Biden Delivers A Feisty, Fiery, Heated State Of The Union Speech | Stephen Colbert’s LIVE Monolog…

thank you my friends thank you my friends thank you ladies and gentlemen thank you one thank you all up here there around the world Welcome to The Late Show I'm your host stepen colar and ladies and gentlemen as you can see right there there we couldn't put that if it weren't true we're

live

tonight and oh yeah and Joe Biden is too more importantly we're awake thanks to our sponsor too much caffeine too much caffeine we've got the shakes now in tonight's

speech

Critics said Biden's State of the Union challenge was dispel the old Vibe. Actually in Congress it's a little hard to fight the old Vibe when you're speaking in a room that looks like an open casket convention.

Well tonight Joe Biden Joe Biden de

live

red uh. what has been described in the press so far as a

fiery

,

fiery

Supreme Crunch Wrap. Sorry, it's too late and I'm hungry before the big

speech

Biden huddled at Camp David with six of his closest advisers, including Mike Donellan. the aide who best understands Mr. Biden's voice, it's very important that his advisors have to understand his voice because he starts here and then he comes here and tells you he's not kidding, he's not kidding, folks, that's number one, number one. two, he likes to make lists. Two things, it was a bit of a tense night because it looks like this could be the last time we have a

state

of the

union

, depending on what happens in November of next year, it could just be a Kid Rock concert and a catapult of immigrants in the media.

I hope not, but the media spent the day trying to get a peak into Biden's mental

state

. Politico got the big scoop that the president ate chicken parm for lunch and then spoke for an hour. When I eat chicken parm, I clear my calendar for the 24 hours and dim the lights no, I hear you out there I hear you asking you saying Steve, if there was anyone thirsty in the audience, the answer is yes, because thanks to the rules that give access to the floor to former members of Congress, George Santos attended the State of the Union.

You can't just go back to your old job like you never left it unless you're John Stewart. Keep it up John, you're crushing it now. On the Democratic side Democrats were white on the Republican side. They were white um before the president's arrival uh there members of the Supreme Court showed up curiously Justice Clarence Thomas did not attend yes, it's good to know that he is willing to recuse himself from something so, in the big moment of the president's entrance, he It took his damn time to get it. down the aisle and as the president made his way, the crowd chanted more years, four more years of walking to the podium, it's too late, just leave, then he finally reached the podium where House Speaker Mike Johnson had the privilege of being next to the vice president.

Kamla Harris and because he was so close to a woman, his son got an alert on his phone, I don't know what I'm saying, the president began by invoking history in January of 1941. Franklin Roosevelt came to this chamber to speak before the nation and said Hello Joe Joe talked about the war in Ukraine and introduced the latest member of the NATO alliance and today we have made NATO stronger than ever this morning Sweden officially joined and their minister is here tonight Biden touted his economic history and I adopted an optimistic tone. I came into office determined to help us get through one of the most difficult periods in the nation's history.

It's not news, but it's news in a thousand cities and towns, the American people are writing the greatest comeback story ever told and in one city, an American wrote the greatest love story ever told, it's called that's me now featuring JLo working on something called Heart Factory and after Malone and J Fonda interpret the signs of the zodiac I won't accept I won't answer questions right now but I have so many questions Biden emphasized that he has faith in America. I tell the American people that when America is knocked down, we get up, yes, we get knocked down, but we get up again.

They will never keep us down. We need a drink of whiskey we take a drink AA we take a drink of cider we take a drink logger because this speech is very long and alcohol makes it more fun drink drink we take a drink of whiskey we take a drink logger Biden took aim at the high prices of alcohol American prescription drugs pay more for prescription drugs than anywhere in the world, it's wrong and I'll end it, it's fantastic, they should definitely make it cheaper to buy whatever amphetamine they shaved on top of Joe's chicken leg before he gave the speech, then Joe Biden addressed the inflation contraction in fact. snack companies think you won't notice if they change the size of the bag and put a lot less bags of the same size, they put less chips in it, no, I'm not kidding, it's called shredding, putting Joe's right, for example Not Doritos.

Its price has not changed, but the bags have gone from 9.76 o to 2.5 o, which translates into five less chips, burn it all, we will hunt you, don't mess with my Doritos, we will hunt you to the ends of Po Ranch and we will have our flavor. Damn Revenge, you've led us to the Dorito Crazies, there you go, thank you citizen, everyone is angry about inflation, even Cookie Monster recently tweeted at me, I hate inflation, cookies are getting smaller, it's true , affects everyone on the street. Big Bird is just a bird now, which is why tonight Biden touted a new task force to take on unfair and illegal corporate pricing, which means we'll finally crack down on all the convenience stores selling Arizona tea for more than a dollar, says 99 cents right on the can, burns live fun. show, then Joe remembered a commercial that maybe exists, everyone probably saw that commercial on Snickers bars, they charge them the same amount and they got, I don't know, 10% less Snickers in it, you're right, I can't tell you how many times.

I opened a Snickers bar and there's only one Snickers bar there. It is unacceptable. It has to stop. Where is my gallows? Biden also took on our economic rival China. I made sure that the most advanced American technology cannot be used in China. you hear China you won't get KFC to keep the technology Biden also gave a stern warning about AI take advantage of the promise of AI to protect us from danger ban AI voice spoofings and more actually ban AI voice spoofings AI that's not what he said on the radio this afternoon Jim play it I love AI's voice he imitates me the real Joe Biden marrying Jill licks the ice cream Love Train choo choo I think that's what he said that's what I heard I just heard it finally time for Biden's closing remarks my Life has taught me to embrace freedom and democracy a future based on the fundamental values ​​that defined America honesty decency dignity equality respect everyone give everyone a fair deal give no hate no safe harbor now other people my age see it differently the american story of resentment vengeance and retribution that's not me yeah other people your age see a different story it's called Yellowstone they love that show and it ended strong with an inspiring message about America's days to come.

I see a future, we defend democracy, don't belittle it, I see. a future where we restore the right to choose and protect our freedoms, not take them away. I see a future where the middle class finally gets a fair shot and the rich have to pay their fair share in taxes. I see a future where we save the planet. about the climate crisis and our country, about gun violence, above all, I see a future for All America the last time an old man passionately told us that he wanted to take us to the future future Marty McFly invented rock and roll get into Joe Biden Del Lawy at America Great Scotch we have a great show tonight and it's live live.

My guest is John Dickerson, the one we come back to is meanwhile live live.