Don't Even Try To Out Stupid Donald Trump

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS YOU KNOW, TRUMP HAS Plunged THE WORLD INTO A TRADE WAR. BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL DESPERATELY TRYING TO STOP IT, LIKE THE PRESIDENT OF THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION AND A MAN WHO WAS UNIMPRESSED BY HIS GRANDSON'S MAGIC Trick, JEAN-CLAUDE JUNCKER. JUNCKER MEET TRUMP AT THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY TO TRY TO DISPASS TRUMP FROM HIS TRADE WAR WITH THE EU. AND IN ANTICIPATION OF THIS VISIT, YESTERDAY TRUMP Tweeted: "THE EUROPEAN UNION IS COMING TO WASHINGTON TOMORROW TO NEGOTIATE A DEAL ON TRADE. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR THEM. BOTH THE US AND THE EU OPEN ALL TARIFFS, BARRIERS AND SUBSIDIES !

THAT would finally be called free market and fair trade! I HOPE THEY DO IT, WE ARE READY... BUT THEY WON'T! (LAUGHTER) WELL, NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE. (LAUGHTER) IT'S LIKE YOUR PSYCHIATRIST SAYS, "It would be great if we could solve your problems with your mother. BUT THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING, MOM'S BOY. UH-OH, HERE COMES THE WATER WORKS. GO AHEAD AND TAKE THEM AWAY " AND JUNCKER IS READY TO GO TO THE MATTRESSES HERE. IN RESPONSE TO TRUMP'S THREATS OF TARIFFS ON STEEL AND ALUMINUM, JUNCKER SAID: "SO NOW WE WILL ALSO IMPOSE IMPORT TARIFFS. THIS IS BASICALLY A STUPID PROCESS, THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO DO THIS.

BUT WE HAVE TO DO IT. NOW WE WILL IMPOSE TARIFFS ON MOTORCYCLES, HARLEY-DAVIDSON; ON BLUE JEANS, LEVIS; IN BOURBON WE CAN DO STUPID TOO." ( LAUGHTER ). (Applause) OH. OH. OH, WE KNOW EUROPEANS CAN DO STUPID. I have met Piers Morgan. (LAUGHTER) BUT WAIT, JUNCKER. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GONNA OVER THIS GUY? BING, BING, BONG, BONG, BING, BING, BING. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, DON'T YOU? (STAR ​​BANNER) GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES. Stephen: SO, YEAH, YEAH, GOOD LUCK OVERCOMING THAT. IT'S LIKE THE BOBBY FISCHER OF BEING AN EMPIRE: HE'S ALWAYS THREE STEPS AHEAD AND HE'S GETTING THE QUEEN.

BUT TRUMP JUST WANTS EVERYONE TO LEAVE HIS CASE, Tweeting: "WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE PITCHING YOUR HEELS DURING A NEGOTIATION, IT WILL ONLY TAKE LONGER TO MAKE A DEAL, AND THE DEAL WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS IT COULD HAVE BEEN WITH UNITY. NEGOTIATIONS ARE GOING VERY GOOD. WELL, BE COOL, THE FINAL RESULT IS GOING TO BE WORTH IT!" "JUST RELAX"? Jon: BE COOL! Stephen: BE COOL. Jon: BE COOL, DAD. Stephen: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE TRADING A BAG OF GRASS, NOT IMMERGING THE WORLD INTO AN ECONOMIC CRISIS. "IT'S ONLY A FEW HUNDREDS OF BILLION DOLLARS IN TARIFFS.

CHILLAX, BRO-SEF." (LAUGHTER) THIS AFTERNOON THIS AFTERNOON, DID THIS JUST HAPPEN? THIS AFTERNOON, TRUMP AND JUNCKER AGREED THAT EUROPE WOULD AGREE TO IMPORT MORE LIQUEFIED NATURAL GAS AND SOYBEANS WHILE NEGOTIATIONS CONTINUED. AND THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO SUFFER THE MOST DAMAGE FROM ALL OF THIS ARE THE FARMERS. FIRST, TRUMP IMPLEMENTED A TARIFF ON CHINESE SOLAR PANELS. THEN CHINA CAME BACK AND HIT US WITH A SOY DUTY TARIFF. Now Trump is fighting back with a tariff on seafood and cosmetics. SO IT'S ABOUT TO BE A LOT MORE EXPENSIVE TO PUT A MASK ON YOUR GOLD FISH. (LAUGHTER) THIS...

THESE ARE TRUMP'S PEOPLE, AND HE'S RUINING THEIR LIVELIHOODS. CHINA IS BY FAR THE LARGEST CONSUMER OF US SOYBEANS, AND NOW US SOYBEAN PRICES HAVE FALLEN TO A TEN-YEAR LOW. OH NO... THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY IF I KNEW HOW MUCH SOYBEAN COST. (LAUGHTER) SO TRUMP IS FIGHTING TO SHUT DOWN HIS FARM BASE, Tweeting THINGS LIKE: "CHINA IS ATTENTIONING OUR FARMERS, WHO THEY KNOW I LOVE AND RESPECT, AS A WAY TO CONTINUE TO ALLOW THEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE US." US BEING VICIOUS IN WHAT WILL BE HIS FAILED ATTEMPT, WE WERE BEING NICE UNTIL NOW! “YES, I LOVE ALL MY FARMERS.

OLD McDONALDS, THE DELL GUY, THE INSURANCE GUYS-- ♪ I LOVE FARMERS BOOM, BA, DUM, DA, DUM DA, DUM, DUM" ♪ BUT TRUMP IS-- (Applause) IS HE A SPONSOR? ARE THEY A SPONSOR? ?THEY ARE SPONSORS! AND TRUMP IS PUTTING OUR MONEY WHERE HIS STUPID MOUTH IS BECAUSE YESTERDAY HE ANNOUNCED PLANS TO SEND $12 BILLION TO FARMERS HURT BY RETALIAR TARIFFS. THE PEOPLE THAT ARE FUCKED. (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE AND APPLAUSE) IT SEEMS THAT... NOTHING? GREAT DEPRESSION ERA LAW TO SEND PAYMENTS TO DAIRY PRODUCERS, PIGS AND CERTAIN CROPS AND YOU KNOW THINGS ARE GOING WONDERFUL WHEN YOUR SOLUTION IS, "HEY, WHAT DID WE DO DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION." FROM "CBS THIS MORNING."