Cunk On Britain The Empire Strikes Back

today Britain is our fork at the crossroads and its people are asking questions now that we have taken our country

back

, it is really who we are and why the best way to find out where Britain is going is to look behind us, at something called story, sort of from the rear view mirror for time so that's where I'm going

back

there it's a journey that will take me the length and breadth of the country from the White Cliffs of Dover to the Scottish highlands of the Scottish highlands in my Odyssey will be starting sentences in one place and finishing them in another and looking at some of the most important faces in British history and asking other people about them.

Henry wasn't arrested after killing his first wife today, what kind of mistakes did the Tudor police make? that led him to kill again everything that took place in this dial skepta we call home, so join me Philomena conch as I take you into the history of the United Great Britain of the great Kingdom, it was written last week, we found out how God invented Britain, who the Romans were and why we went to war with the Roses, but that was just the beginning when the Rose Wars ended, Britain was literally on the map somewhere near the top, sure. which we know it was important for the British to have a firm grasp of solid parts of the country like this rock, but there were a lot of things around the edges that didn't work as they said it was wet, it was fish shaped and it didn't decide how near the rocket wanted To be in this episode, I will discover how Britain came to rule the waves and invented the referee.

It's a story about events beyond the British coast, so I'll be using the sea out to sea a lot. This is Hampton Court Palace, such an impressive building. These days, Hampton Court is open from 10:00 to 4:30 in winter and 10:00 to 6:00 in summer with last entry to the Mayor's Office 45 minutes before closing. Prices start at 18:00 after closing. party per adult and £9 20 per child, a family ticket will cost you at least £32 30 unless you tie that ticket back to the 15th century and your surname is Tudor, but what do we mean by the word Tudor? Let's ask an expert what do we mean by the word Tudor?

The word Tudor is quite controversial because the Tudors at that time did not call themselves chuda chuda is the surname, the Welsh surname of the ancestors on King Henry the Seventh's paternal side, but the only one. The person who calls Henry the Seventh Henry Tudor is Richard the Third when he tries to stop him from becoming King, he uses the name Tudor only to mean that he is a random Welsh person rather than a suitable person to replace me as king so that the Tudor don't do it. uses the trick name a lot some people refer to it as his last name later sorry I think you know where you see it Brian stop listening if the Tudors were the Kardashians of their time this was their Kim Henry from X the King is the king whoever King Dahl of Britain is if you had to draw a king you would definitely draw him, although maybe not so well unless you are a 16th century portrait painter, but what was so good about Henry of AIDS?

Why is he the king? We all still remember, unlike Richard, well, for one thing, he was fat, so he takes up more space in your memory, but Henry is also memorable for his chronic addiction to handcuffs. He had six wives, all named Catherine, it was Catherine, a holico of Catholic, the short one. he got over so many Catherines that he actually got bored of killing them and had to invent a new way to get rid of them called divorce. The pig hated divorce, so Henry decided to divorce him. He regained control. He broke with Europe and invented a new religion. which turns out to be easier to do than dads like to pretend that Henry created the Church of England.

Didn't he have to find a British pub? He did not need to find a British Pope. He could have bishops. You can use the bishops and people you already have there if you want to find a British pop now, who would you choose? We couldn't use the Archbishop of Canterbury, no, you have to have someone else, some of them without the church, yes, like Matt. Baker of the One Show, so your Matt Baker outside of the one show, it's not an obvious choice, you see, that's why I think he'd be good, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense.

Anri kept trying. into new wives because he wanted a child to come out of one of them and finally one was named Edward when Henry died Edward became king at only nine years old Edward died at 15, the youngest anyone had ever died, a plus bold, was followed as king by Lady Jane Grey, she ruled for nine glorious days, almost a week, these were among the fastest royals we have ever had after Jane arrived, this woman, Queen Mary, and really It was something about Marie, but not something funny, like Cameron Diaz dried up all his sperm. In a row, Marie, something was religious intolerance, had so many Protestants burned at the stake, became known as Bloody Mary because, like the drink, it was horrible, the next queen was Queen Elizabeth, even the first of Many such coincidences appeared just in time for the Elizabethan era.

Queen Elizabeth Wan got a crane screwed here at Westminster RB Elizabeth Wan was a new kind of king as she was queen which meant she was paid less and she sat on the horses sideways to stop the chase. Elizabeth allowed two subjects to practice whatever religion they wanted. As long as they pretended to be the Church of England when asked, as middle-class people do, when they wanted their children to go to a posh school during Elizabeth's reign, British culture flourished, especially the world of theatre, which sadly still It is among us to this day. The best theater writer of the time was William Shakespeare.

It is often said that if Shakespeare were alive today, he would send his scripts to film and television companies, but he wouldn't make them because they were too long and boring, but audiences are delighted with how tedious they are. drama of the terrible works of Shakespeare some pioneering British were experiencing a real drama when they went out to explore it was now that the British really got into the voting when they got on the ships the sailors of the time were like astronauts but in the water they explored the unknown armed only with a motor without a wooden car called a boat and a kind of basic paper navigator called a map which curiously had something because, curiously, something had still been found on sea maps.

Does this show the hills? You know, the little movement inhale with the right side at the top. the waves is that what they called the moving hills were the right parts at the top. I think that's what you mean if an explorer ever tried to sail towards the sky, you know, found some sea that is rising and not despite difficulty gained Queen Elizabeth sent many sailors to the other side of the sea to search the treasure of the Spanish and then for Nick entire countries in front of whatever brown people were standing over them at the time the first British explorer to do this was Sir Walter Raleigh Sir Walter Raleigh was a great sailor, wasn't he?

Why do we only remember him today for his bicycles? Well, there might have been a connection between that branch of the Reilly family and the later bicycle manufacturer, but I highly doubt that people didn't use bicycles. of any kind in the days of Sir Walter Raleigh I really think we really have to accept that Sir Walter Raleigh was just an expert sailor How did Sir Walter Raleigh invent the potato? Well, he didn't invent the potato in that I think anyone really has Did he ever invent a tuber as they are obviously grown and used by people living in the Americas when he got there when Sir Walter Raleigh first saw potatoes?

Were you afraid of them? I believe that when Sir Walter Raleigh first saw the potatoes he did not leave any documented documents. records the moment when he first saw a Theoden potato war, but I don't think he was afraid of them, this is a buccaneer character and I think he was probably able to come to terms with and manage his emotions while facing the potatoes in A At first glance, we still celebrate potatoes to this day by buying and eating them. It's amazing to think that Queen Elizabeth was the first British monarch to be impressed by a baked potato and the last Walter Raleigh was big news, but it wasn't that big of a deal. with Sir Francis Drake, this is Drake's ship, the Golden Hind, which is Tudor for a golden ass, was on this ship.

Drake became the first person to circumcise the globe, which is probably why this type of ship is called a clipper. Imagine being on deck on that dangerous edge you're in the middle of the ocean powerful storms are coming there's a sailor there another there the sailor king spinning through the steering wheel thing potatoes and spurs wooden legs rolling across the deck a seagull on that pole thing someone reads on a treasure map through a telescope a blob with a white beard carrying a tray of fish sticks pirates laugh in that horrible way they do it and at any moment the prospect that you could sail away from the edge of the world It's a sobering thought that they would have needed because everyone was mad as hell at ROM, the British, their domination of the oceans infuriated the Catholic King Philip of Spain in Spanish, so he sent his secret weapon to attack England, a woman called the Spanish Amanda la The story goes that Drake was calmly bowling at Plymouth Hall when the Spanish attacked, but Drake did not let the Spanish attack deter him from his stroke.

He simply continued playing with his balls according to the records when he was done. Drake changed. she put on her normal shoes again and thrashed the Spanish who were not bowling England emerged victorious meanwhile in Scotland there was another Mary on the scene Mary Queen of Scots Mary and Elizabeth were rivals for the throne Catholics loved Mary because they become crazy about anyone named Elizabeth cata rediff, which made it harder for Mary to take the throne because she couldn't see where it was anymore. Isabel had ended the rivalry. The final score was one to zero. Isabel died if she ever married, so she went down in history as the vegan.

Queen, she left no heirs, which was the old word for children, so it was the season finale of The Tudors. The next Top Royal was King James, who fortunately had not inherited his mother's missing head and could therefore become king of Scotland and England at the same time. King James, the first of England, was also King James, the sixth of Scotland, it wasn't him, also the other five King James are in the middle, no, but he was quite aware of those other five James. Do you think he ever forgot which James? Not him, I'm pretty sure he knew they had all been fired before him and had lived rotten lives, the first had been killed by subjects, the second killed by a cannon explosion, the third was killed by his subjects afterwards. after losing a battle, the fourth died in battle and the fifth died of nervous exhaustion after losing a battle, so it's just bad luck to be cold.

James then not Giselle, the excuse is a surprisingly accident-prone family. King James united England, Scotland and Wales, right? King James brought England, Scotland, Wales and calm together on an island, so he brought all those together, that's like Simon Cowell when he brought One Direction together, yeah, except it lasted a little longer, which is your favorite of the kingdoms, no, One Direction, no. I have one yes, very wise thanks to King James Great Britain was born and with it came a new flag, the onion Jack, a kind of mega me of the previous flags of the nation, the onion jack has everything white in red of England , the blue of Scotland and Wales, red again for the dragon, but not the actual dragon, although it is the best part of the flag.

Basically, whoever was doing this probably only had one rule and they couldn't do it on the Dragon first. King James was a Protestant and he knew that the Catholics wanted to do it. kill him so that he would have all his clothes padded in case he was stabbed unfortunately he did not have the houses of parliament padded and that is where the Catholics chose to attack using explosions this photo from the time shows the gunpowder plotters with hats and fake beards They used to hide their identities. What they didn't know was that someone had written their names on the wall behind them and that's why they were all caught, but one man was about to cause even more explosive changes in Britain.

Oliver Cromwell, some of Cromwell's fellow Puritans. He had sailed from the shores of Britain hoping to forge a new life of Spartan misery in Newfoundland America, but Cromwell stayed behind to quarrel with King Charles and wanted Parliament to be dissolved, but no one could find a glass for him. big enough, so they decided to have a civil meeting. Instead, they called it a civil war because there was a jar of bad language and people were apologizing.after killing each other like in tennis. The Civil War was a clash of styles. The King's Cavaliers had panache and strange outfits, while Cromwell's roundheads were brutal little Bulldog men.

It was like a fight between Wayne Rooney and Noll Fielding, it finally wasn't as funny after many re-enactments like this, the roundheads, one one, zero, Charles was caught in a big king's net and executed here in Whitehall, a proud man Until the last one, he wore two shirts. or no one could see him tremble to preserve his regal dignity and according to witnesses it worked his severed head rolled regally on the ground pumping blood everywhere and covering himself in hay and dirt and dried specks of dignified fox and no one mentioned the rest of him trembling under Cromwell Great Britain became less fun than ever, even when it was just rocks, there's a puritan popular entertainment outlawed by Cromwell that effectively went nationwide on the BBC, no wonder after Cromwell died everyone decided it would be fun have a king once. more jazz, the second one came down from the tree he had been hiding in and everyone was happy again until suddenly in 1665 the plague happened again, why did they decide to have the plague twice as much as nothing?

It must have been boring, well they had many, many more. Several times we contracted the plague due to Europe's free movement of rats and fleas and our inability to control our borders. It certainly seems that the epidemic arrived in England by ship, so in that sense yes, they are imported, they are rats and fleas immigrants and they would integrate except when they embitter the Great Plague of London finally defeated in 1666 just in time for the Great Fire of London What began here on Pudding Lane was a hot, dry summer when a fast wooden bakery filled with highly combustible flour and flaming ovens inexplicably caught fire for some reason how hot the Great Fire of London was.

Would you like to stand in someone like Maidenhead and warm your hands that way? You couldn't warm your hands, but you could probably see how many of the cities. Did the Great Fire of London burn any of Arthur's towns? It was the Great Fire of London, but many other places were affected, but how did other cities not burn because it would have burned them? Yes, but we know that London burned even though it burned, so we would have the same kind of information about other places that didn't burn, but there could have been another burned place that just burned completely, no, I don't.

We know why it's not there. because it burned down, but that wouldn't be part of the Great Fire of London. Wouldn't it be outside? No? Yes, if there are others that didn't burn, they don't seem to be in any other fires at the same time. time, although we don't know if it was the well burned, that's one way of looking at it, we know a lot about the plague and the fire of London from the diaries of this man, some of his friends, some of his friends, he is probably the most famous chronicler. famous. in the world apart from Anne Frank but no one knows what happened to her yes we know what happened to people because it was put in her diary the people were brave wasn't it okay in her diary at the time of the Great London fire?

You know that whole role, he risked his life for us I didn't really know I don't think he risked his eye for us it was for himself if Peeps were alive today Do you think you'd be on Snapchat and it's better to say yes? because we're trying to attract younger viewers, yes, I'm sure he would be, yes, definitely, yes, yes, after the king put out the fire. London was extensively rebuilt by Sir Christopher Wren, the most important bird in British history since Francis Drake. Its greatest achievement is that the cathedral built on a site of spiritual importance near the center is local and the restaurant where they do the first days in addition to being large, the cathedral was the first building in the world with a hat, it would get 10 out of 10 in cathedral monthly review if such a magazine exists, which doesn't mean that while London wasn't the only thing burning, witches were: people actually believed witches were among them, their fear fueled by leaked photos like this, there was no clear explanation. -short way of knowing if someone was a witch if they weren't wearing their pointed hat, so Britain appointed their first and only Witchfinder General, who was General Witchfinder, the Witchfinder General was a young man named Matthew Hawk Matthew Hopkins, he was to my school.

This is a different Matthew Hopkins. I hope how do you know that he is now an IT consultant? Well, the Matthew Hopkins I'm talking about died 350 years ago. He embarked on a witch hunt that covered the whole of East Anglia and resulted in the deaths of approximately a hundred women yes not the same Matthew Hopkins not mine Matthew Hopkins is going through a divorce well I think it's quite heartbreaking that compared to hanging our page to scaffold women and torture women with confessions that are probably pretty minor, yeah, it puts everything into perspective. That's the cool thing about the story mm-hmm Matthew Hopkins devised a method to test if a woman was a witch.

The Hopkins method was absolutely foolproof, which was useful because it had to be done by village idiots. The accused woman was immersed in water if they flirted that they were a witch and that they would be killed if they drowned they were innocent and could continue living a normal life underwater for two or three seconds but the irrational world of witches and wizards was about After being swept away by the rational world of science and geniuses like Sir Isaac Newton in 1665, Newton escaped from London because the plague was chasing him, so he came here, two walls in Lincolnshire, a National Trust property where he lived.

He allowed him to live because he was famous. The story goes that he fell an apple. This tree and landed on Newton's head despite his incredible hair, the force of the fruity blow caused several of his brain cells to rub together and thus invented gravity, what the world was like before Isaac Newton discovered that gravity Gravity was everything, just floating towards the Well, gravity was always there, so he took credit because he had come up with the laws of motion and things like that. Gravity was an important part of his understanding of his world. If gravity is real as you seem to claim, how come it isn't?

It doesn't work with kites, in all things there is a balance of forces, so a kite stays in the air due to the forces that keep it in the air. Would you say the best example of gravity today is the game Shore Tipping Point because without gravity? That wouldn't work, right? I wouldn't say it's the best example of gravity. There are much more exciting examples than that. Go on, tell me, there are flights and there are walks on the moon. What is the best game show version about gravity? um, they're my deal that doesn't really use gravity.

I thought you said everything uses gravity. Carry on hmm even without gravity maybe not I've actually launched it, you know, no, you got man you think, but gravity had a dark side while everyone in Britain was busy thinking about why things fall on the other side of the Atlantic, an entire nation was about to do so. It fell like an apple on Britain's head on July 4, 1776. The United States officially declared a war of independence from the British. It was a brutal conflict in which the British finally suffered a humiliating defeat just 210 years before the BBC sitcom premiered. because losing in America was a real knee in the balls for Britain, but fortunately for national pride, a great British hero was about to rise for sad Merle vicam Lord Horatio Nelson, what was Lord Nelson all about?

Why did his parents name him Horace Shaw, I think? They probably intended to pronounce Horatio, but he just got mixed up and became horosho, no. I think most people still know him as Horatio Nelson, as well as being a sailor. Nelson found time to star in many ancient paintings doing the strange poles characteristic of him. Why did Nelson always have one hand out of his jersey? What was he doing there? He had lost most of his right arm, so he wasn't really trying to hide his hand from it. He was actually missing an arm. Oh God, how do we know that's what it is?

However, it is true because you know that Rod Hull used to put his arm around an emu. I didn't know that maybe they just didn't blow it up at all. He's just trying to make his story more interesting. Well, I don't see it. won't bother doing that, I mean, he's already a heroic figure, so I don't think you need the kind of fame you know to be a serious harm if you want to deepen his growing legend, so I think we can probably say that, to Unlike some things, this is true, yes, and I was true, I was also true, yes, I wore an eyepatch, so I was like a pirate, but like the boring one, not being able to clap was not the most annoying thing in life of Nelson, but an archenemy there knowingly is similar.

French pirate Napoleon Cumberbatch, the fearsome French emperor, had conquered most of Europe. He was about to conquer Britain, but before he could have a Battle of Trafalgar against Nelson, the Battle of Trafalgar was one of the most famous water fights in British history and took place, of course, here in Trafalgar Square. It's amazing to think that back then all of this would have been underwater, only the top of the column would have been visible from this side. Nelson's English ships on this side next to the Preta Mangia the French. fleet and overseeing it all was Nelson stranded atop his stone pole where he remains to this day if Nelson was a hero, why did we banished him to that great pole?

It was not a banishment, it was a national celebration, so this is very much if you are as a symbol of British victory, the pride and honor of the man who had been so closely associated with the victory at Trafalgar, is beyond the reach of the view and the Birds are fucking it up, yeah, I mean, it's, it's, sir. Haven't we had it a little further down so we can look at it? It's fair, I mean, it's like a joke. Yes, Nelson's great victory at Trafalgar was sadly ruined when he was shot below deck by a French sniper.

He was comforted by his naval colleague Hardy, who kissed him to death. If Hardy was kissing Nelson at the exact moment he was dying, to what extent would that make him a necrophile? Because that's a serious crime, it took him three or four hours to die and this in particular. The famous moment took place when Nelson was still alive, so there's nothing dubious about him, nothing dubious at all. Nelson may have died, but a whole new chapter of British history was about to be born and it was all thanks to one woman, the queen of the Victorian era, but that's a story for another time next week and here it is.

Next time I will look at the 19th century and ask the big questions who was Albert Hall, why Oliver Twist and what are Wordsworth who wrote Wordsworth I wandered alone like a cloud but clouds have no legs so how was he allowed to get away with That kind of Radio 1 stuff? follow the most ridiculous investigator in the world leaving no stone unturned listen to radio on iPlayer and what happens when they let me spend the day at home with their camera watch their home show now on BBC iPlayer