Bill Burr - Destroying people - Compilation

When did you start shaving your head? Why don't I start shaving? I shaved her. I heard my first my first special. The chosen shave. I see who's on the roof, back there, you'll be there. would make a buddy cop show exactly right you old bald heads chasing a hairy criminal. I'm not a big fan of Steve Jobs personally, what are they talking about? I just don't know, I just don't understand what the problem is. He was with that guy, he's like Edison, I don't know, he invented all this stuff, everyone, did he do it? Did he like it?

He sat down and said I'm going to invent the iPhone and he just sat there soldering, possibly soldering at that point, he had like a team? of guys who helped him, sure maybe he did, why when he went to those nerd festivals didn't he have a chorus of scientists behind him who also helped him? He went out like he was Tesla towards electricity. I think they keep this kind of thing going like they tell

people

what to come up with, like he just walks in, like he wants to have my entire music collection on that phone, yeah, he made it happen, yeah, and then they have the big concert. of nerds and he comes out. alone, no belt, you know, sneakers on, I just didn't buy them, yeah, I'm a lonely man, I don't like

people

, so yeah, yeah, that's like no, no, I just fit in on the Avenue during the time Christmas, you can find that.

In my head I just want to cut down that tree and watch it land on people when you took it out on Philly because they were bad people, oh yeah you're famous, since then you said you liked Philly and that wasn't the problem. You were giving it to people in Philadelphia that you don't even remember, basically, if you haven't seen it. I was doing a show for Opie and Anthony's radio show and they had a show called The Traveling Virus and we were doing this like 10,000 Cedars and We went to Philadelphia and then we got famous for booing people and they booed the first guy that came out of the stage and I went on for like three hours after that, so when I got up there was already a full show and I don't know, they started booing and I burst out. and I decided I wasn't going to leave and I just attacked everything they loved, yes, can women be funny, yes of course, but you guys just grow up and sit and write your own nonsense and make it up, start your own program. your own awards show, stop waiting for other people to do it for you, that's the problem, if you had your own big club and I was outside you would never let me in, I would start my own, you have to start .

Yours, you've got a brain there, yes, absolutely, so write yours and put down the wine and we're all eating the giant sandwich here no one cares, I don't care much, when was the last time you went on stage? You killed so hard. The person after you bombed, if you do that regularly, people will notice, regardless of what you have between your legs. You know, I feel bad right now. McDonald's, I feel bad for them, why would you? because they backed down, they allowed it. The fat people have to blame them and it's over the moment they made the salad it's over it's over they said you know it's our fault it's our fault it's our fault fat man not everyone knows that you get fat you don't order 50 sandwiches right but they are a business if you ask for it they will give it to you that is not their fault yes and what do you think is like that there was the admission that it is for children and when they hit you that is what it is you go in there, yes, at some point I was going to make a point clear, that's why I keep looking here and realized I'm blocking myself off camera.

I love that you have the rotating camera for this like it's an action movie. Come on, let's take a look at these two guys sitting in these incredibly small chairs. I literally feel like I'm going to fall to the ground. This is crazy. You really went all out with the audience, so they got full size adult chairs, like the ones in 20 years ago they had horse tranquilizers in our food and everyone was like five foot one, yeah, that bet on that dead actor was so bad and nothing and nothing made you angry enough. Things have made me, yes, I don't know, I don't want to.

Look, I fly a lot and there's a whole new generation of people who take off their socks and shoes on the plane. You have to look at these smelly feet and then they literally stand up and walk into a commercial airline. bathroom, yeah, use it and then walk around and sit back down, that's not right, yeah, if I were a dictator, those people would be eliminated, they saw the Christmas lights, I thought, "I'm going to bomb, no mommy, not my bag." "No, this is all you." You're allowed to do this, it's not fake, okay, you put it in a box, then you take it out and staple it up next year.

That's what you do. I love texting throughout the interview. I'm just trying to stay focused. Of the Millennials it's impossible look at him, he already has the change, he probably has his own record label, it's like making deals as we speak, he has championship rings on, I don't know what you're doing, but I want your life, man. You're crushing it, you too and the peg didn't feel comfortable in this chair. This is like one of the worst things. It should be like going to a museum. It's like the prototype. This is the terrible level of comfort we went from a Log in to this and finally got cushions.

It's another guy looking at his phone. I swear to God on the day Jesus returns, if he ever does, even if he is a real person. 90% of people will miss him, they will walk. true, if he goes to walk on water and immediately walks past him, you won't even see him oh yeah, there's a fall and a faint for Jesus at that moment everyone was paying attention now no one cares ah there we go no, but Now this is like the ego, now I'm going to be sitting on top of you, didn't you come with two, okay, okay, sir, the one in the comedy line that is working here is me in this chair, is it? why would you take?

For me this means you are going completely against the grain. I get it, but you got in front of the camera, so I think you get paid even though this is online, you see Sugar Shane Mosley, one of the greatest boxers of all time, losing the championship to him. belt in a divorce losing yes, it's like you're trying to break a man, what does she want? Those go with their shoes when you get divorced, suddenly it costs like 50 grand a month to give a kid Froot Loops panning for gold your character has a lot of tattoos, they put them on you, you have a tag that says no, no, that's it my ink, I have this microphone on so yeah okay gentleman help me I can't believe your relationships don't It doesn't work we recently got a pitbull which I know a lot of people don't like because they ate a couple children's.

I understand that they are great dogs, unless you are a bad owner, if you are a psychopath, which is you. I can ruin them I didn't I didn't realize that dogs feed off your vibes like you're cool if you're calm they're chilling if you're sleeping they're sleeping but if you're a psycho like me and you're watching the game on TV and you shout at the referee, you must be right. I didn't realize the dog was in the corner saying, yes, being a mother is the hardest job, our hardest job, but if Oprah said Oprah said yes, your opinion on that in that sentence changed at all.

Well, no, it's not the hardest job on the planet, it's just not, buddy, I'll get it roofed in July. Almost like a redhead, I almost died. people there are people who work like oil was that movie that guy made the teal oil you know when they make me grow up blowing what is there will be blood without there will be blood in the ocean they would drill I can't remember the names Mark Wahlberg Deepwater Horizon yes, yes, those guys were working on an oil rig, the thing explodes, they're on fire, they have to jump into the water that's on fire, salt water in their forests, you have to swim out of that oil and fire and then step in the water, tell God that the Coast Guard will be there before the Sharks know it, tell me about a little kid, even though he was so fussy today you wouldn't need his piece, what's up with all these white kids now walking around trying to act like rappers gangsters, it's irritating, it's like everywhere I go, man, I thought I'd be here in the city, we're going to mingle with people, you know, I'll be like in the middle of Kansas, although like the whitest state that's ever existed. some Howdy Doody that looks like a white kid like me, you know, I'm thinking this is one of my peeps, some again, I'm chatting with, I'll say she's just like me, what's up, kid who saw the kid?

I just want to be like nothing Brad, you know you're keeping it real in Wichita, what's going to be a gangster in the United States, like in Nebraska, you know how you're so hard on your crop, right there, I was crazy. I'm saying well, I wasn't. bad, the scarecrows will tip over and you know, I'm saying son, I just wanna be like dude, you're white, go to the gap, give up, buy some Dockers and go home going to gun stores and these rednecks. They all tell me the same thing because I didn't grow up with guns, so they just say okay, you never had a gun, you want to get a shotgun, it has a great variety, that's what they keep saying, it has a great variety.

You know anything, you got a problem, you move, dude, I just want to shoot the guy, I don't have to do like a bunch of drywall work, my diploma, I don't think Lance told anyone, he didn't do anything. for Yo, you know, he's good for me, he raised half a

bill

ion dollars for cancer research, that's what that lie did that he blocked out the sun, yeah, cancer, yeah, he was upset and hated how Oprah interviewed him and acted like she was dumbfounded that this guy would do it. Make this like he's been in show business for 35 years and doesn't like to think of a guy who does whatever it takes to get to the next level.

Didn't she like for the first five years the midgets who wanted to fuck her The Postman's Boyfriend and she didn't want to do it, she didn't want to do it but she didn't have the power to say no, so she wrote it down and then when she could take a good decision, made a program. but she was turned upside down again as a burger assistant, why can't mom make dinner and ask her that she was the one who quit her job so she wouldn't do all the lady work? I have to leave him to do a man's job and there's someone who's going to bring me flowers and tell me I'm beautiful, no, no, he's out there marching for old Frank Murphy, he just watches the sands of his miserable life pile up. at his feet while his wife, the modern woman, puts on a pantsuit.

Would I be in mourning and my worker bee is still there? What's your favorite dance move when challenged? Waiting for the director to say: cut, well, I'll tell you when I saw my son. It wasn't like everyone was like you were going to burst into tears. I'm going to blah, blah, blah, I was scared like I was sitting there like eight, yeah dude, like after they gave it to me and I'm dating her for the first time and I don't feel anything and I literally shook my head. gacha in the bassinet, I'm going to say, oh my god, I'm a serial killer, so

bill

, do you Google it because I was Googling?

Oh god knows I was googling this. I get trashed quite a bit on Twitter, what do you know when I did it? this show last night that's how I think Millennials are right someone I was wearing the exact same thing you know I'm on the way so nice stain on my shirt so I was wearing the exact same thing I went on Twitter and someone wrote you know, bill

burr

last night he dressed like an out of shape jerry seinfeld what's up yeah i wrote but i can't say what i wrote i realize you did it and something yeah it's like why don't you interrupt me when? you