Half in the Bag Episode 135: Justice League

Half the movies in the bag, so Mike, are you excited about the new Star Wars J? You'll have to be more specific which new Star Wars you're talking about. They've announced a new live-action TV show and they've also announced a new trilogy directed by Rian Johnson oh no, I was just talking about

episode

eight, the last Jedi oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a very good movie, very exciting , full of action, lots of explosions and drama and it really is a movie about family, oh no, Mike. I haven't seen it yet, oh I totally forgot about the new trilogy since I was told to be excited about the next trilogy, but the current one isn't even finished yet.

They announced a new Star Wars show every day. they announced a new Star Wars product almost as much as they announced that a new celebrity has been outed as a sexual pervert are you waiting for someone oh yes actually I am, it's just in time hello I'm rich McCaskey from just ice what do you want this Oh? Yeah, why did you ask for a block of ice? Jay, it's for the ice sculpture at your gay wedding. Remember for you and mr. gay wedding plinkus I'll start then oh, you're going to sculpt it right now oh yes, yes, many people accuse us of using mold, so we started sculpting internally, yes, I sculpted it, it's a big occupation we have.

We don't have our own union now we just like to call it the

league

, oh so you're like the fair ice

league

, like the fair ice league, but just the Justice League, like if you put the two words together, it's like the League Justice League, like Justice League, but just Justice League, what are you kidding me? Why not? Why don't we all talk about the Justice League? Oh, that's perfect. I just saw that movie in the theater. Now you have to start carving your ice. Oh, there's no rush. This will stay hard for hours That's what Brett Ratner said That's what Kevin Spacey said That's what Dustin Hoffman said That's what James Woods said That's what Louis C.K said So that's what Al Franken says That's what Bryan Singer organized with George Takei How excellent It will be

half

of what Harvey Weinstein said, uh Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck and Matt Damon.

I had a dream. It was the end of the world. It's that time of the week again. Another superhero movie. This time it's the long-awaited Justice League. A plagued movie. With as many problems as flying demon bugs, Zack Snyder presents, along with new shots from Joss Whedon, a mess bigger than the one left by the hurricane in this first team-up movie since Batman V Superman Batman realizes that a bad boy from a video game is on earth to get three shiny MacGuffins when they are together a portal to something bad will open or something now Batman has to conveniently find like six or seven superheroes to fight this bad guy or whatever.

I have a problem with your description of the plot. They're not trying to open a portal or anything like that. When they put the three magic boxes together, they will terraform the Earth into the bad guys' homeworld, which is completely different from the plot of Man of Steel, where the bad guy has a machine that was going to terraform the earth into a version of their world. native was that bad boy a cartoon character also from a nearby video game was Michael Shannon so rich yes it starts with you what did you think of the Justice League? um, it wasn't as big as Batman v Superman is still a useless waste of my life's time, that's the grading curve we have to follow.

I think all the reviews of this movie are good, not bad, Superman III, one loved this movie. I thought she was so bad. which was great and I don't mean in the silly way that it was, it was like watching a Saturday morning cartoon show in the Great Hall the Justice League are gathered together the world's four greatest heroes created from of the cosmic legends of the universe. It was less depth with less death, yes, yes, it was. I mean, it feels exactly like it is, what's your ex Neider movie that was repurposed as a Joss Whedon movie, yeah, it feels exactly like it is, well, what we talked about before.

It's like picking out the obvious moments or scenes that were attributed to either director and it was pretty easy to do. Yes, there is the big action scene at the end. Batman says, "I gotta go, buddy, he's got machines and he's shooting missiles and he's like." He had to shoot, I guess spoilers, he had to shoot a strange root tower, that was bad. He didn't even know what was going on and he had to blow everything up and then there's the bugs flying on top of his car and they ripped his car off and I was like distracted and I thought Zack Snyder was hurting my eyes and then there was a scene where Superman came back to life and he was bad Superman and everyone was fighting. them and I think this feels a little more like Joss Whedon and then some of the funny character moments too well that scene you just talked about was clearly Zack Snyder, although since you couldn't see the CGI upper lip, it was The only sequence where Superman comes back to life was like, okay, this is interesting, yeah, it should have been a movie because Superman comes back to life and he doesn't know where he is, he's like bewildered and everyone else Justice.

The League guys approach him and they're very cautious because only one of the old guys he's going to do is Superman, he could murder us all and he's confused and he kind of fights back, okay, there's a wonderful little moment when the flash is running around him, I think that exact same moment happened in Revelation. Evan Peters was running around Apocalypse and then Apocalypse is a you think you're faster than me and then he realized that he liked to hit him or something, where Apocalypse he couldn't get out, I need you to do the apocalypse. I didn't see the apocalypse notes.

I need it to be something else that was like the only thing I really liked in that movie. A flash look at Superman, oh yeah, yeah, when there's a whole sequence and it's like yeah. the sequence that has the least to do with the plot of the movie, yes, it's like everything stopped for this big action scene and it's the only interesting part of the rules, it was a fun moment of interaction between the characters and reason why I say Joss Whedon is because and I don't know if I'm right about this, but I have a theory that the whole scene was remade and released.

I guess it was in the middle of the night and it was dark and it was miserable and for some reason it felt different or interesting because it was like dusk or dusk or dawn or something and and you could see what was happening and you could go back to the first trailers and see that those same shots and it is much darker, it seems like his accident. I'm right, so I had the obvious feeling when watching the scene where they confront Superman, that this as a Zack Snyder scene would have been a dark and miserable nightmare and maybe even just Whedon added.

In the little moment where the flash was running around PI Superman, there may have definitely been parts near the end of that sequence where you could tell that it was Joss Whedon who took over because there are close-ups of Superman and he You can see that strange upper valley. lip, that's something new, did you have that feeling like the images at the beginning? oh god, okay let's start there, the beginning of the movie, the first shot is disgusting because it's like cell phone footage of a little kid filming Superman and it's like that upper lip looks like jelly or something, it seems so fake and sounds like oh god why does this upper lip look like jelly?

We should explain it as a gasp in case people don't know Joss Whedon is back filming. he had a mustache henry cavill had a mustache for another movie or a different movie so he couldn't shave it wait-wait-wait-wait-wait when I understood the logic here, wouldn't it have been a lot cheaper for him? If he had put on a fake mustache for his other movie, it would have been live CGI because Henry Cavill might feel the doom of the DC Cinematic Universe he's trying to sell, he's trying to save his career with this other movie that's more important. , they cost like 50 million dollars to CGI, his lips, I need to get a good mustache at a Halloween store for 50 cents, but you know what it was like probably someone who worked on that other movie and then someone just laughed in the background while they were being abused sexually.

Someone, the big indicator of Joss Whedon stuff is Superman and the weird upper lip is like the fake wig and the Fantastic Four movie where you're like, Oh, shoot again, the lip didn't bother me much, I notice it every time. . but it was like we started with that and I was immediately taken aback and then we clearly have a Zack Snyder style opening credits sequence where we have a terrible cover of a Leonard Cohen song. Leonard Leonard Cohen died last year and then we see this In the montage we see a newspaper that has prints of Superman and David Bowie and they say "Everyone went back to their home planet" and I say "wow" while this Leonard cover plays Cohen, aren't all these brilliant artists dead?

I'm like your movie, it's like right away, so it was unpleasant in some ways, held back, don't just commit, putting this together was like the best movie ever made in 1996, it feels so dated, yeah, the visual effects, everything it felt. like a tv movie of the week, a steppenwolf looked like it was taken straight from a video game like michael's video game scene, okay, video game villains tend to have better designs, this was the most generic villain possible, yeah. and I'm not talking about video games, I think the video, I'm just saying this is such a horrible step, here it is, so we're talking about Marvel movies that have uninteresting villains, it's going to say watch try to outdo Marvel and the Less interesting villain contests, at least put a guy there. like just taking Jeremy Irons and putting a helmet on him.

They pay me in space gray. Yours at least wouldn't say, "OMG," because it feels like a video game from 1996. Do you have a little more respect for the villain from Thor Ragnarok? now after this I absolutely think it's okay Blanchett is like over the top and she looks great and this is just yeah and like a CGI reject of the Lord of the Rings movie from 15 years ago I mean Jesus Christ but yeah , there was something about it that felt so quaint and dated and I don't know, it's like that, Zack Snyder's dark misery was kind of straight out of the movie, a little bit to see how much color they had for Superman's costume, oh yeah, that. what was radiating they took market research seriously, it's strange, although it's jarring, I mean, I get it, oh, people don't like dark and miserable things, let's shine a light on them, but there are those DC fans those who liked Zack Snyder's stuff, those people. those who would like to defend those movies for the tone they were going for and now they're going to watch this and probably like what and now it's like well now you have a holiday simile from a Marvel movie so I guess that's more for crowd pleaser, yeah, I mean, the crowd was clapping a lot and cheering and it was more like it wasn't.

I remember a Man of Steel and Batman V Superman, we were like it was like a funeral in the theater it's just silence, you know, and these people like Superman said some lines and all the jokes are basically in the trailer I think, and the whole thing humor comes from the flash, right, yes, well, I found it unpleasant, it seemed to be like a crowd. favorite, but I don't know what it was, it was like easy humor, yeah, I'll say fish out of water humor, but that's kind of like you dressed like a bat, yeah, well that's weird too.

The weird contrast between Zack Snyder's stuff and Joss Whedon's stuff or it's like a moment where we have a sad, miserable scene where everyone is sad because Superman is dead, which doesn't make any sense because everyone hated him before any other movie, but they had dark scenes. and then it immediately went to the next scene and it's the flash being silly, it's a flash of peter parker being a joker character or not. I'm not that familiar with flash. I don't believe it. Is Superman a fast and fun character? that was also very Joe Sweeney in this, like every line he had when he showed up at the end was like a dumb line.

I loved it, well I loved it, it was kind of like Christopher Reeves, enjoy it, hey I'm here to save the day now, yeah well there were parts like at the end, I mean you see him take off his glasses and he opens them up, yeah , this was like, oh okay, they're trying to make this not horrible, yeah, and in doing so, they made it horrible, okay, it's okay as it appears, I mean, I don't even remember how it didn't really have an entry dramatic when he should finally appear, at the end you hear his voice off camera, yes, everyone in the theater applauds, yes, because they knew what was about to happen at the entrance, no, that's why I say cartoon show on Saturday morning because it was like, you know, you know what's going to happen, the Justice League without Superman fights Steppenwolf and then they have that scene where everyone starts to fail and they get defeated.

I think Batman, the weapons fall and suddenly Batman's gun stops working.I think he goes and visits Aquaman before talking to Wonder Woman about the cubes because there are the three cubes and Wonder Woman's people have one, the Atlanteans have one and then the Earth people have one, but no, I'm just saying it would make sense. . If Batman went and visited Aquaman and tried to get him to join the team after finding out that the Atlanteans had one of those cubes, he just goes and visits him for no good reason, he needs a team, yeah right, but it's like the Atlanteans had one of these cubes, maybe they know what's going on with the situation.

I'll go there.investigate Oh Aquaman join us Batman knew about the cubes at the time no no when he went to see Aquaman he didn't yeah that's why it felt like a random scene yeah when why did he notice the cubes first of all? Why did he find those strange Batman when he saw the cubes and the thing? Oh, because when, when, when the reward for the space bugs melted for no reason, you left an impression of three cubes like a tattoo on the wall, which died, why the bug? have cubes that represent the mother boxes so Batman knows about this and can leave a clue preparer where they just exhaust the bug ports and they just happen to not look like the cubes with the bug holes, the sole purpose of existing is to Find those three cubes, so okay, it was burned into the wall, that's why it felt like a shitty car; that was the opening scene and it was straight out of the '90s, it was like a Joel Schumacher movie, oh yeah, so I was like yeah, the bare minimum is getting the team together, there's a cute little dialogue back and forth, minimal bad guy, he's bad because he has big horns and his face six like a demon and the three MacGuffins will put the three MacGuffins together.

I guess it wasn't opening a portal, he says it was terraforming the planet. We are going to turn the Earth into an apocalyptic world. Okay, yeah, okay. It's bad enough. That's the bad plot. Three magic MacGuffin cubes will turn the planet into a nightmare. earth, we have to stop them, round them up and then I guess they tried to fight Steppenwolf, they got their asses kicked, so they decided to bring Superman back from the dead, let's literally dig up his corpse. I guess a magic Hubel, do it, oh I laughed when They left the magic cube they had neglected after turning around and comically you see Steppenwolf went after the cube they left and said: "Oh, you have to get to the next point of the plot in some way, everything I needed to do.

He needed to say "Yo Inc" while he was walking up the subway with the Box, where did he go when he wasn't hanging around on the way? So it's like he's waiting for his trailer until the next scene, is this at a Holiday Inn or is he at the Radisson just waiting until someone leaves a mother Cuba unattended, the Radisson in hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, he was right in that cube at the moment they turned their backs on him, how did he know this? Who said the bad guy needs to get what we needed? a series of scenes of him kind of in the background, like watching to know, didn't the movie end with Aquaman saying something like that?

He was like complaining or like oh yeah, that's a bit stupid, what did he say? it was something like that, it was something like Bunga, yeah, yeah, he said something, he said something that literally made my audience crawl, yeah, it's funny, it's Amara, it's like a Marvel movie, I hate Marvel movies, but I love this now it's like one where all the internet trolls are going to do, they're just going to cross over and their heads are going to explode. How many of you are there? They are not enough. Do you really think that, oh wow, they just disappear, huh, oh, that's rude, so Mike, would you recommend Batman?

V Justice League I would recommend Justice League because it wasn't good. I guess I recommend it based on the previous DC movies. If you're largely put off by all the previous t3 movies, this one has a little ray of Hope Well, with the exception of Wonder Woman, which was a fun hour-long movie. Yes, but there are some cute moments and most of the humor comes from what was in the trailer, so all the jokes are already pretty spoiled, but only for that one funny little scene. When they fight Superman, there's some interesting stuff here and it was scary enough that I think I liked it.

You know, I judge movies based on whether I'm miserable or not. The movie is certainly a step up from Man of Steel and Batman V. Superman, but it still does nothing for me, it's still a waste of time, it's a horrible movie where nothing interesting happens, there's some nonsense, some cute stuff , just go to YouTube and watch the scene where Flash discovers that Superman is as fast as he is and you've seen all the cool stuff in movement as part of the movie, yeah I'm on the same page, I don't know, it worked for the audience we watched it with, I guess, because they were laughing so much. a lot, but like the comedy relief stuff, I didn't find the action stuff that I thought was boring as funny, I felt tacked on to the comedy, that's it, yeah, I'm into that a little bit because I liked the Wonder scene Woman in the opening, which is Why I thought they added that later because even though she has to deflect bullets to save, it's very possible because Wonder Woman was much more of a success than I think people expected, yeah, they say oh with your other wonderful thing. to do in this whole movie let's give it this yeah it wasn't horrible like I wasn't miserable watching it but it just wasn't anything so that's the no for me go find Saturday morning like Dungeons & Cartoon dragons or something with a little more depth, so the question is will they make a Justice League?

Well, I don't know because Ben Affleck really seems to be trying to get out of these movies completely, yeah, that would be it. It's strange if there's a different actor playing Batman, yeah they would have to do more because you know you've done Steppenwolf and he's one of the new gods and DC's big villain is Darkseid. Wow, oh boy, is it hot in here? I, oh, it seems like we talked about the Justice League for so long that your ice block melted. It's too small for him to size what I wanted. He was expecting a giant erect penis or maybe a beautiful swan.

He now he can't do anything. With that, there you have it, I made a flower that will cost you $4000.