Frozen Pizzas Ranked From Worst To Best

They say baseball is the quintessential American pastime, but we're pretty sure it's actually

frozen

pizza. We decided it was about time there was a rating that recognized the gold stars and non-stars among all the infamous cheesecakes in the freezer section. Honestly, Celeste is so bad it almost hurts to talk about her. The cheese, which the brand claims is 100 percent real, doesn't taste at all. It's sticky, gross and beyond strange. Her pizza is like a giant Bagel Bite that really lost its way. Imagine what you would have in front of you if you sent your 7-year-old into the kitchen to try to make a pizza from scratch with the ingredients she has on hand.

That's exactly what Celeste tastes like. In reality, her kids' pizza will probably taste much better. We would only recommend it if you are under pressure and have no other food options available. It's that bad. "How can you eat now?" "Eating is the main way people deal with stress, okay?" No offense to Mama Celeste, who we're sure was a very nice lady, but these

pizzas

definitely need an overhaul. Our expert participants agreed that although they would never eat this disastrous pizza again, they wouldn't mind throwing it at their opponent during a food fight. If you want to have good memories of your time as a high school student, get some Totino's Pizza Rolls.

If you want a presentable and tasty

frozen

pizza, keep looking and don't buy Totino's Party Pizza. We only recommend it if you are in a difficult situation and it is the only food you have available. “Did you grab anything when you walked out the door?” “I didn't get anything but two Totinos

pizzas

from the refrigerator and my little dog.” Totino's sauce is too sugary, the cheese is bad, and the crust is brittle, but not in a good way. If you are an adult and still find Totino's appetizing, we are sad to know how few pizzas you have ever tried in your life.

The fact that Home Run Inn pizza has very few ingredients is mind-blowing. It gives high hopes due to its appearance, but fails to deliver flavor across the board in terms of sauce, cheese, and crust. Aside from the fact that the pie has a slight stench of smelly feet before cooking, the real problem lies with the crust. It almost tasted like it was gluten free...but it wasn't. If you're gluten-free, that's fine, but we all know you're making some sacrifices in the pizza department. The cheese has a slightly distinctive smell, but not the kind of good stinky cheese.

It's also worth noting that the cheese doesn't really give you that satisfying stretch-from-the-slice feeling that most great pizzas are known for. If you miss the taste of SpaghettiO's from your youth, Trader Joe's pizza has the basic, mild sauce that will take you back to your childhood. This pizza is serviceable, but certainly not fancy. The crust is decent, with a layer of flour on the bottom, which somehow makes it look more official, but after much fanfare, we expected a lot more from the supermarket chain. You should definitely plan to add some toppings of your own if you want to enjoy an enjoyable frozen pizza experience.

Remember when California Pizza Kitchen was the It-Girl of pizza restaurants? Everyone dreamed of traveling to California to enjoy the elusive creatively topped pies, which is ironic since the Golden State is much better known for its juice bars than its pizzerias. My God, how the mighty have fallen. The CPK frozen rate is quite average. The cheese is fine, but the sauce is bland and the crust has those characteristic mass-produced holes in the bottom. It basically tastes like pizza with a cookie. "Some people think it's a little gross." "I love gross." In 2013, Nestlé recalled four of its CPK and DiGiorno frozen pizzas because customers found plastic fragments in their food. "Nestlé believes it has traced the source to a spinach supplier, but no injuries were reported." Recalls happen even on the most beloved brands, so we're not trying to tear them down when they're down, but it doesn't do much to generate more excitement for the CPK team.

The restaurant experience was stellar in CPK's heyday, but the frozen version of its namesake product is nothing special...unless you like pizza with a plastic topping. You want to love DiGiorno because it looks so exquisite when you pull it out of the oven with its glistening pepperoni and puffy crust. Despite claiming that it is on par with popular pizza delivery chains, it is not. The dough feels a little soft in the center and the crust on the ends is so salty it almost tastes like pretzel bread. Look, we don't have a problem with pretzel bread, but there's a time and place for it and it's not when you're eating pizza.

The sauce is too sweet and there is too much of it. The bread and sauce are overkill, but you know what isn't? The cheese. There's barely any of that, which is downright criminal in the world of frozen pizza. Plus, even though the box claims the crust has no preservatives, there were definitely a multitude of hard-to-pronounce words in the ingredients list. Stouffer's Pepperoni French Bread Pizzas are something of a classic. They've been around for as long as we can remember and are a solid option if you need that frozen pizza down your throat so fast you're willing to microwave it.

Maybe if we lived in the year 3000, we could put it in one of those fancy hydrators from Back to the Future Part 2. "Hydration level four, please." But since we're stuck here in the present, a conventional oven is

best

if you have a few extra minutes to spare. The pepperoni has a very different flavor, but the bread could be better. The cheese is pretty standard. It's actually a middle-of-the-road type of pizza that we're ambivalent about, meaning it's certainly not the most horrible option on the market, but it could also be done a lot better. If it's just you and your TV, and you need something quick, easy, and maybe not as embarrassing as a large round pizza that would normally be shared among a gathering of more than one person, Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas might be your jam.

Screamin' Sicilian Pizzas haven't been on the scene long, but they are part of Palmero's, a long-standing pizza joint. You want the Screamin' Sicilian frozen pizza to be good because the box is very intriguing, but it's nothing to write home about. The sauce is pretty mediocre and the crust leaves a lot to be desired and seems mass produced. It tastes exactly like you imagine a frozen pizza, somewhat boring and predictable. However, the cheese is a selling point, like their pizzas which include Romano, mozzarella, parmesan and white cheddar on top. Again, this isn't a terrible pizza brand, but it's not necessarily the bread, sauce, and cheese that dreams are made of.

We're really sick of Red Baron getting a bad rap. Considering its exceptionally low price, it's delicious and deserves some praise for keeping families full and satisfied for so many years. The classic crust is thin and buttery and sprinkled with cheese like a work of art. Don't you like thin dough? This OG frozen pizza has a variety of different options, including their hand-tossed pizzas with a fluffy crust. Everyone in the house can satisfy their needs for bread with tomato sauce and cheese. Red Baron is committed to the pizza game in a very real way. And we already know that those who hate are going to hate. "They hate us because we're not us!" "That's not what it is!" "Yes it is!" "No, it's not." Some people think that you have to be under the influence of a mind-altering substance to seriously consider eating one of these pizzas.

But for our money, it's the delicacy dreamed of by a drunk craving pizza. This may sound strange in a rating of a frozen food product, but Amy's Kitchen frozen pie somehow tastes very, very fresh. The crust is the perfect combination of sweet and savory, and the sauce is unique with a true made-from-scratch quality. In terms of star ingredients, Amy's Margherita Pizza's sauce, mozzarella, and basil in particular are a real stunner. If you're counting calories and want to treat yourself, a slice of Amy's pizza is usually pretty low in calories. There are also plenty of gluten-free options that would please even the biggest pizza snob.

Even more, there are vegan and gluten-free cakes. If Olive Garden were a pizza, it would be Safeway's Signature Select. While the crust is very good, the bread is very heavy. And the sauce has a distinct marinara twist. It knows how to dip cheesy breadsticks in marinara sauce, which is pretty good if you ask us. But there may be people out there who don't look for that much mass in their crust. The cheese is fantastic in this cake and seems to melt very well, if that's possible. If you're not in an area with Safeway or other affiliated grocery chains that carry the Signature Select brand, you may be missing out unless you prefer thin-crust pizza.

Tombstone is an icon of frozen pizza and with good reason. The infamous greasy cakes have a smoky and spicy flavor all their own. Is it the pepperoni? Is it the sauce? Maybe it's the magic they make when they're all baked together. The crust tastes like what would happen if you took a loaf of white bread, crushed it, hammered it into a flat circle, and toasted it, and we're totally fine with that. Tombstone, named after a bar that was near a cemetery in Wisconsin, has been around since 1962 and seems to be aging very well. The simple packaging is also a plus.

Who wants to mess with a cardboard box when they're hungry for pizza? We do not! Minimal packaging also makes it easier to stack more in the freezer, and more pizza is always a good thing. Having a frozen pizza rating and not giving Tombstone a high position on the list is basically equivalent to pizza betrayal. Freschetta pizzas are hearty and delicious. The doughy crust is reminiscent of a loaf of crusty sourdough bread and offers just the right amount of thickness on the edge. The sauce and pepperoni score high on the deliciousness meter, and the cheese neither disappoints nor overwhelms.

Freschetta really surprises you because you think it will be the stereotypical frozen pizza, but it is absolutely delicious. In fact, the brand is known for its amazing crust. What is the secret? According to Freschetta's website, they make their Naturally Rising Crust pizza with real yeast. The result is a crust that rises in the oven and fills the entire house with the delicious aroma of freshly baked bread. The only thing better than pizza is freshly baked bread, so give us a slice of Freschetta soon. The Newman's Own line of frozen pizzas is as legit as they come.

Their pizza motto is "We trust the dough," and the tasty, thin multigrain dough is packed with flavor and has the kind of texture you'd expect from an impeccably made pizza. The sauce is perfectly seasoned with just the right amount of spices and the cheese to sauce ratio is perfect. They really have a distinctive touch that makes you want to come back and try all the flavors. Plus, they taste delicious. “This is very excellent. “I never thought pizza was so good when it was hot.” This competition isn't really about your macro-counting diet, but if you want to feel a little less gross about your decision to eat frozen pizza, Newman's Own pies have no trans fats or preservatives.

Furthermore, since Paul Newman was already quite wealthy in his own right, his food and beverage empire has gone out of its way to help those in need. "Newman's Own donates 100% of its profits to charity, donating more than $400 million since 1982." So obviously, you can attribute your pizza obsession to your generous charitable heart when you purchase this brand of frozen pizza. Check out one of our newest videos right here! Plus, more Mashed videos about your favorite things will be coming soon. Subscribe to our YouTube channel and hit the bell so you don't miss a single one.