Dollar General is out of Control

Alright, just a couple more items on the agenda... Angela, what seasonal sweets do we currently have in stock? Is it Halloween, Christmas or Easter? Yes. All of the above. That's what I like to hear. Alan, please close us with an updated store count. (mumbling) Sorry, what? I think... I lost count. Did you just say you lost count? Yeah, uh... I lost count. (laughing) Very funny, Alan. But seriously, what's the updated store count? Don't know. I don't know. And I haven't known for a while and I've just been making up numbers. How did this happen? I don't know.

That's what I've been trying to figure out! Surely there's some kind of computer program we could use to map all the locations, right? Surely yes, a computer program. Why didn't I think of that? Oh, because I did! Uh, and this is what happened! See this? This is a printout of every Dollar General location in 2016, k? This is last year. But wait! This: This is today! Are those stores on islands? I think they are in the ocean. Surely this must be some kind of error. No. I ran the program 50 times. Same result 50 times. And by the way, we ran out of red toner.

And did you know that we don't sell ink cartridges in any of these stores? Calm down, Alan. CALM YOU DOWN, KAREN! How did this happen? Big question. You know my cousin works in a science lab. You know, beakers, microscopes, lab coats. We know what a science lab is, Alan. So I gave him this. It's a piece of store. And he took out a piece and put it under a microscope. And then? Then he saw this: Do you see that? That's a single Dollar General cell. It's no big deal, right? Mmkay... Two days later, this happened! Boom!

They divide themselves! Did you see that?! We are not building new stores. They are building themselves! What are those red things? Oh, those are red boxes. And neither of them has the movie you are looking for. Ok, I didn't want to say anything... But last week I went and paid a visit to store #739. I went to the back to do an inspection and... There was another smaller Dollar General back there. Fully staffed! They said they were store 740. Sweet Clover Valley... They are multiplying! -What do we do? -We have to stop this! Wait, wait, wait... do you want to stop this?

We can't just keep popping up stores everywhere. Didn't you listen to Angela? They are becoming Russian nesting dolls. This is not a problem. This is an opportunity! We've stumbled upon the greatest discovery in scientific history: self-replicating storefronts! And you want to stop this?! What else do we do? Sell ​​it. Whom?! Who in their right mind would do this? How can you make money when you have more stores than people? Don't worry... I can think of a few potential clients... (laughs) (maniacal laughter) Oh, hello everyone. Wow, not so fast! This is not your normal final card. Did you enjoy the sketch you just saw?

Because we want to do more of those, but they're longer. And it's actually called a television show, not a sketch. Yes, we're running a Kickstarter campaign because we want to make a comedy pilot. But we need your help to achieve it. The campaign is active right now and ends on December 6. So you have to hurry! Yes, click the link in the description or right here. And it will take you to the Kickstarter campaign where you can see all the information and all the rewards. -Help us. -Do it. Please! Yes please?