Ep #6: BILL BURR | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

where I'm letting out all my anger. That's where I let it be known, you know, it's funny, you've never shown me so angry on stage, don't you think, no, I just thought it was funny, I didn't think it was like that, but I mean, I say that too. I don't think that's angry comparatively, no, but no, no, you're not like a screamer when you're on the show. I may not have seen you in a minute. People think I complain a lot. you're so angry you complain a lot I say that's us that's comedy I mean that's what I'm doing like I don't do people really think that or did a couple of people say that that that word? people are really confused, well look I love that you say people say I can't.

You receive two comments. I love it when everyone likes their Instagram. They like. You know a lot of people want me to post my skincare routine. It's like you want to do it and you just take one person and pretend that everyone wants it, but no, I think I've generally gotten that feedback over the years and maybe I'm sensitive to that because I know I have anger issues, but I don't really think you know that you only respond to criticism if you somehow deeply agree with it, that's the only time it bothers me. I do not think I'll go.

I think someone might say something really cruel and hurtful, you didn't think that about yourself, dammit, human beings are too complex for just one thing like that and my wife tried something on me the other night. she said something and then she has some stupid fucking expression, dog bites or something, I don't know what the fuck it meant, it was just this way of saying, oh, because you reacted to the fucking thing I said, it's your fault. It's like no, no, still with you through the fucking network, we had the funniest fucking argument the other day we were watching Wheel of Fortune and the fucking prize was, uh, because they have the worst prize of all time. you buy Dick Sporting Good, so we like, oh what the fuck is that you get, that on a game show you can win, that on a call on a radio station, these people are on TV solving puzzles and then she He said, oh, you know what happens if I?

She says, you know, I wouldn't care if it was on the show, I just gave it to you and said, what the fuck, you bitch? I can go to the dicks myself. I don't need your fucking gift certificate and I just get so fucked up. Like in a silly way she would be like you imagine if she ever did that you would be keeping up with the Kardashians shit. fishing rod some bear spray here's the Nike shit that didn't work so it's not in our flagship stores here's some umbr shorts some spotty Adidas socks I was fighting with Benon about this because we're talking about holiday gifts and I don't like gift cards you don't like gifts you don't like them like V like don't give me anything literally just don't give me anything that's how much I don't like gift cards because I always end up going to the place You bought me the gift card for spending more and then it ends up costing me money.

Uh oh, I was thinking just take cash. Cash is a great gift. It is such an underrated gift. Cash1 $1 cash. I like you, no. I don't know much about you. She gave money to Nia. Looks like this will cover it. Looks like we can be friends for another year. I don't like gift cards, what are you doing? What are you going to do? Have you already decided where you are going to get your wife for that vacation? We can't say Christmas. I got, I got in trouble. Not Christmas. Actually, I am a Christian. In fact, I celebrated Christmas.

Sorry, I was at a writer's house, working on a show, even though he didn't practice Christianity, and an intern complained because I said Merry Christmas. I had to go to HR, no, that's it, I don't want you, damn it. Crazy out there where it's like the shit that people who haven't done anything with their fucking lives are yelling this like I remember walking in when I was in the mailroom, it was like yeah sir, no sir. How come blah blah blah blah, you don't say that was right, but now this thing where the person who built the Empire has to kneel because someone in the fucking mail room didn't like the missile and He has seven followers on Twitter, yes? and then they can literally stage that to like the ABC morning show and what is it that someone kissed me and I didn't want to be kissed and I like the guy?

I'm sorry I'm telling China, you put China on hold for that big

bill

ion dollar deal I need to put this fire out it's like uh but it's also been fun to watch it's fun to see in that um all these so called powerless people when they they complain is so then you look at them you abuse that power, yeah, and it's like, oh, you're the exact same damn thing, you're just not up there and everyone says it's like all that shit where they show like you know the kids. from the center of the city and each of them who is who traffics drugs.

I would have been a doctor, yeah, yeah, yeah, if they had grown up in a white neighborhood, it's like yeah, or they could have been like some of my damn white people, which I know they could have been, they could have made a predatory bank. and you screwed old people with their pensions, not that you don't automatically become a screwup here like you're one of those just romantics, anyone in the mail room is a fucking saint and anyone on top is automatic, it's Only that's not the case. some

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people in the mail room and there are some absolute pieces of shit and the same with people who run companies that's what I think I just feel like we're drug dealers we would be doctors most doctors are on drugs Yes, they are right, Holiday.

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A single interface that makes it easy to manage all those blessed and highly favored, blessed and highly favored things, which even you can do from the cell phone sending station. uh it works with all the major carriers, UPS, FedEx, UPS, so you don't have to deal with any nonsense there. uh you can compare, you can choose, you can ship, come on, it's the number one choice of online sellers, so what are you doing? Go to option number two. What are you a maniac? No, I want to compare and choose, what kind of psychopath do you take? the hassle of holiday shipping let Ship Station help you handle it all with ease use my offer code Whitney for a 60-day free trial don't use anyone else's offer code don't fuck with me about this, you'll get it 2 months free, no hassle, no stress holiday shipping, just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, type Whitney, if you don't know how to spell it, shipstation.com can't help you, enter Whitney ship offer code. station make ship Happ hellofresh with hellofresh America's number one meal kit, you get easy seasonal recipes and pre-measured ingredients right to your door and all you have to do is cook and enjoy hello Fresh makx, cooking delicious meals at home is a reality.

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You're going to go to hellofresh.com good9 and you're going to use the code good nine, that's how many free meals nine with hellofresh going to hellofresh.com SLG good n and you're going to use the code good nine. I didn't hire anyone either. It's crazy that you say it on the microphone, yeah, and if they find out and then they sue you and then you hear it on a

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, they sue me a lot. At this point I was interviewing someone and I thought, so what? type of comedy you like and he said I like so and so I really like his stick and that felt like a red flag to Meck he's that weird maybe he could be an old soul I mean that would have made me laugh. like this guy who has a little borch belt on him hey boy what's your act? he was like I like that stick person and it's someone I knew and I thought he's a great comedian they don't have a stick they have to act like I don't I don't understand how an assistant makes your life easier I agree I haven't hired one I haven't hired any All those people are going to talk that are going to talk to you they are going to talk to them and then you have to talk to that person and then they regurgitate it to you, that's right, you still had the conversations and then you are a person removed from your race, now there's a buffer, yeah, and what happens if you hire a fucking lunatic?

Yes I do. I've hired a lot, I think you've hired someone who is slowly trying to become you, yeah, a single white woman, I totally got it and I also end up hiring a lot of people who, like a couple of months later, say that I have to go. to my improv class or I have to go like I have a spot at the comedy store and I'm fine, but I don't know, I like um I always like to help people the way I want because no one gave me Really any of that really no I didn't get to work for other people or learn from other people, so I don't know, I like, I like doing that, I heard Benton, um, he was opening for me on the tour and Then I found out he was dyslexic.

I kept missing meetings and then visited them. I don't even care about these dyslexics. shit and if I get it, if I don't get that far I don't do it, I'm fine with that I just can't respond to the emails I get. I get angry when one email turns into five emails. I just get angry because I feel like people are stealing my time and I just get angry you what I'm starting to see that anger your eyes are starting to light up I understand that certain things make me very angry and uh like I think it started from my dad I died I get angry when someone takes up too much of my time or wastes my time or when someone abuses a child or an animal in public.

I lose it, so before your dad died you didn't care if someone hit you with his son with a puppy, I think he wasn't as aware of the consequences of confronting them as if he wasn't confronting him. It would be like this, that sucks, that makes me angry now, I confront people, it sucks. to be your child, well, no, tell me what you think of this. I saw a woman in a grocery store and she had like a 5 year old kid and the kid kept taking Lucky Charms and putting them in the shopping cart and the woman.

She would take it out and put it back in and the child would take it and put it back in and the woman started getting angry and said: put it back in to see what happens, put it back in to see what happens mhm and I was like that was sarcasm. Of course, the boy didn't know it was sarcasm and the boy said that he didn't understand if he was in order, but he knew something was happening. Was this child? What was his constitution? bullied, you know, a good point is being a mother, I know, what you're watching is 3 seconds of being a mother and she's dealt with a little damn brat, you know, yeah, this, I'll tell you if there were cell phone cameras around.

When I was a kid, the shit all moms did and my mom used to grab me by the ear in public and drag me out of a grocery store, my mom once threatened me that if my two younger brothers didn't let her, she would be I was going to spank their bare butts on the side of the road and she did it and people drove by honking their horns laughing yeah whatever it's a different time I mean there were things that needed work and then but I think a a lot of that kind of old school parenting is coming back a little bit, you know, it's always like you know go too far this way and then we overcorrect like that oh, whatever, you know, you find yourself um, I'm terrified of having kids mainly because I'm terrified of havingwere you doing on that show?

It's so true that you're going to talk about conspiracy and fucking whores on a fucking cooking show. That comes out at 4 in the afternoon, what did you think was going to happen? It's weird because every time I do one of those shows and they're here, now you'll be trying food and like Okay and like there's no version, you can just say okay, like you have to be like this is delicious, like If everything was so fake, false and strange, but look, but you did it. I did it many times, you did it right, then you can.

Don't complain about it, you literally didn't like the toast the first time, right, don't go back to the exit. I feel like I have to do all that shit, but when you go on a talk show it becomes something that everyone when you go on a talk show, people start submitting everything is for better or worse, one of the greatest pleasures is see you, go on a morning show, well, you know what I have, I have to be an old man. timer here when I was a kid, a comedian, being able to do a panel was a big deal and there were certain guys I saw who were fucking great at it and then there were other people I saw do stand-up. and then they would sit around and they weren't that good and um and also back then, how long did you have to be in the business, how many people did you have to beat just to get there, like them, they were all polished like me.

I remember George Goble was a big fan of his, I'm still a big fan of his, but he was regarded as, um, not at the level of, uh, you know, like, but he was competing there with that famous guy he was with, Like Dean. Martin and Bob Hope and all those guys, but he still likes it today, he would be compared to most people who get along because now you can get along easier because everyone has a fucking show or a YouTube channel that He just wasn't as experienced as this guy, with all his experience, and there were so many people out there that were like that, I don't know, it was very rare for someone to be in show business and sit on the couch. that they didn't have a good panel, yeah, it was obvious that if a fucking lion tamer came to someone who, you know, is in show business, but not really, um or some weirdo, then it was about the host react to them, but that was something I always wanted to be good at, so I appreciate that compliment, it's like that and sometimes I don't like going to some of the shows because you go to all of them it's like uh oh, let's see if we can get through this without obtaining an FCC. rape like everyone like shame you are like I'm a ComEd what did you think was going to happen?

I'll try to behave they just sell it that's what they do they just sell it like they're just selling the Fuck, show him you have to block all that and just go out and do what you do and then stay off social media for three days, MH , and every time that group of people didn't like you. which is not a story, no, it's like, oh my god, everyone didn't like it, of course not, everyone doesn't like ice cream. Some people don't actually like ice cream, if you can believe that you can actually find it. a bunch of people fucking say I don't like ice cream.

I don't understand those people, but like you, you and you know, if you just put the camera on them, you react against the ice cream, it gives you headaches, it rots your teeth. That time of year again and you know it's time to share smiles and good times with friends and family. Of course, it's time to exchange gifts. How about you give yourself a damn gift? Can I curse in these? Probably not sure about the gift of Self-Confidence What better gift is how you can gain self-confidence by having straighter and brighter teeth with the help of Candid Candid A?

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Although I like to fight with people in the comments. I hate that he does it, but I know, you know what I always do. I do what you, what you really have to do is go after their picture always, it's always them and their daughter, someone will always come to me and be like you, idiot. He looks old and it's the boy and his daughter and I always say I'm sorry for your daughter. I'm sorry you're her father. Then he immediately changes the photo. He had one. This guy goes. I don't remember what he told her.

I'm not a little old to blah, blah, blah and I go, aren't you a little old to take selfies on a bridge? I don't even know what that means. He had just taken a selfie on a bridge. and he just shut all that down, that's what you do, you just go after his picture, but the people who say the meanest shit don't have a fucking image, they're like a robot, like an egg, it's like the egg, well, that It's like people. I think making profiles fake just to troll is that, yeah, I respect it if you're doing it just to piss someone off.

I think it's fucking funny, yeah, even if you get me, I think it's fucking funny. but if you're doing it because you're too chicken to use it as your real account and but you're saying shit, you actually mean it's because a troll, I don't think, is saying no Doesn't mean they're just trying to get attention Yes, I would have done it back in the day, when I was a kid, if I could have written something and sent it to someone on TV. I mean, how long do you do that? Before you want, let me see if I can make him angry.

I mean, it seems like it was like when you bought a BB gun when you were a kid. At first you know you're shooting trees and then fucking some cans and finally. they're going to shoot each other you just have to keep going I don't know is this how humans the bar goes higher which will give them a rush I would have done that and I have to tell them as far as I want to be like an angry person uh and deal with the anger for a long time, which is strange. I really learned that I'm not an angry person, it's my default emotion and trying to separate myself, that's been my life's work here, but if you can If you can have as much empathy as you can and get outside of yourself and just know it, you know it, it kind of eliminates a lot of that stuff, but if I'm in a bad mood, that's why I don't like it.

I don't read, I probably read like eight% of the comments, yeah, if I post something and I want to see what the general comments are, I just scroll until I get to the bad one, okay, that's great, I had about 12 good ones. a bad one, 120 to 10, that's it and then I go, everyone says this, I'm the one exploiting it and amplifying it when that's not really the metric at all, no, and social media has been out for too long for you still are. doing that so you're just going to be doing like some kind of sale that I'm giving, I'm empowering you here, it's cutting right, it's just me, saying I want to get hurt, I'm going to go find find out what's going to happen, you know , justify what I'm already thinking and make me feel like a victim and get me into my dopamine adrenaline.

What you do, then you go eat a big bowl of chocolate cereal vomit outside in your backyard. I hate myself. I hate myself. Hit my robot, get off her, hit your dog. I went to the Twitter offices and they told me that in the United States 22% of people are on Twitter, of those 2% of people they generate 80% of the comments I saw. something like that yes, yes, of course, yes, of course, we all knew it, didn't we?, we all knew it, I think we all knew it secretly, but we didn't want to believe it. I thought, are you sure that's not convenient?

It doesn't fit my narrative, but I get even angrier when I confront someone and then they say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd see this. I was just messing around. I'm fine now." At least commit your negativity, you can't, yeah, you're gonna bring a lot of that shit, you get a lot of shit, yeah, you get a lot of shit, just like a lot of attractive women get shit anyway. Hey, I love blah, blah, blah, blah, or they just give you shit, so you have to know how they're going to attack you, like I know with me, bald, pasty, fucked, uh, mongoloid, I guess mongoloid, I have have to be honest. with you I don't give a shit if they say that about me it's one of the funniest fucking words in the English language, so weird CH I actually started laughing when I read that, but the thing is, you have to like that, but that's it.

The other thing is that I think because I looked up the word also because someone said it's not a bad job, but I guess it came from some, it all comes from some, no, I think technically it's not supposed to. a is one, it's on the list of things you're not supposed to say, come on, you've got to keep some of those mongoids that have to stay, well, what I love is all this, you know, all these woke people that They are using everything. latest terms like these will become obsolete. Oh no, you'll be offensive in two years.

I'm trying to think about it. I once said creative genre because that was the new thing and then they said it's not a genre. -okay and then I said it was okay and then it was gender non-binary, what is it now? Bon can tell us genderfluid, yes, genderfluid or queer, okay, but that's not the same, genderfluid means you're bisexual, queer means gender. fluid means that some days you feel more like a boy and some days you feel more like a girl, okay, and here's the thing. Now I'm in trouble because I didn't know. No, I'm too busy trying to do it.

Bet who's going to win the Super Bowl. Well, that's the stats I'm focused on right now, yeah, who's going to win. I think the Seattle Seahawks will face the Baltimore Ravens, yeah, and I think I think. Pete Carol is going to receive the second ring from him, that's what I think. I'm such a B. I'm from DC and I feel like you can't even say my team's name anymore. Bullets are not DC Washington, the Washington team is what they say. Now, don't they do it instead of the Redskins? Redskins, yes. I went on Rich Eisen's show and I thought he was a Washington Redskins fan and he said the team was like oh, since when do I think it's recent, yeah, but I have to be honest. with you, that's one I don't know how the fuck he likes that of all the stupid shit they're changing, that one sitting there is the most offensive shit Cas, you didn't know what we were talking about Here's one of those people in the side of our helmets.

I have met Native Americans. None of them are that color. His skin is not red. It is bright red. Redskins once in Washington. I'm more red-skinned. It should be like a fucking Washington. redheads, do you think they should change the name of the Redskins? huh, that's one of those there are certain things like that doing that stupid tomahawk cut it's like, oh my god, how the fuck do you keep doing that? I mean, I went to Tomahawk just a bunch of white people and like you, it feels like you're in a fucking 1930s western. I'm waiting for a black and white John Wayne to keep walking, we gotta get on whatever the guy used to say. like there are some high schools that still say the engines run.

I looked this up and got really into it, yeah, but you know something, I bet they live in the middle of nowhere too, they don't get the good food, they don't get the good. books, it's so easy to sit here with your damn almond milk knowing what to say, that's right, you know you live in the middle of nowhere with a rusty Derek behind you, come on, and then empathy, I see you, goty and sorry, that's my Something new I was talking to my therapists about people leaving nasty comments and I read it to her and she was like, God, it sounds like they're in a lot of pain and I was like "fuck" and you were like "Oh, fuck you, lady".

I have anger that I don't have, I'm actually pro-rabies because I grew up in a home where everything was bottled up and everything was passive-aggressive and there wasn't a lot of direct communication, people said no, I'm fine, everything is fine. Well no I'm not mad do it the way I like it when people are mad because at least I know it's honest communication I'd like to know where I stand you have a long way to go you really will probably catch up with me but I I'm walking the same path. bad, are you going to therapy?

I feel bad for you regularly. I know where you are now. Have you been here. Yes, where I am justifying the anger. Justifying anger. You're trying. At least you know where I am. I'm yelling at you, yeah, you know I'm mad, hey, I say it like it's, um, yeah, it's all going downhill, it's just no, you're capable, you're capable of, uh, oh, you're in therapy, that's something. fucking good. but you know, what I discovered with therapy is that if you go there and empty your brain every week but you're not actually working on it, it's like sitting down and talking about exercising, working out. go out with your train never go to the gym no, I'm like the 12 St show.

I like to do everything you know, doing everything is likewhy did it happen to me, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then there's been uh, you know, but I find that the people that aren't so good are the ones that really make the trip, they always take the Not always, but I guess I call it taking. the trip, yes, and they just get rid of their friends and surround themselves. uh. I used to joke with NI. I used to call him he has a case of yes, yes, yes. Everyone around me said yes, yes, yes, it's true. I've seen it happen to my friends.

I mean, I've seen it happen to a couple of people and I think maybe there are some comics that are getting too famous on YouTube or something. fast or and it starts to happen, there's an adjustment period and then if they come out the other side, then it's okay. I heard I think it was Bill Murray, he once said he used to give people three years and he said after three years if you're still an idiot then you're an idiot, but like me, I thought he was very empathetic, that's cool, okay, you know, everyone's fuming, he's floating, let's see if he comes back down, three years later, he's still up there.

Yeah, fuck that guy, he also said something about Howard Stern that I loved about fame, he said, you know, Howard Sturm said, Don't you love being famous? And he tries to be rich and see if you still want to be famous, he said. It's very stupid to understand that he is like a lot of people want to be famous but really they just want to be rich. Does that make any sense at all? But. It's totally like a lot of people are saying, "I want to be famous and you really don't." I didn't want to be famous and poor but I didn't want to be famous I got into I wanted to be known as a comedian definitely yes, for sure I too think that maybe this is what I wanted to be and I want it all The people I saw growing up I wanted to show their heads and They would just say: I saw you acting, you're funny, that's all.

I didn't want to be like you know and then we were pinging each other. the fucking comedy store I didn't have any desire for it, but I definitely, uh, I've been the complete opposite with money, it's like I want to have enough of it, yeah, so I'm not on the fucking street, but I don't like it. uh, go crazy, you know, I could have walked across the street and gotten that for 40. I've never been like that, even when I was uh, you know, going up, you know, I never had that, uh, holding on to it more than when I first moved in. to New York and I couldn't get anywhere and I didn't have a fucking day job and I built up savings and I just watched that thing drop every fucking month and I was, you know, during my uh, you know.

I was never a ramen noodle guy, I just ate pasta like I was stuffed with it every damn night. I said, "Do that, what works, what works with money, like what, when you." I have a very strange relationship with money." but what happens when you spend money on something? It works like yeah, that felt good, oh, I like shoes, if there's something really quality that I really wanted and needed and I need it, I want it and I need it, to buy something really cool for someone. That I know I'm going to appreciate, it's, uh, it's, it's the best thing I've ever done because I don't want to put it too much into my personal life with shit like that, but there was someone in my life that I bought something for and uh, like I got a lot more out of his fucking reaction.

Yeah, I love giving gifts. I'll show you the video when I'm gone. the money. because the first time I started making money that year I thought I was rich and then I couldn't pay my taxes and I had to visit 80 cities in one year to get the money back because I had I didn't have. I had no idea how money worked. You give half, you give more than half. I'm talking about taxes, commissions and travel. I always look at a 30 if you get $100,000, you're lucky if you stay with 30. You're lucky, you're lucky if you stay with 30 CU, it's just that you know it's a broken system, that's right, and the people at the top are chewing and fucking and they leave the check to those who have money and don't. high powered lawyers and you just have to pay taxes to Elvis, that's right, that's right, and then there's a bunch of fake industry standards where you have to pay a bunch of people and the public and all that shit and uh, so I could and So I always talk about saving money, the more money I have, the more I save it and the people with the most money I know are the cheapest people on the planet and I don't really save money, no, I just earn it and then, but I don't buy a lot of shit, but I consciously don't like it, fuck it, save it, you have like a retirement or like a 401k, no, I have it, yes, I have it, but I have it on the junk table if I want to.

I could take it off the fucking craft table, which is the fucking stock market, yeah, um, but I bought, I'm in, I'm in for the LIE, so I gotta hold on, I gotta write it down, but uh, I. I think I'm going to try investing in that company where you see people texting Comics. Have you seen that when people like to text me, oh, that thing, that thing, are you going to do that? um I try to stick with what I know yeah someone asked. Me yesterday to invest in some shit, we're going to make millions of dollars, you know, you know, your damn napkin comes unfolded when it falls on this damn thing, it folds it again for you, okay, we ran out of time, we ran out time's up and I don't want to continue well thank you very much, thank you I hope this wasn't a total hassle for you, it wasn't a hassle man I had a good time oh god I had a good time thank you and good luck. working on your anger I'm going to do it I'm still working on mine F is for family F is for family and H the Mandalorian Mandalorian holy shit Star Wars Mandalorian when is that coming out?

It's weird right now, I think they episode four may have come out, but that's how much content is out there and you're like Star Wars, when is it coming out? It's already published. I found out about it and a lot of people texted me about it or asked me questions. about it but I felt like B was asking you about all your projects so I didn't mention it it doesn't bother me it doesn't bother me but it's on Disney plus Disney plus which I love as a parent because they have all the Disney cartoons on babysitter and old cartoons Old animation my favorite yes, we were watching 101 Dalmatians last night although I watched Bambi again and that made me sad.

I can't believe kids watch that shit, that's because Walt's fucking mom died, so now everyone. he has to go through his fucking pain is that what he was yeah and that's like the fucking Lion King is the same fucking shit why is it so sad I can't stand it how come I saw the good dinosaur on a plane and I had to give a walk up and down. I couldn't, that's what they have to rip out your son's heart for you to stay until the end of the movie. I think that's what they do or it's a way of forcing you. kid, to appreciate your parents, your parents are alive, stop yelling at them or maybe Disney hates kids, this is a two-part

podcast

, everyone will now get real, like that stand-up special that person did where it was jokes, jokes, jokes and then I like it and now here it is. all the pain behind this, ah, don't do it, I don't want to know the truth behind this.

I signed up for comedy, don't do that to me, it's a ba and a change, people can't stand that, that's not fair counterprogramming within the thing that you make a joke about your dead dog and that's how my dog ​​died that's like what I told you about the coyote I feel like I took candy from a child I shouldn't have joked about that I'm not shitting on the person who did that, I just don't know, he fed on what the fuck he was doing, we can cut him off, you can tell us that let's cut, please cut that, cut that, let's cut that.

You know, you don't need any drama in your life, let it go, man, you've got enough drama in your life, okay, this is what you come back to, we just edited some stuff, I want you to watch, okay, Mandalorian Disney plus Netflix F is for family for Tiger you understand