Denis Leary - Friends For 20+ Years - 10/12 Visits In Chronological Order

do they have to go? Welcome everyone, welcome back. My most amazing guest tonight. He is a very talented comedian. He is a writer. He is an executive producer. He is very skilled. handsome, very sexy, very handsome man, his new sirens series, is he in it? I think so, no, no, uh, he's the executive producer, uh, premiering on March 6 in the US, let's take a look at this, let's erase the history of racist shit and fuck it. Denis Lery, everyone Den es l I I I wanted to take this opportunity to take over the show because I know how crazy Craig is on a normal day, never mind when he's on cold medicine, so I wanted to sound the sirens, huh?

I probably have this written down somewhere: What are you doing back there? I'm trying to throw chocolate coins out the window. Well, he's hello anyway, help yourself to everyone. March 6 is a siren. USA Network. There's nothing more interesting going on around here and I have, I have a movie. opening on April 11th called draft day is a football movie with me, Kevin CER and Jennifer Garner and that's all I have to say, look, just yeah, what I did was I saved you the worry of having to remember that in the end from the segment I am I'm not interested in remembering anything and besides I go and see everything you do because you know I'm a creepy stalker of yours I live for you your work I just want to say that in the old days sinus infections were different, yes, yes, a little , we stripped a dressing room once at the 80's End Festival, uhoh, oh boy, you want to talk about sinus infections, ladies and gentlemen, you want to talk about disappointed Canadians, ladies and gentlemen, you want to talk about disappointed Scots, yes.

Yes, but you know what I wanted to tell you. You take? Are you one of those people who doesn't drink? No no. I will take I am taking Can I say the name of the medicine? Okay, I can't say. Yeah, because a lot of people, a lot of people, when they get sober, when they get off drugs and alcohol and get sober, they don't want to take anything, you know, cold medicine because they think they might absorb it again. That's all why I take it Yes I know you're looking for the cheap test Yes I'm looking for a cheap thrill No Norma I'm very careful what you take Yes okay so let me mention a couple of products , okay, okay, now if there's an F, he'll whistle at all of you, although, as you know, then I'll make sure to speak it like he's a puppet.

Everyone who knows me knows who I am. I'm a big fan of Tootsie fruty Tootsie fruty I say I can say Tootsie frut I can say toots frut Tootsie frie Martin Luther but anyway, so you won't, you won't actually take any medicine like no, no, I, I wouldn't take none. this is about alcohol and Denis I'm an alcoholic this is pretty insensitive listen to me no, it's not about how much alcohol is in Tootsie fruty it's not about how much of a man he is like a so if I already put my penis in Z okay then Wait, you too, like this that you're telling me that you're one of those people that if you had a bite of rum cake, yeah, you'd get drunk if I had a bite of rum cake.

He thought you were going to do it. Say I would or I could do too I can't be sure I wouldn't make that rum cake so okay that might be it could actually register in the ratings yeah I don't care man look look what passed. Leno at the top of the ratings for like 20

years

he's been fired twice Man twice how are his ratings too good too good? It feels? Nothing is felt. He gives you. It gives you. Relieves some pressure. It's okay, but it doesn't excite you. No, not like the old days, yeah, not like the old times.

I wish I had been there. It was great. Listen, you're still standing up, right? You're still going. I do, I do benefit concerts every fall. I do one for the Cam Neely Foundation in Boston that we do at the um a ganis Arena, which is fantastic. Like 10,000 people, I introduce it and I bring it, it's called Comics Come Home, in our 20th year this year and all the comics from Boston in uh no, okay, the idea was that it would be people who started in Boston, but also anyone who It happened, but yes, we. I've had I've been through Boston a couple that I would love next year is my twentieth.

I would love for you to come and do it. Tommy Manino is still the mayor of No, no, he just retired, oh. he got along well with him, did he really, yes, did he introduce me? I spoke at fny Hall, they can barely understand, yeah, yeah, I know he said he's the mayor of Boston, the mayor of Boston, and he barely can, even the people of Boston barely can. Get it, his nickname is murmura, yeah right, he said he introduced me at Fel Hall. He was speaking on the 4th of July. I just became a citizen and he said this guy was on TV.

Well, he wasn't wrong. Yeah, oh, like going for the big constitution. Up, Tommy, right, all these bones are like I'd love to have you in that gift, yeah, I will. My 20th is next year, which is the longest running comedy charity show in America now, um, and I've had. I've had everyone at Yes, great, and good love, yes, I like it, I have family on the bus, all you have to do is 10 or 15 minutes and you know I have to do more than that, no, I have a lot. Guys, but you know what I heard, but what about your company's career?

Hey, hey, hey, straight to it. I'll make an exception for you, but I'd love to have you. I hate doing this in front of an audience. and make you oh These people aren't paying attention, okay, and you're high too, so you can always say that you're, oh, that's true. I am very high on unspecified medications. Well, I was going to ask you. something else, eh, here it is. I just remembered because I have a form of Alzheimer's in my family. I think I'm starting to get it now, so sometimes I'll skip around here. You know, this is about this funny.

I asked you to do Cam Neely's 20th anniversary event um oh, I forgot to mention that we also do the Michael J fox Parkinson's Alzheimer's sorry um uh, I do the Alzheimer's Alzheimer's wait a second time stay there stay there stay there Oh, you know , it is not right to laugh at him. I do the Michael J Fox Alzheimer's Parkinson's B benefit, yeah, which is for people who have Parkinson's but forget that they have it all right, okay, my God, I mean, it wouldn't be right, man, imagine if. You had Parkinson's and you actually forgot you had it.

Well, you know I don't want to get involved in whatever you're doing to yourself, but why did I bring that up? Well, you were going to ask me something, yeah, okay, yeah. I was going to tell you that this will be on the 24th, not the 25th, the 25th, uh, the 24th year that we know each other, we met in 1990 and this is 2014. I was thinking about that backstage when I went to rehab in 1992 , yeah, which means I don't remember meeting you in 19, but luckily there are 20 other comedians who do remember being there, yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, it was 24

years

ago, man, that's freaking awesome, right Yes, and who would have thought you would be here?

I'm alive, yeah, I know, man, I know, I mean, look at us both, I know it's crazy, we're here now like a miracle and with our hair, I mean, come on, you know it's true, amazing, yeah , amazing, we have good hair, you know? If you had told me while you were high in 1990 that one day I would host my own show in America with a puppet horse and a talking skeleton. I probably would have believed you that we were back that first time. He's fine, you know, Frank went down that I'll never get married route and oh wait, we're back?

Yeah, yeah, oh, he tells me something really private, something very private about Frank, about a friend of ours, Frank Skinner, Frank. SK is a British comedian. I haven't seen Frank in a long time. A very famous comedian, very famous the way Frank might be looking at this, so Frank, hello and uh, and him and Frank are mine now, just Dad's Frank, no, he's a lovely guy, Frank. and one of the funniest people on the planet now that he's a dad, are we really living on TV again? Yeah, okay, that was the shortest commercial break. I feel like I'm high now, what are you doing? uhoh, no, no, no, what's happening is that in a lot of uh, places around the country people are fast forwarding during commercial breaks and it's having an effect right here do I really like it like it like it now I want you to know something else and this is going to sound like I'm talking? you, but this is the truth and I want to tell you right now, no, I'm kidding, kid, you gave me one of these mugs after the show once because I collect talk show mugs.

Now I have a lot of them. and I didn't have one of his and he gave me that and unfortunately I think about you every morning because in the apartment in New York my daughter lives with us and she puts what was not allowed to be a cup to drink. These little espresso capsules in there and that's where we take them out and put them in the machine every morning. I take one out and go Craig Ferguson, yeah, it's not that nice, how's your daughter? She is very good, stay away from her. Stay away from her Stay away from hers man hers How's your family?

Yes, they are fine. The little ones had an ear infection again. You know that's bad when you're a kid. Yeah, thank you, yeah, thank you for the F. It would really help, yeah, how, uh, how I think you know it's the first year of preschool for the youngest, he's three, so what happens is it's the cycle. of life with germs, yes, like going to preschool, bring back home all the garbage we receive. If he breaks free of that, he goes back to school, he comes home, we have it, you see, he goes to those kids, they're germ factories, you know, and then they, you know what they do, my kids are adults now and they still They live at home they just suck up all your money and all your food and suck the life out of you, you know what I mean, you realize that they are going to take over everything and leave you just this empty shell, you know it and you know it.

You know. What I'm happy to do is okay, okay, that's the strange thing, right, I know, I know it's really true. I know how many you have now. My son will be 24 years old. Yes, because he was born. My son was born that summer in Edinburgh. in London and he was in Edinburgh with us, he wasn't with us, you know, no, no, and thank God, my daughter turns 22 this year, so, wow, that's you, I mean, you've been married for 25 years. , that is incredible. 25 years and business and we've been together for I can't do the math like 30 or something wow can you imagine yeah that's amazing.

Do you know what's amazing? You know what's amazing. Yeah, what's really surprising is that a woman actually stuck with me for so long. I'm thinking you know, I mean you, but I see, I've always had a sneaking suspicion that you're not as crazy at home as you are when you go out, you know what I'm not. I think you're I think you're like you know you're like a proper guy like you sit around watching sports on TV that you watch yeah I'm pretty good I'm pretty crazy about sports but you know what I too I've softened a bit little oh yeah, Toots Frut I don't know, I didn't really realize the place is still standing.

I have not done it. I was thinking about this the other day the last time I tried to hit or throw a taxi driver. out the driver's side window in New York was about seven or eight years ago. God bless you and I count it as a great uh I tell you you know what that is that's spiritual healing it really is but I'd like to just try again soon just for the sake of all times no I don't see what What's wrong, you have to be angry to do it. I'm black, I'm an Irishman who goes on a rampage and then I can destroy entire neighborhoods. but I can't do it unless I'm in black rage, yeah, you know, I really wish you hadn't said that on Martin Luther King Day, which is interesting since the public has no idea how to feel about it and neither do I. .

Well, I mentioned it was an Irish thing, you know, okay, sure, yeah, and look at this transition, you know, folks. I like to judge people not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Oh well, okay, and when I met Craig I said here's a silly door balloon I mean L all we learned in hell was someone said a cat cat porn cat on cat cat porn on cat holy cookies you never dabbled in a little cat on cat Someone look, listen, I want to apologize to you. Of course, I would never give you away as a prize.

That was just a joke if she did it correctly. uh, you know your hate correctly. Still, you know, she would have gotten away with it. Above that, I mean not well, you know what I mean. Scottish lesbian says what what