Amy Poehler & Tina Fey - All Golden Globes Moments

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler good night. I'm Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Welcome everyone to the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards. Those of you who are at home. I wish you could feel the emotion in this room. You can smell the pills from here tonight. honoring the television shows that have entertained us all year, as well as the movies that have only been in theaters for two days, that's what makes tonight so special just at the Golden Globes: the beautiful people from the movies he rubs shoulders with people with the faces of television rats talking about Tina and I are also nominated tonight and thank you I just want to say that I have high hopes of winning thank you you are my nemesis thank you ricky gervais c-he couldn't be here tonight because He's not Technically we're not in show business anymore, we want to assure you that we have no intention of being edgy or offensive tonight because, as Ricky learned the hard way, when he runs afoul of the Hollywood foreign press, he's forced to present this program two more times, oh my god. it was a great year for women it was a great year for women in television Lena Dunham is a double nominee we love your show we are big fans but if they make you do all that nudity you have to tell us okay just give us some kind signal and we'll call child services something like there's a big year for women in film in film Kathryn Bigelow nominated tonight I haven't really followed the controversy over zero dark thirty but when it comes to torture I trust the lady who spent three years Married to James Cameron, of course, we want to thank our hosts tonight, HF PA, for allowing us Amy to tell people a little about HF PA.

Yes, you know it well. If left untreated, HF PA can lead to cervical cancer. However, there is a vaccine. Amy. that's old people, sorry of course the HF ba is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and when it's not about, no you're kidding, there's no known cure for the Hollywood Foreign Press, look at all these beautiful movie stars here tonight Ben Affleck is here tonight fans The first two films took place in Boston, but he moved this one to Iran because he wanted to film somewhere that was friendlier to outsiders. Hi Ben, hi, how are you? He's doing well, huh, I'm providing it too, so you look really good.

You're no better than me, the beautiful Anne Hathaway is here tonight and she had the way you gave a stunning performance in Lay Miserable. She hadn't seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco with us, you know? she recorded her big late MS song in close up and said that it was very difficult to act with a camera so close to her face, then she will never be able to make it in porn. I don't think she plans to do it. porn Amy none of us have any plans to do The Hunger Games was one of the biggest movies of the year and also what I called six weeks it took me to get into this dress.

Angley has been nominated for Best Director for Life of Pi, which is what I'm going to call Six Weeks After I Take Off This Dress, Who Else Is Here? Well, Jennifer Lawrence is here, the star of the bright side playbook. Quentin Tarantino is here, the star of all my sexual nightmares. Meryl Streep is not here tonight. He has the flu and I hear he is amazing on it. Mandy Patinkin from TVs Homeland is here. I like Homeland, but I don't think it's as good as that other show before Homeland. That topic is full of action. No, you know, Mandy Patinkin is the star. from his homeland, but he is also a treasure of American musical theater and if I were in charge of this show, which I have been told repeatedly that I will not survive every Lamy clip, I would pass on Mandy Patinkin because he knows how to sing well. or bad and he won't be able to hide it in his face, look at him, we will prove it Mandy Patinkin, did you like it? amazing don't lie to me Mandy don't lie to me Julianne Moore is here tonight nominated for playing Sarah Palin and game, Jane, I used to win awards for that too and you know, I think if Governor Palin were here tonight, she would say that bets hmm no, I lost it, yes, oh no, I can't do more, maybe it's for The best, but enough nonsense, Daniel Day-Lewis is here.

His performance in Lincoln is so amazing, it was so method that it really disappears into his character. Did you know that Lincoln wasn't the first role Daniel Day-Lewis played in a Steven Spielberg film? Really that? more he played and he knew he was and yes, young Daniel Day-Lewis was because of the amazing finger, okay, let's get this started, we'll keep this moving and we promise we'll finish before 11:00 11:00 dark thirty at the latest ladies and gentlemen please welcome from the positive aspects playbook Bradley Cooper and The Reluctant Fundamentalist Kate Hudson ladies and gentlemen Tina Fey and Amy Poehler good evening I'm Amy Poehler and I'm Tina Fey welcome to the 71st annual Amy Poehler's Tina Fey and Lee Daniels, the Golden Globe Butler.

A very good night for everyone in the room and for all the gay women and men watching at home. We are very happy to be back. We will be hosting the Golden Globes for the second time. Thank you. because this is Hollywood and if something works, they will keep doing it until everyone hates it. Congratulations to all the wonderful actors nominated tonight, from the incredible Mattel Ejiofor to the stunning Lupita Nyong'o and the American treasure. Tam honks at her, she knew it. I was going to ruin that, folks at home, you wouldn't believe the mega roster of high wattage stars we're seeing right now.

I don't want to offend the movies or the nominees last year, but this year is a legit, well, straight to the top year, yeah. we have Bradley Cooper Julia Roberts Emma Roberts Leonardo DiCaprio Meryl Streep what about Redford, right, right, Madame Sandra Bullock, Tom Hanks, Redford, June Squibb and then like Mr. Bean for international things, well, if we are going to play by European rules it's all of us in this room and then jean-claude van damme the point is there are so many stars in this room tonight it's hard not to feel overwhelmed yes matt damon is here for behind the chandelier matt at any another night in any other room you would be a big problem, but tonight and don't take this the wrong way, you're basically a trash person, I mean, Meryl Streep, okay, she's here, she's Meryl Streep's brilliant show in August.

Osage County proves there are still great roles in Hollywood for those over 60 by Meryl Streep Martin Scorsese is here Marty, I forgot to tell you that Bobby waves and then Bobby also the other Bobby Bobby and Bobby waves and Danny Danny and Bobby and Bobby say hello Danny wants me to say hello Marty and Bobby and Bobby too Bradley Cooper is here star of American Hustle interesting trivia the original title of that movie was explosion at the wig factory Amy Poehler is nominated for her work in Parks and Recreation I Believe that Amy is here tonight.

Can we take a photo of her? She looks radiant. It's hard to believe that she is 42 years old and she is a mother of two children. Oh yes, she is sincere. My friend Julia Louie Dreyfus has two nominations tonight. Domination by enough. Curiously said Julia. she has chosen to sit in the film section tonight hi Julia hi Julia, you know us from television, so she has really changed. Woody Allen received this year's Cecil B deMille Award just a few years after Martin Scorsese won it. I guess the award goes to The Smallest Man with the Biggest Glasses, Gravity, it's nominated for Best Picture.

It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float in space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his age before earning a Golden Globe nomination for his first acting role. in Captain Phillips barkhad Abdi was working as a limo driver in Minnesota there is a beautiful life lesson here everyone sleeps with their limo driver tonight before he becomes famous one of my favorite movies this year is the movie she which takes place in the not so distant future which is perfect because so does Joaquin Phoenix uh Tina I was in that movie too I was the voice of the computer no Amy that was Scarlett Johansson it was if you say so Matthew McConaughey did an amazing job this year Freya's goal at the Dallas Buyers Club lost 45 pounds or what actresses call being in a movie, the Wolf of Wall Street is a big nominee tonight.

I really love the movie, but some of it was too graphic, I mean, if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party I would go to one of Jonah Hill's pool lounges. Jonah Hill actually used a prosthetic penis in The Wolf of Wall Street, so you have to expect that the next time you eat a plant in Hollywood, several major movies use prosthetic genitals like that. year blue is the warmest color the wolf of wallstreet saving mr. banks yeah a lot of people don't know what tom hanks was wearing when the entire time he's wearing one he's actually really enjoying it the wolf of wall street shocked viewers by using the f word five hundred and six times in three hours. which is a new record unless you count my dad trying to hang some curtain rods in our living room.

One of the most nominated films this year is 12 Years a Slave. I loved 12 Years a Slave and I can honestly say that after watching that movie, you will never look at slavery the same way again. Wait, how are you? So what a year for television, many nominated shows tonight are on Netflix, this year, big Netflix thing, house of cards, orange is the new black, enjoy it while Netflix lasts because you won't feel so smug in a pair years when Snapchat is here accepting Best Drama, the beautiful Kerry Washington is here, she's expecting her first child later this year, oh my gosh, is that the president's pizza?

I probably thought Amanda was. holding his baby, a lot of our SNL friends did a great job this year Will Forte Andy Samberg, you may know Andy from his hit song I'm on a boat, which this year was adapted into the Tom Hanks movie, the captain Phillips masters of sex is the Degree I. I received from Boston College the blacklist is who is invited to my room tonight, I speak to you Somali pirates, I am the captain, now the shoes, gentlemen, try them and see how horrible they are. We'll finish this show in three hours or like Martin Scorsese. calls it act 1, please welcome the Golden Globe winners and nominees tonight Sandra Bullock and Tam honk, ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and we welcome you, you bunch of spoiled, despicable brats with minimal talent.

We are very happy to be here presenting the 72nd and final Golden Globe Awards. Tonight we celebrate all the great television shows we know and love, as well as all the movies that North Korea was on board with. That's right, the biggest story in Hollywood this year was when North Korea threatened an attack if Sony Pictures published the interview, forcing it. that we all pretended we wanted to see it North Korea called the interview absolutely intolerable and an even more shocking senseless act of terror not the worst criticism the guy from the star-studded movie Oprah is here, she's put up a candle cranberry under all their seats reese witherspoon is here so great in the wild movie she herself walked very bravely and Andy Serkis was great like your backpack JK Simmons is here or as Matthew McConaughey calls it just keep Simmons Christoph Bolts and Amy Adams are here, they were so cool in big eyes Oh, in fact, yes they were and in fact, one of those famous big i painting x' is on display tonight, let's see it oh, it's cute but it's creepy, yes, eyes Patricia Arquette It's here, it's so wonderful and the movie boyhood boyhood proves it.

There are still great roles for women over 40, as long as they cast you when you're under 40. Joaquin Phoenix is ​​nominated for Inherent Vice, but he's obviously not here tonight because he's publicly said that the award shows our complete and utter dating. . Oh, hello, Joaquin Steve Carell is here tonight for Foxcatcher and Foxcatcher. Steve Carell plays a paranoid billionaire murderer and the role was a stretch for Carell when the real life he is a paranoid millionaire murderer. Deep growl. Foxcatcher's look took two hours to put on, including his hair and makeup just for comparison, today it took me three hours to prepare for my role as a human female.

Frances McDormand is here to say I love you, you are the only person in this room I would save in a fire. Julia Louie Dreyfus this year because she obsessed with me, okay, we're not friends, Jennifer Aniston is here tonight, nominated for the movie cake, we should explain to every person in the room that Hollywood people's cake is like a fluffy dessert that people eat on their birthdays, oh, and birthdays exist. people celebrate when they admit they've aged, do you know what else so many British actors have heard playing Americans this year? Yes, and I don't care.I love the sound of a British actor with an American accent.

I like when they talk. so I can't tell they are British when they talk in our movie parts Wes Anderson is here tonight for the movie Grand Budapest his usual Wes arrived on a bicycle made of old tuba parts George Clooney married Amal alamuddin this year Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an adviser to Kofi Annan on Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating violations of the rules of war in the Gaza Strip, so tonight her husband will receive a lifetime achievement award, of course. George Clooney is here to receive the prestigious Cecil B DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award or does he know that you've been joking with a lot of people for 25 years?

Who knows maybe you're about to go sessile and get too burned anyway since this is the last time? We're having a teenager coming over and he wanted to quickly play one of our favorite games, yeah, and Amy and I have been friends for almost 50 years and the secret to our long-lasting friendship is that we have absolutely no overlap in our tastes in games. men. No, we never think that the same man is attractive and we will prove it right now by doing what everyone at home is doing by playing who would you rather. He's very fast, would you prefer Colin?Farrell or Colin Firth, okay, Farrell all day, Firth, for a polite time, okay, then Tina and Norton or Mark Ruffalo, which one was Hulk?

They both shot, he's fine, I'll take Norton because he's like a method and he could act like he liked him. okay and I'll take the mark because everyone knows I like Ruffalo, okay, okay, Chris Pine, Chris Pine, okay, Richard Linklater or a distant one in your V - hmm, I'm going to say injury to one, it takes two hours in a row, non-stop now, Linklater, five minutes. once a year let's talk about these movies yes, the theory of everything, a wonderful movie this year yes, it combines the two things that audiences love: a crippling nervous disease and super complicated mathematics Selma in the 1960s, thousands of black people from all over America came together with a common goal to form Sly and the Family Stone, but the movie Selma is about the American civil rights movement that totally worked and now everything is fine, come on girl that's a big hit this year, yeah Come on, girl, I don't know, I don't know.

I know I didn't like Gone Girl. I go to the movies to escape. I don't want to just see myself up there on the screen. The new Tyler Perry was so good in Gone Girl that he was asked to write and direct a sequel. called girl I thought you'd gone to the woods stars Meryl Streep maril plays a witch who sends the townspeople on a magical quest to collect the items she needs to earn another

golden

nail. Have any of you ever done it? Sunshine time now I have it but anyone can do it even the hood is a weird word to sing I'm not going to lie to you and into the forest Cinderella runs away from her prince Rapunzel is thrown from a tower by her prince and Sleeping Beauty only thought she was drinking coffee with Bill Cosby I don't know if you saw this on the news today, but Bill Cosby finally spoke out about the allegations against him.

Cosby admitted to a reporter that he put the pills in the peephole and people didn't want the pills in bamboo sticks. hey, that's not right, that's not right, it's more like people, you're right, it has to be like I put the pills in the whole concert, that's right, that's fair, but finally Tina, let's talk about television, oh, and they tell me that we are running. Time's up our excuses television, you're sorry, come back tomorrow, okay, then let's get started, are you ready to have fun tonight? movies, they say, amazing movies, movies, we, TV, they say, banner, TV, TV presentation, the first prize, okay, whoever raised their hand. stars Jennifer Aniston as a professional volleyball player battling restless legs syndrome Damian Francisco and the dog president Wow, what an exciting special guest Hillary Clinton's husband was, well we're happy to do it.

Oh, let's have fun, that's right, Rodham Clinton, that's right. I can't, I'm a little embarrassed. I didn't make my foot change. Nobody can say. Alright. Oh no, for our next award, ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome members of our SNL family. Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. Well, the show really is. Taking a turn, so I'll start drinking, we're all letting loose a little now that we're all losers, yeah, congratulations Lena, but we got you through a high school, high school is getting sloppy here, everyone's fine, We got drunk, they got closer, she might actually need a doctor, wait a minute, we're going to dance with you later, you know what Taylor Swift is, stay away from Michael J.

Fox, her son, either do it or do it, no, she needs some time to learn about herself, okay, our next host is an actor. So versatile that he played Ironman in three different films, welcome Robert Downey Jr. Between them they own two hours of late night television and 51 cars, welcome Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon. This next host is so handsome that he makes young George Clooney look like trash. Please welcome middle-aged George Clooney. We want to thank our presenter. tonight Hollywood Foreign Press the association of esteemed international journalists responsible for this beautiful event specifically we would like to thank Jurgen Fonda finger of different magazine Lupe for the lopez of bethel 5th wave telecom span sincerity vomit of the purple magazine timid rate caplock editor miss was yakamora Bichon Frize your outlines of lucas lucas VI Warshawski of the free magazine that they distribute on Polish buses paui and of course Jeremy Watson dust steward eat yes thank you all for your integrity Kingma the name of gender equality this year please welcome Sir .

Golden Globe, my adult son from a previous relationship, Randy, how stupid, actually introduce yourself so that she and her mother can be closer. Hey, your name is Josie, what are you from the Olympics? What no, that's it? Then she too, how could a person be the Olympian? I'm sorry for him, no, no, God, I hate it being here Jacqueline Bisset backstage bothering me no, you could learn a lot from Jacqueline Bisset, she's a winner and I don't know, don't you talk to me like that? You want to go live with your Father, can't you? You don't want to tell me who she is.

Well, he's here tonight, so he looks around you. Kana, aren't you upset, Jack? Isn't it true that you two are children? Mom, is it him? No Randy Idris Elba is not your father. continues, she puts on the modern modern family and he puts his phone on silent when he sneaks into the women's locker room, please welcome Julie Bowen and Seth Meyers, well, well, look who slipped back into the television section, hello, Julia, hello, wow, wow, you're. a real fake louis-dreyfus our next host isn't really fake when you see one he is the future host of The Tonight Show and she was the damn consultant on the wolf of wall street please welcome Jimmy Fallon and star Tammy Melissa McCarthy Amy Koda Parks and Recreation and the Golden Globe goes to Amy Poehler Parks and Recreation I just want to congratulate my friend Amy again, okay, our next host told me before that she's not looking for new friends, please welcome her Emma Stone and Now, as a supermodel vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio, whose film will take first place of the night.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is made up of journalists from around the world and now we would like to introduce you to our new hfp, a member and contributor. to the cinema while the magazine and a North Korean army general Cho Yong JA welcome hello, are you having a good time? Can we get you something? No, I see you have your, you brought your magazine with you, um, you want someone to take a photo of you with your magazine okay, who do you want to take a photo of right now? let's put a camera, come on, you have a camera, come on, I have a flat like Birdman, let's do this, let's do this, I'm going to imagine my Meryl, hold the magazine that's like hfp something you have to hold the magazine okay, thank you great ok we have a lot of strange emails that can't get out you have to do this for us ok ok ok you got it yes do it for all of us Meryl here we come you love Korea everyone knows it here we go thank you crisis averted, God bless you, oh thank you, you are all great Americans, great Americans, ladies and gentlemen, hfp, a president and a tall Dutchman, a drink of water, CEO Kingma, once again, Tina Fey and Amy.

Poehler Cho Yong JA wanted to come here with us. Are you enjoying the show so far? You don't think it's fun to see all these big movie stars and like crazy eyes and principles, it's a fun show in North Korea, we know how. put on a show, this is not a show, no, you don't have thousands of babies playing guitar at the same time, you don't have people holding up a lot of cards to make a big picture, you know, let Dennis Rodman meet the best boy, oh right , someone. someone drop the ball on robin we'll move on also i think his orange is the new black should be in the drama category you know it's funny but no haha ​​funny also Piper and Alex's relationship is very toxic Well, you know.

You just make sense, we'll work on this stuff, and in the meantime, please welcome Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader. Well, she should do bridesmaids too. He's Ant-Man and he's my aunt's favorite man, welcome Paul Rudd and Adam Levine.