Barbigerous Harbinger of Exuberance - David Mitchell on Would I Lie to You?

had you done more? Had you also made the bed and fluffed the pillows? I mean... How far is it? You've followed the wrong order of all this. Then the doorbell rings: "Here's your pizza." "Oh, it's you!!. 'Hello friend. Em... Here it is: extra peperami. There's the money. You give him the tip. I haven't given him the notice yet. - Mmmmm The advice happens later. He I give... I give how much... Oh my God, I want you to come to my room and then... **Laughs** There might be some advice for you **Laughs** Um - uh - no, I'll get to. the door quite annoying.

I think it possibly has... two or three random pieces of wood. **Laughs** - Em - Yes. And I say: "Look, I'm really sorry, but could you help me with something?" . - Ha ha! "For a moment, I'm trying to assemble a piece of furniture." - Okay. "And... and I just need someone to hold the other end while I... push something." I can't guarantee those were my exact words. This is Claire and she's my dentist... - Oh, yeah. Whose earring I accidentally swallowed... in the middle of the procedure. Okay. what was the procedure? Uh... it was... ...a dental procedure. **Laughs** No, actually it was... it was a cleansing.

Not polish, but clean. I... I won't brush my teeth... ...myself. **Laughs** So you pay him... at a dentist's rate to do the work of a hygienist. I want an expert. Yes. I have a neurosurgeon clean behind my ears. **Laughs** What made him... suddenly fall? Because that just doesn't happen. Did you grab her in terror? Eh, no, I didn't. No. No... no, I'm afraid. Hey. **Laughs** You... make me look so sexy! **Laughs** No. I think it was just...just gravity. - Something has to prick your ears... - Yes. Oh David... - Didn't you? **Laughs** Oh my God, man!

You can't blame the novocaine. You knew what you were doing. **Laughs** So, you're... lying... Yes. in the dentist's chair or the hygienist's chair. Yes. And... she leans over you to use the cleaning device... Yes. It's hard to swallow... even the liquid when the hygienist is uh... working on your mouth. Mmm-mmm. How did you manage to swallow... an earring? Well, I didn't try! It was just... (makes noise while swallowing) And I felt it just a little... So, no, no, you didn't swallow at that moment? I didn't feel anything other than a kind of... no, I didn't say Oooh -em -emm. **Laughs** Then you swallow the earring.

Will you get the earring back? And give it to Claire on your next date? - Good question. Did it ever get to Claire? She did not do it. She did it ...? I'm sorry I wasn't prepared to do that. Were you... were you sitting on the bathroom at some point and there was some sort of final...? - Ping. ...a clear clinking sound when metal hits porcelain? No - I think it must have been deeply rooted in... **Laughs** - When you... - Oh my God, give us a minute! **Laughs** It must have come out, you know, halfway through the record. - Yes. **Laughs** At least you could have used it for a very unusual game of pass the parcel. **Laughs** Is... is it unusual...?

Is unusual...? What adjective do you want to use? - The correct word? Unusual is probably not a strong enough word. Sorry kids, the clowns canceled. But there's better news....David has brought his little thing to try...Stop the music! (Imitates a child's cry) 'I don't even want the earring! **Laughing continues** I have yet to work up the courage to make a contactless card payment. I considered it once... but decided that full PIN entry was the most secure method. **Laughs** Team Lee: What do you think of that? What are you afraid of David? Well, it's a security risk, right?

Why is it a security risk? Well, because you don't have to enter your pin. The only security that's relevant... is that you know it's you. If you know it's fine... no contact and the pin is the same. Who among us... can be sure... of who we really are? **Laughs** Where did you consider using it, David? Where..? That..? I've considered it a few times in some places because sometimes people suggest it... ...which I think is pretty daring. **Laughs** You know, I... you know, they suggest... "Oh, I'm sorry, shall I keep you?" You know, you don't have time for me to enter... ...four digits right now. **Laughs** Do you have an Oyster card?

Eh yes. Ah, so you're happy with contactless technology. If the Oyster card gave you the option to put in a pin, I

would

be all for it. But that... had never been organized like this. And I'm not weird enough... to go to Oyster headquarters and ask them to issue me a high-security Oyster card... ...especially for me. It's very difficult to get into Oyster HQ, isn't it? -Yeah. You have to get a knife and open it. **Laughs** Well, you have... ...you have to pass Pearl at the reception! **Laughter and applause** Let's go! Have you ever used it then?

Have you ever used it? Um... Ha ha ha. I still have to find the courage, so no! Have you got a mobile phone? I have a mobile phone. Would you ever use Apple Pay? That... we can't call it that. Orange - well - we can't do it. They are also a company. Would you ever use and pay? Would you ever use your mobile phone? **Laughs** You can because sometimes I do that. I'm really happy to get my phone out... at M&S ​​and I feel pretty... ...great. I put up with it... and he pays for it.

Do you want receipt? No! No, no... I have never paid for something like this. Have you never paid anything with Apple Pay? - No. What are you talking about? Did you just get a new...? Has ...? Are you starting some new announcements that we don't know about Rob? **Laughs** Alright, what do you think? What do we think? I'm... I'm really scared, so... Are you afraid of...? I empathize with that so...yeah, why not? - Yes, Ok. It seems so obvious that he. - You have to bet on a truth. I think he fears it... yes. Ok, you're saying it's true.

David ...? You fear contactless payment. True or false? In fact it's... ...a lie. Oh, he loves it! **Applause** Hey, this is Ben...and he took me to my first soccer game. And then I was disappointed... when I fell asleep a little in the second half. When was this? This was last season. Oh! He already has all the words 'right? **Laughs** He's been training for this one. I have... The last season! What was the match? Uh... it was... uh... association football. **Laughs** And it was - uh - between Tottenham Hotspur... - Yes. And helmet. And who won? Hey, Tottenham Hotspur.

How did you know? I went to it. **Laughs** Where... where was it played? In Tottenham or in Hull? In Tottenham. Do you remember the name of the land? Hey... What if I could? Would that make this definitely true? Emmm - I'm not willing to say how I feel about it... ...until you've said it. Well, I'm not about to say how I feel about anything, but I'm British! **Laughs** Um.... Um, yeah, it was in... it was in White Hart Lane. Audience: Wow! **Applause** Thank you. Yes, I have a research team. **Laughs** Do you remember the color of the kits?

Let's say... One team was dressed in white... and the other team... was not. **Laughs** What color was the goalkeeper wearing? Green. All over. With a tricol hat. **Laughs** As... as I remember. So how do you know Ben? He...uh...he was at school with me. Okay and uh... If you don't like football... why

would

you have gone? Em-I'm an idiot. No - I like - uh - um... No - I was about to say that I like to experience new things. No, i do not do it! **Laughs** I get bullied into trying new things under peer pressure.

He said: "You're always badmouthing football. Why don't you come? The atmosphere will be fantastic. You might like it quite a bit and then maybe... just maybe... you'll shut up for a while." Who were you... who were you there to support? Ah, well, vaguely... he's... a... uh... he's a Spurs fan. That's the... butter. -Right **Laughs** I was...generally speaking I was...you know, hoping his team would win. - Do you remember the score? I think there was a goal. To Tottenham Hotspurs? Exactly and it was based on that... that victory was declared his. **Laughs** **Applause** Lee: I'm going to...

Go back to the studio with you. **Laughs** Did you play soccer like...? I know you don't play it professionally but... Yeah, I had to play it a little bit. At school? Yes...I hated it...completely. But they usually made me vaguely defensive. - Oh. So I would just stand there coldly. Some of the bigger boys run towards you. They would pass me... in the goal. Then come back to the middle and you have a little bit of a break. **Laughs** What time was the chess club supposed to start? And even then I wasn't very good at chess, you know.

Actually? Yes, a pathetic physical specimen and intellectually... not so creative either. **Laughs** You know. But... thanks to the way the media selects people to highlight... HERE I AM! **Laughter and applause** - Ok. Hey guys, good luck! I just wanted to say... You're heading to the Euros and I hope you make it to the end. And may you bring it home to Wales. Well, you say that, but obviously England are going to win. That's not very nice, is it? David, help me here. I... don't really care about football. Good luck! Song: 'You lift me up'. Well done boy.

Well done! The song continues: "You lift me up."