Dave Chappelle Explains Why "Planet Of The Apes" Is Racist | Late Night with Conan O’Brien

How are you? I'm great, man. Things are, you were great, you're doing it, it's just amazing, first of all. And I'm blown away by what happened to me this summer, it's been just amazing. Yes, and I don't want to embarrass you, but that's part of my job. You made this deal, that everyone has been talking about and no one deserves it more than you. Sometimes people in show business make these deals and you think, that's scum. But eh. (Audience laughing) Erik Estrada, what!? (Audience laughs) I'm behind Estrada, he's getting his way. But no, but you made this deal.

Comedy Central, big deal, $50 million deal. Everybody talks about it. What are you going to do with that money? How has this changed your life? Nothing's changed, man. (Audience laughs) I spent 100 thousand dollars on leather pants. (laughs) But you were probably doing that before. I mean, yeah, it's all the same. I was buying giraffes with the Jacksons. (laughs) But other than that, it's the usual stuff. It's just that my old friends don't like giraffes like I do now. Good? They can't keep up with me. They can't keep up with you. It's just a difference. What about offers to make movies?

I know you've worked in movies before, but you're this hot now. The phone must be ringing non-stop. It's funny, because before I didn't get any movie offers and now I get a lot of offers for bad movies. Like those, those are the

planet

of the

apes

type roles. (Audience laughs) Did you see that movie Planet of the Apes, with Mark Wahlberg. The remake, yes. Well, yeah, they're both

racist

to me, man. (Audience laughs) The first one was like, just get your fucking dirty ape hands off me. I'm like, oh, come on, what are you really talking about? (laughs) And then I saw the new one, I thought this is a more progressive time, it won't be as

racist

.

And then they did, the

apes

were sitting around having dinner, I'm not even making this up, they were eating watermelon. I was like, aw, come on now. (Audience laughs) So the apes are eating watermelon? And then

late

r in the movie, they run away from the apes and say, "Run the water, because apes can't swim." (laughs) Which is awkward, because these apes can talk but they can't swim. (Audience laughs) And then at the end, it was like when I saw the ape smoking a Newport, I just got up and walked out. (Audience laughs) It was scandalous. Yes you're right.

That's not good. That's another thing that's changed since I made all this money. I stopped smoking uh, menthol. There you go. I didn't quit smoking, but I don't smoke anything they market to black people. Actually? That's where the poison is, as far as I'm concerned. I can't make it that easy, honey. I keep them confused. I'll smoke things like Virginia Slims. I look at the box and think no one is going to hurt this white woman. Give me two packages of these. Virginia loses weight. (applause) That's not right. Smoking is bad for everyone. Kids, if you're watching, don't smoke.

But it's a lot of fun to talk about. Yes. Now, I don't want to pry, but I'm going to try: who will you vote for in the elections? You know what's funny, I really liked Kerry, then when I got all this money, Bush looks a little better now that I have this money, man. (applause) I am divided. Change. I mean, I'm black, but I'm rich now, so I have all the feelings I have inside now. Oh!! What are you going to do? Who of these white people has he taken care of? (Audience laughs) You'll be in that voting booth.

Forget Virginia Slims. Think about it. With my leather pants and my scarf. (Audience laughs) The giraffe will bow and say, "Hurry up!" (laughing) "Let's go." Now, are you going to be a charitable person now? And maybe you were before, but do you think you're going to try to help the people around you? Well, not since I joined the Republican Party. I am not. They will take care of themselves. No, man, I'm, yeah, I'm pretty charitable. In fact, there was a guy that they used to live across from, and he doesn't even, I shouldn't say he lives, he was homeless, he was obviously homeless.

He stays across the street from my apartment. And one

night

I was coming home

late

from filming and I saw him, he was cold and he was shivering. So I gave him $20. Which is something I didn't think about. He just gets something to eat, man, whatever. And he was very grateful. I will never forget. He said, thanks brother, this means a lot. Never forget you. And people say that all the time. This boy never forgot it. In fact, he came to my house every day after that, knocking on the door. He says, "Come on, man, I just need some money, I could get something to eat." And then he's shaking, and I'm like, come on dog, it's July, really?

What do you, what do you want? He says: I am hungry. He says I am hungry please, I am hungry please. So he's hungry. I'm not going to turn away a hungry person. And I'm like, well, what are you trying to eat? He was like, what? Uh, a hamburger, I need a hamburger. But I think I need more information. Do you want cheese on top? Do you want fries? Different burgers cost different amounts, right? I need to know how much money to give you. He says I want some crack, okay!? (Audience laughing) I want some crack!!

Maybe some chips too, but mostly crack. You were wasting the boy's time. He had business to do. I felt bad, but then I saw him and tried to cheer him up. Like when I go out, like you could beat that crack. And I guess that's an annoying thing to say to a crackhead, because he was like, "Hahaha, okay!" (Audience laughs) "Easier said than done, thank you very much for those words of encouragement." Until you mentioned it, it never occurred to me. Now, I can't believe it, but you were invited to go to the Republican Convention. That's true?

Well, no, no, more like what happened was that he was doing that Anderson Cooper show. Good. So, Anderson was busy with the convention. He said to me, "Can we come interview you at the Republican convention?" Which is too much attention for me. I mean, any black guy that walks in there is going to have a million cameras on. If Big Foot walked in at the same time, they'd say, "It's over Big Foot, Dave Chappelle!!!" (Conan laughs) Big Foot will take his seat in the Colorado delegation. Dave Chappelle is a black person at the convention! (Audience laughs) Now, how are you?

And again, this is about your life, but I know you have, do you have two children? Yes man. These guys. Yeah, yeah, you act like I just reminded you. (laughing) Yeah, no, man! Those guys, man. I hope everyone is watching, they should be asleep. But eh. As they are? How are they? They're great. My oldest son just finished his first year of school. If you want to call it school. I mean, he's like four years old. So I don't even know what they're learning. I went to one (laughs), you know those parent-teacher conferences. Which I was nervous about.

Because if they say anything less than he's amazing, then I'll be, I'll be angry. So, but she told me, when giving me her report card, running is great. Her jumps are incredible. She repeats the whole litany that says, "But um, he needs to learn to use his words more." So I wonder, what does that mean? Do you use his words? She said, "Well, like at nap time, if someone is sleeping on his mat, let them come and let me know and don't kick that person." (laughs) But it was like what you think I'm raising, a snitch?

Kick 'em, son. (laughs) I'm trying to keep it real. Keep it real! Yeah, man, I don't want any son coming to tell everyone to do something. Just kick them. Kick them. (audience laughs) Kick them hard! It will move, it will move. (laughs) Alright, well, Dave Chappelle, For What It's Worth premieres Saturday

night

at nine on Showtime, and you know what? Nobody deserves all the success. Man, I appreciate it. More than this guy here. Dave Chappelle! (applause) Carry on! Rose Byrne, let's take a break.