like in Prometheus when there's a little snake monster and the guy makes his face at it, like why are you doing this? You also don't get repelled by a 2 mile high cliff, yeah, maybe just take a step out of your capsule, look around and say, okay, plant your flag, hmmm, take a couple photos, yeah, maybe take some scientific measurements, soil samples, atmospheric readings, sure and then go, that's how it is, don't stick your face in green goo. There is yes, and if you want to play the green goo, use an instrument that you know you remember, like that thing that, uh, running stance, got stuck in the river of slime.

There was better science in Ghostbusters than in Fantastic Four, yes, how much? It would take years to get to another planet that has a lot of things that we might need and that we can use to help you know that the items that I liked were not followed up, so it's not like that for me, it won't be. will appeal to Fantastic Four fans because they change a lot of the backstory and the tone is wrong and won't appeal to general audiences who just want to see a Marvel Avengers or little kids type movie, and it definitely won.

It doesn't appeal to young children, so it ends up being a nobody's movie. I didn't hate her. I'm tempted to say that it doesn't deserve a lower Rotten Tomato score than Pixels, but at the same time it's a frustrating film. You can't recommend that to anyone, really 5 year old children will at least enjoy pixels because it is colorful and you can understand what is happening. Yeah, this movie should have had the tone and writing of Guardians of the Galaxy MH where either do like Reed Richards doing weird things or you go out on a limb and really commit to the horror movie Weird Science, and you know they didn't do that either, so which is one way or another.

I can't believe they gave the green light to that idea. It's crazy to me that they even tried. Almost. I don't think we'll ever get any kind of director's cut or any kind of alternate version, but I'd be very curious to see what it was originally supposed to be. Even entertaining that idea, I could imagine doing it with something like I don't know, like not a big comic book movie Lobo, you know, um, not a giant tentpole, well known, yeah, the Fantastic Four that everyone thinks about , you know the rock man. Things like Stretchy Man, Invisible Girl, and the Human Torch, they're all inherently outlandish and then they wear ridiculous costumes with all

four

of them and you can't make a dark and gritty David Cronenberg body horror movie that you could and maybe you could. do it successfully because stranger things have happened, well that's why I'm wondering what this was originally because I can see elements where it could work but we'll never know.

Here's to Josh Tran, but you're going to need him. a tranquilizer from Josh during this movie, so Mike, would you recommend that the Fantastic Four not keep your kids away? But I didn't hate him, yes, I couldn't hate him. There were like you said there were elements in it that were well done. The acting is bland and K Mario seems boring except for Tim Heer's performance which I thought was brilliant but everyone else in the movie blah especially the guy with the deep voice oh yeah he actually gets more deep as the movie goes on, so Jay I I.

I don't need to ask you, but would you recommend a

fantastic

, fantastic fraud, oh uh, no I can't, I like you, I didn't hate it, but at the same time it's a disaster so confused that I can't? I don't really recommend it to anyone other than definitely not as a movie, but maybe it's just a gimmick, an oddity like Roger Corman's movie, but yeah, I certainly wouldn't recommend supporting it in theaters, they should have. re-released the Roger Corman film. I would love it if it had an official release to redo the visual effects, no, no, don't change the visual effects.

The Human Torch at the end is the best part, he's spinning around in front of the laser. I was surprised that some of the effects there were quite passable. Yes, it had that low-budget charm that this movie is not low-budget and has no charm at all. That's true, sir. Mhm, I understand that you want to watch your night court tape as soon as possible. we'll be there soon thanks Mr. Pinket bye who was that was Mr. Pinket oh Jay put on your snow gear we're headed to Mr. Plinkett's house to fix his VCR again fix his VCR let's do that new, mmm, why?

I need snow gear because this house is on top of a mountain and it's very cold. Oh, do we still do that? Do you remember that his house is in the mountains? I know, I thought maybe we'd just overlook that.