Conan Busts Jordan Schlansky & His Elitist Espresso Machine - CONAN on TBS

Well, I'm sorry to say that there is a bit of controversy behind the scenes here at the Conan show and Brewing is actually an application term used because it involves an

espresso

machine

and a Mr. Jordan Schlansky investigating this crime and now starts with Mr. John CAU. How are you doing John? Tell us about the

espresso

machine

. People say there's a new expensive machine and Jordan only allows a few people to have access to it. Now Jordan loves Italy and, in fact, May believes he is Italian despite his last name. It's schan, do you know what Jordan does on the show? um you're not really worried at all because Jordan tells me this no, why is he so dead, he doesn't.

I don't think he doesn't mean dead, but you know. he's dead, you know, it's like nothing, nothing fazes him, okay, okay, I'm heading back to Jordan Schlansky's office to confront him about this espresso machine. Uh, his office isn't accessible like everyone else's. It's hidden, that was Jordan's choice. Let's find out why to move forward. this and you have to stop by here then you have to stop by here Jordan, hey C Brian, here, first of all, your office is a mess, okay, this is disgusting, have you been to Hoarders yet? You have an espresso machine here there is an espresso machine here what's the difference between what you said I don't have it I don't have it it's here doesn't mean I have it what do you mean?

I don't understand I use it but I don't have it I have it it implies that I own it I don't own it oh you don't own it no I don't own it who bought the machine you really own it you bought everything in this office I did, I bought you this Italian with almond biscotti no, that It was free, this is a free biscotti, yes biscotti, forgive me, it's a biscotti, biscotti, that would be if there was more than one, there's only one, could you take me there and show me the espresso machine? Please yes, this is the lavat blue lb2312 espresso machine. the machine sells for between $5 and $700 mhm it's an expensive machine I guess that's relative there are espresso machines that cost $5000 why didn't you choose one of those?

I didn't want to spend your money unnecessarily. Do you feel you were communicative? about the location of the machine and that everyone can use it. I want you to understand that it is not my responsibility to be communicative and make announcements at any time. I suggested this purchase be made. I am not your caretaker or your Wrangler. Do you think you find it? Can you find the word? Do you find it interesting? Where is the machine located? Let me see how many steps 2 3 4 5 6 7 seven feet actually a little bit more because I have big feet and women have big feet.

In math, I'm noticing now that the machine instructions are in Italian. Do you think that's unpleasant for people who want to use the machine and don't speak Italian? I think you're assuming I chose a display language plus Italian is a beautiful language and I don't see the problem with having Italian instructions on the machine, so you made a decision for the group. Yes, I did it in the same way that Melini made many decisions for his country. Another accountant who had a dream that everything would run smoothly. I've been very welcoming to everyone to use it and I've tried to make this very welcoming. uh, the furer uh was behind fewer doors in his bunker at 45.

I'm going to make that clear, I had to walk. I think seven doors to get here couldn't hide a coffee machine better. If Osama Bin Laden had curled up near this coffee machine, he would be alive today because no one would have found him. I guess this is the infamous espresso 101 sign. you wrote these instructions. I take this as an opportunity to educate the staff, who are mostly American, on what a proper Italian espresso should be. I realize that he speaks of America and Americans almost with contempt. Do you realize you're from Buffalo? You have a derisive tone towards these Americans I have a derivative tone towards the quality of coffee served in the USA You hate Americano coffee I have never had a sip of Americano coffee You will not drink coffee in this country I do not believe in root coffee drip Jordan quick question what are your responsibilities on this show I have several duties my title is associate producer is the best no-an I've ever heard several duties this is my title I care to clarify what you do various production related tasks if you use the word various one more time I am going to have you arrested what is your job associate producer what do you do when you come to work varies from very various this is my title you are a fake and sneaky Italian what What I am going to do is remove this machine for a period of time and I am going to replace it with this machine.

This is the mirror of the wind, as far as I know, it's not even a coffee company. I think they made lawnmowers until the business closed It's dirty It's old It has a simple on and off switch in English because God bless America, motherfucker, and you'll make your coffee. I think this is blood, by the way, I'm not sure you'll make your coffee with this machine. Well, drip coffee and you'll drink it for a week. Well, the full punishment of my investigation has been Meed out. This is C O'Brien saying this is C o'ban saying this guy counts.

Last time Jordan Slansky and his new coffee machine, ladies and gentlemen, we. I'll take a break