Every Single Sketch with the Valets - Key & Peele

HEART ON THAT. GIVE THAT F**KER A STATUE JUST FOR THAT! THAT'S THERE, MAN! WHO! DEFINITELY, DAWG, ME, BUT ME, ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT RD SQUARE REALLY FAST? GO TO IT. “SHERLOCKY HOLMES.” “SHERLOCKY HOLMESIES.” “SHERLOCKY HOLMES.” WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHEN SHERLOCKSIES HOLMESIES WAS IN THAT PIT! YEAH. AND I WAS FIGHTING WITH THAT GUY. AND HE FIGHTS AGAINST THAT GUY. AND SUDDENLY IN HER MIND, HE MADE EVERYTHING HAPPEN IN SLOW MOTION. "I HAVE TO DO THIS, AND I HAVE TO DO THIS, AND THEN, STATISTICALLY, I HAVE TO DO THIS." AND THEN THE CANE. AND THEN HE GOT BACK TO REAL LIFE SPEED, AND HE DID IT.

HE WAS LIKE, WHAT? THAT WAS MY JAM. THAT WAS MY JAM RIGHT THERE. THAT WAS MY JAM. I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN USING THE STATISTICS! AND THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT SCENE WHERE HE WOKE UP IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S DAUGHTER'S BED AND HE WAS COMPLETELY DRUGS AND SHIT? OH YEAH! I. NO, NO, BUT THAT WAS RD SQUARE IN REAL LIFE, RIGHT THERE. WAS. WAS. WAS. WAS. BUT THAT WAS REAL LIFE. BUT HE'S GOOD AT THAT. HE WAS GOOD. HE'S GOOD AT THAT. THAT WAS VERY REALISTIC, YES. DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS GOOD, DAWG? - WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO? - VALLY KILMERS.

OH, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT VALLY KILMERS RIGHT NOW. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT VALLY KILMERS RIGHT NOW, DAWG. WHICH? WHICH? WHICH? WHICH? OH, YOU KNOW, VALLY KILMERS IN “TOMBSTONES.” OH WHAT? THAT? COME ON MAN. THAT'S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DOCKY VACATION, DAWG? OH LORD. MY MAN IS TALKING ABOUT... "I'LL BE YOUR HUCKLEBERRY." OOH, AND THEY WERE ON THAT OKAY. CORRAL. SPEAKING OF - OH, THE SHOOTING? IT'S LIKE... - EARS. EARS. EARS. EARS. - DOLLAR. DOLLAR. OK. OK. OK. OK! OH, YOU'RE NOT OKAY. HA HA! THAT'S MY JAM RIGHT THERE. THAT'S MY JAM RIGHT THERE. BUT WHAT HAPPENS TO MY SON VALLY KILMERS IN THE “WILOWERS”?

OH. BUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH VALLY KILMERS IN THAT “Willow Tree”, RIGHT? VALLY KILMERS ON THAT "WILOW" DAWG, ME! WHEN I WAS MADMARTIGANS, AND THEY WERE ON THAT MEDIEVAL SLIDE? TALKING, TALKING, TALKING... WHAT? AND THE LITTLE ELF, TALKING ABOUT - "YOU'RE GREAT" . THIS IS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS, DAWG! MAGICALLY DELICIOUS, DAWG. THAT WAS MY JAM. OH, BUT WHAT ABOUT VAL KILMERS IN “THE SAINTS”? OH, VALLY KILMERS IN “THE SAINT.” VALLY KILMERS IN “THE SAINT” , BUT. WHAT? WHEN MY MAN - MY MAN WAS LIKE - AND - AND THEN - AND THEN HE - AND THEN HE WAS LIKE - AND THEN I - ONLY THE COVER LOOKED ATTRACTIVE.

I DON'T LOOK AT THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REALIZING RIGHT NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME? WHAT IS THAT, DAWG? IT'S LIKE, IF THERE WAS A GRAPH OF SQUARE RD... YES, A GRAPH. RIGHT THERE. AND VALLY KILMERS' RACES... YEAH, YES! RD SQUARED WOULD START HERE. RIGHT, AND VALLY KILMERS WOULD START RIGHT HERE. AND RD SQUARED WOULD START THIS PATH. RIGHT. AND THEN VALLY KILMERS WOULD BE ON THIS PATH RIGHT HERE LIKE THIS, RIGHT? MAKING MOVIES, MAKING MOVIES, JUST MAKING MOVIES ICULES. MAKING MOVIES, MAKING MOVIES, MAKING MOVIES. GETTING A LITTLE CRAZY. JUST TAKING A LITTLE DRUGS. JUST PUTTING ON A LITTLE OF S - IT GOT A LITTLE CRAZY.

THEY STILL MAKE MOVIES. AND THEN THEY MEET AT THIS POINT... ...IN THE SAME FILM. SO...THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME IS... "KISS KISS... ...BANG BANG”! “KISS KISS BANG BANG” IS MY SHIT! Me. WHAT'S GOING ON? “GAME OF THRONES ", BUT, DAWG. YOOO. ARE YOU ALL ON IT? Hey, I watched the whole thing last night, dude! Hey, there's cold blood in Westeros, dude. THEY KILLED MY N**** NED! NED STARKS? DON'T YOU SEE it coming, right? Oh, fucking hell, no. UH-UH! OH MY GOD. UH-UH. I mean, my man was there, right? AND HE'S TALKING ABOUT... HE STOOD THERE ON THE THING LIKE, BLI!

AND THEN I THOUGHT, "PSSHH. I'M NOT WORRIED. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO KILL MY SON NED STARKS! OPENING! AND THEN PLOP! I was like... Hey, I told you they had blood cold in there! AND THEN I THOUGHT, "BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE I STILL HAVE MY N**** KHAL DRUGS." THE GREAT DAVE NAVARRO? YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. THE GREAT DAVE NAVARRO? WIDDLY -WIDDLY-WIDDLY WIDDLY-WOW! YES. THAT GUY PICKED UP MOLTEN GOLD AND POURED IT OVER N****S HEADS! "I WANT TO SLEEP WITH MY SISTER!" Me. AND KILLED HIM, DIDN'T HE? I MEAN , HE'S BIG, LIKE HERCULES AND EVERYTHING. I think: YOU CAN'T KILL KHAL DRUGS WITH A PAPER CUT.

AN INFECTED SCRATCH THERE? AN INFECTED SCRATCH! BUT BE ETERNAL...KILT! Hey, but do you know who my favorite character is, DAWG? WHO'S THAT, DAWG? WHO'S THAT, DAWG? PSSST. KHALEESIES. KHALEESI. YOU KNOW I LIKE SOME KHALEESIES, DAWG. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KHALEESIES DIRECTLY WITH THE DRAGONS? OH, THEY ARE... KHALEESIES WITH THE DRAGONS. AND KHALEESI IS ALL LIKE THIS. AND THEN WE TALK ABOUT... WOW! ONLY STRAIGHT ROASTED GOATS! I! OH LORD. MAN! AND THIS IS WHEN THEY START KILLING CHARACTERS LEFT AND RIGHT, DAWG! AT THE WEDDING? ME, AT THE WEDDING! ROBB STARKS. THAT? HIS WIFE from him. THAT?

THEY HAVE HIS MOM from him! I! SCOTTISH SKIRT! SCOTTISH SKIRT! SCOTTISH SKIRT! SCOTTISH SKIRT! That was a four for one, man. FOUR FOR ONE UP, DAWG. That's a four for one, buddy. FOUR FOR ONE UP. AND WHEN DID THEY HAVE THE WILD GIRL? SPEAKING OF... "YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW." SCREAM! WOW! SCOTTISH SKIRT! AND THE DOG? I! THE HOUND! "AH, I'M FALLING DOWN THE HILL!" "KILL ME! YOU HAVE TO KILL ME!" "NO!" SCOTTISH SKIRT! SLOWLY, BY OMISSION. BINGO. Hey, but what's up with my man Taiwan Lannisters? TAIWAN LANNISTERS. TAIWAN LANNISTERS! WHAT ABOUT THE TAIWAN LANNISTERS, DAWG?

ME, MY MAN TALKING ABOUT "I'M TAKING SHIT." IT'S LIKE... OW! KILT! FOR HIS OWN SON. THAT? THE DINKLES. THE DINKLES. BUT THE DINKLES. THE DINKLES. THE DINKLES! DINKLES IS MY JAM. NO ONE CAN KILL THE DINKLES! DINKLES IS MY JAM, MY JELLY, MY PEANUT BUTTER AND MY PEANUTS. DINKLES. THE DINKLES. BUT DINKLES! DINKLES IS MY M****************T!