Every Spa Ever

just go ahead and undress to your comfort level and I'll be back in a few minutes thank you you undress to my comfort level oh sorry do you need a few more minutes to undress? No, this is my comfort level. I was also wondering if I could actually do the massage without even touching myself and also face the wall the entire time. Also, I am very flatulent and receive constant donors at

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y spa. So, are you getting ready for something special? Actually, you know, I'm taking a relaxing day for myself oh, that's so nice, yeah, you know, I feel like it's so weird that we take a self-care day, you know what, stop worrying about the things in our lives daily.

I hope Brian remembers to put sunscreen on the kids before they go outside. We can't deal with another sunburn. If Emma gets too much sun, she will nap too long and be a nightmare at bedtime, then Oliver won't be able to sleep either and if they don't sleep, Brian and I want to. sleep, then we'll be nervous and fight about meaningless things all night, then we'll kick in and the kick will be traumatized and we'll grow up to be serial killers or worse internet comedians oh, I wish You could just relax like all those other women.

I bet my house is on fire. The children are taking drugs. Everyone is going to die. The dog is urinating on the carpet. Right now we're going to have an old lady walk on your back for a while. minute and then the massage I hope you enjoyed your massage here's a cup of water that was amazing I'm in the mood for jelly thank you of course I'll be waiting for you in the lobby while you get dressed would you like some hot stones or something hot? socks hello, that's cool, eh, I didn't mean to yell at you you just scared me, okay, steam rooms full of wonderful surprises, oh yeah, like what's mostly sweat and dehydration, good luck, check out something strange,

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yone We are out of the ocean.

It sounds, but we have the greatest hits of LMFAO. Mainly I want them to be clean, nothing fancy, are you sure? Because long nails make you 35% more daring. Now they will put the delivery notice on my door. I'll wait for the package to arrive. in two days, don't say it's at the delivery center. I do not know where it is. I'm not taking my man. We're all going to the Sizzler for lunch if you want to join us. If we are talking. that sizzling, I'd rather die, pigs take mud baths too. You think you're better than a pig, you dirty old pig?

Hello, would you like to listen to music or nature sounds during your massage? Oh, the sounds of nature would be great, wonderful, we have. the sound of the polar ice caps melting, sea turtles screaming in pain, too distressed, being thrown in their faces, waves of garbage crashing against the California coast and, of course, the sound of the sun's rays warming its atmosphere as the Politicians yell at scientists about our changing climate. you have anything else, birds singing, birds traveling to the sky to warn their friends that the house they live in in their habitat, the jungle is being bulldozed to make room for palm oil manufacturing, just ways to destroy the waves of California trash, just relax while I practice karate.

Cut your lower back, you know, I never really know or it will show when I'm here. I don't want to be a person who's just looking at a bunch of naked women. You know, I think in the steam room and in life. You just have to follow your own path and look where you want to look no matter what other people think about it. You know your true intentions. Wow, that's very deep and when in doubt, honey, look inside your own soul vagina, always go down. Mine looks like this. Delia, do you want a couples massage?

You sticky son of a bitch. Hello welcome. Hey, I'm here for work. Okay, do you have a preference between a male or female massage therapist? You know, put me for a man, you know not. I want any sexual tension in case she thinks I'm sexy or something, so you prefer men. Well, I mean, I don't want to touch myself like that, actually, uh, call me a woman, okay, so you need a softer touch, right? Pain sensitive no, I have a super strong back, okay, yeah, you know, just put me off your strongest man you have. I can accept it, so the client is specifically requesting a big, strong, burly, manly man.

No, no, no, no, God. I don't know what you want from me I guess I just want to point out how dumb misogyny is. Yeah, well, I guess it worked out fine. So, would you like a male or female massage therapist? I don't know what that intensity is like for you, barely the same. feel it, oh how about this, oh that's the spice, oh baby, thank god you're home, the boss came to see why you left early, I shit my pants and we're out of milk, You shit your pants, yeah, I said in the middle. So I thought you wouldn't notice, but I guess he did, so I'll come out and say it.

I shit my pants. It's okay, just change your clothes. Man. Change your clothes. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, babe, too. I thought you went to the spa, what a waste, the $90. I'm right, hello. I wish you would just cut up my body now. Imagine, if you were saying those things to yourself when you were little, you would never say those mean things to him now. Because? Would you keep them to yourself? Yes, you're right, Greta. I know this is weird, but you really helped me a lot. Can I give you a hug? Of course, damn it, of course, damn Groupon, it's because I was born three years old.

Okay, yeah, I can make it work. I keep it. You do. Oh, if you plant it, it will grow. Oh my gosh, manna, you're all the same. You know, I don't want to be that person who's just staring down the barrel. of some butts I'm going to try to break your head but today I can't like a little egg no mine looks like Delaware I'm not very good at geography what state your vagina looks like I can see it with where' I'm already there, but I want to guess how much I feel , but I feel that it is a city, it came to a house, there is a small vagina, it is low, it is okay.