Angry Video Game Nerd - Season 5 (AVGN Full Season Five)

vacuum cleaners on the street not much to say I've lost all hope 52

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s probably all suck. I can think of some pretty bad

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s like Little Red Hood, which is a horrible game, but at least it's a horrible game, no 52 you know it's more fun than playing action 52 52 collect cards, you know how to play, collect the cards Desert Storm #36 Oh, another title screen, so you're an army tank shooting at other army tanks that turn out to be pink. Besides, there is no way to die. Anything you touch will explode. Those pink tanks are what the heck is a giant Saddam Hussein?

Did they climb the scale that bad? Soldiers are not giants. So why Saddam now? I'm getting tired of this, can someone at least try to kill me? hey, come here, pause and select get me out of here, well at least we're in the home stretch, the third and final screen of the menu, another thing that gets incredibly annoying every time you die or restart. I have to go back to the first menu every time, so it's hard to follow where you left off. Number 37, Mash Man, well Mash Man looks like a buzz in clothes jumping over eyeballs in front of Legoland, haha, next game number 38, they came. came from where from space no that can't be Oh next issue 39 Laser League well I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z because that's how you say it, by the way you don't say laser, 2d horizontal space shooter, next number 40 Billy Bob this is different it's like Indiana Jones except it's Billy Bob.

I'm a little surprised that this game has smooth animation here of course I should have learned in action 52 you can't jump you will hit the air so hard you will die. you can't jump to the leg or that doesn't work and if you stay there for too long you die, so how do you overcome? I don't know the second screen of the game and it is a dead end number 41 city of doom. You're climbing the tallest building in the world while tenants throw bowling balls at you. That's all. It goes on and on and on. How tall is this building?

It must lead to outer space. Oh no, please, not space number 42, pieces. Oh monster game you're a guy in a graveyard jumping on monsters that's it you jump and jump and jump you know an attack will be good or how about a health bar about something like a normal game what were they thinking number 43 beeps and signs you are a shape shooting other shapes what are these sprites rejected from other

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games together? number 44 Manchester a guy jumping on music boxes punching in the air I don't get it boss number 45 who would think boss means a running frog? out there with a gun being ambushed by falling bombs that's what they should have called bombs there's no way to avoid them if you go too early the bomb hits you if you go too late the next one hits you Dead end number 46 you're an ant trying to do than other ants dead ants like Pink Panther or dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant but if the ants reach the end of the screen, you can only move left and right which makes this ant different from the rest oh it's pink and anything pink in this game sucks number 47 hambo a pig version of Rambo no, that would have been too clever, it's just a guy jumping eight balls or trying to jump on this horse, how did they get up?

Jump and control so bad. Have programmers ever played another

video

game moving on Time Warp number 48? You are a couple of fingers on a chessboard terrain with upside-down doors. What kind of drugs were they taking? Was this game even made by a human? being time when you kill things it says time, what does that mean? time to play another game number 49 puzzle crashed oh thank god next game number 50 ninja assault another hit it if you even call it that no strategy just push the buttons number 51 Robbie. the robot looks more like Robbie, the sunglasses, in a blue dress resembling Bart Simpson, guess how this game works, you move to the right and shoot, that's it, nothing can stop you, you can literally play this game with eyes closed until the second level, when there are holes, now you're screwed.

I can't believe they sold this festival for $199, that's about what a video game console costs. You could take $199, stand on a bridge, and throw it all away. I'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken, dysfunctional mess of video game programming with games that crash horribly jump controls random characters microscopic goblins a marathon of mediocre space shooters that die in mid-air problems with proportions misleading titles misleading power-ups embarrassing inducing weapons seizures backgrounds lack of enemies games you can't win games you can't lose games that don't make any sense shitty graphics shitty music shitty menus and a bunch of other stuff it should have been illegal for them to sell this stick and a bunch of rot for any price , I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude.

Could they have tried to make one good game instead of 50 horrible games? Quality over quantity, that's our lesson here, well there's one game left so he has one last chance to redeem himself could this be the one that all the effort was put into? Could there be a cherry on top of this ice cream? We can only hope that in the last episode we saw the masterpieces that is action 52 now we are seeing the latest game number 52 cheetahmen this is like the feature presentations there is a comic that comes with the game and plans for a whole line of figures of action and cheetahmen products, they must have dedicated all their attention to this game, so this one has to be good, right? rust, well come on it's not as bad as the other games, for starters it actually has a story, the action game master was at home playing his video game when suddenly an arm came out of the TV and pulled him in, look at the gonads when he looked up and saw three giant yellow bodies it was the cheetah man oh really he started to explain that the cheetah men told him about the enemies here in the game world don't worry we will fight for you , the cheetah men fled and now the cheetah men.

The type of story is that the cheetah men are fighting over a player who was absorbed into television who we never refer to again, what is this? A crotch thief, yes he steals your crotch, oh yes the enemies in this game are so inspired that they even resort to recycling characters. from other 52 action games like boob lady and Saddam Hussein dude, think about it, a giant cheetah jumping on Saddam Hussein, wow, I never thought I'd see that's weird, every time you hit someone the music stops for a brief moment in regarding the game. There's not much to say, just move to the right and kill everything in sight.

What the hell can't I upload? I can't go to the right either. Oh, you have to go right before you can go up. That makes a lot of sense only because the screen didn't move at all now, what is this? I can't get through a hole even though I'm as high up as the game allows, if you could only get through the hole from below why is there such a big gap above? not to mention why the cheetah couldn't fall down the hole instead of exploding into the 4 glowing orbs. Oh, and guess how the level ends like that?

It just stops. What else are you waiting for? Welcome to the most impressive fails. I'm jumping. perpetually in the air, yes, I could do this all day, that's no problem. Oh, what I passed at the top of the screen came out at the bottom and I died. You could say it's my fault for cheating, but come on, when I fall, I don't fall. Go through the ceiling and live, also there are more enemies in the air than on the ground, so I don't recommend it at level three, you are a different cheetah man, this is where the game starts to get difficult, first of all, die everything whatever is needed.

It's a few hits then, because this big tub is such a big target that you can't duck either, so there's not much you can do to avoid all these projectiles, the jumping problem only takes you so far, don't expect a minute, 1 up and it jumps me to the next level. Ah, life is great sometimes, but here's the strange part. The next level is supposed to be four, but it's called three, so there are two level threes. It starts with this weird disco strobe light with Tetris blocks. That's what it's about and what it's about, I help a lot.

I have a health bar suddenly. Well, that's convenient. I don't know why it's not in the other levels and now the jump bug doesn't work anymore. The rules for jumping change levels. For leveling, the main reason it's so hard is because you run faster than the screen, so you're always taking damage from enemies you can't see until it's too late. I mean, look how far to the right I am. Oh, you have a back move. and forward just to orient the screen correctly Rhino man here or Rocksteady whoever it is, he kills you in one hit, it doesn't matter how much help you have, run towards him and you're dead, the only way to beat them is to very slowly go up and as soon as appears, you run all the way to the left, if you're a little late you're dead, then you have to make very subtle taps with the d-pad to look to the right. and a small step forward just enough so that he can't touch you.

It's like the only way to win this game is to cheat. I guess that's why it's called Cheetamen. We are now at level 4, which is actually 5. This time you get a cheetah. who shoots arrows with a crossbow you think that would make it easier but no the arrows never hit anything they are too small and you can only shoot one at a time no matter how careful you are enemies will always sneak in one hit before that you can kill them because of the way the health bar disappeared again, but the formula is the same three or four hits and you're dead and I die with the first three or four enemies Wow, the nuggets that made this game thought that They were going to make action figures and it was going to be the best option, the Ninja Turtles, well, that's the end of Action 52, but they made a sequel to Cheetahmen, oh yeah, you know, with a bad game sometimes you wonder How could it have reached the stores.

Well, this is a case where the horror was so unspeakable that the game was never released. The cartridges were taken to a warehouse where they remained for years. They should never have been played. Then, in the late 90s, a massive theft occurred. The cartridges were discovered and became valuable collector's items. This is a true story, except the real story was probably a little less dramatic in that only 1,500 of these games are known to exist and they command outrageous prices on eBay. I don't know if I should consider it. I'm lucky or not, but here is the unholy grail of gaming.

Would you believe this game is so bad that it doesn't even have its own cartridge? They recycled the same plastic case from Action 52 and put a Cheetahmen 2 sticker on the back. Enter this golden shit and try it. The plot involves a doctor Morbus creating an eighth man to fight the cheetahs. At least it explains who the villains are this time and there's no mention of the stupid Game Master. The gameplay and graphics are similar. the first cheetamen and reuse the same music jeez at least try to do something different if they made cheetahmen versus chester Cheetah that would be mother's ass the only original thing about this game is that you shoot tornadoes with the crossbow, yes, next time there is a tornado razing the city just shoot it with an arrow at least there is a health meter this time but how many hit points do I have? half and two and a half the glitches are out of control the blocks randomly change color there is a stone nugget that keeps appearing out of nowhere and what is the game taking 8 bits do you think they would have fixed all the defects and improved all the mistakes made the first time, but no, somehow, they actually made it worse like rubbing salt on an open wound. die by jumping, yeah if you walk and fall you're fine, but you jump from a high height, oh come on I can't land on that thing so why is it there?

The biggest problem is not being able to dock, could you? I also didn't crouch in the first game, but here 90% of your enemies are on the ground, that's a major problem. I still can't accept this fact, so I always hope in vain that if I push hard enough, sometimes he will duck. Enemies come in pairs, you can't even jump, they can't hit me here. Let's see, again, you can't even stand above enemies. The only enemies that are not on the ground are in the air. You can't jump, you can't crouch, and you can't even shoot with a straight shot.

You have to perform a difficult jump shot, but the enemies appear so fast that you don't have time. The second level boss, on the other hand, is too easy. all he does is run to the right he never jumps never throws anything he never changes his pattern he just runs in the same direction until he dies level 3 is the big trick again since all the enemies are stationed on the ground thejump problem actually works favorably this time but I don't feel bad about it, you know what won all this, you put me in the first two levels, now it's my turn, yeah, you want to play the idiot, well, double idiot with you, pig, son of a motherless goat, level 3, both games have two levels three, how did they repeat the same mistake twice?

Maybe it was intentional now it's man eight's time. Oh, get your head out of my crotch, monkey, ah, you won't catch me this time, motherfucker. monkey, come back here cookie, where did he go, he won't come back, oh man, okay, so can I jump up and kill myself? No, no, this time, when I need it, this is limbo, this is purgatory, the only thing I can do now is restart the game, this time you won't escape, well, at least I won the game, I got as far as I can possible before it came out, this is where I would end things, but there is another Cheetahmen game, yes, action 52 on. genesis they just couldn't leave it like that, you might think it would be the same as the NES version except for the improved graphics, but believe it or not, it's totally different, so before we can move on to the latest Cheetahmen game, let's take a look ?

Quickly look at what they shout out this time the music is so Genesis, it's a good thing we have outer space on the title screen. I mean, at least they're being honest this time, look at me, I'm shooting vomit strains in space. talent, but to tell you the truth, there aren't many space shooters, there are only about six, it's surprising that they probably make up for it with the abundance of puzzles. games There's nothing wrong with something that challenges your mind, but this one in an exaggerated way is call action 52. I want some action plus, if you're going to make a puzzle game, can you at least have some instructions?

There is a game called echo which is basically Simon Says. Come on, that thing was in every toy store in the '80s. Did we really need a watered down version on a Sega Genesis cartridge? There's definitely more variety here than on the NES. There's a pinball game, a boat game, a ski game and a handful. of different action games, but they are all shit or clones of mediocre NES titles. There is a flying game that is worse than Top Gun and there is a racing game that is a worse or rad racer version. There is also a tank game based on Storm over the desert.

Remember. in the NES version you are invincible and everything you touch explodes well here it is the opposite you can't even touch a soldier what kind of tank is that then there are games that are too easy an alien attack if you keep running to the right and shoot nothing will stop you in ninja game. You can actually blast everyone through with bombs. You are running through a village avoiding bombs, but they will never hit you as long as you keep moving. You can also jump as if you were in a. trampoline look at it, it jumps higher than the houses and there is nothing to jump no holes or obstacles nothing at all there is also a boxing game where the same thing happens have you ever seen a boxing match where someone jumped let alone 10 20 feet deep? the air another issue that I have noticed is roadkill there is a game called freeway that is an exact clone of an Activision game called freeway they don't even change the title instead of a chicken running down the street you are a dog that is horrible to the poor dog They don't just run him over, they smash him to pieces, the other run over game is skater, you're a kid on skates jumping 50 feet in the air of course, and most of the obstacles are dead cats, at least I'm pretty sure.

They are dead, why else would there be a cat lying on the road? Tell me if you're programming a video game and you can choose from all the things that could be on the road, like mufflers, puddles of oil, traffic cones, hubcaps, falling trash cans. open pits of all the things you could put there why does your imagination go straight to dead cats? The names of these games are as baffling as before. The tank game is called Norman is Norman, the name of the guy on the tank, then there's Sunday Drive, yeah. just kicking back, taking a nice relaxing Sunday drive, speeding through traffic at a hundred miles an hour on a

five

lane highway, there's no accelerator, all you get is a horn that does nothing, oh look, say the deck on the next outing again and again. and again for a non-existent outing it sure has a lot of signs, this time there are a lot more two player games so if you're playing alone it's just more games you can skip.

Dino Tennis is pretty fun, although your two dinosaurs hitting a caveman back and forth and a purple dinosaur we don't really have Barney, isn't that enough? They recycle the same grunting and screaming sound effects countless times, even the spaceship screams, they must have been really hard to come up with ideas to fill. 52 games, this one called Appleseed is just an old apple catching game, hey my damn apples will come out of the tree so fast they murder, then there's this shitty drawing game, yeah try drawing with the d-pad. Game number 51 is called the first game, it seems like a contradiction.

Why isn't it game number 51? Guess what pong is. This blows my mind on so many levels. First of all, just the fact that they had to use a pong that filled one in the second game. That pong even exists on Sega Genesis and thirdly, the game. first game as if it were the first video game ever created, that's debatable. The Odyssey came out the same year and it's been in the works since the '60s and before that there was a space war and if you really want to go back there are those old games made out of radar equipment like tennis for two, so that's it. which they got for game 51, since for game 52 there is none, it's just a test of the harder levels of the other games, so technically it shouldn't even be called action 52, there are only 50 games, but at least they all work only once i had a game crash and it worked after restarting the genesis so being able to play all the games is more than can be said for the nes version as far as games with identical titles they are all different and improved from their NES counterparts in who you can jump better in a dead end, your aunt can move up and down and there is blood in sharks, so let's move on to Cheetamen so I can clean my hands on this. action 52 for some reason this time it's game number 13.

I guess they realized there's no point in saving it until the end because it's just as bad as all the other games. This time there is no story, no explanation, no introduction, just the title screen and then it takes you directly to the game. Is this the 16-bit badass version of Cheetamen? We expect the background to look like wallpaper in a baby's room and the music, well, just listen, it sounds like something you'd hear if someone slipped on a banana. peeling even the NES music was better one hit kills aren't that cool how do I keep dying in the same part?

I know you will come I know you will come it is because you escape from the screen why will it be like this? What about the hits? When you tap the button just once, it delivers two or three hits. You can only hit while standing and if your timing isn't perfect, it leaves you vulnerable. Well, I reached the end of the screen. I guess my only guess is that you're supposed to collect all of these cheetah icons. I mean, who knows, it's not like the game gives you instructions. Oh, and after you die, just once, all the icons come back, so you can restart too.

Oh, getting. On these vines it's such oh and look, am I on the vine or what? I'm not going to let that thing kill me this time oh there's a look back at this situation yeah I can't even get past the first level and I'm trying my hardest oh my god I don't think so I just can't believe this to be even less playable than a TS version. You think by now they would have come back down to earth and gotten screwed, but you know what the really good news is that I've done with Action 52. Don't hate it when that happens.

You will be playing a game and suddenly it starts to crash. Oh come on, Metal Gear is out now. You blow the game, you move it, you use different consoles but it still doesn't work. You know, when this happens, that means there's something inside your game, something that wants to reduce the graphics to a hodgepodge of pixelated garbage. You're dealing with a gremlin game graphical glitch I'm going to slap you, you think I still can't play like your mom, try to change the game with you, but I can change, teach tonight, huh, and here we have the unexplored Iron Mike Tyson.

I just ironed his face, how do you like it? We'll call it Mike Tyson face, little guy, don't get off my game. Well, if you're going to ruin it, I like to do it. I'm kind of okay with Mitch. I almost wonder. if the problem is gremlin, how to deal with game companies to sell you all kinds of cleaning devices that you don't need, I mean would you really need this to clean a game? It's just as good for wiping your butt. I'll show you. how to clean them get a Q-tip put some cleaning solution at the end so you don't want too much you don't want too much moisture in the game keep it away and glitch gremlin disappears oh you are a real one I will come back yes of course some crashes may occur due to bugs programming and can be activated with a command, so for those who want to be a glitch gremlin, here is a trick you can try at home in Mega Man 2.

In the airman stage, make sure you are equipped with the element number 1. Now it's time to fight the airman, but instead, let's surprise him. Use item 1 to knock on the door and see what happens. Have you ever wondered what it would look like if the Airman and Dr. cunning stage part 2 got into a blender talking about Megaman I had a unique experience with the fifth game it happened a long time ago and I doubt it will happen again luckily I have the evidence on a VHS tape it was a long night and I was hell bent on finishing the game.

I reached one of the final bosses under normal circumstances. He should have been able to see the giant pieces flying out of the robot's body and been able to use them as platforms, but the glitch gremlin was playing dirty that night, he knew he had come too far and that there is no continuous code for this advanced stage of the robot. game. This was the first time he tried to beat Mega Man 5, so imagine my confusion when he kept getting hit by invisible objects. The platforms were invisible but appeared to be stationary on the robot, just an illusion, graphic dummies meant to fool me and sabotage the entire night's effort.

My only option was to restart the game, but I couldn't accept it, so I went ahead and kept jumping. blind air nine out of 10 times they hit me finally after a lot of patience I got the invisible pattern and was able to destroy the boss and that was a great moment in

nerd

history. He should get a gold medal. Sometimes games can be unpredictable Cheetahmen 2. is a great example where the entire game is a glitch, as already described in my Cheetahmen review, after beating the fourth level boss you are stuck in limbo , so there is no way to play the last two levels unless by a freak accident if a blue moon occurs.

In Fry xiii and all the planets align, the game will actually start in the missing levels. The frustrating part is that now I have no other option to play it, not that this will happen again, so it's like I have to sit down and play the two hardest to find and most mysterious levels in the history of video games and which is already one of the weirdest games out there, what a privilege, and guess what it is, yes, just like the rest of the game, both levels are called level three, so that's for levels three in total, the Final boss just run around, you stand there, beat him until he dies and after that, what happens?

You guessed it now, if I ever have to talk about action 52 and cheetamen again, I'll staple my ball sack to the ceiling. Double Dragon It was a game I played a lot. I used to find weird things all the time. If you touch the wall on the first level, you can turn into a human elevator and if you take the whip up there, you can do this, call them glitches or easter eggs, either. intentional or not, they can sometimes be useful, don't feel like fighting the boss at the end of stage two, well, don't walk away, he doesn't even try to follow you as if to say: "well, you're tired of fighting those men big and muscular." just go up the wall, he's like, oh, I'm not going up there, probably the most famous of all video game secrets is the warp zone and Super Mario Brothers.

At first it was mild fun when players discovered that you could break the blocks all the way to the top. on the roof, then came the moment of discovery when you discovered that you could reach above the roof. It wasn't that funny seeing Mario running in front of the scoreboard, but that was just the beginning if you passed the exit you ended up at. a warp zone where you can jump to different worlds, but then someone who had too much time on their hands discovered that if you break some of the blocks andyou perform a very specific jump you can slide through the wall this still takes you to the warp zone it's the same unless you don't walk too much if you jump to the first pipe right away it will take you to world -1 well it's just an underwater world that repeats itself in an endless loop.

There is also something interesting known as the double kill if you die with a hammer bro try pausing and resuming let's take a look at Mario 2 this game is very fun lifting enemies over your head and hitting each other it's cool what happened let's try it again. I love these power blocks. eliminate all living creatures cleverly, there's that classic trick where you go to that little dark world, grab one and wait for time to run out and now you have twice as many prisoners of war, it's doomsday for this place, no, the gravity, the destructive force, the power changes.

The blocking is so intense that the rest of the game can't support it. Turtle shells and different objects fly everywhere. What happened strange if a bomb falls to the ground? Hmm. I wonder where that bomb went. You know that annoying fan-shaped finger? that face that haunts you every time you get the key, don't you hate that thing? Didn't you always want to kill her? This is how you collect exactly four cherries and four vegetables, get the key, let the bastard chase you somewhere you can. get a time plug now get one more cherry to make the star up here and hurry up time is running out finally killed that ass face moving on to mario 3 yeah it could also be that the glitch gremlin generally stays away from this one yeah it's a little too

full

with demonic possessions, but still has some glitches that you can do yourself, like diving in the sand and walking in the air, as for Super Mario World, there is a good trick here to go to Chocolate Island 3 and reach the finish line instead of jumping like usual.

Yoshi in the air, the screen is still fixed on where Yoshi was and you can only see Mario's legs, but that's just the beginning. Wow, the stability of all the colors in this world depends on Mario and Yoshi making that jump correctly, for some reason players enjoy finding them. type of glitches maybe it's because we pride ourselves on finding glitches that the programmers overlooked or maybe it's just because we like to play outside the rules to explore well for the most daring. Of explorers, there's Mountain King on the Atari 2600 you're getting tired of the same old platforms and ladders, wouldn't you like to go to a whole new level of gaming?

Literally, by performing a very specific jump, you can launch the character higher than usual. You have to land in a very specific place, if you're one pixel away it doesn't work and sometimes it doesn't work anyway. You have to keep holding the joystick in the direction you are jumping and release it at the right time. welcome to glitch heaven a vast world without logic a place not only of sight and sound but also of mind by playing with all the switches on the Atari console you can make the layout change you can also connect different controllers to the second port such as the paddles or even keyboard, you can even try the ColecoVision or Sega Genesis controller.

It's like a mad scientist experiment. I tried for hours and still haven't been able to find everything. There have been reports of screen flickering, character changing size, and unknown strange objects. Will you be the next adventurer to discover the unexplored secrets of glitch heaven from the old days of gaming to the new? It seems that game glitches will always be present in Zelda Twilight Princess on Wii. I was jumping when I somehow got stuck on a roof. fortunately I didn't record it on the spot, but I tried to recreate it, it couldn't be done, let's play Rocky on the ps2, not you again, what happened to the audience, oh you, it's working now, oh wow, I've never done it made.

I've seen a game up to here. What time is it not going to crash? They are like zombies. What is this Rocky The Undead Edition? You really are sick. You know I'm going to try Clubber Lang. I don't wear any except for my spectacular finale. delight your eyes, it's clever, there are too many bad games to talk about one of them. I get a lot of requests for Zelda 2 The Adventure of Link, it really is a bad game. I thought it was pretty good, I mean look at it, it's gold. but it's kind of a mixed opinion some people love it some hate it with the first Zelda I think everyone agrees it's a masterpiece sure maybe there are some weird things in it I don't know why one of the mazes is shaped like a swastika or why the enemy names are so random, what is that called?

A rabbit's head is wrong. A polo voice. What's that? A mummy da doh. What's that? A ghost. Guinea. What's that? make this up all this comes straight from the manual what is that called? a snake is called a rope yes really, if you can't tell the difference between a snake and a rope you're in trouble, what is that, a bat, it's keys, what do they do? you call the keys, then bats, what is that at night?, a dark nut, well, then what is that?, a tiger councilman, a rock, what is that, a needle, a tektite? bodies in various forms occurring in Australia and other places are now believed to have been produced by the impact of meteorites on the Earth's surface yes or a spider, well let's move on to Zelda: it's been a while since I played this, is it Well? bad, let's get to the bottom of it and see how well it holds up today.

Well, the upper world sucks. Everything looks like a block link. It's very tiny and looks like a little gnarled green turd, but it also manages to be bigger than it. houses, how do you explain that when you enter the city? Does it shrink? Well, sure, how come Link always carried so many items with him? It's not important, it's a fantasy world where nothing makes sense. The most common generic criticism I've heard is. that the game is side-scrolling for the most part and none of the other Zelda games were like that. Think back to when it first came out, there were only two Zelda games, one was an overhead view and the other was mainly side-scrolling. there's no real standard but the annoying part is that you can't fight anything in the aerial view, these generic enemies appear out of nowhere and if they touch you it takes you to a short battle screen, this is a good opportunity to accumulate.

You have experience points, but most of the time you're just trying to get from place to place and you have to keep stopping to fight these bastards. Which enemies you fight and deal with depend on where you were caught, if you were caught. in a grassy field or in the middle of the forest, it's always different, you might get invaded by enemies or you might have it so easy it doesn't make sense, like here all I have to do is dodge these blurry buts and get out, it's It gets old quickly, but if you think about it, it's not as bad as Final Fantasy 6, which is three on Super Nintendo.

Here you can't even see what hits you that says random, but hey, that was a great game. I know many RPGs like that. but I guess that's not what most players expected from a Zelda game. There is no Ganon either or at least not until you die well. This is the only direct sequel to the original game. Zelda is in a sleeping spell and Ganon was killed and now supposedly turned into red ash. The other villains are trying to resurrect him using Link's blood in a similar way to the Dracula movies with the hammer where they always mix someone's blood with Dracula's ashes, so it's a little disappointing that the only time you see canon is when the game ends, not to mention what happens.

It looks like he might be holding his sword in a more suggestive position. The goal of the game is to go to cities, learn magic spells and go to palaces. In each palace you find a new item and defeat a boss. I've heard some rumors. that if you defeat the boss before getting the item, the palace will turn into rock and you won't be able to get the item, but as far as I'm concerned, that's not true at all, the palace only turns into rock after you get it. you have achieved. I completed everything. One thing I can say is that this game is difficult, as I think we can all agree that that doesn't mean that the game's bad challenge is a good thing, but the challenge should be delivered to the player in increments, which means that a game must gradually.

It gets harder as you go and that's where Zelda 2 dropped the ball. The first two levels are pretty easy, but then she hits you with Death Mountain Holy. It's the hardest part of the game and there's nothing around it. You have to go through it from the beginning. These red lizard guys are on super steroids, even if you managed to jump on them they throw their axe, damn they should have put this part at the end of the game. I mean, what could be more dangerous than Death Mountain? They have it all mixed up. I'm not saying the later stages aren't difficult, but by then you'll have gained more health, your swords will be stronger, and you'll have all sorts of useful magic spells to help you, but here you're like a four-year-old trying to fight.

Hulk Hogan, so before you can even try to face death, Mountain you have to put in the effort to fight random enemies, get experience points, and power up everything you have to get the urine bags, what are PBX? That's the right link, collect urine bags and even when you have all the power, you're lucky if you make it through Death Mountain and the fun doesn't end there. You get the hammer, break the block, and find the secret tomb that leads to level 3 just to get a little more punishment. at first, oh that's good, now I have to walk all the way back to the palace and all the other Zelda games, if you die in one of the palaces, mazes, dungeons or whatever, they will start you at the entrance, but here they decided that you die you go back to square one of course I have to mention the cities it's very peaceful yes you need a break from all that madness but the townspeople are not that helpful hello why what to include a character in the game who has nothing to say the most famous is this boy I'm wrong well maybe it's just his name that's all maybe it's pronounced ear or in every town there is a woman who restores him to health she invites link inside and you never see what happens there, he is giving it a potion, is he performing a magic spell?

No, we all know what's really happening. Link is like you know how to get some OL in-out in-out. I mean, this is no longer a little boy bond, he's grown up and now learning all this. special moves like the down and up push there learn the content, yes that should be the name of a band, but really Link deserves something for all this hell he goes through, he won't get anything from Zelda, well, sure, she's in a sleeping spell, what was Linc doing there in the first place? No Poonhound links. Another fun thing about the city is that you can jump to the roof.

Yeah, that's fun. Look at this. I will become a fairy. Wait, that's not supposed to do it. pass maybe I shouldn't have done that what the hell no, let's see what happens if I come up here and don't turn into a fairy. I fell off the ground. I don't want to go through the floor, but then again, what do you expect if you become a fairy when high or drugged, either way you will see glitches. Do these skulls ever die? You'll kill your thumbs faster than you'll kill this thing. Oh God, tell me this, why does Link get hurt? bubbles, what kind of him is he?

You have to fight a wizard, but it's impossible unless you get a magic reflux spell of some kind in a city, but before he gives you the spell, you have to rescue a little boy, look at that, I don't. I don't know why, but I find it very funny. I mean, that's cool, someone should make a t-shirt with that. It's like every time Link finds something, he has to hold it up. Imagine having him as a friend. Hey Link, have you seen the remote control? the TV, oh great, you found it fine, yes, you can leave it.

Some of the elements are disappointing. A candle, for example, automatically illuminates dark areas in caves, but wasn't it more fun when the candle used to shoot fire directly? the old man's face the flute doesn't do the same here you use it to get past this huge spider and open level 6 but how are you supposed to guess that in the first game it was for transportation? Oh, and I hate these horses. heads, the way they move up and down reminds me of the Jellyfish in the Castlevania games, yeah anything with a pattern like that, these games caused me a lot of stress as a kid, I developed a psychological complex every time I see wavy lines, sometimes I get

angry

.

I try to cheat. I turn into a fairy and fly. I know it's really stupid, but if you're going to cheat, you might as well be a fairy while doing it. It doesn't work that well anyway. You never have enough magic to do it. do it and there is a wall, damn it, fight the dragon, go through a cave and knock down some trees with a hammer to find a hidden village in thistown, you get a spell, try to use the spell and the only thing you will find is that it changes some of the enemies but unlike the rest of the spells in the game this one has a secondary function there is a certain point that seems like a dead end you use the spell here and makes a temple come out of the ground how are you supposed to do that?

I know all that, unless you read Nintendo Power the townspeople don't help much, they might as well say just get Nintendo Power, yeah that's classic hidden Nintendo cryptic shit. I always hated this park too. These guys stick their heads over the fence. in the tool man's neighbor and throwing stones, that's a child's thing. I mean we're going to throw rocks once you get to the last level you can restart there if you die so finally the game gives us some mercy but if you don't have any. extra lives, it doesn't matter, you have to save all your free guys, yes, all those little mini links that you find throughout the game, save them, you will need each one of them, then you will fight Thunderbird and finally Dark Link sometimes you mean As a shadow link, this is the final boss of the game and it is difficult as it mimics your every move and will kick your butt.

It is impossible. I have better luck trying to fight my own shadow. Damn, you can't beat your own shadow and that's what this game is your dark alter ego the one who knows more about you than you know yourself. I don't know how you could win unless you're really hardcore. Some players are so hardcore about the first game that they even made it to Ganon. without the sword, that's crazy, but people like a good challenge, you want a good challenge, try to beat Zelda 2 with the power gauntlet, yeah, that's fun, in conclusion, still a great game, but many consider it the black sheep of the Zelda franchise and understandably it is very different from the first game, but obviously Nintendo didn't want to just repeat the same game again so they tried something new, some people were confused and it's true that it had some mixed results, but it had a legacy of its own, it was the first Zelda game. having to visit it and have a magic meter and many games copied its styles, such as the battle against Olympus and even Rambo.

In short, it is a good game but very frustrating. I'll never beat him as long as I live, it's time to go back. Back in time again, I remember when I was the

angry

Nintendo

nerd

reliving the frustrating games of my youth. Well, not much has changed, but I was never really satisfied with my older videos. I always wanted to go back and complete them like I originally did. I thought about the Mick Kids video, for example. I felt like there should have been a dance scene with Ronald McDonald's grimace and Hamburglar, Dracula and Skeletor. I'd also like to go back to the original negative, clean them up, make them look good and give them I did a new upgrade on the Friday the 13th video.

I shot Jason Voorhees in the head and that made me look like a cold-blooded killer. I always felt like Jason should have shot first. I'm just kidding. I have no intention of changing my older videos like that but all in all. Seriously, some of the games I've done I could have covered a little better, mainly the Back to the Future games, but first let's take a look at some of the other games to watch. the ones that could have done them better justice, for example, Top Gun, even the title. The card could have used a little extra work look what the fuck that's oh okay that's much better.

I only played half the game and considering how short it is I really wish they had shown the ending, the end goal is a space shuttle which doesn't even happen in the movie Why are we destroying the space shuttle? I can't let them go to space. Oh come on, do I really have to land the plane one more time? Couldn't the game end there? I achieved the goal, who cares? If I crash the plane, we'll just call it a suicide mission. Many people wondered why I had such a hard time trying to land a plane, so let me explain it better.

Pushing down makes you go up and up makes you go down. The flight games are standard, but the on-screen instructions don't make it clear what they're telling you to do. Does up mean push up or push down? Speed ​​up. Okay, now it says up. Then he still tells me to speed up. up or fly up or not, I'm a, it says the altitude and speed right there, so just follow the numbers, don't pay attention to the flashing instructions, you can tell that thing to turn face. I'm going to land this thing, oh yeah. I'm finally going to land the plane this time.

I'll do it for real oh I've got it I've got it I've got the right speed but the altitudes aren't good come on hey if anyone sees that plane can they tell me who cheated? Roger Rabbit I already mentioned the part where you go to the nightclub and find Jessica Rabbit's phone number. It's a real 800 number that you're supposed to call back. If you call that number, you will have heard a recording that tells you some tips about the game. Did I really resist calling that number? Let's call it and see if it still works. New credit card.

Try calling collect. Mark one, two, one,

five

. and working girls, that's one on one at 5 mph. Wow, the number has definitely changed and now we have a Nintendo game that gives a phone number to a sex hotline which is awesome and what's up with Judge Doom? He is one of the most difficult bosses in video game history. I barely do anything about it every time Doom hits you, it takes a huge amount of damage, but when you hit it, it doesn't do much with such a wide variety of weapons, you'd think there would be one that deals more damage. on him, but no, he doesn't have any weaknesses, all you can do is hit, hit, hit, it may seem easier than it looks, but Doom doesn't have a clear pattern.

You have to get lucky and just get it in the right rhythm so you can keep hitting them once you take them down you think it's all over but no you have to pick up the dive cannon but before I can use it you have to select it like no why wouldn't he want to be selected? The worst part is that now Judge Doom kills you with one hit, it doesn't matter how

full

your health is, anyone's natural reaction is to tap the button, but that won't get you very far, you have to know how to hold the button and just so you can be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with this. episode, everyone seems to be happy with it, that's fine by me, but it could have gone much further.

I only showed the first three levels, barely mentioning the difficult jumps in the sewer, but this one in particular has always obsessed me. I have to pay my respects to this jump when I was a kid. I spent hours on this part and in twenty-something years it hasn't gotten any easier. It's all because of this stupid platform. They don't give you room to make the jump every time it falls, the current of water takes you back to the street, then you have to go back through the building before you can have a chance to try again, ah, I hate this and Don't tell me, just walk and you can try. crawling to the edge and giving a light bump or you can jump hard as hard as you can you will never make it, not without a lot of luck, the Technodrome, anyone who has made it this far knows what I'm talking about before he can even fight against the Technodrome, you must first find it, you enter these underground caves and fight against the toughest enemies, but they jump everywhere, throw a lot and are too stubborn to die at the end of the cave, you will find the Technodrome or an empty room, so go back the way you came.

In each of these caves, you are guaranteed to lose a turtle when you finally find which cave has the Technodrome. You're lucky if you have any resources left, you're defeated. to hell and here comes this big giant mecha shooting lightning bolts, shooting bullets and catapulting an infinite army of foot soldiers. Sometimes there are so many things on the screen that the game goes in slow motion, don't you love it when the game pretends to do that? I managed to beat the Technodrome after that, you enter. Wow, this Technodrome is huge, it didn't look that big from the outside.

I have one last continuation left to continue here. I'm not going to make it now, of course, everyone has to understand. Just because I'm going back to some of the games I already made, that doesn't mean I'm running out of games, it's just looking back, looking at all these games I worked a lot on, but now it's time for the main event hey , I'm having deja vu here, it's time to go back to the past to go back to the future. I revisited this miserable Turk during my childhood and now it's time to revisit it. I was not satisfied. with my incomplete review and my lack of attention to the aftermath I guess you could say I was lazy even the shirt I was wearing was all wrinkled I don't know what the hell happened to it but worse I threw it on and didn't even take the time to button it .

I already mentioned that the game has nothing to do with the movie. You're collecting watches, throwing bowling balls, and dodging bees and other strange things. One thing I didn't talk about before is how Marty has a serious problem with his legs and he can't stop walking. You think this is a fucking flying game because you can't stop. Imagine the trouble Marty must go through daily being cursed to walk for all eternity. Imagine trying to do it. ordering at a fast food restaurant or any restaurant imagine going to work or trying to go to the bathroom or flying on a plane, you can only sit still when you are behind a cafe counter throwing milkshakes, anyone who has played in this cafe scenario He knows how relentless he is.

It's and I've already talked about it, but wouldn't you like to know what the rest of the game is like? Do we ever see Doc Brown or the DeLorean ever show up or any of the other things from the movie that we find? The rest of the street scenes are all the same except that they change the color. Without effort, time is money. Don't design another scenario. Just change the color and kids will think it's different or idiots. Then we came to an empty classroom where Lorraine, I guess. she's shooting hearts at Marty, what is he suddenly the master and what is he catching hearts for?

I guess it's like in the movie where Lorraine is in love with Marty, but that's his mother, so she's trying not to let that happen, why not? he avoids hearts so, oh I see, I guess he's capturing them in a book or something, it's the most literal interpretation of a movie, it's about time, so let's have clocks, it's about romance, let's have hearts, is this Was the game designed by a human or did they? just pop the movie into a computer to process it and then close this pointless poop once again, like in the cafe stage you have to get at least 50 points, then it's on to more walking stages and after that it's the enchantment dance under the sea where Marty performs. guitar, what are you doing? you have to capture musical notes, what else did you expect?

I'll tell you what, it's certainly not a guitar hero or a rock band, why does Marty play guitar like a bass all the time? a jumpsuit, I guess the same reason is wearing a black t-shirt, where's the red jacket or suit? Could they have gotten Marty to look like you in the movies and what about the music? Wouldn't this have been an opportune moment to listen to the Earth Angel or Johnny, be good, okay, wait a minute, it's Johnny on drugs, if they can make the duck story theme sound amazing in 8-bit, wouldn't that be? why not this?

At least you'll get different music for the next hike and finally the DeLorean, yeah. The DeLorean makes an appearance after all. This is supposed to be the scene where Marty tries to go back to the future. The streets of Hill Valley are being hit by repeated lightning strikes. All you have to do here is dodge the rays. That's all. Because? dodging lightning anyway, isn't Marty trying to get the lightning to hit the DeLorean to generate the 1.21 jigowatts and send them back to 1985? Well, now that we've seen the full game, we can conclude that it has some relation to the movie, but it doesn't have any of the familiar music cues and you'll tell me it was some kind of licensing issue, as if you could. to license the movie, but not the music that belongs to that movie that we all recognize.

There is no Back to the Future theme. There is no power. Love. There is no going back in time. No Johnny, be good. The next one returned to the future. and the song of time or at least part of it and the intro scenes follow the movie pretty well, but then the game starts and you see all these dinosaurs and snails and runaway trash cans. What the hell happened here? It couldn't be more different from the movie in this timeline when Biff took the Sports Almanac to 1955, somehow creating a world full of piranha plants, killer clouds, and the evil Marty.

I like how it says Back to the Future at the bottom of the screen just to remind you what you're playing. otherwise you'd forget it has anything to do with Back to the Future when I first reviewed this game I never explained how to playand that's where things get really interesting. You are supposed to collect 30 items and bring them all. back to their corresponding places and times, you find the items behind the closed doors to unlock the doors, you need to find the keys which are found by killing random enemies, but the keys don't stay still, they fly off the screen in the When they appear, usually you are not waiting for the key, so you may not pick it up once the keys are gone, it doesn't come back, unless you exit the level and come back, even when you get a key, the Most doors don't let you in.

I don't. I know the reason for this, but when you find the right door you will get an item, but you won't get it right away. You have to do a kind of minigame. They are all different, but the goal is the same: collect them all. the watches, how original, after all you finally get the item and now you have to find where to take it. I know where the game designers can take it, but that's another story, you have to find another room that is hidden somewhere dark, like under a sewer or inside a pipe, once you find this room you think that's it. everything, you return the item and then go for the next one, but no, it's not over yet.

You have to solve a puzzle, a scrambled word, you select the corresponding object from your inventory. with the word stirred like I have a milkshake I have to look at the word and think hmm is that milkshake well it doesn't look like it and if it's supposed to be a root beer float how would I know what they call it? If this is the wrong room, that word doesn't belong on the object, then you have to leave the room. If you try to select the item, you will lose that item and have to search for it again.

It's even more confusing that the objects in the puzzle rooms are never in the same place or at the same time, you have to use the DeLorean to travel to different time zones and there are 30 and then 30 items, how could it be worse? Guess what, there is no save function who came up with this. We are not even allowed to turn off our Nintendo, we have to complete the entire game in one shot. Don't do it, so I played for 2 hours straight without returning a single item. I ran from one side of the board to the next and traveled to different ones. periods of time and searched every inch I just don't know where I'm supposed to go, it's hard to even keep track of where you've been after you found and returned the 30 items you're only halfway through, you still have part three to deal with God, I could do something much more productive with my time.

You could learn a new foreign language. I could study microbiology. I could train Siberian tigers. I'm degenerating my brain cells into 8 bit pixels at least you can skip to part 3 with a code on the title screen hold down B and select then unscramble another word if you know the code you probably know the word why everything has to be so cryptic why LJN had to make all the NES movie adaptations they could have given someone otherwise, try, no, they wanted to incorporate the full spectrum of horrible. purple for putrid gameplay, blue for bad musical abominations, green for graphic farts and garlic yellow for poor lack of loyalty to the source material, orange for aren't you an idiot? and red for High stress, anger-inducing masochism.

Put that in total, you have all the colors of the rainbow. Hurrah. LJN. I'm already mad enough, but now I have one more Back to the Future 3 game on the Sega Genesis, believe it or not, it has a Back to the Future theme. but it sounds like a piece of t-shirt, naturally the graphics are a huge step up from moving to a 16-bit console and represents the movie much better than the Nintendo games, but there is one fatal flaw: the difficulty of Doc Brown try to try. to save Clara from entering the ravine unfortunately the ground is full of boxes and other random obstacles and the air is full of birds, tomahawks and all kinds of projectiles that hit you once you are knocked off your horse, costing you a precious time if you fall only a few times, you have to start.

Dangers are overcome without warning. The human brain cannot react as quickly as this game demands. It's like a memory test. The only way to survive is to remember all the level jumping. Oh, the processing stops being so explosive. It is very difficult to distinguish which objects are hazards. and that they are just there for decoration, like this underwear, this is a perfect example of a game that starts out too difficult, it's only the first level and as I understand it, I can't beat it, there are only four levels for a Sega game Genesis. pathetic, I guess they were too lazy to design a longer game so they just made it harder so it would take longer to beat.

That's it, oh, that song I'm so sick of hearing that next time I listen to Ghost Riders in the Sky. I'm going to think about going a hundred miles an hour on a horse jumping boxes and getting shot oh my god three back to the future games and they're all horrible oh what is this oh that's super Back to the Future 2 on the Super Famicom This game should have been so bad that it didn't even have an international release. I guess I'll try it. A good Back to the Future game. Someone made a good Back to the Future game and it was only in Japan. wrong in this world we have these shitty games but not that one like what the hell why would you do that?

It's good, I mean it's not great, but it's the best damn Back to the Future game I've ever played. Actually, it's a game. Why bury the gem? and dig up the shit that innocent people have suffered this keeps people developed Titus of these people who are going to live horrible lives kicking babies in the balls if you want go back in time and tell people hey hey there's a good Back to the future game, leave this and go to Japan, they would have looked at you like you were saying to go with a tea bag, a goat to the surface of Mars, well thanks for taking on all of us, I hope you enjoyed my Nintendo days, RiRi visited, oh, and guess what. what yeah, I hate sentences that start with that, guess what, because you know that's never a good thing, huh, but the fact is, I have one more game to review.

I don't want to say what it is let alone play it, but I'm Thinking about it, in May 2004 I gave a warning about a game called dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I made it perfectly clear not to play this game, but from what I understand, people played it, they didn't listen, but it wasn't their fault. I only showed about a minute of gameplay footage and even though I talked about it. largely of no use I called it a piece of I called it a horrible pile of steaming goat but that was honoring it. I could have said anything.

It wouldn't have mattered. I could have criticized him, but my Self would have been offended if he put a piece of crap in this place. Just the idea of ​​covering this thing in doodoo is like encasing it in gold. I curse the day I laid eyes on her. I curse the plastic that this abomination contains. My words are. insufficient to describe the total insult to humanity this game has provided, everything I've said and anything anyone else has said isn't enough, they should show what's wrong with the guy on the cover, he looks more like it anyway to two.

Geez, you know, I wonder where this guy is today, did he even realize the magnitude of what he has participated in? he is the one who made me want to play this game, he looks into your eyes with this hypnotic look that draws you in making you think you are going to play something cool but in reality you have been fooled like you are biting into chocolate covered. You know this game was made by Touhou, the same company that made the Godzilla movies. No wonder Godzilla has been very angry lately. You know the correct pronunciation is gqo. which the author of the novel, Robert Louis Stevenson, insisted on, but only the first talkie got it right, which was the only star in Frederick March and every movie since then said jekyll and today that's what I know, I'm just delaying the inevitable, you know? dog puppies in France in 1951 they had it ah okay let's do this wait a minute that music okay have you ever played Rygar you know that action adventure game well listen this sounds familiar right yeah okay let's play some jekyll and hello here's the deal if you die it's Jekyll you become hello die it's Hyde the game is over there are two ways to die is to hide number one the traditional way get hit too many times number two get as far as Jekyll yeah you know , when lightning strikes and you drop dead for no apparent reason, well, that's the reason you went too far.

You see that when you play as hide, you are actually playing on the same stage that you played as Jekyll, but in reverse, so if you arrive at the same place where you died. like Jekyll like Hyde then you die is Hyde understands that the idea is to be Jekyll again. Do this by killing certain creatures that relieve your stress meter. Lower the meter and you're Jekyll again. This is not like this. city ​​like in a Zelda game these people don't want to talk to you oh no they just want you dead for what reason I can't imagine your only weapon is a staff but it doesn't do anything when I played this for the first time I thought I was doing something wrong, I mean there has to be some explanation right, but no there isn't one, the staff has no purpose, why would you put a weapon in a game that you can't even use when you're hidden?

It's like playing a completely different game, ah. help help i can't walk backwards i get displaced even when the footsteps come you are forced to jump even though the enemies here look much more threatening you can actually defend yourself by shooting crazy projectiles which the game calls psychowave very creative it certainly travels on waveform and yes I would call it psychotic too with a pattern like that you have to be lucky to hit anything oh and guess how you achieve the move by pressing up and B, yes up and B. It's not too cryptic but also not too obvious B hits, but why would you want to hit when you can shoot?

It's not like you're out of ammo either, so the hit is worth it. The irony here is that when your Jekyll is unplayable, but when your Hyde actually starts to feel like a game, but you're not supposed to allow yourself to become Hyde, as if being bad is more fun than being good, that's the idea, right, Jekyll is good. Hyde is evil, so why do the townspeople hate Jekyll? Should it be Hyde? you're fighting when you're Hyde you're just defending yourself from evil monsters you should be going around town beating up people walking in a bar starting fights getting drunk raping women and causing a riot that's mr.

Hyde, no, instead you're shooting fireballs at ghosts, demonic babies, and brains with legs. Now I'm sure the same thing is on everyone's mind. Does anything that happens in the game happen in the book? Well, I've read the book and I know. No, although I can say that the game is very faithful to the original title of the book The Strange Case of dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde because this game is certainly a very strange case, in fact supposedly the Japanese version has more levels while the American version replaced them with some of the same repeated levels, so I guess the Japanese version is better like eating a skunk than eating a skunk with a little salt all you have to do is walk to the right don't stop for anything it's not like you can attack anyway just keep walking and walking and walking and occasionally jumping or waiting for a spider to move oh I'm actually out of breath looking at this why are you walking so slow you know what it's not like you walk slow you walk normal like a real life human being but everyone else comes flying at you with piss and vinegar what's wrong if the good doctor does for Everyone was so upset that he could see the townspeople sitting in the local pub talking about him all day.

Yes, I see Jekyll, you see him, you see him walking and he keeps walking. I don't like it, he wears his underwear backwards and has eyeballs instead of testicles. Well, a core of the Jekyll manual is on his way to his wedding and the boy with the slingshot named Billy Pones is in love with Dr. Jekyll's fiancee. Wow, I'm impressed. I didn't think there would be a reason, but that doesn't explain all of this. Who is that idiot with the bomb? Phil, you just hate it when you're walking down the street minding your own business. and someone puts a bomb in front of you, this is the worst part of the game, if the bomb hits you it will take away half your life and sometimes all of it, and the range of these bomb explosions is really remarkable, you could be a mile away. and it still hits you and each level has about a thousand of them why can't the bomb kill anyone else?

Is the rest of the city immune to bomb explosions? Even spiders don't die. Oh, these bees are leaving. What happened? I killed one. Honey, I killed something, the only thing you can kill in the entire game is a stupid little bee, there's a gravedigger who throws dirt in your face, there's a hunter shooting ducks out of the sky thatThey conveniently fell on your head and there is a lady who sings and hurts. you with his musical notes honestly that's the explanation they use in the manual his singing is so bad it hurts it's nothing like the music we hear throughout the game ah, Billy's phones are fooling me.

The women are charging me. and pink dresses I'm being mutilated by mad dogs and angry cats be careful with the bird the woman is walking she's definitely in a Nintendo game and it's the birds dog droppings yes, look at it, they're half the size that's not right little white bird they're splashing little balls They're not big, they're brown, they roll up into mounds of poop and never stop, geez, would this be a good reason to call off the wedding? I mean, she's had a great day where she's probably worried about how she's doing with the bride.

I don't know her dress. or the color of the flowers or something, the groom shows up covered in bomb ashes and bird, sorry honey, I'm late, I had a great day and every living creature in the city tried to kill me, that's all we'll do think. The church is going to be better. Will the priest throw out candles? Adam, will Jesus get off the cross and start hitting them with it? Is that statue urinating? He's urinating. Oh great, now there are birds in the urine fountain. This is the perfect look. In this image this sums up the whole game when Robert Louis Stevenson wrote his story about a doctor who makes a potion that exposes the evil within him.

He did not realize that the potion would actually become not in the form of chemistry but through a late process. Interactive electronic devices of the 20th century horrible music horrible graphics indescribable gameplay deceitful enemies inevitable dangers useless weaponry all mixed together and calculated to perfection it's a horrible mixture Robert Louis Stevenson you ruined my life no, I think I understand why it is the best game ever created. More than a game, it exposes the dual nature of the human spirit. The only way to win the game is to be nice, but you want to be heard so you can shoot.

You see it's a constant battle between good and evil and Jeckle must stay further away. its path and hides, if the high takes the initiative, then evil will triumph over good and that is the true conflict for the human soul and denying evil completely would only force it to enter the subconscious mind like a city divided into different social classes that people don't have. They want to go outside their own boundaries like Jekyll wandering around the wrong section of town is not welcome however you must respect your own good nature no wonder the staff doesn't work the game doesn't reward you for acting on your malevolent intentions it's a proposition guideline for a set of moral rules to be programmed in real life uses the Victorian era as a fundamental description of external respectability and internal lust is a metaphor for social and geographical fragmentation alludes to the Freudian theory of repression in which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from the conscious mind and left to operate alone in the unconscious or you could just say the game sucks what's the point, one day it will all be dust Lester, the unlikely is unlikely this will be a good game, okay, title screen, guys swinging. in vine, like any other jungle adventure game, then comes the story of Lester, a comic book fan who wanders around a dock and then okay, I have no faith in this character anymore if he's going to sleep on a cargo who is being loaded onto a ship becomes an unwitting stowaway the ship is raided by pirates and Lester swims to a nearby tropical island that's where the game begins now that's the most embarrassing walk cycle I've ever seen what the hell What is he doing is jumping, what is he jumping? in the air now oh come on he can't even jump without hurting himself this guy needs to take lessons from Mario you can't jump from too high a height you have to stand on the edge, face the opposite direction and go down gently It's tedious and takes a while to learn .

It's not that strange. There were other games with a similar control scheme like Out of This World Prince of Persia and Nas Farhat, all of which use the same rotoscopic animation style, but this is just annoying. half the time Lester does things against your own will. I didn't do that in the game. Has a game character ever disobeyed? Get closer to the damn turtle. Why does he keep running? What's so threatening about a turtle race? Lester run, get away from that. turtle, that turtle could charge very fast. I found out that you can kill these crabs by kicking and yes, that little kick is your only means of attack, hump in the air, I don't know it does, but you can't hump the turtle.

I'm trying to jump on this thing, but it doesn't work, you can't jump on the turtle, oh, you kick it, why didn't I think of that before jumping on the turtle? I really have to do it. Stop thinking about Mario, am I supposed to go up there? I push the rock yeah I have to do the whole level again this game is ass sauce the next levels inside a cave and now things are getting very labyrinthine, like they have bad control I don't even know where to go ah Dudu, the only way to find out what's underneath is to drop down, oh come on, I didn't even let go of you that time, ah, you can't even jump and grab a ledge without taking damage.

You know what it is, you just can't take shortcuts, you have to be as slow and diligent as possible, what a complicated game. Oh no, why do so many games have to have bats? Ah, I don't have time to go down. This is a time where being able to jump would be a huge help. I'm not angry. I hate that this is a penis-shaped urine stain on the face of the game. I prefer the Wicked Witch of the West. I prefer to play a CDI game. Yes, like Robert Mapplethorpe's flowers. No I would not. What is this?

I had never noticed this rock before. Can I lift it? Oh my god, I feel like an idiot now, but I can't blame myself. I thought the rock was just part of the landscape, how is anyone supposed to distinguish it from all this other garbage? Oh great, the dead end rock doesn't do anything, okay, there's a treasure chest. I'll open the lock just by bouncing a rock off a wall, a ruby, cool, wait, I can. Don't stick with the rock and the Ruby. Are you kidding? You cannot hold a weapon and an item at the same time.

Why even have two boxes at that time? We go to the next level. Now he is afraid of totems. This guy sucks. now we have to jump earthquakes and fire and this isn't the kind of game that should require platform jumping skills once you land on a sinking platform you're stuck you don't even have a chance to jump back to safer ground? because? he stays still it's like he's asking to die after all he's the same guy who slept on a loading dock he just let him die who wants to play as a weak and pathetic character like this wouldn't you rather be a tough guy wouldn't you ?

The point of playing a game is to feel empowered to be someone you are not. I mean, I get that he's supposed to be a nerd. Well, this nerd makes me sound like Charles Bronson. Steve Urkel could beat this guy. I think this whole thing. was an experiment to create the world's worst video game character, no wonder why it didn't get its own sequels. I imagine what Lester would have been like, the two unlikely ones, like the game starts and you can't even move, everything that happens. Lester shoots. he drops his pants, he sucks his thumb and in the third game you couldn't even get past the title screen, all that happens, you press start and Lester falls down farting, the fourth game doesn't even work, you just put it on him to your superintendent, oh. the fifth game isn't even a game, it's just a bag that says lester the unlikely 5 and there's a new one on the ps4 that uses the latest cutting edge technology to build the disc out of orangutan diarrhea.

That just turned out to be the only way and it really gives the Blu-ray a run for its money and the original Lester will always be a classic improved like wine made from fermented rat urine with the fine aroma of a corpse riddled with dead flies. of a three-day-old deer with the delicate crunchy flavor of skunk farts with shimmers of sweat the palette is rich with hints of residual crust from dried scat from a truck stop bathroom drops with a long-lasting finish a summer trash covered in flies this game and you know what all the games are.

I'm going to watch some TV, yes TV nowadays sucks for all you Game Ville players. He really liked Christmas, but the nerd who lived just north of Game Ville, right? He stood there on Christmas Eve looking down from his cave with a sour, nerdy scowl at the warm lit windows below in his town, ah, Christmas, that time of year when everyone gets an awesome new video game, but the ones I I always receive are so indescribably boring. Wall Street Kid is a game about cash and stocks. I might as well fill my Christmas stockings with trash and cut up cat toki going crazy.

I admit that you can't move while spitting and die in one hit. Killing time for three. Not enough ammo? Your parents pay 50 dollars for a game. where you shoot ducks really sucks. I'd rather eat sea skunk yeast and play inferior arcade ports like an altered beast. The altered beast is a nut-kicking feast. I can't stand it in the slightest, so there are games that are so ridiculously difficult to give. a reasonable challenge is something that programmers ignore. Last Action Hero. I can't even get past the first stage. Being beaten to death by Ernest P. Worrell sends me into a fit of rage.

Double Dragon on Atari, what is this? I can't even get up and Score-one-hit scat means special cyber attack team, but carnivorous mammal droppings is what the word scat really means. It's the closest you can get to a Nintendo game called Balls. It's an appropriately named farce on the SNES that makes no sense and is crazy but a cerebral mess. I would be very disappointed to play on Christmas morning, but a game with a clown should have been a warning so all those young gamers can play something they like, while I play the ones with terrible graphics and horrible noise. noise noise if they play two seconds of ultraman they throw out that garbage I think that on their way back to Japan they vomit due to the nauseating effect of the marsupilami the camera jumps with the character and that's a lot of sauce and salami they take an ax to Mad Max they get offended for taboo the sixth sense they screamed screeches and screams running on Bigfoot's uncontrollable wheels they tried to kick and fight like they had lead weights tied to their heels they tried to skate and the skater died without falling on his face while looking at Rodney Dangerfield with a mohawk, what a shame, Today's children have their first-person shooter games, they talk into their headphones and connect to the Internet with their advanced computers, they play music and rhythm games, they jump and sway when the Christmas bells ring in the morning, they sway in their living rooms playing and singing, they sing and sing and they make sing sing sing sing and the more it is the nerd's fault for this Christmas song, the more the nerd fights and must stop all this.

I've put up with this for a long time. I have to find a way to make Christmas start coming, but how then did he come up with an idea, a horrible idea, the nerd had a wonderful, horrible idea? “I know exactly what to do,” the nerd laughed in his throat. I'll do a quick Santa hat on a fence and he chuckled and clucked what a great nerd trick with this coat in this hat I'll look just like st. Nick, while all the players are sleeping tonight, I'll give you some games you can play. You are bad, sir. nerd you are really our jar you are cheeky like the mop you have mischief in your smile I wouldn't do it when you are playing Atari buzzer the nerd slay began to go down towards the city where the players Laius carelessly notifies when he arrived at the first little house in the square , this is stop number one, old nerd Claus hissed, climbed up to the roof and had bags of shitty games in his fist, then dug into the chimney, a little absurd, but if Mario could do it, then he could too.

The nerd then stuck his head out of the fireplace with a set of stockings in an orthogonal row. These stockings, he smiled, are the first to disappear. Then he slipped and snuck so silently and quickly across the room. He took all the gifts. to the kids and replace them with ones that were terribly bad the free stooges north and south - captain space boss america the punisher bill and ted T&C surf design that one is pretty good as a rat's ass would you like that would you like that's why LJN that's all you need to know it's the worst surfing experience you've ever experienced the controls hit you and there's a cat in a tuxedo a gorilla some masked men it's really a freak show you move you drift on a still tide One wrong move and it's the end of your trip, even if you're doing well, suddenly a bird will hit you.

It's about as much fun as getting stinky juice out of poop.then it is on Mount Olympus. I'm in heaven. Well, here I use the shield to block the spears. The controls are rigid. Although I press the button to make the shield appear and it only works half the time after killing a guy, it allows you to jump these spaces with the flying sandals, but you can only jump after you've killed an enemy, why can't you ? Davy just jumps and runs past all these guys, why does the game make me fight each individual enemy? Oh, I guess I went the wrong way, and when you throw a spear, make sure the soldiers' full bodies are on screen if they're turned off. -screen not even partially, they will not be affected by classic video game logic, if you did not see the spear hit, then it did not happen, so now we are in the Middle Ages for the tenth million times you are going to collect Elmo's interior .

Go out and then go through the winning land and the dark evil land or whatever and fight a giant Skeleton Knight. I guess this is the end game after all the shit I went through to get here. Yes, he is dead. Now I need a key. Omg find the key I'll find the key piece okay I have the key when the door now I'm fighting a dragon nothing special just hit it with the sword a bunch of times and then you'll get the holy grail. I had to take a Leap of Faith before and now the Holy Grail, if only there was a big fight on top of an army tank, then Davy wakes up and the director says, Where did you get that trophy?

So now that Davey is bringing objects from his dreams, does this make any sense? Wouldn't you be cool if Freddy Krueger came out and ripped his face off, then the teacher puts on a Wild West movie, Davy falls asleep and now we're at the last scenario, thank God, why is the Wild West at the end? I just fought a big dragon which should have been the last stage anyway, you find another object that looks like a piece of shit, it transports you to another piece of shit and finally to hell, then you're in a graveyard shooting more thieves you have. to shoot the gun out of the guy's hand again, this time there are three guys in a row after that, you beat the game, couldn't they come up with something unique for a final boss instead of just repeating something we've already done? not to mention I hate this part.

I hate that you have to hover over the gun. Couldn't they have made this a more action-oriented boss fight like in Sunset Riders? There's nothing nice about this, well, that's it, basically, that's daydreaming, Davey. that's it mediocre game that's what it is so until next time I have a dream something I have a bad feeling about this we're going to play a lot of Star Wars games the movies were a main target for video game adaptations they were full From all kinds of action scenarios with battles taking place in space and on earth, lightsaber duels, speeder bike chases, they had lovable characters, great stories and a classic mythology that was ready to expand into the world of the games, so how was that, let's find out?

Our journey begins innocently enough with the Atari 2600. This is the first Star Wars game or at least the first Atari version based on the first film. It follows the same format as the arcade version that came before. It focuses on a single scene in the film. The climactic Rebel attack on the Death Star isn't impressive, to say the least, but for the moment it was ambitious to try to create a 3D perspective, and besides, the Atari 2600 is well known for failing to live up to the standards. quality of arcade games. Empire Strikes Back again only borrowed from one scene, the fight against the Imperial walkers on the planet Hoth, unlike the other game, this one follows the two-dimensional side-scrolling format similar to games like Defender, all you do is take down a infinite army of walkers while avoiding their laser beams, that explosion just came from their butt, are they these walkers or are they these dogs shooting droppings in the air, they take a lot of hits, just keep shooting them until they change different colors and eventually explode, control It's fluid the more you drive the joystick the more momentum your ship gains the Jedi returns he concentrates on the second battle of the Death Star he imagines among all the scenes they could have chosen they go with the space scene you know why because at Atari he loved space the best way to describe Atari in a nutshell it's a spaceship that shoots a laser that's it the amount of games that start with the word star is overwhelming or damn space what was this the space age of games?

If this game wasn't called Star Wars, it would look like any other Atari game. the controls are similar to classic asteroids, although I said they chose the space scene, there was actually another Return of the Jedi game that focused on the Ewok scenario, which is a way to make more money, split them into two different games, however, the Ewok game. It was never released, the objective is to get close to the Death Star in order to destroy it, but unfortunately there is a giant dance floor in space that extends for infinite light years. You have to wait for a hole to appear.

Get in the hole. Now participate. Deathstar goes with the dance theme. I think this would be a better game if you were trying to destroy a giant disco ball. Yes, the story is that disco is coming back and you have to stop it. You will call yourself a disco, but now me. I'm just thinking out loud so you keep shooting at the Death Star destroying all the pieces hoping you can make all the pieces disappear before all your brain cells do the same. Once you have a clear shot toward the center, it's time to go. boom, there's another game called Jedi arena, it's supposed to be based on the scene from Star Wars a new hope where Luke is training with that metal flying thing, so you swing your lightsaber back and forth to deflect charges electrical.

I guess the ideas that divert them towards the other player or the computer the best way I can describe this, it feels like playing pinball when the ball is stuck somewhere and you keep jamming the fins back and forth to no avail, There you have the Atari Star Wars games, not so good, but it's Atari, so it's excusable, but now we move on to the Famicom. This game was only released in Japan. It never came out for the NES. You know, that could mean one of two things: He was the only good one or he was the worst.

Anyway, let's see that the scenes are promising enough until you get to the game. Luke has black hair even though he is blonde in the scenes. Oh, never mind, let's get on with it. I'm already dead. All it takes is one hit, couldn't there be? a life bar ah this lightsaber sucks it cuts through enemies you can only hit them when they're really close oh come on I jumped and you're telling me if I'm close to a projectile I get hit but when I'm trying to hit an enemy. I have to be precise, that's very fair, so now I'm inside the job with Sandcrawler killing some stormtroopers and birds now I'm fighting Darth Vader and he's inside the sandcrawler because, well, who cares?

Does it matter? Did that happen in the movie? Did that happen in any of the movies? Did Darth Vader tell Luke? I'm your father and I'm also a scorpion no it's not true that's impossible why does Darth Vader turn into a scorpion that doesn't even happen in the special editions there is no version of Star Wars in this universe or timeline or any other store from her where Darth Vader turns into a scorpion I need a beer Hey, where's my beer droid? Hey, come on, bring me beer, yeah, that's my beer droid. Okay, okay, okay, yeah, okay, come on, come on, in the next stage, you're on the landspeeder taking down stormtroopers, well, this is easy, the stormtroopers.

They can't even hurt you with their laser beams. If you hit a wall, you lose the landspeeder, but other than that you are invincible. Well, I guess he's going to the Moss Eisley bar, which is the famous scene in the movie where Lucca meets Han Solo, but one thing I didn't know is that they allow landspeeders in the bar, which causes Luke to crash into his path? It's quite interesting, in fact, in this version, Luke takes the bar so quickly. I bet Han and Greedo are still talking. at the table, you know who shot Han or Greedo first, whatever, neither of them really did.

Luke kills Greedo with his landspeeder right after Han says over my dead body so Luke crashes with the landspeeder. I want to see that in the next special. edit now we're already flying the Millennium Falcon you can't even see inside the bar we've already established that this game has nothing to do with the movie so at this point I just like to see what something ridiculous could happen there but no, we don't even get a cutscene, nothing after a pitifully standard space shooter stage, we're back to the side-scrolling game about Darth Vader breathing or it's the sounds of the ocean now.

I start from the beginning, yes, it is one of those games that do not continue, three lives, one hit deaths, as simple as you make three mistakes, you go back to the beginning, there are few obstacles to one up, there is no password system nor selection of stages. The code no matter how far you go, if you die you are doing it all over again, even on beginner settings it is still difficult, the odds of successfully navigating through this miserable fortress are 3,720 to 1, there are certain Jedi powers that you can use to help yourself. but you only get them for a limited time, the only way to progress is through trial and error, you need to get familiar with the layout like here.

I thought I could jump over that waterfall, but no, that's the wrong way every time I play this. I made a little more progress than last, but if I didn't have to keep playing the previous stages over and over again after the 20th time I got burned, this is worse than a part, it's a whole, the NES got a different star. The Wars game, wait no, LJN, is a game based on a movie, it's on Nintendo and it wasn't made by LJN, so it might have a chance for it to start with a shitty driving stage.

It would be nice if you could point the slider in the direction. you want to go, but it has to have that backwards control like Roger Rabbit and Dick Tracy. I hate that it's also one of those games where I go if you haven't played before, you can spend hours looking for the right place the first time I had no idea. I'm supposed to go straight to the sandcrawler to find r2d2 once inside it becomes a side scroller thankfully it's a big improvement over the japanese version the controls are smoother and it actually has a life bar thank god, It still manages to be a very difficult game.

One thing that is a little annoying. If you fall from too great a height, you take damage. Does that happen in Super Mario Brothers? No, you don't find these elevator shafts. things that make Luke shoot up in the air but land you on a conveyor belt and then you get hit by these metal trash can lids those conveyor belts can go crazy, there's our: I'll go to the conveyor belt and then you drive to Maus Eisley finds Han and gets the Millennium Falcon here, there is actually a stage inside the bar, unlike the other game, it is impossible to overcome this stage with a blaster.

You have to get the lightsaber before you come here, so the bar first go to the cave, yes it's a cave where obi-wan gives Luke the lightsaber, it's not at all clear where you're supposed to go go first and also why would Obi-wan give Luke the lightsaber in a cave now that I have the lightsaber? The bar stage is much easier, but the next stage. start kicking my ass again all these bounty hunters are out there they blew me up jump jump jump ah I made it through the hangar I'm on the Millennium Falcon flying in space getting wiped out by asteroids that kill in one hit you have to collect shields to the ship that can only be found in the hangar of course what a shame I didn't know that because now I have to do the whole game again so I went through the whole game again and now I'm back in the hangar this time. making sure to collect the shields now, the flying stage is much easier and after that it's time to go to the Death Star, unfortunately the Death Star is a confusing maze of elevators.

Where should I go? Wouldn't it be nice to have a map or a compass? to help me navigate my way it's a guessing game man I don't know how stormtroopers deal with this even worse one of the elevators can only be found by diving try anywhere else and it will throw you into death once. you get Leia, she becomes a playable character, luckily she can jump much better than Luke, but it won't help much because this whole stage is full of spikes, if you touch them you die that's it, even if you touch the side of a spike ,you die this is a cruel joke, think of every game that has spikes or any kind of thorny danger covering the walls, imagine all that combined and multiplied a million times, worse yet, you enter this anti-gravity rumination, you get sucked up to the ceiling against yours.

Ah man, the only way to beat an outrageously difficult game like this is to cheat, like I heard a lot of people use emulators with saved states, you know, that would be very useful I guess, but don't be better, how about just one button ? press that makes the game start and that's why i invented the betta game button yeah all you need to do if you're playing a really difficult game you just press the button and the game starts let's try it Ninja Gaiden 2 ooh that one It's a tough game, oh man, oh they're kicking my ass.

Legend of Zelda, win. Megaman wins. You never thought you'd beat a difficult game like that, not without the betta play button. It's okay, all games consider your ass beat. Return to Star Wars rusty. hunkajunk Empire Strikes Back is our next game, it starts off hot like the movie ooh what is this? The lightsaber is a Jedi's weapon, yes, thank you, thank you for interrupting the game, that tells me cows moo for the most part. This game maintains the same format as the first Star Wars, yes, but it still takes a while to get used to the control, it doesn't help that you start riding on time, you can go up and down, and if you get off at the wrong time you can get stuck until you i found out you can jump higher by holding down first its like super mario brothers you crouch and it charges while jumping that would have been much more useful information to tell me instead of the lightsaber as a jedi weapon and what is this the engineer from the show shows his face I wish I was Fred Foxx you can collect different force powers new choose the falls instead of using the force it's choose the force which is smart although I have to give him credit for the digitized speech sounds better than Ghostbusters, even the breathing of Darth Vader sounds accurate, for some reason the fool eats this nasty mushroom on the ground, yeah delicious, eat that, whatever it is, the part I really understand is when I try to jump over glaciers and these droids keep shooting from everywhere aiming the blaster is not as self explanatory as it seems, you think it's the point with the d-pad but no, just shoot, once it was a small cube, now fighting the huge amount it takes like 9 million. hits to kill and look how easy this is.

I could just stay here and he'll never catch me. Next is a flying stage where you shoot down the Imperial walkers, even tying them up with the cable like in the movie and then you're inside the rebel base where you can hijack a walker the strange thing is that Luke actually destroys it before jumping. I saw it explode and collapse but now it's perfectly operational so you're in the Dagobah swamp the enemies appear out of nowhere and the vines must have been greased with oil because I keep slipping and of course there's that classic thing where you have to jump off a ledge in good faith this swamp stage is hell oh my god that's where I reached my limit because the games too difficult there was no return of the game Jedi is not on NES I guess they knew when to stop hey beer droid to be fair , the NES games aren't that bad, they have decent graphics, music, and are somewhat faithful to the movies if it wasn't for the insane difficulty, I would.

Don't worry, the difficult nature of Star Wars games was like a tradition and carried over into the 16-bit era on SNES, there was the whole trilogy and the force is strong with these, they were called super Star Wars. The games are right, so from the start they look and sound like the movies, although on the first game's main menu screen Mark Hamill's face is a bit messy, they follow the movies well and take liberties only when necessary. necessary, you will recognize all the famous people. Scenes from the Hoff battle to the duel with Vader, you can even play as the appropriate character for each stage.

Luke Han Solo chewy Leia even uses the Ewok. There is a good variety of side-scrolling stages. 3D flight stage to define POV stages and flight stages. the voices are great to hear more core not very oh don't cry the bosses are huge and always make you wonder what will happen next it also has one of the most impressive attacks in any side scrolling game you can perform a double jump and spin the Saber Round of light. I find myself using this move all the time. It's interesting to note that in the newer Star Wars movies you see the Jedi doing this kind of thing more often, sometimes the action is so intense it's like an explosion, although Chu is going crazy.

Chuy is going crazy. Crazy the only downside is that it's extremely difficult even on easy settings these games are unforgiving on the first game there is a land speeder stage where you crash into loads of a series of complicated platforms that require some lucky jumps , fake jumps that lead to nowhere enemies that take more hits than necessary power-ups that arrive much later than necessary descending platforms that make you think you're going somewhere but take you into the lava without warning enemies that freeze you for a while over and over again and boss battles that go on for an eternity.

Why do all these bosses have such long life bars? There is a frustration factor, but there is a balance between frustration and fun. These games are mostly fun, they can be annoying, but they're annoying enough that you'll still want to do them. continuing to play shadows of the empire on the Nintendo 64 was when the Star Wars games started to get really good and showed that there was a bright future for more games in the franchise and that they didn't always have to follow the movies exactly, they could make up their own. parallel stories and expand the Star Wars universe, this game for example takes place between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, although it begins with Empire, the battle on Hoth was incredible, the first time we really felt like we were playing the movie that We have come a long way since things changed, we have taken a step into a much bigger world, of course we had to stop somewhere because there is a whole galaxy of games related to Star Wars, so this could have On and on, there's a Star Wars rebel assault. dark forces Jedi Academy Rogue Squadron Battlefront Star Wars Chess Lego Star Wars Star Wars Puzzle Launcher Star Wars Podracer Jar Jar Binks Bingo Death Star Builder 3.0 Chewie Wookiee Cookie Cook Stormtrooper Tenace Farts Jabba Unleashed, Who Were Good Wedgie Wedges Attack Fishing Akbar's Super Sieve Release Tournament Edition Boba Fett's Name Game Finds Its Name In The Movies Governor Tarkin vs.

Count Dooku What's the Difference? All of these games suck. All of these games suck. I am surrounded by dirt. I might as well cover my walls and live in video games, we wasted so many hours of human life with this garbage, we failed in our existence when we were cursed with technology to infect catastrophes so horrible they rot the mind, we are better off in medieval times, we were just sitting around on the bank of a river playing with stones. this game sucks so this game sucks this game sucks so this game sucks thing barely works and this thing this drunk ring and this thing on this and this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing I don't like it Well, where are we going to play this time?

Gyromite, which was one of the original NES launch titles. You like Duck on Excitebike and Super Mario Brothers. All the early classics. Let's try it. Robot Gyro. Well, that's a good sign when the title of the game is. It's the same as on the cover, okay, I get it, this is like some kind of two-player co-op mode. Well, I was pretty sure I picked a player. I made the 1 player mode, it is a 2 player game, the first player controls a The Professor and the second player controls the doors. Both can work together in 2 player mode. The only difference is that the 2 players alternate back and forth, so either way it's a cooperative game.

Well, I need a second player. Will I be able to play this with me? I'll play. I'm Bob, the robotic operator buddy.okay, cool, a robot, here you go, error, doesn't calculate, requires adaptive device, it's a controller, you play it, I don't have thumbs, boron requires adaptive device location, bottom drawer, three point six centimeters deep, front right corner, nine point one centimeters, good, distant, right place, controller. - the tray aligns the actuators with the buttons, okay, I get it, you press these little things and they activate the buttons, that's a little excessive, but whatever, okay Rob, you've got all your stuff, you're ready, let's play insufficient gyros essentials, gyro down, damn gyro, idiot. that's not a gyroscope I know I tried what you want to go to the bottom drawer in Greece, okay, so these are the gyros, in other words, spinning tops that come with a spinner that requires a D battery in addition to the double fourth age.

I need four Rob when you put a gyroscope on the roulette wheel it does exactly that man does it spin this thing? You'd probably sharpen a pencil now, this whole setup is like something Doc Brown or Pe-wee Herman would use. ready now Rob you are happy you have enough to work affirmative affirmative you are an idiot let's play this is how it works when you want to control Rob you press start now the screen flashes in different colors which somehow communicates with Rob through the censors in his eyes they are creepy and now we are finally ready to move that door the goal of the game is simple professor hector somehow got trapped in a room full of dynamite and dinosaurs man he really supposedly lifted these dinosaurs or whatever let them be called snicks if you touch them Unfortunately, you die.

Hector can't jump, he can't even reach out to grab the dynamite that is right above his face. This means having to climb to a higher height and drop on the dynamite. He can also pick radishes. This mix loves radishes. and it will stop at anything to eat it if the time is right, you can use the doors to smash this mixture, yes, but be careful, the same can happen to the professor, the goal is to collect all the dynamite, then move on to the next stage. like a classic arcade platformer like Donkey Kong or the original Mario Brothers, it could be a fun game except having to use a damn robot, okay Rob, you want to play something else, how about Negative Lifeforce?

Well then, what do you want to play? I'm sure about this Rob, yes, believe me, it's a good block robot. What about alternative titles? The idea is to set up the blocks in a preset pattern and yes, that's what they call them. They are a little rounded. Let's say four blocks, the goal is to move the blocks from one pattern to the next with these few moves and in the shortest time possible, so Rob is a little more functional here than in gyromite, which means this is a physical game where the outcome is determined by how soon you get the blocks to the final destination when you're done you press start because there's no way for the game to actually know when you win you can just lie and keep pressing start all you want it's almost not even necessary Being a video game, the video part is simply controlling the robot by jumping with different command keys or programming a preset combination of moves or playing bingo, each row corresponds with a stealing move, when the row is completed he does well that movement.

I will have to control the teacher in a game to control the robot, why can't I control the robot myself? That would be much easier, yes, a remote control robot that children would like to see sitting on the sidewalks playing with it. its remote control Rob's, you just need to bring a TV outside just to use them, okay Rob, let's play something different, oh how about contra negative, no Saba bobble? It's a great game for 2 players, negative, well, so what do you want to play gyro? part of gyromite we already played, let's choose something different. These can't be the only two games you play.

How about Double Dragon 2 or Dr.? Mario's family dispute is not counted. Also, be gyromite or it stacks up, oh come on Rob, you come and all you want is to play the same two games. Look, I have this whole shelf on both sides, almost 800 NES games, gyromite stack up. I'm going to hit him. mix it up idiot, no, don't leave it, you know which one you would be the first player, yeah, let's see how you like it, isn't it so much fun to be like this? Robo is a piece of hell with Rob, I'm playing. Myself, all because you need two controllers, you know what I'll play with my feet, yeah, that works pretty well or wait better, but yeah, you like my new invention.

I call it a gyroscope. My controller plays gyromite. Wait a minute. I have a better idea. How about playing a different game? You're doing this, you cyber foolfast. Oh, if you do, the main objectives remove all games that don't meet the criteria. The criterion is the same as gyromite and serves the main objective. Complete no more inferior games, no more long passwords, no more annoying. music no more despicable controls no more vomit-inducing graphics no more useless weapons like before in 1983 the video game market was oversaturated with inferior games, all a product of human imperfection the decline of video games left many game companies bankrupt A prophecy was said that a hero Rises from the ashes a warrior robot that his I Nintendo made video games awesome again for the most part.

I don't think Nintendo's success had anything to do with you. Shut up, you are a biological unit with insufficient intellect to make that determination. Know? hero this hero finished no more shitty games no more karate kid' no more Top Gun no more ghostbusters or Fester's search no more virtual boy no more Dick Tracy no more Little Red Riding Hood no more dr. jekyll mr. Hyde, I won't let him wait, which way he'll get you.