Awkward Massage | Michael McIntyre Stand Up Comedy

You'd realize how much you know how much this is the best part of my day. I basically sit in wait. I've been touring all over the country for years. It's great to be home. I live in London, obviously, and I was in this all the time. Hotels and hotels you think are fun, but wait, many hotels literally had the most likely embarrassing experience. I have had pity. Let's check into this hotel. Woman at the reception. Fast. Nice. Thank you. Very pretty. I see that the eyelashes seem to be flirting. I came in hello hello she had an accident I don't know where she was from she was from somewhere else oh I came in with all my bad are you registering?

It's always a strange question, isn't it when you walk into a hotel? For the first time with all your suitcases, no, I'm pole vaulting, is that wrong? Can I take your name, please, can I take your name? I guess it's McIntyre McIntyre, it's Michael Michael, yeah, you're coming to town, okay, you're with us for just one night, yeah, just one, I'm with you, just one night, not with you, you under

stand

, I'm at the hotel in the morning, I'm not fine, thank you. I'll be fine it won't be fine without thanks to you we would like to be woken up and we asked her why we calm down no it doesn't suit me I'll be fine thank you thank you so she asked me which I guess is a normal question because it was just me for one night How many keys did you want for the room?

I mean, do you want to, idiot? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what did you say? Do you want a K? Do we want a key? The one included in the wake-up call, isn't it? I'll give you a key anyway, I mean, the keys work fine, we all have keys, we're going home tonight, we'll use the key to get into our house, but all these hotels they give you these like key cards, kind of of plastic parts you work like 50% of the time you go to the room in this from red to red red to red red to red something has been my whole slip stage I don't want to go back to the reception sometimes it turns green and then you get your suitcases, let's go again, they always come, examine my new home a little, what it will be like, you know, walking through certain aspects of photography depresses me a lot.

Tea and coffee making facilities, that's a low point isn't it? trying Viking Italian coffee customize it with your mini kettle What's up? It is one of the most boring moments in life. You have to take your mini kettle to the bathroom. You should never fill cattle in the bath and then take them there. You put it below. tap on the right, fill it completely with water and then to go down you have to empty all the water, I'll go through that for now, then I have to resort to the bar, it's a very depressing situation and those mini milks with those little UHT milks. that's like a magic trick, no matter how much UHT milk you put in a coffee, it will never change color, the white liquid lands in the coffee and then disappears, it only uses 13 mini milks.

I still have a black coffee liquid, it's not. even going up, but the cookie is not very exciting because it is free. I eat the cookie as soon as I see it. I don't know why I'm so attracted to a free shortbread cookie. I don't even eat shortbread at home if I walk. in a hotel this short way just drop the wrapper you're not at home now you live in an empty empty empty empty there's a bible make the bed so you can pray to isn't great home in your beds by applause web have a duvet duvet people reveal who doesn't have a duvet, one person is fine in each hotel room.

I turn, I'm tied to the sheets, so I'm going to make a nice white brown on top. Aniki, give me a hand. They have been so tight that when you put on. caught as soon as we enter mr. MacIntyre we will reach your age just sit down and eat the shortbread cookies. I'm giving up the Bible, save God for me, her and the things you think you need in hotels, oh my God, sewing kits, sewing kits, they were joking, but I was showing. You know, I'm waiting to book, but tonight's hotel will be quick, this weekend we'll catch up on our tailoring.

Our thoughts have some black companies sleeping on the outside of their sheets. It's a night of partying. You forgot your toothpaste and the hotel they give you. enough toothpaste for one tooth, thank you for your generosity, that and the bathroom, oh my goodness it's amazing, the more expensive the hotel you stay in, there will literally be lotions, potions and bottles for things you didn't even know about that existed, bottles everywhere, but the cheaper the hotel will be. like a bottle but it claims to be everything oh the shampoo conditioner body wash shaving cream toothpaste without milk I'm traveling to my coffee house and inappropriate slices please you drive me crazy you get out of the shower and there are like 15 gels to make you every time smallest and The smallest message does not surround the human body, what is the point of a message that does not surround a human being.

Sometimes they just use the mat, at least this fits. People have to open the site that tends to be the International. a solution for the short trip to the city, leave that open and go out complaining to my wife look at these channels that didn't go all the way gentlemen, can you believe this? Just hurry, we'll be late anyway once I have the sewing kit and sewed all the towels to make a huge city lying on the outside of my sheets in my huge city recently reading Genesis drinking black coffee burning reception I think I'm ready to that key now if you want this is a pretty big gig and it's been in the works for a few weeks and a few weeks ago I was gutted staying at this hotel.

I told my wife. I told him vacation. Stinks. People come in. Let me in. He has me ready to give you. It'll kill me, I'm massively outnumbered, she said, well why don't you come down and get a

massage

at the hotel? You don't even cook the sidewalk for me. She was very relaxing there, very beneficial, so I went down to the spa and said that. My wife says maybe I need a

massage

because I'm pretty stressed. Oh yes, you called the right place, just put the robe from the closet on your slippers and go down to the spa in the basement.

Now it will be. stressed beforehand I was certainly stressed after I got lost and walked into a conference on my Jessica, let's see more, can you commit a ticket? The funny lady does this before, where they got really relaxed, you know, it's always aromatherapy oils, they can barely talk this, hello, my wife all of a sudden. It fell into my heart. I recommend it. I think the best thing you can do when you're feeling really stressed is a full body massage so that the thickness of the room has candles burning and the sound of waves crashing against the shore.

A room of therapists that fills the eyes. stick your head in this kind of stuff that doesn't work, you don't have sneakers so you're lying, you hit something that leaks and then what happened? This is a strange woman who rubs dirt on your body for an hour because of evolution there are several natural reactions to this fighting those natural impulses for an hour is without a doubt the least relaxing time Fahrenheit I went there to de-stress not okay she she massaged your back on your shoulders and then she dropped your arm and disarms well then she just your leg going to hands up your leg is the ball this is the kind of distance we're talking about also she is the last two nails before we head towards mr.

McIntyre you're going to need you to give me a couple of minutes at least they see that each part of your body except the key many walk addendum hello honey how come today is your birthday so next month the peseta mentions that it's you? At home I can't

stand

it, no, come on, kindergarten will get the benefits of massage, but you know, it's really difficult, simple, why don't you get a head, neck and shoulder massage? So I thought it was okay, so I tried that too. I thought behind, you know. who takes care of that this is a kind of barrier that no one is making for me she says a kind of setup you know the candles burn my head in that thing the aromatherapy oils fill the atmosphere the sound of the waves crashing on the shore she massages my neck and shoulders I'm feeling the benefits of the massage and then she was dead on my arm.

I stopped doing my hands again. She simply asked innocently. I'm sorry. I thought you did it. I didn't realize you did that.