Catfishing the KKK | Josh Johnson | Yum’s the Word

was named one of Comedy Central's newest faces to watch has appeared in the first season of Kevin Hart's Heart of the City, Please Welcome Josh Johnson. I grew up in Louisiana yeah I see every time I do some people will court but that's for New Orleans which is the best part like New Orleans to Louisiana it's like you have the most beautiful blue eye but your whole face was turned up like that It's what it feels like to be from that place but I grew up in Louisiana and when I was 13 or 14 my family got the first computer at home that still looked like it had an entire city behind it with a big monitor, but like it was a computer and my mom I was very excited because it meant that now I could do my homework at home and I didn't have to stay in the library for hours and I was excited for different reasons, right, and I don't know if I shout it, but I didn't have many friends growing up, I had a couple that I had as I like them.

The group you know is type 5, but they don't have many friends to do things with after school or anything. I wasn't particularly athletic, so after school I just had to go home. Hey, if you're not going to play a sport or you're not going to like it join like a math club, you have to go home, we can't have you sitting here with the other kids that are doing things, so I went home and also It was a point in my life where I was left home alone for the first time since I was 14 and my mom was like, look if you die while I'm not here, you'll never make it, so I can, you know, start taking care of yourself. yourself, you must know how. use an oven, you know, so I would come home and beat my mom by an hour or two, you know, so I would be home alone on the computer for an hour or two and that's how I discovered Craigslist and I was so fascinated. with the fact that you could search for all these things like missed connections and favors and odd jobs and apartment rentals, so I would come home from school every day and just read Craigslist, it's non-stop. like every facet like men seeking women women seeking men like every part of Craigslist I was like people selling their car but trying to tell the backstory so they could use

word

s to somehow overshadow the beat up car they were test driving.

It's like there's a story behind it because you don't know that this car was the car that, like Snoop Dogg, rode in the back one time and he's really sick and he threw up, that's why there's that stain there, it's like a Snoop Dogg stain. . that like no one ever got another, like, you can only guess that Snoop Dogg stayed in this car, so he would. I would just read Craigslist every day after school. I didn't tell anyone I was doing this, but I would say Really excited to get home like I was like, oh man, where are we going to have it next?

Because like some, I even read the wrong connection, take a look. I met you and we were in a club and you had hair and stuff and me. I remember you had one eyebrow, which is where they didn't start with you on one eyebrow, you had what most people have and one eyebrow and we had a great conversation. I couldn't really hear you, but I could feel you and So if you're reading this right now, contact me and, naturally, when you're 13 or 14, whatever it is, you're not a person yet, so you're some kind of monster and not It was a long time before I returned home. reading Craigslist every day before I decided to get involved, so I started starting this correspondence with people you know, like on Miss Connections or what I pretend to be the person they were having the conversation with.

I was like, yeah, honey, I have one eyebrow and the other one came, you know, and I was doing it every day for months and then some people would tell on me for being too into it and they knew I wasn't the person to which would not respond, but others. we've had a long correspondence for a while and I remember one day I was, you know, sitting in front of the computer, really excited to get started, it was just a Tuesday and I had nothing else to do and this was a two-window day. hours is not an hour window, so on this particular day I was browsing all over Craigslist and I saw that there was an ad that I had just read, join the KKK question mark and naturally I thought, "doh so." I started a correspondence with this guy named Dale and I felt a little bad because if you're hurting so much in 2004 for hiring that you need a Craigslist ad, then we must be making progress, the world is getting better, so I talked to Dale a little, you know, just emailing me back and forth like, hey, what's up?

I'm white, you want to relax sometime and talk and bye, chill, I don't mean the way black people use the cold, I mean go somewhere cold and hang out together. friends and to my surprise, the next day I got an email from Dale saying: Hi, it's nice to meet you, you seem like a great guy and all our correspondence for the first few days was the most basic, like oh man, you like him. Star Wars too, me too, I just couldn't be a natural at the thing, I was so nervous every time he wrote, but then once we actually got into a relationship, he said we should, we should meet.

I want you to meet the brothers and me. I thought that sounds cool and I grew up in Alexandria, Louisiana, and if you've never been there, you don't know what you're doing right, so I guess not. I need to do it, but there's a bar place called Finnegan's and I was like, hey Dale, look, meet me at Finnegan's and we'll sit down and chat and everything and then if you really like me, you can introduce me and the other guy. brothers and we can all be a family and then the next day comes and naturally I don't show up I don't want to die it was never going to be easy it's just crazy not to, but he hits me the next day after school and I must point out that for two weeks I ran home mainly to talk to Dale.

I didn't even read Craigslist anymore. I had six friends and Dale was one of my best, but I came home the other day and and. and he said: hey, I went to Finnegan's house, I took care of you and you didn't, you didn't come, man, why did you leave me standing like that? this is like you know we're talking about 2004, we're talking about before, like everyone had a cell phone, you know, so it's like some people still don't have a cell phone and they made plans and they went out and did it, right? You know? So if there was a setback, you had to move on because you couldn't just text someone like, "Hey, I'm not going to stick to the plan at all, now that I've chosen a different plan." I'll let you know now, so for a week I kept taking Dale out to eat and shop alone, every time I had a great excuse, every time it was like, oh my mom fell and like I had to be there with her. and everything and every day he would get it and say you know what you did the right thing brother you know and I and I remember one day especially he was particularly upset because I had come home obviously when he got home he sent me an email that night, but I didn't.

I didn't see him until the next day and he was like you've never been to Target. I was at Target alone for three hours over the popcorn maker. You need a popcorn maker. I was just saying Target alone and bored and I was expecting everything you didn't understand. a popcorn machine in front of me and what we are going to do with this popcorn machine. I was like brother, I'm so sorry and by brother I mean short for brother, not the way black people use it. I'm so sorry, you just know. My girlfriend tripped and it was always women who fell.

I'm surprised he never noticed. Every time it was like, oh yeah, my great-aunt just hit a ladder or, like the worst lies, there's a 14-year-old idiot and me. and even now I'm like white like I'm alone with a computer and I just caught the Klan. I can't think of anything sillier or more today porn would have been better porn would have been normal you thought you had to listen to a story about porn and instead it just took a while and finally, you know, then I think it was a week and a half, he was very resilient, they must be suffering because of the numbers because after a week and a half he was fine, okay?

You know what balls are in my court now I'm going to set a time I'm going to set a place and if you don't come they'll never talk to me again and I said fair enough, well you've been very patient. with me I really just want to be part of the Brotherhood just let me know where I need to be and then he chose Achatz again there aren't many places to go in my city and naturally I didn't show up I didn't hear from him again and they know me like this trend online that is comp disheartening where like now people are called racist but for nothing it's not really like it's mean so I'm going to read the whole thread and finish the whole Thread.

I'm like, oh, that was it, I don't even think that's something you know, like everything you said this, you tweeted this once, you must be racist or vote this way, you must be right. You're a total racist for a person who doesn't know you I'll tell you it's like a black guy who grew up in the south I don't think you're racist until you go to your second applause well look because because maybe the first maybe your friend Dale will invite you to a barbecue, okay, everyone loves barbecue, okay, you arrive, there are delicious barbecues, dry ribs, they are sloppy, everything is happening, you see someone put on a white hood, you like it, I don't know the barbecue costume. that's a little strange but you keep eating there's corn on the cob there's kale there's brisket there's shredded chicken everything's delicious and then there's a pertinent cross in front of you and you say like it's already here I'm saying this because I May my friend Jordan be okay, he accidentally went to a Klan rally because, without knowing what he was doing, my friend Jordan, who was about three years older than me, met Dale and was invited to a barbecue.

It turns out that Klan rallies don't just start, they ease up. You came in with a barbecue and he said, "I know how to do it." I can't miss all the food at the meeting, so he stayed for the entire Klan rally and went home right away. He called me. I came and we talked. Turns out it's a Klan. The rally is exactly something a Klan meets like there are no spoilers, but just spends their head in the kitchen. I could see him going to the plate and I thought, Jordan Jordan George is those Klan ribs and he said, yeah, and I said, can I have? some and it pains me as a black guy who grew up in the south to say that clams make the best ribs.

I don't know what they're doing, I don't know what kind of rubbing that is, who would have known. You can't taste racism, it's delicious, it's okay, it was to the point where I thought, "I think you should join in." I need these every Sunday. These are amazing kids. I'm Josh Johnson, watch a lot.