Everything Wrong With Central Intelligence In 17 Minutes Or Less

one minute and two fucking seconds of King logos Comcast someone who went to high school around the same time this flashback opening takes place in this is the cutest cool kids locker room in history 20 years ago the movie Most of the schools think that butts aren't physically fun, plus there's no way someone so unpopular would dance around the school showers like this, especially at the beginning of the school day when anyone can walk into a student's room. soldier. Oh, get rid of the showers, you're in first period. The bully keeps an eye on Robbie's shower habits.

Please, right there, can I put an arrow on that sign? Yeah, that one in the back left, which is literally the worst pep rally sign ever. Geez, first, love, you'll never get it and now it's amazing, they said this was 20 years ago. The beginning of this, both songs are from the early '90s and not 1996, where we would listen to more Macarena and we were right on the train. I'd even settle for something ironic if you understood it. Sorry, there is no student body anywhere. love a popular student this is universally called high school everyone hates each other bullies said bob always showers during first period like everyone in school is in first period at that time and not in an assembly and what kind of assembly It takes place around the time of first period instead of at the end of the day, also how terrible is the principle that these bullies think they can just drag someone naked from the showers to the gym and not expect retaliation for it.

What would the bullies get to work with? a fat naked guy they hate and the extent to which a naked guy slides on the gym floor like zero. Everyone here finds this funny when you'd probably get three nervous laughs at most and the rest of the assembly would be in an uproar. It won't be any

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fun, well pig's blood and Carey was probably funnier than this and only got a couple of Faust girls, well there's no turning back, I guess we should find this terrible director who doesn't give all the arias due to his He doesn't say it, yes, but considering the cruelty of the joke, he plays it as if they are laughing at the sanctioned abuse.

Yes, that seems right, the guy who won all those accolades and was a star athlete and academic has a dead-end job in an office. story, why shouldn't that mean he was an idiot at the beginning of the movie? The guy was super nice, smart and athletic. I mean, this guy couldn't charge that, look at him, apparently it's necessary in comedies these days for the character. to work in an office where he shares space with a high-level o'houlihan. I guess he's funny, he can go to lunch with his coworkers because he was taking a route to lunch, but somehow they were going to the same restaurant, so he figures it out. yeah, okay, my life down here became a disappointment, that's bad.

This guy in the movie says he's been with this girl for 20 years. He describes her life as a disappointment and then acts surprised when she gets angry. This is a movie husband. A real world husband knows this. Better than this, Calvin's reaction to this is if he listens to the movie sound effects and thinks it's totally weird that the phone rang right after he clicked confirm instead of not noticing anything strange like everyone else's, uh-huh, Black people don't go to therapy, they go to the hairdresser. stores, that's when we talk about a problem, we saw a movie, barbershop, of course, we reinforce stereotypes about race, for all comedies, we see pop things that people never say when they bump into someone on the sidewalk, the comic reaction exaggerated is such that comedy is forgotten.

Part of it is 200 feet and it's in the Eastern Time Zone, so there's no way there's going to be a football game un

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this bar shows reruns because the NFL never plays games that start at 6 p.m. Eastern, you know Mike, Herculean Survival or Roadblock or Scorpion King, just one, okay, Bobby in a while, remember this was the same hit. There was no such thing as music in 1996. This movie revolves entirely around the hits of the early '90s, as if the music industry had declared a freeze. new music after 1992, ate it up, sir, someone actually said yes, someone was now, damn, look, I don't doubt they exist, but this is one ridiculously rude guy just in time to get his ass kicked by the rock , that's what I call a convenient just to let everyone know that this is because of a stolen chair in a bar it's not the conflict we wanted but apparently you need it like Jason Bourne amber would George hilariously that sense was literally the speech for ultra american Hey, I have an idea, let's move on.

Here's my bike. There were absolutely no helmets around, but when they left, Bob not only put one on, but he also had a spare one for Calvin. Furthermore, both men forgot about the beers and the shots. This guy just drank and I thought high school was It'll be like sixteen candles. You'll see that movie about black people. This is the second time black people don't do that. It's supposed to be fun. I'm going to tell it. I thought I was destined for more. Know? The guy doesn't see that marrying the most beautiful woman who ever lived isn't a big cliché in life.

I don't know. I just did it. Exactly, so do it now. Bob. Once Calvin did the backflip that he used to do in high school. This doesn't end up being a hilariously painful situation. I will remove five sins, otherwise I will add five angles. Man, wait a minute, this movie is telling me that Calvin is an expert hacker who can break into this illegal offshore account? site or the movie tells you that Bob gave him the password and Calvin is the kind of person who would say bingo and then after entering a normal password, because either way it's just an hour and 47 minute movie about some kind of the CIA that lasts the first 30

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. not from the CIA and feeling more like Romy and Michele's blank Grosse Pointe, hey, sex with a jet, they're obviously hilariously small for Bob, but they'd also have to be ridiculously large for Calvin to fit, so I'm calling your visual joke movie.

I can't believe I'm having a sleepover at Calvin Jordan's house, can I? Oh, I'm surprised there is a daybed made that can tolerate the weight and structure of rocks without bending or collapsing. I'm serious, TBS. plays exclusively syndicated sitcoms in the morning on weekdays so this Sixteen Candles coincidence airing the morning after Bob said he loved this movie is bullshit yeah any movie, cleaned it all up, picked it up again the bed and changed, you know what I'm going to follow? with you, yeah, whatever the movie was, it had some contact with this man, the CIA is only here because they know for a fact that Bob was talking to Calvin or they tracked down that computer hack here or any number of things the CIA could know, so why do they bother with a simple hit?

I don't know why they don't have other CIA people in the house to make sure Bob can't escape. Get out. I'm pressing timeout, but it's the button you press when you're overreacting and need to do it. trap laughs let's see some today oh this has apparently never happened to this guy at work before scare well all the agent goes to the stairs leaving the whole floor open my favorite as long as the mops in the building , no one is safe, that's why we brought three. full agents to track and bounce is definitely not behind the door here, but suddenly it is behind the door here.

Plus, where are you hiding to make a phone call and be in the office at the same time? Suddenly there are three other agents that I don't know. I know where because even the movie realized how stupid it was to send just three agents with this guy, yeah, wait everyone, Kevin Hart is going to tell blow by blow what's happening in this scene, you know, hilari, holy, where were these guys? I guess They were in the middle of their usual smoke break and all the guys miss that the CIA conveniently doesn't have anyone directly after Bob, which means that's where he's escaping and three two one.

I guarantee you that it is impossible to know the exact number of seconds that will pass next. I will also burn to the sprinkler and perhaps most importantly the sprinkler system is perfect as it should have activated almost as soon as the fire started and should not have dated the actual flames to reach it before continuing. It took four

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for the tie to burn to the top, and somehow the CIA is transported by water. Luckily the confrontation happened right where these two could jump out of a window and directly onto the inflatable gorilla outside too despite having 437 agents on the top floor, no one is down here just in case Bob escapes from all these gunshots and none of them reach Bob, Calvin or the tires, hey, what's this, baby?

Okay guys, this is where I come out of the movie in character, it was never fun, now it's forcing me. Go find the manager of this theater and demand double refund passes and I need your super sweet accounting skills. Why even if you had to go rogue to catch the real villain, how is it possible that a badass agent like you doesn't have contacts all over the world? world with accounting skills bob's murdered partner is being played by aaron paul which almost certainly means he wasn't murdered and he's the real bad guy plus this murder is being attributed to bob oh yeah bob murdered his buddy with a stick in the elevator and Blow It Up Technique, the classic motorcycle guy is a stormtrooper, Jesus is terrible to aim at, the little kid with an Uzi would be more accurate than this Curt too, how does this guy know that they're here?

Okay, maybe the GPS, but it didn't disconnect and it did disconnect it. Why did he think it was a good idea to stay here when this is the first place the CIA could look if they ever figured out what GPS to look for instead of just shooting Bob? Right now, this guy would rather do a lot of motorcycle karate. he guarantees that he won't succeed no, no, don't go home, oh, okay, then you won't go home okay. I spend a lot of time asking his wife not to go home, surprised that she doesn't go straight home.

I swear to God, 23 percent of this movie is Kevin Hart making faces and noises and making unfunny riffs Kevin Hart is now the male Melissa McCarthy, a genuinely funny person who becomes less funny the more the director allows him to riff. , okay, I'm afraid, okay, I have no movement in my system. If I say it from below, nothing will come out, farts are just air. I'm confused, should I expect mr. Hart got paid a lot of money to say these lines or should I hope he didn't get paid a lot of money to say these lines either way, someone got robbed of the test with a ghost figment of his imagination and started calling the black badger interesting ever since. . 20 seconds later, Agent Pamela says that Bob Stone is the black badger, how could the black badger become real at the same time she killed him to cover his tracks?

Jesus, you figured it out in three weeks and conducted an investigation that led you to I think Bob did this even though there are much easier methods to kill a guy and make it look like an accident. You're the only one Bob trusts for some reason. How, honey, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan even more nonsense because now, even if Calvin told his wife that Bob was sleeping downstairs and she was okay with it, now I'm supposed to believe that she saw him downstairs this morning and didn't make a connection when it turned out that his therapist. he was the same guy, how could you hit your wife?

This whole therapy session made it into the movie somehow I could have made the decision not to have him there, but someone decided to keep him and only a certified international banking official can accentuate the Trevor in him. turn your screws because you want to know what they're going to vote on prom king and queen again maybe you can Maggie can do two for two by the way these kids have a ten year high school reunion that's the one most people go right could they forget Oscar gets smart oh wait he was cooking with them if the rock doesn't break?

This guy is fine before the scene ends. I'll be offended once if that kid always with that kid if that were the case then Bob would have trouble beating up bullies no matter what because they would remind him of the pain of high school but since he's actually Trevor of all people , suddenly freezes, unnecessarily derailing this movie and referring to Trevor's beating. It has to happen at the Reunion because that's how these movies are made. Suzy tries to have heart after a full hour of the exact opposite of heart, even though she's technically been at least 60% heart, she's not so affected by the old bully that she revives the high school bully. memories that she leavesback to Calvin even though he needs Calvin in the math brain to complete his mission thanks for sharing.

I mean, if it's not revealed, does it really benefit me knowing that looking at the torture room, the location is not important, control if you want to endure even though why did you let this tool into the torture chamber in the first place? interrogations? He's a pawn you used to get to Bob, you don't need him and he hasn't earned any right to witness the interrogation, he can do so when Agent Harris tells you. You can leave that's why I leave you in the Sol locker room without guards. Who among us has not seen a banana and we instantly decided to escape.

This also works with banana traction. I'm really sorry, this clock in the background says it's 441. I really am because the clock in the next room says it's 741. I really didn't want to notice this or give it a sin, but there it is, so Bob and Calvin try to be best friends again outside the interrogation room and they don't just do it. I have time for that way, once again I somehow managed to get to a situation where the three main agents are the only agents until they have more action demands, I'll give you a dollar if you can figure out what's going on in this action sequence.

Calvin no. I can't learn by osmosis or something to be able to do that, no, you can't throw a guy ten feet onto the concrete and have this kind of wall explosion reaction. Conciseness the first, how is this going to hurt. Wow, Calvin had that line down perfectly. Somehow those agents don't know it and don't shoot the tires, look this vibrates on that, what a look, if you're going to steal the pulp fiction line, do it right, don't put a bore in front of the jet, you did it. weird like a chocolate Google, fake chocolate Google, that's not only racist from Google, it sounds delicious, all you have to do is plug those digits into the GPS and boom, so why do you need a super accounting brain sweet, if it's just connecting numbers and boom?

Couldn't you have done this yourself? Do you ever still play before? Is it necessary to ask this question? Yes, he responds with a funny star-stealing story, but no, he hasn't stolen a plane before you, idiot, second biggest penis search ever, what was the biggest penis? hunt in state history Fassbender Emsworth Oh, you're not Korean, so you better believe that took a long time. In fact, I'll let Kumail take this. You're stereotyping Korean dicks, that's racist, yes, and I'm adding 50 Cent's Plus. Kumail Nanjiani. Be awesome in the citizen mod and Calvin can take off from this runway without anyone noticing and apparently not showing up on military radar on the Atlantic coast.

Plus, he ran out of gas. I know for a fact that this is nonsense before I even arrive. the part where they show that Bob is faking all this, that's how movies like these are, the setup is too obvious, you're wasting your time, well it looks like a scene from San Andreas because let's be honest, who remembers anything about that one? movie I like? Attention, make bird song, oh oh man, I gave Kevin Hart a hand, he's actually tearing through these horrible audience-indulging scenarios with all the unashamed strength and fun of him. I can't make bird noises.

I never could that is your greatest weakness, not fear. heights or addiction or daddy issues and the rock gets off an elevator with a gun and you can't tell what movie or movie franchise it's from, that's a sign that the movie you're watching is beautiful and hilarious and, while I understand, This is a comedy if Bob had told Calvin basically anything along the way this wouldn't seem like such a random ending, go ahead. You don't want to bet that Harris isn't the Blackmagic American. A sudden mistake. Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing surprises me in this movie.

I am the black lotter. You may not have heard, but Calvin apparently recognizes that Aaron Paul is Phil. How does Calvin know that he saw a photo of him? All he heard was a story Bob told. That and another story, Agent Harris said I'm the black lotter, no, I'm the black badger. I really won't give it away through the black banner as long as we can finish it soon, when this is over I'm going to break you. Take the throat out of my Patrick Swayze movie Roadhouse continues, it's outdated. Referrals for someone's benefit too Roadhouse sucks.

I said it, the CIA once again brings in three people, three CIA people also show up and fire guns, and even though the bad guys had like 25 men on their side, this is somehow going to turn into an even battle. Calvin Joyner went to the old school of running away from things instead of turning back. Calvin counted on countless SUV marketer X to save his ass. Thank goodness Bob somehow scheduled this, don't seriously believe it. Boy, do I get behind me? The movie Jet tries to make me doubt that the rock is the good guy at the last minute, which isn't going to work because this moves toward the rock.

Nobody hits anything here. The normal everyday foot and fist fight requires editing for every punch landed also fight choreography featured by who gives up as the camera work is so shaky nice no that's at this point. I'm just waiting for this to turn into presenter 3 and suddenly we see Terminator Bart Simpson Dirty Harry Michael Corleone and Everybody Who's Ever Had Anything appear on the screen. Face Andrew knows why your friend Bob could never be the black badger. It's because he's too rich. The villain is overexposed and creates a window for the hero. You know, faking my own death was easy.

Jesus part, stop talking, seriously, what's the point? This is so insulting. I'll get away with a 500 million dollar boy scout. Bob is going to spend his life in prison, so I guess it makes sense that Bob would fall for this, but anyone else in the CIA - with a Blood Pact like this it turns out it's not your blood at all but ink or someone else's blood. person and this was your plan, you actually thought Bob would be framed for this calendar while you do a backflip and it looks Faker than Twilight baby, thank you, thank you for the location text, it makes this movie completely and totally over, so war, no joke, you're an eagle screenwriter, fly in the breeze, you're what makes me special.

All for me. Journals. I love you absolutely nothing. this movie showed that he learned this marriage lesson, he literally went through some fake eih and now all of a sudden out of nowhere he cares about his wife in his marriage how does bob stone win prom king? I have to vote in the fight over what something is like. As dumb as a baton election coming home from a 20 year old high school reunion on a computer, wouldn't you vote for that when you actually get to the reunion and usually ballots and the idea that no one knows who Bob Stone is Would this all derail?

Which Robbie can be good at, how can someone have that much of a real thug boner? I really don't even feel great that Bob finally punched this guy. They're like thirty-eight year olds. Where is the boy from that twenty years ago? In this gym I stood before you a naked and ashamed movie it's trying too hard to have a morally positive feel good ending and it's dumb as a shock yeah it's sad to say but the funniest thing about this movie is that guy who celebrates catching you in Bob's pants. I fell-I don't remember Darla Looby is trying to kamikaze all the happy endings she can fit in the last five minutes I think you remember me You remember how I could forget you I know because I'm glad everyone is enjoying her dance show, but what? did?

Did he ever wear underwear? I mean, he's still out there like he's on a swing at a county fair? Now that she's pregnant, we're supposed to believe that for 20 years this was never a problem for Milly? She feels like this couple we've gotten. divorced about 15 years ago if that was the case when I close this movie it's still going even though it ended 10 minutes ago well I sleep there most nights no don't that was bad

intelligence

very bad

intelligence

I'm sorry , this is my own private address and I will not be harassed, you know how full it would be to bounce off the murdered black magic, she was Keizer salsa, I am the black lot, no, I am the black lot, I am Spartacus, I am bata, I have today.

I took my first shit in two weeks. Hey, if you can't be an adult and give these candidates the courtesy they deserve, then you don't deserve kids calling you adults because that's what kids are and they'll treat you like kids. I don't know anything about them because if they were to come into use they would put the oil companies out of business, the concept of the internal combustion engine has been obsolete for over 50 years, but due to oil cartels and corrupt government regulation, We in the rest of the world have been forced to use gasoline for more than 100 years.