Dr. Phil: Parents Divided over Disowning Their Son [August 21, 2014]

There you have it,

parents

, I want you to ask yourself this question: is there anything your child can do that will leave you saying that's it, I'm done, you're dead to me, I'm

disowning

you, cutting all ties, saying goodbye forever. Could that happen? well, for tim and karen that question has become a reality, in fact they are completely

divided

on whether to walk away and close the door permanently on

their

only son, Adam, but it was not always like that, unfortunately, Tim and Karen were unable to conceive a son of

their

own, but they were overjoyed when they adopted Adam at birth and began a family life that could only be described as perfect, now all that happiness has been taken away because they say their son has become a monster, in fact, just six years ago days.

I had to bail him out of jail due to a felony arrest just to be able to be here today. Threats of violence with knives and guns, drive-by shootings, and countless trips to hospitals and prisons. Karen and Tim tell the last six years of their lives. It's been nothing short of a nightmare, look, my son Adam is self-destructing before my eyes Adam was the sweet, loving kid who went off to college and turned into a monster, he grabs a knife from the kitchen and shows it to me like If you come near me mom I'll use it when he gets mad he goes completely crazy we've had to call the police on three separate occasions I wasn't sure if this was drug related but when this kid shoots himself this kid happens from scratch. to sixty and rushed, hit studs on all the doors we have upstairs, it's so scary, hitting, kicking, knives in the wall, breaking the bedroom door, when it comes flying off the handle, he verbally tells us to leave, I'm going to take this. house apart, mom, everything, from you, peace, you are a terrible mother, he kissed my ass, he stood in front of my face and challenged me, he is waiting to fight, what he needs now is to get his ass kicked, he is a bully, that's what he's completely out of. control I think that anger takes over him and that he cannot control his emotions.

He has attempted to take his own life on three separate occasions. He will threaten us. I will take this family down now. Obviously my question is why would anyone do that, if not because he does it. Because of all of Adam's violent and abusive behavior, he has been banned from his

parents

' house, but his destructive behavior has continued. However, Adam has not lived with us for three years after Adam took drugs. The violent behavior of him and the duis we say no more in the last Adam has lived three years and was probably kicked out of about seven living situations.

The property managers call me and say they want him out, he gets angry, fights, he told me he has a gun. October 14 at 6 a.m. m. I get a phone call from Kristen Adams' girlfriend. you're in the er adam's nose is broken it's never adam's house last weekend adam got into more trouble adam calls me and says hi mom im driving home we say no and tim goes crazy adam is furious screaming you are horrible this I am going to destroy you. I go to take the bike and Tim texts Adam and tells him you have 15 minutes to get out of the house or we'll call the police.

He stole my motorcycle. He was already gone when we arrived. Tim immediately says, "Yo. I'm getting a restraining order, the fear was so overwhelming that we secured the house, changed the locks and that's when I contacted Dr. Phil. Well, the chaos that Adam's parents say has created over the years it has left him wishing he had never adopted his son. I don't care what happens to him, he is no longer a part of my life, why should I keep calling and talking to this child when all he does is. is to turn around and criticize me?

There is no respect. There are many times when I look at Adam and I don't even see my son there it's not like he died in high school and whoever this other person is is not my son. I'm not interested in anything that kid has to say when we go on the show when he goes out on that stage I don't care what he says I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth I don't trust him he's out of control and he creates chaos wherever he goes wow I regret the day we went to Santa Cruz and adopted Adam if Karen and I had stopped by the hospital and gone to the humane society and picked up a couple of stray dogs we would have been much better off on the other hand Karen believes with everything in her heart that simply exists Something is wrong with Adam.

She refuses to give up her son. I can't fix Adam. I have taken my son for medical evaluations. I have a psychiatrist who says he is bipolar and then I have another psychiatrist who says he is not. Don't know. I have taken him to four rehabilitation centers. I have done everything possible. I'm grasping at straws. Tim wants to erase Adam from our lives and I can't do it. I'm Adam's mother. I can't force a relationship between Adam and Tim. I have separated myself from that a long time ago because it is harmful to everyone. What I want for Adam is to have peace at the end of the day.

I will always forgive Adam because I love him. I can't rule it out, but I have to get it out of this environment. I know I have to do that. Well, I'm glad to meet you. They already finished. Yes. Three years ago I finished. Yeah, yeah, when you said I wish I'd never done it. adopted it most of the audience just stood back and said oh my gosh this is olivia you could say no this let me tell you you know I was like I was a police officer for 30 years I've dealt with a There are a lot of problems and when I look at this kid for me, he was when he went to college, we lost him.

My attention now is on my wife because you said quite frankly that you said I would go on the show, but I'm not here to fix my relationship with him, I'm here to help her let go, to help her let go, that's what you're here for, you don't want me to come. someone, uh no, without it, because you wouldn't believe it. he'll turn it on, let him out, he's a manipulator, you say he's an animal that belongs in a cage, absolutely the only thing I'm thinking about right now, talk about you, my son Adam, because I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I know enough.

This child needs to be in a controlled environment he can't be in an apartment or somewhere wandering around it doesn't work your husband says about your son quote I don't care if he's sleeping behind the gas station yeah okay yeah how do you do it? He feels good, no one wants his son sleeping behind a gas station. I mean, clearly, I'm a mother first. You never want that for your child, but I will tell you that last week, before writing your program, Adam called my husband. and I screamed angrily because we weren't going to get him a flight home, he didn't want to drive eight hours back to get back to San Diego and I emphatically said no, right then I realized there was nothing more he could do.

For this child, this young adult, I have to replace child with young adult because he is 24 years old and Tim and I have often talked about me thinking about Adam, the images of young man that you see and I have to think of him as an adult who is able to make their own decisions do you care about this connection here? yes, absolutely, i guarantee you, no matter what this asshole does, nothing will come between the two of us, that will never happen, let's take a break and then it will come out our twitter is blowing up right now npr mom says stop calling him this kid like it or not he is your healed hearted son he says dad you can't give up on him that is not an option now he needs you more than ever and d.h taylormade says never give up on your son, adopt him or not, he is your son, He will always get the help he needs, give him the help he needs, we have given him everything this child needs. in the last six years, well obviously not, because it hasn't helped, I mean, there's something he needs that you don't have, he needs to hit rock bottom somewhere online, he needs the safety net pulled out from under him where then I can say wow!

I have a problem, I need to move on with my life. That's Dr. Tim's analysis. Dr. Phil's may be different. Don't know. I don't know him yet. Maybe he agrees with you. The next Adam will be here and he will cast a lot of blame. his downward spiral guess what happened to his parents we'll talk about that when we get back I don't think Adam was suicidal he said he took 30 pills and it actually turned out to be like eight of them and he told me I just want to say sorry and goodbye dad, well it wasn't nowhere, okay, I'm trying to kill myself, but it's not really a complete manipulation.

Adam admits that he's angry, he's hostile and he's just not the nicest person to be around, he just says it's true. He attributes all of his problems, from past substance abuse to multiple arrests, to being byproducts of how he has been raised. I think my parents are very responsible for a lot of that being protected by going to college away from my small, wealthy community and having no responsibility other than going to school I was seen by several doctors who from the beginning said there was added at that time my parents thought there was something mentally wrong with me I was bipolar I had an anxiety problem I was first introduced to adderall and xanax, my drugs of choice by psychiatrists and doctors, and I have illegally used marijuana and cocaine, methamphetamine, heroin , my parents had a complete influence on me becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol.

I stole drugs not only to support my habit but also to fill the void. If you don't have parents in your life, I can lose my temper very quickly. I pulled a knife on my dad because I couldn't get his attention any other way. I was just that sad little boy who got violent because when I spoke calmly to my parents, it didn't work. I have a very addictive personality, but right now I am addicted to drugs. No, I'm so angry with my parents. I have never in my life heard of a father who willingly turned his back on his child.

Okay Adam, you just went out and you threw something at your mom, yeah, what did you throw at her? um xanax, it's an anti-anxiety medication and I don't need that to deal with you, just sell it, so that's how you do it. I've been clean and sober for eight days and I don't need anything to mask my emotions right now, why did you throw it at your mom when you came out? Because there's a lot of anger and frustration that you threw a bottle of pills at. Your mother, I'm just asking you why what did you achieve by doing that to maybe draw attention that I don't need pills to sit and talk.

Do you think that's appropriate behavior? Probably not because it seemed like a tantrum. To me, you pulled a knife on your mom and dad and said that was because otherwise they wouldn't listen to you, if I talk like that, it doesn't mean that you, when have you talked to me like that and the whole thing about being clean and sober and everything you want the relationship to get stronger no more than eight days ago you came home for two days you sat in the jacuzzi you smoked dope that's true that's strengthening the relationship with me and then we're going to tahoe you come home and then I I'm coming home you threaten to make our lives miserable and on Sunday and steal my motorcycle that's building a relationship you have to be serious joking this is this is what you throw away she buys it I don't want to show myself something and get a relationship back, okay , maybe it sounds a little harsh that I have to cut ties with you because, frankly, I'm not going down this path and my job here is not for you, today is for mom.

Come on board with me and if you want to choose to live that life Adam then you know something let yourself go and go live it just leave us alone with it that's the bottom line if you want to sell drugs and you want to be a you don't want to do anything that's right in society or I really don't care what you do as long as you keep us out of that lifestyle, that's my point now, you honestly want to do it with all the rehabs and all the mental health and all this other shit you've been through To me it's just a waste of time and you want to turn around and say I'm ready to accept some help, but you know what, I'm not going to believe that. because I don't trust you so let your actions prove a point you want to go to another rehab which I think is a waste of time prove me wrong do something positive in your life and prove me wrong you want build a relationship. show me that you're clean and sober and that you're not acting like a fool and we and we and we end this whole nightmare with your mom and the manipulation.

You have my attention, but we're not talking about anything. In a week we're not even talking about a month, I'm talking maybe even a year, that you can't have any problems for at least a year and show me that you are man enough and that you have the courage to stand up and be a man. and take care of yourself until that happens you're not you're not invited into my life I don't even want to think about you I'm clear leave mom alone calling her work intimidating her come get me then if you want to talk to me and do that tell me I'm wrong Adam , tell the entire audience here and everyone else, tell them I'm wrong.

I know how to do an interview but you are the first one I will go to if I need help with that, tell me how you feel about what he said, I am angry, angry and sad, so are we, you broke up and he broke up three years ago. I saw it in the video. You took knives. and he stabbed holes in the walls, yes in the past, yes you did toodoing it. over and over again something is really out of control right, I mean, something is not in balance just in the rationality of life, right, right, I mean, when he's yelling and threatening and I'm going to break this and he's breaking things what you see on the outside is anger.

I always look beyond the anger to see what's behind it and I guarantee that if in those moments of anger and chaos you could unscrew the top of your head and look inside it would do two things, scare you to death and break your heart let me tell you how I approach a situation like this I look at what's currently going on I mean you know we want a snapshot of history but you know you can stop a movie at any time just frame it and make a lot of judgments about that movie but if you don't watch it everything in context, it's hard to know what the movie is about and I know it right now.

This freeze frame of your behavior has become what I call self-exacerbation. It is a situation that is getting worse. You know you make a bad decision and that leads to... Well, now I have a lie to cover that up. Well, I took this medicine now. I have to take this one and then I have to take that one. Now I've burned this bridge so I have to come here and try something dramatic and it's just automatically exacerbating and getting worse. I do not know what is happening. I'm still with you, but I know you're not making the decisions you want in your life.

I know you're eight days sober, so I think you need help with drugs and alcohol and I guarantee you something is going on. with you neurologically, I asked dr. charles sophie to join us today, he is an internal medicine specialist and psychiatrist and dr. sophie, I'm going to ask you to weigh this in, what happens to the brain if you don't have addiction or ADHD and you're on prescribed Ritalin for example, well you can awaken a lot of things inside your brain because you're changing the chemistry and the balance and you're going to have outrageous responses. , you're going to have rebound, you're going to have anger, you're going to have all those kinds of things, but for you I also mean that genetically you don't know, I don't think, where your biological parents had been from a mental health perspective.

I want to introduce you to someone else who I asked to come here. This is Ben Levinson. Ben is the co-founder and CEO of Origins Recovery Center, Ben, I don't think I've ever seen a situation that better fits a dual diagnosis situation. Clearly, we have a history of drug and alcohol abuse here, but clearly there's something else at play here, this isn't just uh. drugs and alcohol there's something else going on here that's what dual diagnosis treatment is all about right that's exactly right dr

phil

what we want you to do is be in the middle of a multidisciplinary team that treats much more than just addiction at At this point, You must be selfish on your own behalf and be willing to take care of yourself or I make you this offer, your parents are not going to pay for this, this is a gift from us to you, if you wish.

Take it and really find out what's going on here. Does it make sense for you to do so? Sounds great. We're going to start this right away, I mean right away, and we'll call you all at the right time when we need you. In the meantime, this is between us, we agree, okay, yes, and we will be there for that Adam. Yes, you do your part, we will do ours. Absolutely actions speak louder than words. Absolutely yes, Robin has a really exciting announcement about a global movement you can join. Help make this holiday season truly special for people in need before the break.

Phil said he had an exciting announcement to share about how you guys at home could make this holiday season unforgettable for people in need. Well, it starts today and it's called giving on Tuesday. Hot on the heels of Black Friday and Cyber ​​Monday, Giving Tuesday is the start of a global movement that encourages everyone to talk to their families, their friends, their neighbors and their colleagues about the importance of giving. I am honored to be a Donate Ambassador joining Tuesday, Jackman, Bill and Melinda. gates and big brother big sisters of america, among other very influential people and organizations, as a long-time advocate for women and children, I recently launched my new foundation when georgia smiled, the robin mcgraw revelation foundation, which helps mark the difference for those experiencing domestic violence by creating educational programs, as well as bringing global attention to this widespread epidemic, so in the spirit of Giving Tuesday, I would like to ask everyone to join me in helping to end the silence about domestic violence by pledging to break the silence by signing up.

They promise not to stand still when it comes to domestic violence and stand up for those who need help, but in addition to joining the movement, it's also imperative that you spread this important message across social media, from Twitter to Facebook and Instagram. To get everyone you know to commit to breaking the silence, visit www.puntowingeorgiasmild.org to become a silence breaker and to learn more about what you can do to give back on Giving Tuesday, you can also visit www. givingtuesday.org for more information too and don't forget this isn't about giving money it's about giving from your heart something to others so you can give back to your community so think about that and I just want to say thank you . and goodbye, well parents, I want you to ask yourself this question: is there anything your child can do that will leave you saying that's it, I'm done, you're dead to me, I'm

disowning

you, cutting all ties, saying goodbye to Always, could that be? it happened well for tim and karen that question has become a reality in reality they are completely

divided

on whether to walk away and close the door forever on their only son, Adam, but it wasn't always that way, unfortunately, Tim and Karen were unable to conceive.

They were their own children, but they were overjoyed when they adopted Adam at birth and began a family life that could only be described as perfect, now all that happiness has been taken away because they say their son has become a monster, in fact, a long time ago. only six days. They had to bail him out of jail due to a felony arrest just to be able to be here today. Threats of violence with knives and guns, drive-by shootings, and countless trips to hospitals and jails, Karen and Tim say the last few six years of his life has been nothing less than a nightmare.

Check out. My son Adam is self-destructing before my very eyes. Adam was the sweet, loving boy who went to college and became a monster. He grabs a knife from the kitchen and shows it to me as if. you come up to me mom I'll use it when he gets mad he goes completely crazy we've had to call the police on three separate occasions I wasn't sure if this was drug related but when this kid goes crazy this kid he goes crazy. from zero to sixty that fast he's punched holes in all the doors we have upstairs it's so scary kicking knives into the wall smashing the bedroom door when it flies off the handle he verbally tells us to leave I'm going to take this house apart you Mom, everything about you, you're a terrible mother, he kissed my ass, he got in my face and challenged me, he's waiting to fight, what he needs now, they kicked his ass, he's a bully, that's what's completely out of control. overcomes and cannot control his emotions.

He has attempted to take his own life on three separate occasions. He will threaten us. I will tear this family down. Well, now obviously my question is why would someone do that, but why would they do it? After all of Adam's violent and abusive behavior, he has been banned from his parents' home, but his destructive behavior has continued. However, Adam has not lived with us for three years after Adam took drugs. The violent behavior of him and the duis we say no more in the last three. years that Adam has lived and he was probably kicked out of about seven living situations.

The property managers call me and say they want him out, he gets angry, fights, he told me he has a gun. October 14 at 6 am I receive a phone call from Kristen Adams' girlfriend. re in the er Adam's nose is broken it's never Adam's fault last weekend Adam got into more trouble Adam calls me and says Hi mom I'm driving home we say no and Tim goes crazy Adam is furious Screaming, you're horrible, this is I'm going to destroy you. I go to take the bike and Tim texts Adam and tells him you have 15 minutes to get out of the house or we'll call the police.

He stole my motorcycle. He was already gone when we arrived. Tim immediately says "Yo." When I received a restraining order, the fear was so overwhelming that we secured the house, changed the locks, and that's when I contacted Dr. Phil. Well, the chaos that Adam's parents say he has created over the years has left him wishing he had never adopted his child. I don't care what happens to him, he's no longer a part of my life, why should I keep calling and talking to this kid when all he does is turn around and criticize me? There's no respect.

There are many times when I look. Adam and I don't even see my son there, it's like he died in high school and whoever this other person is, he's not my son. I'm not interested in anything that kid has to say when we go to the show and when he leaves. in that scenario i don't care what he says i don't believe a word out of his mouth i don't trust him he's out of control and creates chaos wherever he goes i regret the day we went to santa cruz and adopted adam if karen and i had passed through the hospital, gone to the humane society and picked up a couple of stray dogs, we would have been much better off, on the other hand, Karen believes with all her heart that something is wrong. with Adam she refuses to give up her son.

I can't fix Adam. I took my son for medical evaluations. I have a psychiatrist who says he is bipolar and then I have another psychiatrist who says he is not. I don't know. I moved. I have taken him to four rehabs. I have done everything possible. I'm grasping at straws. Tim wants to erase Adam from our lives and I can't do it. I'm Adam's mother. I can't force a relationship between Adam and Tim. I separated myself from that a long time ago because it is harmful to everyone. What I want for Adam is to have peace at the end of the day.

I will always forgive Adam because I love him. I can't rule it out, but I have to. Get him out of this environment. I know I have to do it. Well, I'm glad to meet you. They're done, yeah, three years ago, I was done, yeah, yeah, when you said I wish I'd never adopted him. most of the audience just stood back and said oh my god this is Olivia you could say no this let me tell you you know I was like I was a police officer for 30 years. I have dealt with many things. of problems and when I look at this kid for me, he was when he went to college, we lost him.

My attention now is on my wife because you said quite frankly that you said I'm going to go on the show, but I'm going to do it. I'm not going to fix my relationship with him, I'm here to help her let go, to help her let go, that's what you're here for, don't you want something to come, uh, no, without him, because you wouldn't believe it. I'm going to lie, let him out, he's a manipulator, you say he's an animal that belongs in a cage, absolutely the only thing I'm thinking about right now, tell me for my son Adam, I mean I'm not a doctor but I know enough to that this child needs. being in a controlled environment can't be in an apartment or somewhere wandering around doesn't work your husband says about your son quote I don't care if he's sleeping behind the gas station yeah okay yeah how are you feeling okay no one no one wants their kid sleeping behind a gas station, I mean clearly, I'm a mom first, you never want that for your kid, but I will tell you that last week before writing your show, Adam called my husband and I screamed furiously because he didn't We would get him a flight home.

He didn't want to drive eight hours to get back to San Diego and I emphatically said no. Right at that moment I realized that he couldn't do anything else. this child, my this young adult, I have to replace child with young adult because he is 24 years old and tim and I have often talked about me thinking of adam in the young pictures you see and I have to think of him as an adult that he is he capable of making his own decisions do you care about this connection here yes yes I absolutely guarantee it no matter what this asshole does nothing will come between the two of us that will never happen let's take a break and then he's going to come out our twitter is blowing up right now uh npr mommy says stop calling him this boy whether you like it or not he is your healed heart son says daddy you can't give up on him that's not an option now he needs you more