Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks - SNL

THIS IS "BLACK JEOPARDY". WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT ABOVE, WHAT ABOVE, WHAT ABOVE? WELCOME TO "BLACK JEOPARDY", THE ONLY TV GAME SHOW WHERE THE AUDIENCE IS IN CHURCH DRESS. I'M YOUR HOST DARNELL HAYES. OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY ARE KEELY. Hey. SHANIECE. OKAY, NOW. AND DOUG. HOW ARE YOU, SIR? OH, MAN. DOUG, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY TO PLAY "BLACK JEOPARDY"? THEY TOLD ME A GUY COULD MAKE SOME MONEY, SO LET'S MAKE ME SOME MONEY, DO IT. I ADMIRE YOUR CONFIDENCE. LET'S SEE OUR CATEGORIES. WE HAVE "BIG GIRLS". "Mmmm I do not know." "YOU BETTER." "I'M GOING TO PRAY ABOUT THIS." "THEY ARE HERE SAYING." AND AS ALWAYS, "WHITE PEOPLE".

KEELY, YOU ARE OUR RETURNING CHAMPION, YOU CHOOSE. WELL, LET'S DO "YOUR BEST" FOR $200. WELL, THE ANSWER HERE, "YOU NEED HOT SAUCE, DUCK SAUCE, SOY SAUCE, AND PINKS." KEEL. WHICH IS BETTER, GET YOUR ASS INTO THE KITCHEN AND LOOK IN THE PACKAGE DRAWER. YES. YES, THE PACKAGE DRAWER, YES. YES, EVERY KITCHEN HAS ONE. WELL, LET'S STAY WITH "YOUR BEST" FOR $400. WELL, THE ANSWER: "YOUR JOB WANTS TO TAKE $40 OUT OF YOUR CHECK FOR A 401(k)." SHANIECE? WHAT IS IT, YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT MONEY SO I CAN GET ME SOME SCRATCHES? YOU'RE DAMN TRUE. THAT IS, WHY DO I NEED A RETIREMENT PLAN WHEN I HAVE THE MONOPOLY MILLIONAIRES CLUB.

I PLAY THAT EVERY WEEK. THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU. WELL. THE BOARD IS YOURS, SHANIECE. LET'S GO WITH "THEY SAY" FOR $200. WELL, THEY'RE HERE SAYING THAT THE NEW iPHONE WANTS YOUR THUMBPRINT FOR YOUR PROTECTION. Oh, okay then, Doug. WHAT IS IT, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, THAT'S HOW THEY FIND YOU. YES, THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL! I DON'T TRUST THAT. ME NEITHER. NO, I READ THAT IT GOES DIRECTLY TO THE GOVERNMENT. WELL, THAT'S NOT BAD, DOUG. THE BOARD IS YOURS. LET'S GO TO "I DON'T KNOW", FOR $400. WELL, THE ANSWER SAYS THAT YOUR DOG DOES NOT DIE. SHANIECE. WHAT IS IT, HM, I DON'T KNOW, IT HAS TEETH, RIGHT?

YES, THAT'S IT. ANYTHING. ANYTHING WITH TEET. LET'S CONTINUE WITH "HM, I DON'T KNOW", FOR $600. GOOD. CAITLYN JENNER SAYS SHE BELONGS ON THE COVER OF "ESSENCE" MAGAZINE. KEELY. WHAT IS IT, HMM, I DON'T KNOW, YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING. YES, THAT'S RIGHT. THERE WAS A TIME. ABSOLUTELY. REMEMBER, THERE WAS A TIME. OH, YES, I REMEMBER, YES, OK. GOOD. LET'S GO TO "THEY SAY HERE" FOR $800. VERY GOOD, THE ANSWER, HERE THEY SAY THAT EVERY VOTE COUNTS. OH, DOUG AGAIN. WHAT IS IT, COME ON, THEY ALREADY DECIDED WHO WINS EVEN BEFORE IT HAPPENS. YES, YES! THE Illuminati realized this months ago.

That's another one for Doug. WELL, WE'RE DOING IT. LET'S TRY, "THEY THEY SAY" FOR $600. GOOD. THEY ARE HERE SAYING THAT THIS MOVIE DOESN'T DESERVE AN OSCAR. KEELY. WHAT IS "TYLER PERRY'S BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN". ABSOLUTELY. ABSOLUTELY, YOU KNOW. WHEN THAT MAN WEARS THAT MUMU THEY JUST TRANSPORT ME. YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I LOVE THOSE MOVIES. I BOUGHT A BOX AT WALMART AND IF I CAN LAUGH AND PRAY IN 90 MINUTES, IT'S MONEY WELL SPENT. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE THAT YOU SAY THAT. NO, NO, EVERYTHING IS WELL. EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT. EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.

She is EVERYTHING WELL. GOOD. KEELY. IT'S YOUR CHOICE. LET'S GO TO "YOUR BEST" FOR $600. WELL, THE ANSWER, THE MECHANIC SAYS HE OWES $250 FOR NEW BRAKE LINES. DOUG. WHAT IS IT, YOU BETTER GO TO THE GUY IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WHO WILL FIX THE THOUGHT FOR $40. OH, DO YOU KNOW CECIL? YES, YES. MY CECIL'S NAME IS JIM AND HE FIXED MY REFRIGERATOR, MY AIR CONDITIONER AND MY CAT. YES, EVERYONE HAS A BOY. YOU'RE FINE, DOUG. LET'S TAKE A MOMENT AND HEAR ABOUT TODAY'S AWARDS. JOHNNY? THANK YOU, DARNELL. TODAY'S "BLACK JEOPARDY" WINNER WILL RECEIVE THE GOOD CHAIR. GRANDPA NEEDS WHERE TO SIT.

GIVE HIM THE GOOD CHAIR. AND CAR TAPE. THE BEST TAPE TO REPAIR YOUR CAR. CAR TAPE. BACK TO YOU, DARNELL. DOUG, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING BUT THE BOARD IS YOURS. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DARNELL. YOU ARE FUN. CAN I SAY THAT? ALRIGHT? CAN I SAY THAT? THIS TIME WE GIVE YOU A PASS. OKAY, LET'S GO TO "BIG GIRLS" FOR $200. GOOD. THE ANSWER THERE IS, THIN WOMEN CAN DO THIS FOR YOU. DOUG? WHAT IT IS, IT'S NOT A DAMN THING. YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY DAMN RIGHT. YES! MY WIFE - MY WIFE IS A RESISTANT WOMAN.

THAT'S MY MAN THERE. GOOD. GO DOUG, GO DOUG, GO DOUG -- OH, THE SOUND OF THE BROOM HITTING THE CEILING BELOW US MEANS THE PARTY HAS TO STOP. DOUG. I MUST SAY IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE. WELL, THAT'S BACK TO YOU, MY BROTHER. OKAY, OKAY, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT OUR "FINAL JEOPARDY" CATEGORY. "LIVES THAT MATTER." Well, it was good while it lasted, Doug. YOU KNOW, I REALLY HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS -- YES, I'M SURE YOU DO. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM JUST TO SEE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.