Game Grumps: Dan's Girl Stories

Which was at a time in my life when I was a heavy pot smoker and he said, How about this? I'll buy marijuana if you take me to see my

girl

friend at the strip club. Did I mention she was a stripper? Yeah, she's okay, yeah, you did, so we would do this, we would do this, I would do this. Roll roll at the joint or something and we'd take these rocky rides to the strip club in South Jersey, right outside of Philly, and you know, we'd just hang out and talk and then when we got there he'd say: "God, them." They are so disturbing when they are huge that they won't be for long.

Yeah, he'd go and spend time with her in the champagne room where the romance happens, uh-huh, and I'd just like to hang out at the bar and drink soda. and watch TV or whatever and no, you're going to do cocaine, man, no, it was two weeds, delicious cokes, delicious cokes, yeah, I'm not a hard drug guy, so I would just hang out there for hours and So. watch TV or whatever and talk to the dancers because they would come and say: do you want a lap dance? And I was like, oh no, thanks and you know, after doing that for about three weeks, they told me why.

Are you here and then we'll start talking? I'm like we became friends and it was actually like that because they said you're so nice and respectful like you never try to grab us or anything like that. I was like "I think you." I need to create a higher standard than what you consider respectful, but one of them was called Gemini, possibly not his real name and I think you need to rethink your standards when naming people. Yes, you are possibly right because that is offensive. that's just that that ended after the Friebert debacle, yeah, that man, I agree, I agree, so she, then, she became my best friend there and we talked for a while and then, a day, she said, Do you want to go to the back room and I had sex and I thought that can happen and I thought you knew I was high at the time and I really had this moment of oh my God, well you were high your first time, No, no, I didn't.

I didn't do it oh I was high when I was debating whether to do it or not and I just could yeah that's funny because I might have had it in you like someone said you should know you're high yeah yeah actually like Actually , it was extremely fine, no, I mean, she was very nice and pretty, but I couldn't listen when you wait so long to have sex, you're like that at this point, I really could be. with someone special you know, okay and she was special, she was my friend, yes, but she said you were sweet and kind.

Well my fear came true because I said no thanks, like I just wanted to get to know her better and she told me. whatever you know, she just didn't care and then I came back the next week when I went, Brendan, I'm sorry, Barry had Brendan take Brendan there and was like oh yeah, so I was like, where's Gemini? and the waiter said, oh, she is. I don't work here anymore and I thought, that's really a little abrupt and they say yeah, she was arrested for prostitution. Oh, I was like okay and that was my other secret fear, like I didn't know she was a prostitute, but like you.

I never want to take the risk of your first time when you're done and you're just lying there and thinking it was amazing and then the

girl

turns around and says it'll be $500, please, we don't want it. take the risk that your first time is also your last time, yes, a solid point because your sausage is too spicy again, anywhere else, is this it? There are many safety precautions for the penis, it is better that the young man should take them. respect for her future partners mm-hmm, so I waited and my first time ended up being with a good friend of mine and she was amazing and that was amazing and I'm glad and then and that's my tail and yeah, Gemini.

It turned out not to be her real name, it was Antoinette Wow, you wouldn't think it, yeah, imagine, you wouldn't think that was my Gemini story. I hope you enjoyed it. I didn't know, thanks for sharing, it's a very personal story. I know I've talked about this. I'm in a bad mood before, but I asked. Oh, very well done. I asked a girlfriend once what she thought were the hottest and least hot words for male and female genitalia and she felt that and it was both. the sexiest ones, yeah, and I offered the least sexy ones are probably tubesteak and snatch snatch yo-yo girl just snatch, ready for my amazing rocking tubesteak next time in the

game

grumps

try try try cool try wear these pigs 24 hours a day to freshen up for the shower, yeah, you're probably too excited and hot from listening to them, let's talk about that snake tube steak, Aaron, please don't, don't make it crispy, the sanctity of the shaped tube steak, did I ever tell you that I have?

I was once invited to an orgy. Didn't I tell you this? It's a

game

. Appropriate story. I guess. I guess I didn't do it right. So the story is that I had two friends and they were a lesbian couple. Let's call them Michelle and Janine to protect the innocent. Well, actually their names were Concha Azul and Michelle. I mean, yeah, you found out you cracked the code, but they were my good friends and they were just beautiful and they were a couple. Of course, when you're a guy and you have a couple of lesbian girlfriends, even though you know they don't like guys at all, you're always secretly hoping that maybe I hope you think they'd invite me to the threesome like the threesome they're not having and Which they will never have, yes of course, but oh man, what a beautiful cloudy background to tell this orgy story.

Yes, one day I was at his house and the three of us were on the couch together. and we were just playing video games or whatever and and Janine puts her hand on my leg out of nowhere and she's like, Dan, we have a problem. I was like, so what's inside your head like fireworks and you're like, yeah, outside? I was like, oh. I say it, but inside I think what it turned out was that they were swingers and they were part of this underground orgy club that these people in New York hung out at, so they invited me to a 25-person orgy where the breakdown It was six guys and 19 girls.

Wow, yeah, so I don't, we do some quick math, that's something like 3.2 girls for every guy and that's like there's a lot of pressure, yeah, pressure, you got it, you got it. You really have to cross train that, so I didn't end up doing it for a couple of reasons, one because of that and also because I couldn't help, I don't want to hurt you Pacifica. I know and like I can't assume that everyone else at that orgy is having their first orgy. You know, it's got to be like if you combine everyone's sexual history together, there's got to be like 1,000 cases of boning in that room. just gross, but the fun part was I wanted to mention that they made me fill out like a form card like that, like a parrot, you had to write a paragraph like you.

I sent a headshot so you were attractive enough to do it and then I know it's really a fish like the standards, I know that and then you had to fill out like a little card saying why you wanted to be at the origin, you know this It's very difficult for me, so oh God, yes. that's right, it's like you know the comedian Hannibal Buress mm-hmm, he's a great comedian, but he has a joke where he talks about how you keep applying to work at Starbucks and how one of the things he had to complete to work at Starbucks it was why do you want to work at Starbucks and then he wrote because it's not working out the way I thought.

Kidney stones are like a grain of sand, basically it is and then women got kicked by a whole baby. whole fat baby, yeah, bad kappa, damn, I'm really small. I know they have a sticky parachute instead of a pig sword. I know, oops, I took sex ed classes, dude, yeah, killing me with the sticky shot. The stage is as big as every jump you take. An act of faith. A girlfriend told me that, what she was like. I'm opening the goop chute to make room for the pig sword and I was like, "I like you, you get me."