Chappelle's Show - Tyrone Biggum's Crack Intervention

REMEMBER WE ARE NOT HERE TO JUDGE ANYONE. WE WANT TO HANDLE THIS WITH LOVE, RIGHT? YOU WANT TO TELL HIM HOW HIS DRUG ABUSE HAS HURT YOU, AND HE HURT HIMSELF, OKAY? HAROLD, WHAT TIME DID YOU TELL HER I'D BE HERE? At 5:00, but he's always late. NO, IT WILL BE HERE... IN THREE, TWO, ONE... THIS IS THE 5:00 FREE CRACK GIVEAWAY? ♪ HE'S BEEN AWAY FOR A WHILE BUT HE'S BACK ♪ TELL ANYONE I'LL KILL THEM! I'LL KILL YOU! ♪ THE SMALLEST CRACKHEAD IN TOWN ♪ PEANUT BUTTER AND CRACK SANDWICH. ♪ HE QUIT HIS HABIT BACK TO THE JOINT ♪ ♪ NOW HE'S BACK TO THE POINT ♪ WATCH OUT, CRACK, HERE I COME! (shock) ♪ TYRONE'S FINALLY HOME ♪♪ (narrator) THIS WEEK, TYRONE IS INVITED TO A SPEECH.

OH, NOW-- CLOSE THE DOOR, GOOD IDEA. HEY. WELL, TYRONE, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE? MM-HMM, I'M HERE FOR THE SAME REASONS YOU ARE, MAN, I WANT SOME CRACK. CRACK. Okay, TYRONE, WE'RE NOT GIVING AWAY CRACK TODAY. Uh huh... WHAT... NO, NO. WHAT TIME IS IT ? IT'S 5:00. DID I MISS THE FREE CRACK GIVEAWAY AT 5:00? TYRONE, TYRONE, THESE ARE YOUR FRIENDS AND THEY HAVE SOMETHING THEY WANT TO TELL YOU. THEY HAVE CHEATED ME! Okay, Tyrone, I'm what's known as an

intervention

counselor. OH! YES, AND THESE PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR DRUG USE. What are you talking about, man?

I DO NOT CONSUME DRUGS. WHAT DO THEY TELL YOU, EH? COME ON, BENEDICT ARNOLDS! WHAT THEY SAY? RHONDA, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FIRST? THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? DO WE HAVE CRACK AT THE END? TYRONE, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, BUT I FEEL LIKE DRUGS ARE HURTING YOU AND ME. TYRONE, I was so hurt when you kidnapped me that time. What are you talking about, RHONDA? I would never steal that ugly car. GET OUT OF THE CAR! TIRONE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO'S TYRONE, HUH? I DON'T KNOW TYRON! NO, IT'S YOU WITH YOUR CRISPY LIPS!

STOP PLAYING, RHONDA, GET OUT OF THE CAR! GET OUT OF THE CAR! I DON'T KNOW ANY TITLE! LOOK, THE POLICE FOUND YOU THREE HOURS LATER IN MY CAR, ASLEEP, CRACKED. That's impossible, Rhonda. HOW CAN YOU SLEEP IF YOU'RE GIVEN WITH CRACK, HMM? IT'S A CHINESE RIDDEN FOR YOU. Okay, let's have Jenny and Rob. I don't do that, Rhonda. TYRONE, WE OPEN OUR HOUSE TO YOU. YOU LET YOUR ADDICTION LEAD YOU TO ABUSE OUR TRUST. OH, JENNY, R-ROB, LOOK, EVERYONE, I'M THE ONE YOU'RE TALKING TO, I... I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU. Oh, don't play dumb with us, Tyrone.

I REMEMBER THE WHOLE SPEECH. I ONLY NEED $200, TAKE THESE REAL ESTATE CLASSES AND BE BACK ON MY FEET, BABY. I'M SERIOUS, ROB, IT'S ME, BABY, IT'S TYRONE. I'M CLEANING UP MY ACT. WELL. JERK! ROB, JENNY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE REGRET ABOUT THIS. OH! (Tyrone) I STUDY MY ASS FOR THAT REAL ESTATE TEST. AGH! WE ARE GOING TO MY MOTHER'S HOUSE. WE WILL RETURN ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON. The number is on the refrigerator if you need anything. OK, BYE, JENNY, BYE, ROB. I PASSED MY TEST AND WAS A CERTIFIED REAL ESTATE AGENT. GOOD FOR YOU, TYRONE. YES, VERY GOOD, GOOD FOR HIM. (Rob) SOLD OUR HOUSE AND KEPT THE MONEY. $450,000!

WHERE'S THE MONEY, TYRONE? HE HAPPENED IT AT A PARTY. I took out an advertisement in the newspaper. DID YOU NOT RECEIVE YOUR INVITATION TO THAT PARTY? Oh, Rob, you should have seen it, we had a lot of

crack

so high. I HAD A HEART ATTACK. HEART ATTACK, YES. I'LL GIVE YOU A HEART ATTACK! ROB, ROB, ROB! COME ON, COME ON... I GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU, ROB. HAROLD, WHY DON'T YOU GO NEXT? ALRIGHT. TYRONE, I'M HERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. WELL, IF YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH, HAROLD, WHY DID YOU GET ME FIRED FROM THE POST, HUH?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR ROUTE COMPLAINED ABOUT RECEIVING OPEN MAIL? SEVEN ? 136, PULL. AND THEN WAS THE INCIDENT WITH THE DUST. (sniffing) OH! ATTENTION EVERYONE, BE AWARE OF ANY ENVELOPE MARKED "SENATOR TOM DASCHLE" OR "TOM BROKAW." MAY CONTAIN ANTHRAX. FYI, THAT'S A LITTLE WHITE POWDER. HAROLD, IS ANTHRAX BAD? YES, JIG. AND IF IT FALLS INTO THE WRONG HANDS, IT COULD BE A BIG PROBLEM. I GOT THAT ANTHRAX AND IT'S THE BOMB, BABY. 60 DOLLARS! If that man hadn't handed you over, it would have been a disaster. EVERYONE ACTS LIKE CRACK IS SO BAD! WELL, AS THE GOOD BOOK SAYS: HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN, CAST THE FIRST STONE AND I WILL SMOKE IT.

Basically, Tyrone, we'd like you to go into rehab right away. Oh! Okay, okay, okay, okay. DID YOU KNOW ? I NEED TO IMPROVE, EVERYONE IS RIGHT. BUT THE FIRST STEP IS THE FIRST, I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THEN I'LL BE ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY, RHONDA. I HAVE THE KEY. AND THAT WAS NOT ME, RHONDA! GO TO THE BATHROOM ! FINE, THANKS. I GOT IT OUT OF HERE, THANK YOU. I'LL BE OUT NOW. OH! OH, WHY DIDN'T THEY SAY THERE ARE NO WINDOWS HERE? OH! HERE GOES NOTHING! (blushing) DRUGS HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! ♪ HE'S FINALLY HOME, IT'S TYRONE ♪♪